Sexual Relationships
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Husband showed sex tape to friend what should I do?

My husband and I lived together for five years before we decided to get married. We wanted to make the wedding night special so he suggested a sex tape - he's a camera man so he wanted to set up four different camera to film us then edit it like a porno. It sounded kinky and fun and added some spice to our wedding night so why not? The sex itself was amazing and I didn't even notice the cameras. After the honeymoon he edited it and we watched it, it was hot but weird watching myself. But something went wrong. I've found out through his emails that he sent it to a friend that has a crush on me. This guy has seen me having sex with my husband! I'm crushed! How could he do that! I want to kick his ass out of the house! My mother tells me I'm being too emotional but I feel so betrayed! What should I do?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • This is an example of "very severe misunderstanding". DO NOT let this fuck up yr marriage.

    Listen. You're his WIFE. You're not a random throwaway sexual conquest. He LOVES you -- enough to make a lifetime commitment to you, after five whole years of seeing you both at yr best and at yr worst.

    If he wants to show off a video of his WIFE -- not a random throwaway -- then there is exactly one reason why he wants to do that: He's proud as hell of you, and he finds you IRRESISTIBLY hot.
    He finds you so hot that he can't even keep his appreciation all to himself... so he showed you off to a friend.

    Seriously. I know you may have a very hard time understanding this, but, he does NOT mean to disrespect you, AT ALL. I know boys, and I can absolutely 100% promise you this.

    __

    You two need to sit down together, and you need to TELL him how you are feeling. You need to try to explain -- as best you can -- WHY you feel hurt by this, and what boundaries you feel were crossed. Because he definitely had no idea AT ALL that you would take this the way you're taking it.

    Yr job is to communicate to him the fact that, TO YOU, it's important that yr sexuality and sex life remain strictly private. Yr job is also to let him know how YOU feel when that privacy is breached. Do you feel used? Do you feel like you've been pimped out? If so, you need to TELL HIM these things. Because he doesn't know them.

    __

    Also -- You'll be pissed for a while, but, you'll get over it. I mean... it's marital sex, with yr own husband, so there's hardly a scandal here. (:
    Once you get over it... you might want to think about constructive ways that *both* of you can enjoy this little exhibitionist streak of his. He clearly has a NEED to show you off -- because he thinks you're absolutely beautiful -- so, mb you can make that fun together.

    Like, maybe you can go out dancing or drinking together, with you wearing racier clothes than usual, and he can just enjoy all the looks that you get... knowing that he's the one who gets to take you back home, and everyone else gets to be jealous. <3

    Or something.

    But... yeah.

    Do you have the right to be pissed? Hell yeah you do.

    Should he have talked to you BEFORE sharing the video? Of course he should have, duh. And he owes you one hell of a sincere apology.

    ... But should you let this break up yr marriage, and yr 5+ year relationship?
    Fuck no.
    That'd be *unimaginably* stupid. Seriously, don't do it. Do not throw EVERYTHING away over this.

    Just be

    • emotional about it, and have yr moment, and COMMUNICATE with each other... and when all that passes over, let this whole sorry story actually bring you closer together, with a better understanding of each other's wants and needs.

    • Wow. I never looked at it that way. I mean I don't know what to say. Thanks. That's a lot to think about. A lot. Thanks...

    • Yr welcome. Really, think of this long-term. Maybe even show him this conversation, and ask him about it -- a lot of men are TERRIBLE at articulating these things. And, most importantly, remember—NEVER EVER make important life decisions when you're still actively pissed off. Wait until the anger has simmered down (and, hopefully, some communication has occurred).

    • Show All

  • From where I am sitting, and a Wise an Owl that I am here, dear, your Hubby already Crossed the Not so Fine Line when He... Set up 4 different camera to film us..
    Now he is Back in X-Rated Action again, it Would seem, with his Bud, who Probably after Seeing this Movie, has this 'Has a crush on you,' Along with your So-Called "Significant Other"Who is What now I Call... Not to be Trusted.
    You Need to say Something and make a Decision right Here and Now. I Feel the Raw Deal is that He will Always Pull Something and who Knows what it Might be the Next Time... A Love Affair with a Flair?
    You need a break from Him and this Marriage. Tell Hubby to pack up and to Leave for awhile, and tell Mommy Dearest that Mother doesn't Always know Best from the rest.
    Think it over. Take some Time for you now. The Ball is in your Court and while you are at it, No advice from Anyone, hun.
    Good luck. xx

    • *I am seeing a Pattern. xx

  • No trust no relationship. Relationships are built on trust, if he damaged your trust with what he did then he also damaged your relationship. You have 3 options, 1. Talk to him about what he did and how it made you feel, work together to fix the trust and relationship that he damaged, 2. Demand all of the tapes coppies and leave him and go on with your life, 3. Do nothing and live with the damaged relationship and hope that it doesn't get worse.

