Sexual Relationships
+1 y

I lost my virginity to him last year, but I still can't think about how much I would have liked to change my first time experience?

I met my boyfriend online during the summer of my second year of university. We talked, got to know each other, had feelings, and within a month met for the first time. On the first night, he slept over. Mind you, I had no experience with men, kissing, sex, etc. He started playing with my breasts when he thought I was sleeping... and... I froze b/c I didn't know what to do. It felt good, so I just let it continue and eventually "pretended" to wake up when he took off my pants to initiate sex. He couldn't find my hole, so we gave up. The next day we had sex. I don't regret losing it TO HIM (even though the development was rather very early for my very first relationship); HOWEVER, I regret not saying anything - but I couldn't have known what would be in store for me. He was very perverted. He got me on my knees and took a video of me giving him my very first bj. Pictures, angles, you name it. I was uncomfortable, but I didn't know what to do/say. If I pulled back, he'd push me back in. When he climaxed, without a warning or even consulting me, he gave me a facial. Then he wiped it all over my face. I didn't even know this was a thing. It was gross and dirty. I expected him to help clean it off because I didn't want to move - didn't want his cum on my sheets and make it sticky; but, he just laughed and didn't do anything and went to bed. Muffled, I screamed at him, motioning for him to help me, but he didn't take the hint. I was very, VERY, upset. And I still am thinking about it. This WAS my first time with a guy, and this was NOT the kind of experience I was expecting. I think he forgot that I never had sex before, and treated me like one of his flings. That actually really hurts, but I can't do anything about it now. The problem is, it's been A YEAR from now, and I love him dearly, but the experience is still dwelling!! I don't know how to move on from the experience. ): I don't want to approach him either because... well... timing. ): Any help?
Updates:
+1 y
FYI: I'm not asking people to label what I am, and who I am. Telling me that "I'm clingy" doesn't help me. ): That has absolutely no value to this post. I might be clingy - true, that's a possibility; but it does NOTHING to help resolve my problem. I NEED advice on HOW TO MOVE ON. I know that I SHOULD MOVE ON (which is why I posted here on the first place), BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW (emphasizing to make it clear). I'M STUCK IN TIME. Please help me if you know HOW I can get over this. Thank you.
+1 y
I've figured it out after having a big heart to heart conversation with my sister. "I love him dearly" because I love who he is now and how much our relationship has improved since the beginning. BUT WHEN WE HAD SEX FOR THE FIRST TIME, I DID NOT CONSENT TO ALL THE THINGS HE DID TO ME. I WISH I SAID SOMETHING BUT I DIDN'T BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW HOW. I'M ROOTED TO THE PAST, BECAUSE I'M TRAUMATIZED. Thank you to everyone that replied to my thread! It really helped me understand things. ^_^
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I'm a little confused... he treated you like crap the first time together. You want to forget it and find a way to deal with it. Yet you say you "love him dearly"? Are you still with him? Does he treat you better and like a lady now? Timing to talk to him about it? What is that going to accomplish anyway?
    Best thing to do is to realise that it was sex, sorry your first time was crap, and put it in the past. Detach the emotions from it... the past is the past.

    • That's the thing. I don't know how to move on. ):

  • He treated you like a porn star and not like a girlfriend, you need to forgive him and move on

    • I don't know how to move on. ):

    • Okay, well confront him and let him know how you feeling about the past situation

    • Okay, I did and... he basically said, "Notice that I make that face when it's something being brought up over and over or something from like eons ago. To be honest, I don't want to have sex if it's just going to be like this." And he went to say that he feels like I don't ever forgive him, and gave a hypothetical situation of him asking me something, and said that he refuses to answer my question (I asked him if he treated me as porn - maybe I wasn't as sensitive as I could have been ]: ). And then he said, "I'm an inconsiderate asshole slut okay?" But I don't want him to call himself names, and I certainly don't want him to think that I'm calling him names. ): I'm sorry if I sound really desperate by telling you what he said, but I don't know how I am supposed to react. I also don't want you to feel like you have to "hold my hand". Omg I'm so sorry ah ):

