Did I rape my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I were home alone and I decided to stay over the night. We went to his bedroom and started watching Netflix. When we were done with the movie, we turned it off and just started talking, but I started getting horny. We started making out and I started touching him since I wanted to initiate sex, but he moved my hand and said that he wasn't in the mood for sex, just to mess around. He said no, I said yes, and we were kinda playing around. I pushed him onto the bed and got on top, but he started saying no and that he doesn't want to. I didn't listen, and I took off his jeans and started riding him. He was maoning and saying stop but still kissing me, so I thought he was enjoying it. I thought that until he cummed and pushed me off of him and I fell off the bed. He got up and screamed, "I said no" and stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him. He hasn't talked to me since. Did I rape him?

[vampireelf]

I dont think that is rape at all. I'm sure he could have stopped you if he really wanted to, its not like you tied him down. And it sounds like he also enjoyed it.
But it is true that he said no and didn't wanted to have sex, for whatever reason. But it doesn't sound like he didn't enjoyed the sexual act itself.
And after his orgasm, the lust is gone and he remembers that he said no.

It would be rape if you force him to have sex and if he doesn't want and enjoy it. You forced him to be aroused, not to have sex.
But that is still a good reason to be angry at you, but far away from rape. I know girls that have been rape, by strangers and boyfriends, and these stories are tootally different thing.

My girlfriend did something similar to me once. A few days later I really liked to remember that ;) I'm pretty sure he didn't suffer any mental trauma from you riding him to orgasm.

[ak666]

Yes. Just reverse the genders and consider the situation. You have to be careful.

Sometimes these kinds of playful things will never lead to a perfect kind of "consent", but saying "no" and "stop" is something you have to keep a close eye on. It doesn't matter if his body is aroused, that's involuntary.

My wife often does something like this to me when I'm tipsy but I don't directly say, "no", I just say "I'm tired" or something like that. Then she usually doesn't stop and climbs on me anyway, but then I enjoy it. I never said "no" or "stop" anywhere in the process.

That said, hopefully he doesn't report you or anything and isn't traumatized by the experience. I'd suggest trying to go for an apology.

[Asker]

I apologized and he said the its okay and that he thinks that he was being a pansy about it. He did forgive me, its just my self guilt that's eating me inside. I feel like he isn't acting as comfortable around me as he used to

[ak666]

Hopefully without insulting women out there who have genuinely been traumatized by ordeals like this, I think he can walk it off. Just cuddle up next to him and build up a healthy bond and relationship.

[Jackblue]

It doesn't sound like the act caused him any real emotional harm. I think you two should be able to move on.

[scooogy]

@Asker I hope that many females will read this and finally understand why there are quite a few males who don't even dare having sex with such girls, who afterwards go before court and sue a guy for rape. Sorry, but somehow I wish he had sued you as well.

[mutedaisy]

I suggest you talk to him about relationship boundaries. This was not okay, at all. If someone says no, don't continue. I get that you feel guilty, but how could you force another person? Like why would you hurt your boyfriend that way? I'm glad he forgave you, for himself, but you violated a another being's right to their body. You don't have a right to feel at ease about this situation. I hope this stays in the back of your mind for the rest of all your relationships so that you remember, no means get the fuck off.

[DandelionGirl]

Yeah you pretty much raped the guy, why did you do that? He told you no, why don't you flip the situation, would you have liked it if he did that and you said no? .. Is he talking to you?

[noisette91]

Yeah, you pretty much raped him :/ you not listening is prbably what's bothering him more than the actual sex.. but well, you said you were sorry, he said he forgave you. Move on

[Cmasterson]

Hmm well yes I would say if he said no then unfortunately you did. He was saying no, but it still felt good, a lot of people think when someone is being raped they won't get turned on or orgasm but in fact most do.

[Hanjheo]

Yes, he expressed his unwillingness for it so it is classified as rape.

[samhradh_leannan]

Yes, you did rape him. He said no, but you went ahead with it, without his consent.

[AustinMan]

I don't know if you raped him in the eyes of the law but you did rape him in his mind. You need to apologize, promise it'll never happen again, and make good on that promise.

[ksoma]

Keep that entire situation in mind. Change nothing but the genders. Switch them.
Pretend everything you did was done by a boy.
Pretend everything he did was done by a girl.
Would that seem like rape to most people?

I think it would.

Yes. You did. You are a rapist.

