Sexual Relationships
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MY boyfriend KNOWS I SAY YES TO SEX 100% AND STILL PREFERS TO FUCK HIS HAND IN THE BATHROOM.. WHAT THE HELL MAN?

Hello beautiful people! I desperately need your help on two issues of mine... Issue #1 :I recently found out that my boyfriend masturbates EVEN when we're not having sex and I'm home. I AM HOT! Excuse my narcissism, but I am. My boyfriend knows it, my fellows classmates, dudes on the street etc. I've heard that it's natural for men to watch porn and masturbate because they're looking for visual diversity blah blah , ok got it. Why am I still jealous of him watching porn? The stupid thing is that I get turned on by porn and masturbate too. And that makes me selfish for being angry with him.. Issue #2: I want to cure my jealousy of porn and my idea of being my bf's ONLY entertainment. This doesn't sound very healthy. I want to fix myself so I can just live my life... I don't want to compete with porn.. I initialize sex most of the times. I'm not ok when he pushes me away sometimes.. This morning he was watching porn again.. He knows that he can wake me up in the middle of the night and do WHATEVER he wants with me! He knows that. So why on earth would a man in his mid 30s prefer to fuck his hand instead of his horny gf? Please enlighten me on this.. I want to know how to deal with this. Talking with him became useless. (A break up is very possible to follow if he doesn't open up to me about this) Info: I'm 24 my boyfriend is 36. We've been together for 2 years already, living together. My brother (who will move soon) has been living in our apartment for a year. Is it possible that my brother is the issue? Although we have a bedroom we can have sex in any time.. my brother isn't really an excuse. Thanks in advance for your responds! I would really love to hear your opinion.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Time to find a professional counselor to work through the problems.

    So sex works and is ok when you do have it?
    If you remove the porn and rejection and frustration related to it, how is the relationship emotionally? I'm guessing some problems festering...

    It is easier to have sex with a hand and a fantasy than it is with a real person where one is vulnerable, can be hurt (over and over and over), wrong, not perfect, etc.. So he's basically emotionally blocking and or addicted to porn in some manner. If he's emotionally uncomfortable with you then he may not even be able to function with you sexually or may lose interest.

    On the addiction side... he's looking at some perfect females on camera (they aren't that way, but he sees them that way)... even if you look amazing, you are a real person and aren't as perfect as that image... so the porn is counter productive... at least in my view... I'm sure some will argue. I don't watch it... I did se it when I was younger and decided not to watch anymore.

    I assume you are living together. So there is no escape so to speak to get away from any pains in the relationship.

    You sound fairly confident, strong, aggressive and can I guess your boyfriend is kinda the wimpy type?

    The other thought is he needs a lot more sex than you provide, but it doesn't sound like that is the case.

    • Nope, I am the one who feels the lack of sex and looking forward it most of the cases. Okayy.. soo I'm dealing with porn addiction is what I understand. Hm.. I read it's pretty common in couples to deal with it. Again we both enjoy porn, but he is abusing it too much, forgeting about me. Or I just suck at sex and he doesn't tell me because of the way he is.. (Note- I never had issues with sex before him) Thank you for responding, I guess I need professional help here.. Well , he does, but only if he wants to. Asking him to change his old habit is the next step. If he doesn't want to.. well..

    • yes, you can only guide him... but he should realize that if you aren't having your needs met, if some drug is more important than you, it is gonna trash your relationship. I would get professional help... start at relational counselor but may need sex therapist. I doubt that you suck at sex...

  • As you noticed, we're kind of instinctively programmed to favor this kind of visual diversity.

    A saying I like to use is that my eyes don't belong to my wife, my heart does. The fact that all this visual stimuli helps me is more like a "bug" in my programming.

    My wife was absolutely stunning when I first dated her and still is, it's not an issue with hotness. I would be willing to bet that the husbands and boyfriends of some of the most gorgeous celebrities out there have the same problem once they've kind of graduated out of the honeymoon phase.

