My boyfriend was masturbating to girls on social media. Is this a red flag or is it normal?

My boyfriend and I are both 21, have been dating for a little less than a year. I've known him since high school and had a huge crush on him for awhile. He was very hilarious but was always too shy to actually talk to girls, and that's what I liked. We finally started dating. I'm his first girlfriend, and we lost our virginity to each other. I had his laptop and saw that he constantly look up the same girls on social media. All who we live in the same city with. A 17 year old white girl who models, a girl with huge boobs, a mom, and some other girls. I started seeing the pattern and got worried. I brought it up to his attention and he was honest and said he masturbated to them. I didn't know how to process this. He said it was just a bad habit and doesn't know why he does it and that he was into MILFS. i asked why he didn't just watch porn like any normal guy would and he said he does do that too. He said he would never cheat on me, and it's something he's done even before we started talking. Without saying anything, he deleted all his social media and felt guilty about it which brought tears to his eyes. i constantly compare myself to these girls. I know he doesn't have bad intentions but I feel as if he's checking out girls left and right and I feel about myself. I'm very petite and don't have big boobs or a big butt. Obviously these girls have something that I don't. I completely understand that guys will look at girls. You pass by one and you see a pretty girl so you glance. That's okay. But to be keeping up certain girls isn't okay. It's almost a fetish or a desire and that unhealthy if you are in a relationship. Please put yalls inputs in on this. I may be over analyzing everything.
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • That's definitely a red flag.

    It's good that he was honest about it, and that he took steps to deleting his social media stuff; but just because he has a bad habit about anything doesn't magically make the habit okay.

    This is something the both of you need to work on together. You both went all the way, so you both need to hold each other accountable for your relationship.

    Your man, out of all those other girls, chose you to lose his virginity with, so he needs to step up and take responsibility for his actions; and it's crucial to do your best encourage him to do that. There's absolutely nothing you can do to control him, but there's a lot you can do to be the most loving partner you can be for him.

    You may think that those other girls are prettier than you, but beauty is waaay more than just big boobs and a big butt and a bunch of mascara. As a matter of fact, the Word of God goes into great detail on how to be truly beautiful.

    • (Cont. from above) 1 Peter 3:1-6 is possibly the best example of how to be truly beautiful: "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening." Most of all, pray for your man, and seek to draw nearer and nearer to our Lord Jesus Christ by learning more about Him through God's Word and becoming involved with your local church.

  • First, it's VERY good that he feels comfortable enough with you to admit that. I feel that should speak volumes as to your relationship.

    Second, masturbating to girls on social media isn't bad, however, hopefully he's not taking to these girls. That part I feel is unacceptable. Then, to me, that's basically cheating.

    • Yeah I was surprised he came out and told me the truth. If I ask him a question he will completely be honest. He definitely isn't talking to these girls what so ever. All my girl friends are telling me it's not a big deal, just cause they see how much he likes me. He always wants to be with me. But me, being the girlfriend, I find him looking at other girls borderline cheating.

    • Guys will always look at other girls, as you will always look at other guys (whether they're models, actors, athletes, or average Joes). If he refrains from it when you're out though, that's the respect you're looking for.

    • I'm okay with him looking at actresses & porn stars. It's a fantasy, he will never get with them nor talk to them.. But him looking at girls we both know and can bump into at a grocery store is a little to weird for me.. If he thinks they are so hot and has his attention on them daily, then his focus isn't on me anymore. Right?

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • This is a tough one. The good news is that he was honest and admitted to this. The bad news, is he really shouldn't have sexual desires for other women when he loves you and is in a relationship with you. Just because its a habit does not make it okay or respectful of you. How would he feel if you did the same? The best thing you can do at this point is have an open, honest discussion about why he feels the need to do that when he has you. Yes its okay to look, it's not ok let go of your self control. Esecially with women that aren't even porn stars, actresses, etc.

  • The fact that he is doing that is a little concerning, if he wanted to get off, why not just be with you? To me, if he needs other women to get off, he isn't sexually interested in you anymore and it a precursor to cheating.

    • We do have sex or please each other alms of everyday! I told him why does he need to do that. His response was that we don't do it as much as he would like and his sex drive is high.

    • Shouldn't he ask for more sex form you then?

    • He wants to do it twice a day, but I don't.. I think it's way too much..

    • Show All
  • It's perfectly normal. Also, do not compare yourself to girls in photos or videos. Look at what they're doing and how they are acting, not how they look. Hot tip: Watch some porn yourself.

    • I do watch porn! I think that's normal! But watching other people to get off is a little weird to me!

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

4 16
  • I think there's a bit of analysis paralysis here. He's satisfying some fantasies the center on these women. There are things you can do to mitigate it. Reply if you want to discuss them.