    In the end it's all up to you what happens next, good luck, I hope things work out for the best for you.

Most Helpful Guys

  • I’m reading some of the posts in answer to this question and I’m seriously appalled how many are saying you shouldn’t feel betrayed or you shouldn’t let this destroy your marriage with him, especially since you’ve been together five years, and what continues to play out in my head is how no one seems to see what a betrayal of trust this was on his part.

    It really doesn’t matter, in my opinion, if you didn’t explicitly say you didn’t want this video to be shown to others and it doesn’t matter that you’ve been together five years, or what you both have gone through both in good times and bad. The point and this seems to be escaping everyone is this man is supposed to be your husband---YOUR HUSBAND---and the one individual in this world you are meant to be able to trust with your life, not to mention the secrets of your body.

    It would be one thing if you both agreed to be open about the sex tape and it would be completely another if he had asked you if you would mind him sharing this with a friend who has a crush on you and then got your consent to do just that, but to just go behind your back and display you to this person. It’s breathtakingly appalling he’d have so little respect for you.

    Others are saying he’s your husband he loves and he’s proud of your body and wants to show you off. Well, if he’s so proud and he’s so in love with you, then why couldn’t he take five minutes out of his blasted day to have a conversation with you about whether or not you’d mind having the tape of you having sex---ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT---put on display for someone to watch.

    Not to mention, you had to find out about all of this on your own. There is no indication your husband feels he’s done anything wrong, so he had no plans to inform you that your sex-tape is being displayed for another person or possibly a bunch of other people.

    That’s just NOT acceptable in my belief. And, personally, you should evaluate your relationship with your husband, and even if you do decide to stay with him and hold on to your marriage, I’d suggest getting all copies of that sex tape back into your control and you’ll always have to wonder just how many copies were made given his expertise in this area.

    And you shouldn’t have to carry the weight of that uncertainty in your life. You should feel nothing but joy being with your husband and know in your heart you can trust him above anything else and that’s the bottom line.

    • Couldn't have said it better.

    • @TylerKuykendall @mwin2030 that's what I've been feeling, but others bring up things to ponder I hadn't thought about. I'm just really confused right now

    • Since you're confused and uncertain, give yourself enough time to assimilate what has happened. What he's done. You didn't say, but I'm getting the impression you found this out recently. If that's the case, then allow yourself time to feel what you're feeling. Cry if you have to, beat up a pillow---Whatever it takes. Then reflect on how this made you feel and how it has affected your marriage. Then you'll be able to see all of it more rationally hopefully and evaluate what your next step should be. Whether that's trying to move past this for the sake of your marriage, or you pack a bag and go stay with a friend or family until you think clearly again of what you want to do next. Whatever your choice though, I still strongly suggest you demand every last copy of that sex-tape and get it back under your control.

  • I certainly understand your sense of betrayal but I'd like to present an alternative theory. He's very, very proud of you and a lot of us guys like to show our hot wives off. He found out his friend that wants you. That someone else wants you turned him on and evoked even a greater sense of pride. So he shares the tape more to taunt his friend and brag as anything else. I know sex is intimate and private but in this case, I feel like his motives were pure.

    Does that 1) make sense and 2) help?

    • Thanks for the MHG!! I hope you're a little better with it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 26

  • You have every reason to feel betrayed.

    This is a perfect example of why you never, ever allow anyone to take photos or videos of you naked and/or during sex. You never know for sure what will become of those pics and/or videos. If they are emailed or in any way electronically shared it is all but impossible to get them off the Internet. They will be there for decades.

    Now thing about this a bit more... Lets say that in around fifteen years your teenage son watches this wedding night video of mom and dad on the Internet and you find out he seen it. What will you say when he asks you about it? "That was not me." lol

    • If the hypothetical teenage son is a normal kid... • 95 percent chance, he won't even recognize the parents, unless they are VERY unusually distinctive-looking. I mean... we're talking 20 years ago and naked, here. • On that 5 percent chance that he recognizes them... he'll have a brief "Ewww" moment, and then he'll close the window and keep browsing. He'll still find the thought of his parents fucking "gross", but at fifteen it's hardly a foreign concept. He wouldn't freak out, unless he was raised in a VERY sexually repressive environment. Also, think about the rate at which people are starting to "send nudes" even now, in 2016. This is a hypothetical kid in the 2030's... LOL by then there will probably be no shock value left at all.

    • @redeyemindtricks My parents do not look all that much different today than they did 25 years ago. One parent having a resemblance is a coincidence. Both parents? WTF... My mom and dad were making porns! lol I honestly can not imagine sex being much more open in the next generation as what it is today. If it does go that way I will be in my 80s and may become Viagra's best customer!

