Girls, why don't you tell us what the limits are?

Question

When I am in the early stages of a sexual relationship, I want to be as adventurous as I can be, because I don't want my partner to think that I am boring or inhibited. However, I don't want to cross the line and try something that she might think is "icky!" For instance:

* Does she want me to "go downtown" or is she uptight about her personal odor/taste?

* Is she open to me using a vibrator on her?

* If she starts giving me oral sex, should I just enjoy it and maybe she will allow me to cum in her mouth OR maybe she will throw up and then run away.

* If I touch her "back there," will she freak out or ask for more?

I could ask her, "Hey. Would you like to try anal sex?" If she isn't into that, I wonder whether she will think that I am a freak and I will never see her again.

Once upon a time (2007,) a new girlfriend agreed to have sex and, when we got in bed, she told me

a. she likes to have her nipples caressed and sucked,

b. she likes to give oral sex but doesn't want to receive oral sex,

c. if she gives me oral sex, it is okay to cum in her mouth, but she doesn't do that very often because she would rather have me cum inside her,

d. she likes to have her clit massaged but don't put a finger inside of her.

e. I can touch her ass but no penetration, and

f. she likes missionary, cowgirl, and doggy.

Bingo! I knew how far to go, I wasn't worried about freaking her out, and I relaxed. Sex with her was fun (but we eventually broke up for other reasons.)

If you were in bed with a relatively new boyfriend and he asked if you were into anal sex, would it bother or embarrass you or would you answer in a matter-of-fact manner? If he asked if he could cum in your mouth, would you think that was disgusting? Could you tell him your limits or would you be too nervous, shy, inhibited, or otherwise consumed with cat-got-your-tongue?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

For the first time in a long time I'm going to stick up for the guys. This exact question is one of the reasons I don't get involved in relationships. To talk about one's limits early on in the relationship makes the sex part seem like a negotiated treaty with no feeling tone. There's cookbook chemistry this cookbook medicine and the above sounds like cookbook sex. I prefer spontaneity. What are the limits involving spontaneity? You explore each other and stop me and stop. Now is the trouble with that guys. I know what you all want you all want to go as far as you can. You want to fuck us. Please the three guys that pop up in this kind of discussion saying they don't want intercourse go away you in the minority. Knowing what you want and allowing you to get as far as where comfortable in part makes for the magic. Filling out a pre-sexual form is ridiculous. So here's my advice to guys – stop trying to go around the bases for a home run early in the relationship. If you absolutely must that's the time to say, "you know I really want to make love to you." Then the girls response will guide your action. But ladies do not allow a guy to go past your limits because then you have screwed up the entire relationship because he doesn't know where to stop and you let them past the point of no return.

CheshireCat89 · Accepted Answer

I ALWAYS initiate this conversation. There are some good sexual preference quizzes you can find online that can help start the conversation in a sexy/ flirty way.

As women get older, become more self confident, and understand their own sexuality and preferences I feel that this conversation gets easier. I feel much more comfortable giving direct guidance as I age. I can't imagine many situations where a direct question would make me run (surprising me with a third or a spectator section might though). We all have our preferences though.

I general if you are in the moment together asking if ____ is ok/good, can help. When receiving oral a heads up for cumming is always appreciated. She can then decide how to finish then.

Maybe start by talking about your preferences and boundaries? What do you like, what do you hate, what have you always wanted to try, what would you never want to try?

tinyclit · Answer

Before having sex with someone new you just need to sit down with them and talk about sex, their needs, your needs, likes, dislikes, turnons, turnoffs, etc. Don't forget this important step. Sorry if that's not spontaneous, but it is realistic.

xXtemberlyXx · Answer

I say ask before doing. Personally I have a very hard time stopping someone durring g the act, there are many times I've gonadotropin along with things that made me uncomfortable... which in retuning made the experience less enjoyable. But if asked a head of time they would have known and it would be this awkward moment of me having to pull away and we re adjust.

AthleticMom · Answer

You'll do better in fledgling sexual relations if you simply go slow & wait until SHE asks for off-Broadway acts (like anal?). Put something where she's not comfortable = she will not be acting so hot & bothered, so retreat! When in doubt, allow HER to roam & probe until she gets SO worked up, she'll beg you to put something somewhere.

cpzpbx3 · Answer

That girlfriend of yours sounds a lot like me and my preferences lmao. Except I like giving AND receiving oral.

Hulkette86 · Answer

I am never ever shy about what I want in bed-guys obviously like to know and I'm just not into anal, but I don't mind if he puts his finger or tongue in there. Hell yeah who doesn't like oral? Cum is good for you ;) if a girl thinks you're gross for wanting or thinking these things, then why is she even in bed with you? Just saying, those type of girls sound like the type that think sex is gross anyways. I don't get it. But girls should definitely tell you what their green lights and red lights are. I do so in the beginning so they know. Maybe its just me

Curlybeauty17 · Answer

Talk to her about it. Every individual has their own boundaries.

ObviouslyOriginalMe · Answer

Lol these are all questions for her. The best sexual relationship is the open kind. Like, I personally am into nearly everything. I even told my boyfriend we can try anal and we haven't even had normal sex yet. Do I would answer that you can do anything... Except... I'm not her and none of the girls answering are either. So we can't tell you a 100% solid answer!

fauchelevent · Answer

My boyfriend and I are pretty open with that stuff. I couldn't really tell him what my limits were when we first got together because he was my first relationship :P Before we had sex, we did look at those sex questionnaires or whtever that give you different acts and you have to rate 1 (as in hell yah) or 5 (as in get the fuck away from me), so we had a basic idea of what the other was open to but neither of us had actually done anything to test that before we got together so yeah :P But now we know each other's limits and stuff, we can say if there's something currently happening that doesn't feel great or do something to make it better.