[MrNameless]

oh gawd.. This sounds straight out of the movie Super, with Ellen Page.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbYr4nNucAA

[MrNameless]

That's weird. I haven't even seen the video I just linked.

I mean this one

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbYr4nNucAA

[AbleLearner]

I'm gonna agree with the other 35yrs old on this one.

That's a little freaky, and if a guy did that to woman he'd get as much as 5 to 10 years if she pressed it hard enough.

It's probably rare for a guy to not want his girlfriend, but if he said "no" more than once or twice, then he's probably not joking. He just might not have wanted it at the time and that got too freaky.

Different people are different, and you people may play the "pretend to be hard to get" thing sometimes, but I get the impression that men don't do that very often.

You reach for his cock, and him saying "No" has got to mean "No".

[fauchelevent]

Clearly.

[Soteris]

Yeah that qualifies as rape. I hope you at least try make this up to him because that was terrible of you.

[AliceInWonderLand93]

Yeah you raped him dude! WTF no means no!

[EllieLexis513]

Yeah, you did. He said no. You should've listen.

[NJ_Casanova]

Sounds like it.

[Checkers82]

Wtf you deserve to be locked up, not to be taken back because you apologised. You RAPED him. I hope he leaves you and gets someone he deserves, because he deserves better than this.

[UnknownXYZ]

vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/.../latest

Where did all the "rapists should get the death penalty or should get their vagina cut off" people run off to? From how this website generally respond to rapists, I expected much more harsher responses.

[schnipdip]

Sympathizing with a woman. #doubleStandards

[UnknownXYZ]

vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/.../latest

@schnipdip Tell me about it...

[drummergirl18]

In my opinion she should be charged with the same thing as a man would be charged. As someone who's been raped by both a man and a woman, I feel 0 sympathy for her. Rape is rape regardless of gender.

[Spiorad_Aisce]

I think it is up to your boyfriend to decide what happened - That said you went way over the line - As many have mentioned in the comments if the genders were reversed, how do you think it would be classed - I honestly don't know best way forward but maybe an acknowledgement by both of you that a line was crossed and have some discussion about it.

[ugh-why]

Uh yeah..

[AleDeEurope]

You did, but don't worry, no one really cares about it. You'll be walking the streets like most rapists out there.

[RandomBritishGuy94]

Yes. You should of stopped.

If you have to ask the answer is normally yes.

[Rock_Steakface]

Pretty much, yes. Where were the feminists on that one? Oh, right. It's only rape if men do it. Carry on, nothing to see here.

[ugh-why]

Im a feminist and I agree that was rape. The crazed "feminists" that make the movement seem like a joke are the ones that would say that kind of stuff.

[Rock_Steakface]

@ugh-why You mean like the one running for president of the US right now? Or the ones who make policies that get enforced by the government? Or perhaps the ones who keep fathers away from their children by sending women through an intricate network of "shelters"? Oh, or maybe the ones that make up the vast majority of BuzzFeed, Tumblr and Twitter? You're right, the crazed ones are a very small minority.

[ugh-why]

Woah, okay, I didn't mean to start anything here, good lord. I personally hate Hillary, she piggybacks on whatever social movements she can to get votes or support and is a criminal for all the things she has done. I don't really pay attention to mainstream medias like Buzzfeed's feminist blogs because of how ridiculous and hypocritical they can be. Tumblr is a mess, I only go on there for the photography blogs. The "feminists" on there are like rabid dogs and I never take them seriously. And for the governemt topic, my mother (who really doesn't deserve to be a mother) dictates all political conversation in my house so I dont really know what laws are being passed concerning feminism. My personal view on feminism is that men and women deserve the same treatment as humans (rights, wages, etc) and that they should be seen as equals. By that standard, should be punished equally for abuse or assaulting others. Same for this case. Though there are still double standards society holds sadly

[ugh-why]

I also never said the crazed feminists were a minority in this. I know how many there are, they all are like sheep that agree with whatever their favorite celebrity or blogger says on the topic. And most of the time it is bullshit. A good 40% of all feminists I have met only get information off social media and those are the ones who are seen most. I rely on examples of gender inequality that I experience or witness myself. And I am disgusted when I see a girl abuse her boyfriend get away with it when in the reverse situation, the boyfriend goes go jail. Both deserve it.

[Rock_Steakface]

@ugh-why I could explain why feminism is completely redundant and how awful it is, but I'm feeling lazy. Just know that women in western society are bar none the most coddled, privileged people in all of human history - and they're still complaining. Good luck with that. You'll need it.

