Sexual Relationships
+1 y

I feel depressed because I feel I am not good enough for my boyfriend. Can someone help?

We've been together for 16 months. He's shown so much kindness and patience towards me. Like today he told me that he doesn't say it enough but he loves me and needs me, that I keep him sober and on a good path (he was an addict before we met and he's been sober for over two years now). He's my best friend, he's understanding and is the only person I really trust with everything. i feel like the biggest asshole in the world. I had lots of doubts in the beginning of our relationship. He's done lots to reassure me, from suggesting and deleting our social media accounts, to not looking at porn of any kind, to helping me speak up and making me feel like I matter. It took me until last month to get over most of my insecurities, and even then I still have them sometimes. I snooped on his phone so much and when I found something that bothered me he'd stop. He gave me his password even though I told him not to. I haven't snooped in a few months. He tells me he is forgiving and understanding cuz he loves me and knows it's my first relationship. He knows I was bullied and had trauma as a kid. I don't connect with anyone like I do with him. Seeing him everyday helps my depression and anxiety a lot. He's asked for a day to himself when he's been stressed or if he wants to sleep (not even hang out with other people), and I know it's selfish but I got upset because I like spending time with him. He says it's no big deal and he knows someday when we live together we'll have more space (which I am fine with). It it makes me feel like crap because he's so understanding and I feel like a bad girlfriend. He assures me nothing bothers him, that he is fine with seeing me everyday and he knows that if he really needed time I'd give it to him (which I would). I try to make up for it by giving him space when he does errands/the gym, cleaning his room and doing laundry so he doesn't have to, and trying to be perfect in every other way to make up for my flaws. :(
Updates:
+1 y
I didn't expect all the responses, thank you for all your kind words. ☺️
0 3

Most Helpful Girls

  • You're not being a bad girlfriend. It's hard sometimes when there is so much craziness in the world to feel secure in your relationship. But do try to work on that. It's okay if he needs a day to himself or needs time to sleep. It sounds to me like he does love you very much.

    Wanting to spend time with him and feeling insecure are not reasons to not deserve love. Everyone deserves love.

    And to be honest, it's a pretty normal thing to experience insecurities in relationships. The important thing is how you manage and deal with that. The best thing to do is work on it and try to reassure yourself that things are okay.

    in my opinion being insecure is kind of a flaw, but it's not as big of a deal as you are making it to be. I think you need to learn to relax and not take it too personally when he wants space or isn't around you.

    He sounds incredibly patient. But don't think that you don't deserve it! We all deserve a partner who appreciates us and can be patient. We all make mistakes, we are human!

    I was in an abusive relationship for just under a year (verbally and emotionally abusive). He would always make me feel bad for things that I failed to do (like clean the whole house by myself, or make him dinner). Which is ridiculous. Plus he would do so much crazy crap (ie. threaten to throw my belongings off the balcony, set fire to our apartment). But apparently it was too much for me if I forgot to clean the bathroom sink (OH MY GOODNESS!).

    So as long as you aren't crazy like my ex, you are good! Because you seem like you are just being a normal human being! So it's not a stretch to forgive those things :)

  • Thats the point. You're NOT a perfect human being. No one is. You have to find confidence in yourself to be a good girlfriend to him. He knows that an accept you for who you are. You don't need to do anymore and over work yourself for nothing that doesn't matter to him. If you weren't enough, he would have left along time ago. So stop worried and having self doubts. Or its going to destroy your relationship.

    • now u make her worry more XD , she have to stop worrying so she don't destroy her relationship so that made her worry more hhhhhhh. just trolling sry =.=

  • Take some dance classes and other social events where your tete-a-tetes get more diluted and both can reach out more to others = alone time together can seem more special, less need for breaks and eventually this solo dependency can wane just a little bit away from obsession

Most Helpful Guys

  • "i feel like the biggest asshole in the world." Really? For just a bit of understandable initial suspicion? For a little jealousy proving you love him? That makes you the biggest asshole in the world? Are we on paradise or Something? Look at IS terrorists. Are they better people than you? Seriously... "and I know it's selfish but I got upset because I like spending time with him." Being upset not to see your SO is NOT selfish. It's a sign of love. It's the refusal to let him go that could be considered selfish. Not the dissapointment itself. Start judging yourself smartly and fairly. Or just stop judging yourself at all! "It it makes me feel like crap because he's so understanding and I feel like a bad girlfriend." You're not. You're really not. Your past snooping is OVER. Plus it was a sign of love too. "cleaning his room and doing laundry so he doesn't have to" What are you now? His slave? "to make up for my flaws. " You probably have some as anyone. And yet I see Nothing here to compensate for. You judge yourself and are a terrible judge. Not a terrile girlfriend. If you're gold but consider yourself crap, you'll still be gold, but will never be happy. Stop the moral mistreating of yourself. Now. It's really not fair. To you.

