Sexual Relationships
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Why do guys take it so personal if a girl has done stuff with other men that she doesn't want to do with him?

Over the past few days, I saw a few questions basically asking/complaining about the same thing. A girl that has done sexual acts in the past that she won't do with her current partner. So what? Why does it matter? It wouldn't have occured to me someone would have a reaction to that. Persumably she's not doing it to annoy you, she just tried some things that she didn't like and thus doesn't want to do again. What's so bad about that? And lastly, if it's such a big deal for so many guys, as someone I didn't have sex yet, would you recommend I never try anything new until I get married?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Emotions are always logical or fair. People just feel what they feel.

    My best explanation is that they got to experience something with her that you never will and depending on what it was that was done they also got to see a really wild or kinkier side of her that you never will. Its nice to have experiences with your partner that are unique or boundaries that they crossed only with you. Ego, probably plays a role too.

    Basically guys want the kinkiest/ most adventurous version of you to be for them and are hurt at the thought of that version of you having been only for your exes.

    If it's a kink that the guy really enjoys or really wanted to try out then he would probably feel even worse about it. Also they might think you were more into the previous guy. Like if you were willing to do something you didn't like to please your ex but aren't willing to do the same for him, he might take it personally. Or that your exes were able to bring a side of you out that he isn't able to.

    yeah thats all I got
    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    • But I mean come on, be reasonable. If a girl tried something with an ex and hated it's beyond unreasonable to expect her to do it again with you. It's cruel

    • Well actually I am even less reasonable because depending on what it was I might just lose interest regardless of whether or not she is willing to do it with me. Another factor is whether or not she tried it only once or if it was an ongoing thing. I do think mroracle has a point though. Guys would be probably more likely to accept it if she hated it compared to if she liked it with her exes but currently doesn't want you to see her that way. Although Im not sure that second scenario is all that common. Could be wrong but I think its more common where she never liked it but but didn't exactly hate it and was willing to tolerate it in order to please her previous partner (s). Then that goes back to the "why was he good enough to get you to do but but not me?" complaint. Oh another possibility is that she only tried it once and hated it, to which they might say its silly to try something once and then write it off based on that one experience...

    • They will try to argue that maybe you'll like it with him or if you try it a different way. Hhmm this is kinda reminding me of the Dr Seus book Green Eggs and Ham 😂 Anyways, I'm cynical but I don't think this issue is decided by who is right or what you believe is fair. I think who ends up getting their way it ends up being decided by a power play with these factors: (1) How much the girl hated it Vs. How much the guys you to try it with him. (2) How much she cares about him Vs. how much he cares about her. and (3) Who has the best alternatives if you were to break up. Generally the person who feels more strongly about the issue and is less invested in their partner has the most leverage over the other person...

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  • It's one thing if the girl tried it once or twice and never liked it, and thus doesn't to do it again, and if she did something and liked it, and did it for months or years,, but now doesn't want to do it with her new guy for what is usually a pretty bogus reason, like "I don't want him to think of me that way."

    Most guys have no problem understanding the former. It's the latter that they have a problem with, because you are in effect saying "the previous guy was worthy of getting it and you aren't."

    • This is the first reasonable opinion here and after reading the other, I think you're wrong. I don't think most guys will be accepting of a girl not want to do something she didn't like. Might make a new question with a poll or something later, but it seems to me most guys here will be butthurt if a girl doesn't do something she hated with them

    • If he doesn't want something up his ass why ask me? I'm assuming that's what Asker means. She can do what she wants! If he had a partner who he did anal with b4, I don't think he'd mind. Only anal virgin guys care.

    • @SovereignessofVamps -Anal is pretty damn good though. If a guy really likes it, he's not going to be interested in continuing a relationship with a girl who keeps the back door locked. I currently have three FWBs. Only one likes anal, so that's all I do with her. And that satiates my desire and I can be satisfied with only vag from the other two

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Most Helpful Girls

  • People should be able to say that they don't like or want to do things. It doesn't make a difference if you have tried them before or not or what the reasons even are honestly. Anyone who can't understand that is an entitled child.