    That said, I'm afraid it's not going to get better when living together alone. He'll have seen you naked countless times -- as gorgeous as you are and as much as he thinks that, some kind of stimulus will need to go on beyond your naked body at some point -- it could be moods like just feeling he's really connected to you, or even porno to start his engines and then express his desire for you.

    It has little to do with beauty or love, that's probably the main point to remember.

    It might also help to openly talk to him about it (gently, not confrontational). You might both enjoy watching porno together, for example, and then that visual stimulus can then start up his engines and take out his kind of unlesh his inner beast on you.

    • [...] can then start up his engines and [*take out his kind of unlesh*] [/unleash] his inner beast on you.

    • "So why on earth would a man in his mid 30s prefer to fuck his hand instead of his horny gf?" One last part on this, and again this is kind of crude and blunt (but with the hope that it'll improve your sex lives), women tend to need a lot of foreplay to avoid being hurt by sex. There is a bit of a ritual each time to having sex. With guys, arousal works a bit differently. If a guy is thinking sexual thoughts and he gets hard, sometimes it's actually a real distraction -- we might need to get on with our work, e. g. We're not really wanting sex, it just kind of popped in there. In those cases sometimes, jerking off is just quicker and easier to help us move on with the day. It doesn't require the foreplay ritual, doesn't require the intimacy, doesn't require anything but just expelling those demons inside so that we can get on with our day without an erection that won't go away.

    • ... that said, if during those moments, you happen to show up naked or in very sexy underwear or something like that, he might get into the whole ritual. Timing when you have sex with each other's sex drives will often improve your sex lives considerably.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • 1. I've been there where I was available and wanted sex however my boyfriend at the time I caught him masturbating in the shower when I was ordering us food. Safe to say I felt hurt because I was being deprived. As for porn its natural yes but when its being put ahead of your sex life you can feel jealously and see porn as the problem. It hurts to feel rejected, if you were getting the sex you want and needed you'd probably have less of a problem with porn. I would just approach it calmly and tell him that its fricken selfish. You don't always have to have sex when your brother is home there are other times.

  • Pink anon was so vulgar i had to delete that shit!

    loololol

    give your boyfriend a taste of what he's missing.

    • I noticed that the whole "pleasure my guy " thing is VERY unfair if he doesn't do the same thing for you. In my case not only that I'm really doing my best, but he doesnt' even take advantage of it! This doesn't mean I should try harder, no sir...

    • you're funny. follow me so we can talk privately!

    • @tortelina Hey, I just did. Yeah, sounds good ;)

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  • I think it's normal. I can have sex often and still masturbate every day...

    • I'm not sure he needs counseling, unless you think he's getting to be a porn addict. He knows how to give himself the best O. I watch porn too... but, he should respect your concerns. Like if my boyfriend told me he hated me watching porn, I would stop.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Yeah I could kinda see why the brother would be an issue. I would be less scared/embarrassed to jerk off in the bathroom then have sex with you (pretending I'm your boyfriend in this scenario). I don't know for sure, otherwise this dude would have to be fucked up to not do it with you instead of the stupid porn.

    If your brother sleeps like right next door or close to your bedroom then think of it this way. What if your parents were the ones in the room not your brother-"would you feel comfortable having sex knowing your parents can probably tell you are doing it with your bf?"

    • Hm.. theoretically you're right. But in my case his bed is far enough from my bedroom. When I ask him if my brother bothers him he is like: um, not really, no. But he doesn't give me concrete answers - yes or no... I wish he was more direct with his words so I know what's happening in his brain

    • Yeah well I think that his indirect answers are basically meaning that your brother does bother him he just doesn't want to sound like a complete dick/wimp (even though he's actually makin it worse by just not saying it to you already) Honestly, even if the room is far I still wouldn't really like to have sex with you knowing that your brother is in the same house. Not your either one of you is at complete fault for this so just wait till your brother leaves and if you want maybe tell your boyfriend that you understand what the issue is and wish you didn't have to deal with it either. Don't make him feel like he screwed it all up or anything just keep it simple and clear

    • I haven't thought about it this way.. I'ts because I like to say things the way I feel them, you now - straight to the point and he's not that type. Anyways, I understand the brother issue little bit better I guess.. Thank you!