[ugh-why]

Yes while we are privileged, we are in no way as privileged as men. We make 80% of what men do for the same jobs and that is for white women, it's worse for WOC. A woman's rights to her own body are controlled by old, fat, white men in our government. Abortion is a decision that the mother should be able to make freely. If she is raped (by her male SO, a stranger or any other person) she should be able to refuse to care for a child from that event. Raising a child is THE MOST mentally, physically and financially taxing thing a person can go through. If a mother is not able or willing to care for a child that is her right not to. There are tons of other issues, none of which are as severe as it is for women in less developed countries but they are still valid. Don't say that western feminists are spoiled when men are giving us back rights YOUR GENDER TOOK FROM US IN THE FIRST PLACE. That's like stealing a person's wallet then saying they are too spoiled when you give them back $10.

[Rock_Steakface]

@ugh-why The wage gap has been debunked so many times that it's not even funny. Equal pay is codified into law and if you're getting paid less than a man on the same exact job, that employer is history. These politicians you mention, while incompetent, don't regulate anything to do with a woman's body. In fact, wasn't it feminists who not so long ago wanted tampons to be paid for through subsidization? Their main concern is abortion. In fact, there have been half a million abortions in this country THIS YEAR ALONE. Are you seriously saying that all of these women are doing this because they were raped? You're delusional. Women want the right to whore around without consequences, which is all abortion and birth control is about. And they can have it as far as I'm concerned. Whores are a lot of fun... as long as you wear ye olde jimmy hat. Women in the west have more rights than the men and they always want more. Anyway, good night. I've gotta go oppress someone with my dick.

[ugh-why]

I was just using examples and argument points that are well known Im not saying that all women getting abortions were raped, and I know a lot of women are having abortions due to their life styles choices or for more ethical reasons (inability to provide or to carry the child for medical reasons). Jesus christ, this is why I failed my debate class, but what I am trying to argue is that there are some things feminists are arguing for that are reasonable and some things that aren't. The tampon thing though does makes sense to me personally though I would say that banning the state taxes on feminine hygiene products as luxuries is much more logical. And yes our country's legal system is finally working to fix issues (like the wage gap, though it still isn't in effect where I live) it is still far behind other countries in Northern and Western Europe. In my opinion, feminism needs to be redirected towards countries in Africa and the Middle East, where women belong to the family patriarch

[ugh-why]

Trying to help women in places where the government has legalized domestic abuse should take priority over things here in the US like taxing tampons. I wasn't trying to start a debate over this, I just want you to realize that the majority of "feminists" you will see or hear about are not trye feminists. They are not trying to get EQUALITY, they are trying to become the dominant gender. Feminism and female supremacists are not the same. The supremacists have come into the feminist movement like cuckoo birds, stealing away the support and destroying the credibility of those trying to help women in opressive situations (like women in severe patriarchies like the Middle East). I actually agree with your origional comment to a degree. The female supremacists who call themselves feminists would have fit your comment and told the girl inquestion that "No, of course you didn't, a woman can't rape a man." I done trying to change your views since "feminists" are already a joke to society 😒

[ugh-why]

And before I go, I think Hillary is a manipulative criminal who is using her stance as a "feminist" as a way to draw attention away from her crimes and the effects of her actions and to win the vote of women. I hate her and Trump, and Bernie is ok but he would probably end up wrecking our economy while trying to reinvent our government. I hope you can later see proper examples of a feminist, I am by no means perfect, a few years ago all my information was based on what my moron friends saw on "credible websites" (it was tumblr 😒) but I have made an effort to do my own research and this is what I have made of it. Have a nice life buddy

[Rock_Steakface]

@ugh-why Oh, yes, I'm sure that the people in those countries can't wait to experience the joys of intersectional feminism. They'll just leap for joy when the fat acceptance movement shows up. Or maybe they'd prefer it if their families were torn completely to shreds first (the stated goal of feminism since at least the 1960s). The ancient Romans experienced this, too, right before the empire collapsed. And now western civilization as a whole seems to be on the chopping block, especially countries like Germany, Switzerland, France, etc with feminist politicians in charge. If you think for one second that the "patriarchy" will be smashed in the Middle East, you've got nothing but a burqa and maybe a dose of acid in the face coming your way. "Proper" feminists don't exist. Why? Because whenever one disagrees with the other, they use the 'no true scotsman' fallacy like you just did. These same people would say YOU aren't a real feminist.

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Yes, you did. "No" means "no."