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Any help? Dont u see he used u to as his slave.. His approach towards y is so rude. I dont understand how can u be with anyone like this. Funny

    • I need advice to move on from the experience. The more I think about it, the more it gets me in this depressive state where I feel like I can't function. But I don't want this experience to bring me down like that. I need some advice that can help me to accept and move on. ):

    • Wanna advice? Break up from him immediatly... He hurted u and fck u like an animal.. You dınt have to put up with him anymore. If ur girlfriend is unexperienced, u must behave to her more carefully due to not hurt her feelings

    • Thank you for your advice. Is there anything I can do for myself to stop dwelling on it so much? I don't know, should I be going to therapy for this? :S

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  • My first sexual experience is forgetable. Move on, it doesn't matter.

  • After he absolutely degraded you sexually, in tbe nost demeaning way possible, without giving you a moment's consideratio, you still "LOVE HIM DEARLY" !!!

    The only "help" I can offer is to suggest you wake up and tell this jerk to get lost !

    You need to get on with your life WITHOUT HIM !!!

    • Women don't like nice guys...

    • @Truthatanycost No, that's not it. He's really a great guy, but I don't like how he treated me in the very beginning of the relationship. Being "nice" over "mean" has nothing to do with how I choose my relationships. Everyone has their flaws, and everyone has their good points. He was a nice boy, and very caring, and that's how I fell for him (before sex happened).

    • So you think turning your 'losing your virginity' lovemaking moments into a sexually degrading experience through his selfishness - in a way you yourself described as perverted, and taking a video without your agreement - is just a blip because 'he's really a great guy' ... you also say 'he was a nice boy and very caring' ! Well, either you are not as upset over that especially demeaning sexual session as you make us believe, or you are headed for big problems in your love life in the future if you don't mive on from him and find someone else who is not only caring in day to day life but also caring when you're being sexual with him. Imho :-)

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  • Sounds like you want people to carry you through life.
    Gotta do things for yourself. Closing your eyes and hoping for the best will end in desaster. As you have experienced.
    Sorry but you must take responsibility for yourself.

    • I don't think anyone read the last part of my question. I'm only explaining what happened, so I can hear opinions from people on what to do. I don't know HOW to deal with it. I don't know HOW to "take responsibility for myself". I'm stuck in time, and I don't know HOW TO ESCAPE. I don't think people here are understanding the focal point of my post. ): Everyone is telling me that "I'm clingy" etc. etc., and yea, sure, maybe I AM. But that's not the point of why I'm asking this. ): I'm stuck, and I need help, because dwelling on the past is making me lose my sanity. ):

  • you're clingy, like all the girls say they don't like.

    • How so?

    • your boyfriend is a turd, and by you "loving him" you're putting yourself under him. "flings" like he's done this before, probably is actively doing this behind your back now. no wait you said it as if he's telling you about sleeping with other girls. video time? ask him which website (s) he posted the video to. but i guess you love him, and he's the best you can do, so ill just pat you on the head. you're clingy because he treats you terribly, and you refuse to dump him. here's how you move on from the experience, find another guy that treats you better.

    • I said flings because he's cheated on me before... and when I confronted him about the videos, he said it's for his eyes only and I really want to trust him on that. I want self-restoring tips that can help myself. Getting another guy to get me through this wouldn't help. What do you mean by the "best I can do"? I love him. He's my first love. I don't want to let go of him. He's a great guy, but I don't condone what he has done and what I didn't do. Maybe I am clingy, but I do get very attached to people, especially when I show them my vulnerability. ): I'm also a hoarder - if that helps explain things. I get very attached to memories, not just people. I'll hoard ripped up pieces of paper because of the memories behind it. I cry when I lose things - not because I lost them (because I can easily replace them), but because my mom went through hardship to buy it for me. Memories mean so much to me, that the memories with my boyfriend and I keep me in place.

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