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  • This is actually more common than you think. When guys are single we get into the habit of watching porn, some more than others. Sometimes those habits can be hard to break. So try and phase him out of it. Try this next time he wants to watch porn, give him a bj hj. Offer to let him watch while you masturbate to it. After a while occasionally have sex with it on in the background and get in a position so you are between him and the video feed, and when he does something you like, make sure you breathe faster and moan louder than the bitch on the screen!

    Might I just say 1. He is a lucky man, most women would have dumped him at the first sign of something like this instead of trying to work on it.

    2. "He knows that he can wake me up in the middle of the night and do WHATEVER he wants with me! " " I SAY YES TO SEX 100%"

    Wow, how can I find a woman like you? You sound like my dream girl!

    • Yeah, I guess you have a point there. He has been single for long periods of time and he admitted that porn was an everyday routine. So you think I can try to be his porn? I mean that would be awesome but.. having in mind his addiction.. almost impossible to do!

    • It is possible. But with any addictive behavior you need to phase it out. He must also want to phase it out.

    • True fact! You can't help anyone who doesn't want to help himself... I will talk with him..

  • It's normal to masturbate sometimes... if there's a big mismatch between your sex drives, that's a big issue. Has it always been like this? That might just be how he is.

  • I would sit down and have a talk with him, let him know how you feel and how it makes you feel and how serious an issue it is for you (he may not fully realize?). It honestly sounds like he's a bit addicted to it and possibly, not so into you anymore (compared to the porn)? Yes guys like to watch porn, but most would take a horny girlfriend that's in front of them live over porn! So he must be getting something from it that he's not getting from you. Ask him. Hopefully he'll be honest and open with you about it. Maybe he's not sure himself but if you talk about it, maybe he'll think about it and figure it out. Good luck! You shouldn't come 2nd to porn, I agree. I wouldn't do that. I'd take a live horny girlfriend any day.

    • I'll try to ask him nicely enough so he can open up. Communication is our main issue. Thank you for the reply!

  • Maybe it's because you don't have enough faps per second.

    • I really doubt that xD

    • It has to be over 9000.

  • Give him a taste of what you have to offer I guess.. next time he's watching porn have him masturbate to your stripping or you masturbating or better still give him a hand/blowjob and do a cheeky slide in later.. hope it helps :)

    • Hey there aftermath :) thanks for replying. I am bisexual and I know this turns him on a lot. I do offer him a blowjob, boob, butts and stuff everything he wants damn it! There was a point where I even asked him if he's gay or smth...

    • Don't wanna be the relationship councillor or whatever but next time he's watching porn put it up on the big screen and masturbate together. This could show him the porn and you (you sound great btw) together and he will definitely see which is better. Last year me and my girlfriend had the same problem really where we would be open about having sex and knew that we could have spontaneous sex whenever wherever (outdoors sounds fun) but we sometimes watched porn instead. It's not that we didn't want each other but sometimes we didn't wanna disturb one another and sometimes we wanted to go back to pleasuring ourselves individually.. sorry for the long af replies by the way :)

    • Hmm.. maybe it's just me who's been pushy.. but then again - the jealousy issue comes. Why not spending the porn time with me? He doesn't do that.. Is this normal?

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  • 12 years it looks sick.

    • I thought so too.. but the magic happened and we do love each other. That's why I'm trying to fix what's broken.

  • Cause your brother is a cock block and you probably aren't tight or are annoying cause of your I am so hot attitude

    • xD Dude, you don't know me. I mentioned the "hot " thing to give you an idea that he can't complain that I don't take care of myself ;)

    • Who knows I noticed in general usually the woman gets off and the man can't or the man does and the woman can't. Perhaps something like this is the issue or you aren't good at sex. You could ask him whats up instead of breaking up right away

    • It's funny, I did ask him and he said that I am awesome. But a man who says you're awesome and doesn't act like it feels suspicious. I might suck in sex? I don't know, he's not telling me the truth? What if I suck sooooooooo bad :D that he can't even tell me xD

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  • Brother is potentially one of the issues.
    This will not change, though, you can have spark shoot out your ass, he'll still beat off. The only problem I see about it is that he can't level with you on this matter, this is as natural as natural gets.