  • Because HE hasn't done it yet with any girls. She doesn't owe him anything. If he wants to try whatever act he needs to take responsibility for himself.

    • responsibility by doing what then?

    • @anonman32 finding his own partners instead if holding his current one responsible for him.

    • thats true, nobody should ever stop you from doing what you want to try in life, not even your partner.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I can think of one example, which I won't go into here. If a girlfriend of mine had done a certain thing with another guy, and refused the same experience for me, I would not continue the relationship. It IS personal and is ALWAYS going to be taken that way. He was good enough, and I'm not. So I'm in second place.

    Close the door quietly when you leave, unless there's a darned good reason why I'm second. I'll be looking for a new lady.

    • So if she tried something with an ex and hated it, so doesn't want to do it again, that's always gonna be a personal attack against her current boyfriend? And I mean do you really want her to keep doing something she hates?

    • As I said above, unless there's a good reason why she won't, like the one you suggest, then yes, it always will be. Can't force a lady to do something she doesn't like, but she could, of course, always use this as an excuse even if it isn't true. The thing is, if there's something I want to do that she doesn't, maybe we aren't compatible and should part company, regardless of whether she's tried it before or not.

    • If you really liked her you wouldn't mind at all. Guys say this but they don't mean it.

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  • How butthurt would you be if you were with a guy for a while and he flat out refused to buy you anything more expensive than a value meal from McDonald's? "I've bought stuff for women before and I didn't like the way things turned out."

    Or better yet, you think you want to spend the rest of your life with him and he tells you that marriage is absolutely off the table. "I was married once and discovered that I didn't like it/it's not for me."

    If she was willing to do XYZ with someone else, but not with me, that says a lot about what she thinks about me. And it doesn't say anything good. I'd most likely walk right then and there.

    • First of all not liking the way things work out, is different from not liking. if a guy a took an ex to a really expensive restaurant and doesn't want to go back because he didn't like the food, I'd have no issue with that. Second of all, I wouldn't mind ifa guy doesn't spend much money on me but did on an ex. I'm not sure why you'd think I'd be bothered by that? Similarily, I get that people who are divorced might not want to get married again. But in that case we have different life goals and I wouldn't date him

    • I just said you'd been together for a while and you think he's who you want to spend your life with. You've been together three years. How upset would you be? Nevermind, you completely missed the point.

    • She didn't miss the point, she is just trying to turn this around in her favor... lol

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  • Because they will assume you think of him as unworthy of receiving the same things the other men received. They will think that all the other guys were "manly'' enough to get it while all of the sudden they themselves are the wimps for whom the woman settled for.

  • Well, I don't know. Why would you not be okay with wanting to do those things with your boyfriend but was okay with it with other guys in the past? I could see how that would be a source of concern.

    • Maybe she tried them and hated them

  • "Never occured to me" no offense but that seems to be the modern excuse of women , nothing occures to them, they do their thing and never think of the consequences , which by the way are not always spoken, actions have consequences you dont do something unless you mean it and are willing to do it again , i understand if its a one night stand and you dont feel like doing anal with your ex but with your long term boyfriend not doing it is desrespectful and a strong hit to his ego.

    • like you did with your ex *

  • Well, if the new guy's an understanding person and there's something you won't do with him that you've done b4 but didn't like, just tell him you didn't like it. He should be fine. If there's no real reason then he'll get paranoid af.

    • Judging by most replies here, no most guys wouldn't be fine with that

    • Whoa... i looked at some other replies, and I'm kinda shocked. A few people actually think it's reasonable to leave a relationship because the woman won't do something she doesn't like. Imho screw them, they're just hypocrites.

  • Well for the obvious. A lot of girls who sleep around are insecure and have emotional problems. Guys can be insecure for sleeping around but it's entirely more so for women just because of social norms and how society values women. Generally not in a woman's best interest to have sex with a lot of men over long periods of time. I wrote a whole take on this if you want to read it I'll link.

