Why does he prefer porn instead of me?

[Anonymous]

Back then, my husband would wake me up for sex a lot, no matter how tired i was. I never minded though, i actually loved it. Anyways, as a year passed, he stop. Hed go to the bathroom with his phone and headphones, and be in there for so long. I swear i always hear him get up like 2-3x to the bathroom. I look over and saw the headphones and his phone gone. So im assuming that he's watching porn. Sometimes he doesn't even flush the toliet. And i have checked his phone once and saw japanese and American porn. With a specific girl on the cover. This makes me mad because i still want a lot of sex, but he doesn't even give me sex anymore, only like 3x a mth. He doesn't even want sex too, however i find him going to the bathroom a lot, and im assuming he goes to watch porn. Its like he prefers porn over me! He also rejects me a lot too, acting annoyed, and saying that he's tired. I never once rejected his ass. When we do have sex, its not even the same anymore. Just plain old, like as if he's imagining someone else cause he never looks at me, kiss, or touch me! This is all making me not want to have sex with him anymore, its like im the opportunity for him to have sex with whoever in his mind. Plus, he prefers porn over the real damn thing! 😡 so im wondering, why the hell would some guys prefer porn over his damn wife? Is it because he's loosing feelings for me? He doesn't even want to cuddle or hold hands anymore! Also im still the same me from when we first met...

[btbc92]

You need to put a stop to it! If he was watching porn BEFORE you got married he will do the exact same thing! This is sexual depriving you or YOUR sexual rights! What you need to do is go to him and let him know that if he doesn't get rid of all the porn he will not find you when he comes home.

And what you have to do afterwards is call your parents or friend, whoever can take you in for however long you need to until he changes. And if he does it again, you leave again. This is not a joke. He is desensitized to the porn and is obsessed with it. This is not healthy! And people have the audacity to say it doesn't hurt people? He refuses to touch his wife? Blame him. This is addiction at its roots! Sadly if he forces your hand, you will have to file for divorce. You should have never let him bring that trashy stuff in your marriage. This is the ending result. In the end your hurt and your marriage is in serious jeopardy. Separate from him and give the terms. If he doesn't to want to change, file. End of story. Its a real shame he is not sexually attracted to you as his wife by choice no less.

[Asker]

I agree with you, however i can't put a stop to it. I've tried but failed many times. If we separate, he will watch it more than he already is. Its crazy. I've talked to him about it before, he just gets mad, and disregards my feelings. He even denied watching porn, saying thay he isn't that kind of man, but his phone and actions shows it all that im being lied to.

[btbc92]

@Asker Have you actually left the house underneath that stipulation and agreements? And if so, has he actually continued doing this while you were gone? Or is this based on your assumptions?

[Asker]

Well i left because of something else, but we did argue about porn. Because i told him not to watch it if he wants me to come back, and he told me he already is watching it because im not there with him. I eventually went back a few mths later and watch a majority of porn on his laptop. I found out a few mths later that he was still watching porn, he was watching it right next to me cause he thought i was sleeping. I heard the girl moaning through his headphone, and he was under the blankets. I took off the blanket and he quickly turned off his phone so i wouldn't see. I got mad because he has the guts to watch it with me next to him, he also got mad lecturing me that he isn't like how i think he is.

[Asker]

I meant to say saw a majority of porn on his laptop, not watch.

[btbc92]

@Asker So you separate again. And this time warn him that if he doesn't quit it. Your done. Your packing your things, and your leaving him for good because you had enough. You don't deserve that no matter what he actually thinks of you, and he's wrong. If not, get whatever evidence you can muster up for the divorce. Because its gong to be hard to prove. Anything else you'll just have to run this over with your lawyer and talk about stipulations along the way to your husband until they legally say otherwise. Until then remember that depending on assets, and what you both agree and don't agree on, divorce will take over a year to finalize -- again depending on how many things and finances you occurred during the marriage because ether have to try and split it evenly.

[btbc92]

going*

[nirala_na]

I understand how you're feeling as I went through the same, with an addition of being lied to for 3 years!

Everything that you described sounds like my fiancee who turned out to be addicted to this filth. I felt so depressed and inferior for months, thinking he might be bored (although I was trying to "spice things up" all the time!) etc. - nothing more wrong. It's nothing to do with you, IT'S HIM.

First of all, did you try talking to him about it - about your thoughts, needs, how you feel etc? Don't mention that you know about the porn on his phone - just wait and see if he tells you about it himself. Perhaps it's worth askung him why your sex life has changed so much and so on - is there something bothering him etc.

If you need more help or advice, I'm here - I've dealt with my partner's addiction finally, it's a long journey, but not an impossible one.

