Guys, how can I get an insecure guy to enjoy himself more in bed?

[Anonymous]

I fell for this half Asian guy and partially due to the racial stereotypes, he's really insecure about his size, to the point where he doesn't enjoy oral sex. I know it's not me, he's had the same problem with his previous girlfriends and it started when one of them said he was bad in bed. He isn't even small, above average even, and there is nothing he should be ashamed of. I told him this and he was rather surprised but still has a hard time allowing me to touch him. I think I ruined some of my progress by seeming disappointed (oops. I just hoped I could give him pleasure). What can I do to make him feel better about himself to the point where he can let go? And has any of you guys experienced something similar - not being able to keep up an erection due to insecurities? I included girls in this question because if anyone has something interesting to share they should read it too :p

[Anonymous]

As an Asian guy myself, that racist myth can be super annoying sometimes because it can make a guy really second-guess his own body; it can make an average-sized or even large guy feel like he's small. It has an insidious way of getting into people's heads, and a lot of girls out there blindly believe it too, so it can really hurt a guy's self-image AND his faith that not all girls buy into that lie.

It takes a certain mindset to overcome that, so it's something he kind of has to get over by himself. I'm not sure there's much you can do except to be patient with him, give him lots of PHYSICAL and VERBAL affection, and just give him time to calm down. Let him know that you're not like the other girls.

Most Asian guys I know of apparently deal with the myth by being defiant and having a "Oh yeah? I'll show THEM!" kind of attitude to it, and most girls I've known who've had a preference for Asian guys have said that Asian guys --- from their experience --- were amazing in bed, so it IS possible to overcome this insecurity... because I have a hard time believing that anybody can be "amazing in bed" if they were feeling too insecure about anything, lol. xD

I do know one girl with a Korean boyfriend who said that he was horribly insecure about his body because of the myths. It took time, but they worked it out. Apparently, what happened is that she had insecurities about her OWN body too (as many girls in general do). Mind you, she was actually super attractive, and obviously her boyfriend knew that too. So he focused on adoring her body to help her feel better, and she focused on adoring his body to help him feel better. They helped each other overcome their insecurities. :)

Maybe you can try something like that? Get him to focus on giving to your body, so that he's not thinking so much about his own body. And when you are the one giving, make it very sloooowww and sensual. Give him lots of verbal compliments (IF they are honest). This will help him to relax and feel good about himself, and focus on enjoying the journey of feeling all the good little things you're doing to him, rather than the destination of getting an erection in response to those things. Ironically, this will be more likely to give him an erection in the end!

By the way, you said that you ruined some progress by seeming disappointed? :o What were you disappointed in?

[GingerGuy]

By talking to him. No awkward silence to make him question things. Keep telling him how much you love his body and what he's doing (but don't pretend if it's not true, we can tell usually if it's just smoke up our ass lol). Have him talk about his insecurities if he will, then reassure him.

[Asker]

I did all that, but we've only had one night together yet so maybe it comes with time... thanks anyways

[GingerGuy]

Yes it will take time for sure. He'll have to get comfortable with you and once isn't going to do it.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Out of the bedroom, talk to him about it. Reassure him that you love/like his body as is.

In the bedroom:
Initiate toe curling oral.

Kiss him deeply, keep your hands all over his body. Be on top preferably. Then start kissing his neck, and kiss him down his stomach and body while rubbing his thighs. Unbutton his pants and grab his penis. I know it sounds a bit ridiculous but say "I love this penis", I don't know why but men love to hear that. Don't say it if you don't mean it though!
Then kiss it a bit too.
Moan a little and start giving him a bj. Get into it. Make sure you look up at him too, men seem to like when you look at them with their dick in your mouth lol Go to town on his dick. Don't forget to play with his balls!

[Asker]

Thanks, you sound like you're pretty good at the toe curling part ;)

[BuchitaBuchys]

Haha I'm not. But I do enjoy foreplay very much.

[Randosimed]

One thing that could help is to get him to masturbate for you for your enjoyment. Then you can have fun with yourself. If you manage to finish, when he sees that you enjoy the view so much that you orgasm at it, he'll probably get a confidence boost. Don't make him finish, don't put pressure on him, just enjoy the view and have fun.