    • You're not holding hands while taking a shit, no?

    • xD haha

    • I see your point..

  • You answered your own question, you're a narcissist

    • Nope - if I have a dick and I want to stick it in somewhere I won't care much of narcissism you know xD

  • wow, you sound like the woman of my dreams from what i can read.

    • Haha! I would drive you crazy with my jealousy issues!

    • why? are you jealous of other women?

    • Oh! You have no idea! I'm working on myself now...

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  • I know this kind of guy
    And I guess somethings to prove that for u :

    he probably doesn't sex with u for a month and may be over month

    If he sex with u he doesn't please u enough

    Sometimes u think he is lazy in the bed and he doesn't want to make any effort to make u happy
    (Like to finger u or licking pussy )
    And he like to be receptor

    If he look like that I think it because of
    psychological disorder

    And about u brother is the issue
    Specially if u brother out or in his work and surly that happened
    did u guy want to have sex with?
    There isn't guy under any condition specially if he see his girl want sex and do sex only for once every month and may be not

    The best thing to do break up

    I am sorry to tell u it won't improve if u brother leave !!!
    So take u time to make sure
    If u brother is the issue or not
    But I think not !!!

  • Let me put it this way: Sugar is sweet, but too much isn't good.

    • I totally agree with you! I did an experiment on him. I didn't push him or anything for sex. Just.. waited until he wants it. 1 month passed.. I wanted to kill him (thinking that he's cheating on me)

    • haha, freakin interesting how things can be different in bed xD

    • Oh yes they can... I'm just thinking.. if most guys are porn addicts and women get upset by this, not because of porn but because of the lack of presence in the relationship (from the guy's side) where is the world going to?

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  • It's possible he can't keep it up with regular sex. Im 31 and can't keep it up in sex. But I can jack off and half-ass keep it up to get get nut. And yes I watch porn to help me beat off, it does help get me a little bit harder.

  • You have a hard porn watcher

  • well you know I dont see any advance in having my dick in a vagina over then fucking my hand? yes it can sound weird but I have a girlfriend and when I am not with her I like to jerk off. And the fact is I like feeling my cock in my hand more than in her vagina! why? cause her vagina is aroused and I dont feel anything while I fuck her.
    When I jerk off I can control and squize it and it feels much better.
    Also I never felt orgasm during cumming. When I cum from jerking I always feel orgasm.

    • so I bet it answers your question

    • No, but thanks for trying :D. From the different comments I assume things are more complicated and individual.

    • alright ! its just how I feel about my gf's vagina and hand haha. But hope you will find out why he does it.

  • ur hot? sure u are dude lol

  • Do you see him tired or not in mood lately due to specific reasons? Or anything that changed his psychology?

    • Yes, college years are almost done. Having sex with him became like scheduling an appointment with the doctor... totally kills the spontaneous feeling of sex

    • You're not that long together, I mean it's just two years which is not very long as if it was a marriage of 20 years for example. So I think firstly you should talk about and discus what's going on, if that still doesn't help at all you both need to try to find new ways to improve your relationship. If it's just the sex factor change completely the program and positions and try something new. Do you try new things yourself but he doesn't respond?

    • I do try new poses. Unfortunately We have the bedroom only for ourselves since my brother is stuck in the living room :(... which annoys me a lot. I can experiment with everything else but the space. Most of the times he just has sex with me to have sex.. his mind is somewhere else. It's a real turn off! I usually ask him if he wants me to stop because his face looks so bored! Than I ask him if I'm boring him and he's like :" no way, have you seen you?" Which is supposed to make me feel good. But it leaves me empty instead. He is a weird guy..

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > MY boyfriend KNOWS I SAY YES TO SEX 100% AND STILL PREFERS TO FUCK HIS HAND IN THE BATHROOM.. WHAT THE HELL MAN?