    • I would love to discuss them. I'm trying to comprehend why he would do this and I cannot understand.

    • Porn is about fantasies and convenience. You need to find out what his kinkiest, nastiest, darkest fantasies are. Then you dress and prepare yourself to role play them. Does that make sense? I'm all about the girly girl touches: nails, hair, make up, and esp, undeniably those stiletto pumps: 4"+ with no platform.

    • Yeah porn is fantasy. I masturbate to porb myself. But what about when he's masturbating to someone who is real? I would assume if I were masterbating to a guy that I thought was hot and that I knew, I would have a huge crush on him or want to have sex with him. Is that the same for him?

    • Show All
  • Your not over thinking things at all thats unhealthy for your relationship and if you are feel a certsin way or it makes you think about your own looks you need to have a serious talk with him

  • unless you have other reasons to be concerned i would not worry too much about it. i wouldn't say it's normal but i dont' think it's abnormal or something to worry about

    but if it bothers you, you could suggest that you prefer he'd masturbate to porn or something

    • No. I'm just hoping he doesn't desires these girl.

  • When will girls understand that men not cheating on them is a matter of self control? Of course he "Desires" those women. They're hot. Haven't we already established that guys don't need an emotional connection to want to fuck the shit out of a girl?

    "Oh, so why doesn't he just cheat on me?" Why? because part of being in a relationship is giving up stuff for your partner. You don't want him to cheat so he doesn't and he doesn't want you to cheat, so you don't. That doesn't mean that when he see's a hot girl and he could walk up to her and start a conversation, it's not hard for him not to.

    • I don't really mind if he watches porn, after all it's a fantasy, but what does bother me is that he is masturbating to girls we went to high school with or girls that exist and are real. Don't you think if he were that attracted to them he desires to be with them? I may be wrong, but that's my best theory. If I kept looking at a guy and kept thinking how hot he was, I'm not longer focusing on my boyfriend. I would be craving someone else. And that's not okay.

    • That may be how girls work but not guys. I'm trying to say that he desires all the girls he see's. The porn ones and the ones he knows for real. If he werent going out with you and were given the chance, he would fuck the shit out of all those girls. Just like most any other guy would. It doesn't mean he wants you any less. Basically, sex and wanting to be with a girl in a relationship have nothing to do with each other for a guy. It's up to him to decide if he's gonna prioritize the relationship.

  • Unless he's sending her messages, no lol.

  • Red flag on a stop sign screaming through a megaphone. Dump him.

    • You really think so. I'm not worried about him cheating on me. I know he won't do that, he will never have the guts to do that. But I don't want him to be desiring other girls. THATS what bothers me.. He said he's just impulsive when he's in the mood.

    • If he's the kind of guy that does that he's got issues, trust me I've been down that road before and they don't snap out of it. It'll just keep gnawing at you and he won't care and then the fights will start and it's really not worth it. He's a bad one for sure.

  • Yes, you are overly analizing. It isn't about you. It's simply that he enjoys masturbating himself. It is healthy for him.

  • It's normal, but hey, he's lucky he has a girlfriend, since a lot of us aren't even lucky.

  • Yes, he's horny af

  • ouch...

  • i think its normal. every guy has done it at some point, and it dosnt mean he's going to go around town and meet the girls.

  • I’m sorry but there are tons of stupid girls on GAG, I don’t mean you. There are girls on GAG who thinks it’s fine if they get paid money to hurt men that just goes to show society is weird. As for your boyfriend yea that’s a red flag I would say. Seems like he doesn’t value you.

  • It could be a red flag but sometimes us guys masturbate a little when were sitting and relaxed.

  • Yeah it's a red flag

  • he's imagining doing them all. Its not normal actually. He should respect that you dont like it and try stopping.

  • You need to give him sex more often.

  • It's a red flag. It's no different than him saying he jerks off to pictures of your sister, or your best friend, or that girl he's been friends with since college, or a co-worker.

    You should not put up this.

  • That would be a red flag for me.

  • No its weird, esp with people that you actually know. if it was certain porn stars he was looking up thatd be different.

    • I agree!!

    • i def wouldn't compare yourself though. he just likes it, i mean i like looking at larger boobs than i have when im watching porn so i mean.. i wouldn't compare. but at least he understood and felt bad.

  • Normal as can be. If I had a nickel for every woman I masturbated to on this site or other sites asking "How does my butt look?" I'd have about 8 nickels.

    • But you don't personally know these girls, do you?

    • I don't personally know any of the porn stars I jerk off to either.

    • Yeah but he KNOWS these girls, that's what makes it inappropriate

    • Show All