    • "I honestly can not imagine sex being much more open in the next generation as what it is today." ^^ Oh dude, it will be. People who were 50+ years old when you were a kid -- back when a simple blowjob still had both prurient and political shock value -- would have said exactly the same thing. My son is 13 years old, and he's a surprisingly and delightfully upstanding young man... and he and all his friends have all seen gangbang porn, and bukkake porn, and gagging deepthroat porn, and... well, "the works", basically. Right now they just make fun of everything, the way 13-year-olds make fun of stuff. But, it would be incredibly naïve to think they aren't going to *do* a lot more things with each other -- even if they stick to exclusive relationships -- than any previous generation has done so far.

  • You knowingly married a guy who is a pervert. I mean, what do you think people do with videos if not watch them? Yeah, it was a shitty thing for him to do, but you allowed the tape to be made in the first place so you can't be too suprised about it.

    • Nah that's not right.. she should feel surprised about it 5 years dating and he's shows her off like she's nothing that's not right She's has the right to be mad

  • Hmmm. Well ethically he should not have done that. Honestly I think you are being a bit naive to think making a video like that would never end up anywhere else. Did you ever explain to him it was only for you two? He probably thinks he is just helping out a buddy. At the same time is showing off and making himself look more manly to his friends by having this. Not condoning it, but let this be a life lesson learned that videos like this rarely stay private!

  • Hell yeah that's a complete breach of trust! Fuck that sounds hella embarrassing. I think you need t seriously sit down with your husband and talk this out and and even though it should of been obvious and done while dating put a limit on what gets shared with the friends on either sides.

  • In a way, it's sort of forcing you into cheating. He's made you cheat, which you obviously find abhorrent. That, to me, is way across the line of decency. The clock cannot be turned back and it's something that cannot be put right.

    In your position, I would lose all respect for, and trust in, your husband.

    To me, this is a total betrayal and a total deal breaker.

  • If that happen

    • To me I'd be furious and doubt I could ever trust the person again Sorry I hit submit some how

  • Seems to be a bit of a dick move, but it sounds like he's trying to prime you for a MFM with him and his buddy. I could be wrong.

    • I hadn't even thought of that omg

    • Its the first thing that crossed my mind. So talk to him about his motives I'd say.

    • I thought of that too, but I bit my lip... lol. Bigger fish to fry first.

  • I'd be mad as hell. And does the guy still have the copy? How do you know he didn't send it to other people? I'll tell you one thing, we wouldn't be sleeping under the same roof after that.

    • You're right! This other guy could have spread it round the internet!

    • @dogbert444 any idea who was that guy i wanna ask him if he did lol

    • @YOussefElAdl No idea. I wouldn't say even if I did know. Sorry!

    • Show All

  • I'd lose trust with your boyfriend and probably drive to the guys place and tell him to delete it. I'd probably look into the law first and possibly get the police involved in order to force him to delete it.

  • "so why not? "

    This incident and the turmoil it's causing is why not.

    Well, you are in a committed marriage with this man. If you wish to continue this marriage, you must sit down and have a heart felt talk with him. Above all do this when you are not angry, or at least relatively calm. Tell him how it made you feel. Tell him why you feel that way (if you can articulate it) Then, if you still love him (and I think you do), YOU TELL HIM YOU STILL LOVE HIM AND ASK HOW YOU CAN GET PAST THIS.

    I'm also assuming you don't want this to happen again. So you tell him so on no uncertain terms.

    Ladies, if you don't want your naked body to be displayed to friends and possibly the whole Internet, don't allow ANYONE to photograph it.

  • Ok, so he was showing off his hot you are, to someone whom he knows is attracted to you.. Yes he should have told you he did that.. However if be flattered, personally.. Maybe he fancies you as a Hotwife? 😜

  • I'm really sorry, That shows he has no respect for you. That video has probably been share so many times by now. Do what you think is right and screw what every one thinks. I will never forgivea betrayal like that..

  • Is his friend in a relationship?
    Then it sounds like a start for a swinging life.
    Up to you to judge if it entices you.

  • You're being way too emotional! Your Mum is right there however in saying that your husband should have asked you first if you wouldn't mind him sharing the video with your crush 😉

  • Aaaand that's when I would be calling a lawyer

  • That is a really jerky thing he did and a betrayal.

    Demand all the copies and lock 'em up or destroy them (if possible in this electronic age).

    Then see how things go.

    I can see a guy being stupid and not meaning to betray you. But see how things play out and make sure he knows how betrayed you feel.

  • Talk to your husband about it

  • i think you should calmly talk to him. i personally wouldn't be ruffled.

    • I'm not trying to start a fight, just interested in your opinion. I find it interesting a woman would say she isn't ruffled whereas most of the men here would be.

    • @enis_Penvy i like recording

    • I'd pay you a $1000 just for one of your sex tapes ;P.

  • What an idiot.
    Whhhhhhyyyyy , would he do that?
    Did you guys had a fight?

    • No! Things have been going great! At least I thought they were

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