    • You're making a massive assumption here though, what if she didn't sleep around. Just had one partner, maybe two before you

    • That's fine then I actually prefer that.

    • I'd prefer that much more than a virgin tbh

  • Girls would probably be pissed if they knew their boyfriend ate his ex's pussy on the regular but won't go down on her. Pipe down.

    • I think OP is talking about taboo acts, not standard.

    • @SovereignessofVamps what's the difference?

    • @SovereignessofVamps Oh yeah, such as? Go on, say it!! lmao

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  • @Karōshi Well put, same opinion.

  • Depends on the act and depends on the partner. Like there is a guy asking this who was a virgin, his wife has done everything unde rths un, bu she won't do anything of it with him. In that case i don think that makes sense. You shoudl want to please the person you love. Is a blow job or letting him fuck you in a different position just once to see what its like really so much to ask for you life partner? id do anything my partner wanted, I want my girlfriends to be happy.

    • I don't think it's dependent on the specific, it's the princicple I don't get. Why do guys get upset about their partner not wanting to do something that they've tried before?

    • humm I am not sure. I dont get upset because of that. My best gues would be feeling not good enough? Like you were willing tot let this other guy do this but not me? Why is he better then me? thats all I can think.

  • Because any time a woman refuses a specific act with her current boyfriend, that she has previously done with other guys, she is telling the current boyfriend that he isn't good (alpha) enough to receive that particular treat. "You want anal? Oh no. I used to do that with Chad. Never again" (until Chad pops back on the scene). Or "You want me to lick your butthole? I told you that's what I used to do to Tyrone. Never again" (until Tyrone texts for a hook-up).

    Women (ALL women) will do some nasty ass shit for a guy they consider high status. Nothing is off limits. They may date a beta-wallet (gold diggers) but the beta will never get more than vanilla sex. And even then she has to think about his money to get wet.

    Alpha fucks, Beta bucks.

    • Guys are a trip. Forcing a sex act on someone is awful. I'd drop him.

  • because just maybe we want to try these things too if we have never done them before?

    • Well but she doesn't. So why does what you want matter or more? Or her not wanting to do what you want makes her selfish?

    • its not about her doing what i want, its about expanding your boundaries as a couple, together. thats why people are in a relationship in the first place. if she does not want to try something i have never done before then i am 100% OK with that, but then she does not have to expect that im going to do things she wants either.

    • But still you are saying if you don't do something you don't enjoy for me, don't expect me to do anything for you. Does that not strike you as bizarre?

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  • Lmaoo on here all they want is dead fishes apparently prolly cos they mad about their little cocks, No dudr would prefer virgin on bed irl lol

  • Cause of the idea you gave your best to the ones who don't deserve and don't wanna give ur best to the one who wanna give you his life

    And yea virgins are better for marriage that's statistically said
    Men generally don't like to wonder how many dicks she had to gain this skills

  • They can take it personally and some guys don't.

  • Because it makes us feel unworthy. in my opinion we have a right to be angry.

    • Why? What other situation can you think of in which you would demand a person to do something they don't enjoy, soley because they've done it before

    • If they didn't want to do it with me, then why did they mention it? To me that's playing second best and I won't do that. I don't have to.

    • why did they mention it? I don't know being honest? Maybe you asked to do something and she declined because she had done it before and hated it I'm not asking about a specific scenario I'm asking about the principle

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  • Some may feel it's because they weren't as attractive or something. I don't know.

  • It's insulting, honestly.

    Women are driven by the emotional side of sex.

    Men are driving by the physical side of sex.

    If I dated a woman who used to have threesomes with her ex, but wouldn't do any threesomes with me, I would feel insulted and cheated.

    • Speaking of an entitled child.

    • @Anotherdumbblonde entitled? In what way?

    • You're acting like she has to do things with you just because she's done them before. Maybe she regrets them or doesn't like it anymore. Why should she then have to do something with you that makes her uncomfortable, just so you don't feel cheated or insulted.

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