  • depression and anxiety and insecurities... it is good you know yourself.

    So he's being a good guy it sounds like, but that will only last so long. Any person who does not have good boundaries will get eroded and run down. So he may say that truthfully but he doesn't know how hard it will be living with someone who is needy.

    What are you doing to work on your issues? Are you going to counseling to work through those old emotional wounds. That is the problem... your childhood... where you were hurt and those wounds are still there in terms of emotions and feelings. I know you don' tlike your own behavior with the way you are writing, so you need to put effort into correcting them... not drugs to mask them, but processing and correcting those old false feelings that are controlling you. They will screw both of you, because that is human beings... our feelings screw us over and others all the time.

    Get a good counselor.
    Find God via Jesus Christ to replace those wounded emotions with faith and love.
    Take a deep breath, you are going to get through this...

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What Girls & Guys Said

5 12

  • I must answer this as quickly as I can. You should not feel the way you do. Don't be negative or like you are not good enough. If you are doing the very best that you can then you are doing all you can. We all have room to improve, but you should not feel guilty because you are not living up to other's expectations. Firstly to help with this situation you need to try and not feel so inadequate with what you are doing and who you are. It sounds like your boyfriend is very understanding and when he needs space you give it to him. You are being understanding to what he needs and he is telling you that he understands. You are worthy to be happy and to be with the one that you love. Don't feel as if you need to be depressed and down on yourself.

  • I hope you're getting some professional (non-religious) therapy for that depression, for those feelings of inadequacy and for that anti-porn attitude. It'll help.

    • Not everybody likes porn and he felt guilty about watching it for a long time anyway (he's religious so he feels masturbating and porn are wrong.)

  • You know what, I had two girlfriends who said the same thing to me and just dropped off the face of the earth without explaining why. One of them told me "I didn't deserve to know"

    Still have no fucking clue what happened but believe me, you're fine. Just keep being you, keep being the person your boyfriend loves. There's no need to make up for your flaws, he obviously loves them. You seem like a very kind and compassionate person.

  • You are a unique and wonderful human being, please stop feeling so insecure. Tell your self that you are a great, understanding, intelligent, sensitive, clever, loving person who deserves your wonderful boyfriend.
    Because you are all of the above, and your boyfriend can not only be trusted absolutely, he loves you.
    You are in many ways a very lucky lady to have what you do, now is the time to clear your mind of past experiences and doubts, and move on with your life, with your lovely caring boyfriend, go for it!

  • I feel like you feel like you're a bad girlfriend because of your low self esteem and insecurities...

  • He decides if you're good enough, not you xD don't know if that helps... But if he wants you, you're good enough.

  • Gurl. If he says you don't have any flaws then you don't have any flaws. He sounds like a keeper and he sounds dedicated completely to you. Just make him happy, don't cheat on him or complain about everything or nag him. Just be grateful and kind and do your best to please him everyday and in bed and he can't ask for better.

  • I will never understand girls
    Sounds like you really care about him.
    You are good enough for him.
    Sounds like you mean a lot to him and that's what matters. Don't think about it too much, just enjoy your time with him.

  • He's good now, but will eventually get a bit annoyed. If you trust him, just go out with him, find friends. Try doing something special for/with him. Stop putting yourself down, I'm sure ur beautiful!

  • Let him decide what is good enough for him. You don't have a say.

  • 1. Get some self confidence and forget about the bullying. Move on from the past and look towards the future

  • Well he is dating you for a reason chill out

  • I'd say think of his flaws and why he's maybe less good than you always thought.

  • find another boyfriend

  • It's your advantage in being a girl you can be a complete by bytch and he will still put up with it, maybe out of fear of being single or not finding another girl. Whereas if you leave him you can have guys. Lined up right away, l. If you were a guy acting like this you'd be dumped in no time

  • https://www.facebook.com/powerofpositivity/videos/10153665590087371/



    watch that

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