If he's above average, emphasise that. Then even his own logic falls apart. If he is somewhat smaller than usual don't go telling him he's big, don't lie, just tell him that you love it. Don't make size an issue at all. Every time you say he's big he's bound to think "Year right, as if you believe that bullshit". If you say you love it there's no reason for him to not trust you. You love it and he'll love that you love it.

Also, don't put pressure on him, don't expect him to finish. Give him a hand and just go with it, close your eyes, put your other hand between your legs and just flow with it. Lick every now and then, but don't aim for orgasm or keeping him up. If he goes down just keep going with your hand until he's up again. If it doesn't work, do it again later. Make it obvious that you are enjoying yourself no matter what, and he'll give you a full mast soon enough.

The main point is that he needs to see you having fun regardless of his performance. When he sees that the pressure is off - "the point where he can let go". And up he goes.

[AustinMan]

The best thing you can do is help him find a good therapist he's comfortable with and get him to resolve this problem for himself. You can't fix this. He has to. You can, however, tell him how you can't get enough of that big, hard cock of his. Wear sexy/trashy outfits around him to bring out his sexiness. Ask him to let out that animal that's in there and just be The Man.

[Curmudgeon]

In the beginning, there can be "first time jitters". This is normal, just stay with it.

[Asker]

He's never been able to come from oral sex and he's had several long term relationships. We also spoke about it and it was obviously a very difficult topic for him

[Curmudgeon]

You know, I never have either, although obviously it is still enjoyable. If he is good at normal penetrative intercourse, leave it at that.

[Asker]

What makes you can't orgasm from oral? What's so different compared to normal intercourse?

[Curmudgeon]

A vag just has a marvelous feeling that a mouth, no matter how gifted, does not.

[SnatchFinderGeneral]

Say shit like "give me that big dick!" when he's about to fuck you etc.

[SnatchFinderGeneral]

Treat him like a man, not like a woman, which is what you're doing so far.

[Asker]

He's quite feminine (for a guy) and bisexual, he also doesn't see himself as extremely manly and said he'd rather be himself than that. You sure that's the right way to treat him?

[SnatchFinderGeneral]

Oh... lol. Err... get used to disappointment I guess? Because you're fucking a woman.

[Asker]

Im bi too so if I were fucking a woman I wouldn't care - he's not that feminine though. Just a nerdy guy who doesn't care about having to conform to stereotypes. And he's good at that since lots of people like him all the time.

[SnatchFinderGeneral]

Pardon my bluntness, but I don't buy all this 'bi' shit. Kinda creeps me out. I only know how to fuck a woman, and I only know how to be a man, so I can't help you. I'd just be stabbing in the dark.

[Asker]

Sure, to each their own :)

[codystokes]

The guy needs to find that security for himself, but maybe being patient and gentle with him?

[Asker]

Maybe I was a bit enthousiastic? I'm not really used to guys not liking what I do :p

[codystokes]

Does he not like what you do?

[Asker]

He said I was good at it but still didn't like getting oral because of how uncomfortable it made him feel. I also gagged a tiny bit because I was testing my boundaries (I like to practise) and he immediately went like omg are you allright

[codystokes]

Well, at least he is concerned about you. Maybe ask him what he likes, the deep throating made him uncomfortable because he thought he hurt you?

[Asker]

He was uncomfortable anyways, just from me touching him with my hands already. I did ask him what he liked and he said he couldn't think of anything for me to change because I didn't do anything wrong

[codystokes]

hmm, maybe everything is ok with him then? Are you not getting what you need from the sexual part of it?

[Asker]

Im really easy to get off so on that part Im fine. He's not selfish at all, prefers giving to receiving just like me. But I miss this part too, I really like doing it and I love seeing a guy get into extacy by my doing.

[codystokes]

Have you tried 69?

[Asker]

That's not my thing. Can't enjoy myself and can't keep my teeth off

[codystokes]

Would you like to PM? hmmm, I am not sure how to help you.

[Asker]

Sure

[frenchtoast19961]

Penis size?

[Asker]

I didn't measure, but it's more than I can swallow and Im pretty good at deep throating. The biggest I've ever had was over 8 inches and he's a bit smaller than that, but that shit hurts anyways.