[nirala_na]

*asking

[YellowCactus]

In my opinion there are still two options left: 1) Hide/Destroy his phone with a hammer maybe he start understanding what he has done to you and will change. 2) When he sleeps, unexpectedly (Night, during a nap for example?) give him a BJ and see what hiss reaction will be.

[Asker]

I've talked to him before about it, he just gets mad, and also said that i always think negative. He even denied watching it, saying that he isn't those kinds of guy. But his phone and actions tells it all that he's lying. He disregards my feelings, even though he knows how it makes me feel, he still manage to watch porn. Its like he's more into them than how he is to me thats why he can't ever stop. It is driving me nuts and making me insecure.

[Asker]

How did u get through with yours?

[Asker]

@YellowCactus hed get angry if i do any of those.

[YellowCactus]

@Asker even if you try to go down on him? O_o Damn, there is a serious issue here.

[nirala_na]

@YellowCactus It's called porn addiction and happens more often than people think. Trust me, nothing works! I've got so high sexual drive, was trying to initiate sex every single day more than once (including BJ), but he's just constantly "not in the mood". Why? Because he jerked off before. Because for some people the virtual stuff takes over and it leads to erectile dysfunction (not being able to get it up or his penis dies in the middle of the intercourse or premature ejaculation that he doesn't even feel it..) and on top of that low sexual drive. It's terrible. Less affection towards the partner happen too. Also obviously it depends on the person, but men tend to hide it as they find it embarassing, so dishonesty and lies come into the relationship and it's destroying it slowly, but surely. My fiancee has been an addict for years, not started when in a relationship with me, but lied to me for 3 years straight.

[nirala_na]

Ok, that's exactly what my partner was saying until I installed stuff on my laptop when I was away and had hard proof. Also, take a look at OpenDNS which can monitor your router activity. But prior to that all, perhaps it would be worth to tell him about your suspicions - maybe take a photo of his screen on the phone showing the pages with porn he visited etc? Confront him about it. Then there's no way for him to lie. Sure, he might be mad you were going through his stuff but then again tell him you were concerned as things have changed between both of you. Ask him straight if he's got a problem with porn - as in can't stop watching it - try to be supportive, offer your help. You've got hard proof on his phone - I initially didn't (only found his sperm covered clothes which was enough at that time), but then installed spying software on my laptop and boom. He still denied it until I told his what I've seen he's been up to!

[Asker]

@YellowCactus yes hed get mad.

[YellowCactus]

@nirala_na Ohh I see. Then there is no other option then go to a counsellor? How have you delt with your man? I mean 3 years is a damn longgg time to be honest.

[Asker]

The sperm stain is like clear on his underwear right? Sometimes i see pairs of my husbands underwear if sperm stains. And those were when he kept waking up to the bathroom. After i check and saw those porn on his phone, he set up a passcode so i wouldn't be able to get in. And he threaten to leave me if i keep going through to see if he's doing bad stuff behind my back, like porn.

[nirala_na]

Then explain to him how porn is bad and how you think it changed your relationship for the worse. Do your own research on porn addiction or in general how porn destroys relationship. Links I recommend:

https://fightthenewdrug.org/
https://yourbrainonporn.com/
https://nofap.com/ (tons of stuff, advice and info on the forum)
https://www.youtube.com/user/FightTheNewDrug

Then see what he says and how he reacts. It's worth doing it as some men might actually realise the mistake they're making and start being aware they have a problem and they need to stop. If he doesn't believe you, show him the websites and pick a few videos on the Youtube channel I included above and show them to him too.

I've done it, I've even created special porn videos for my partner with me in them, but nothing worked. Again, he got caught red handed, lying to me. I nearly left him that day.

If he's defensive and doesn't see the problem, persist with telling him how bad it is.

[nirala_na]

Eventually, go with a line "It's porn or me, can't you see how it's destroying us?".
In my relationship, it got to the stage where I don't trust him with any device that is unmonitored. We have porn block on coming from our router, but he still managed to get past it and was watching nudity on video sharing websites or images of wh*res on Google.. Can you believe it?

Accountability software is where we solved the problem. Sure, it took a big of argument, but it's the only way. I was trusting him sooo many times for over a year and he broke it every single time. Accountability software tracks your partner's web and app history, creating a report if he was up to something or not. It's created to start a conversation as you've just noticed he had an urge again. It's not spying as he's fully aware it's there.

https://www.covenanteyes.com/

One that we use for his phone now. It's great as it monitors even Incognito mode.

[nirala_na]

Did you try asking why he's watching it? Ask him if you could do something different to please him etc. Maybe he's got fantasies you could fulfil. I know they always go mad for talking about it, but you need to put your foot down or he won't stop :(

[Asker]

Ok thanks for the advices. I dont think he will let me install those things on his phone and the laptop. I have ask and he just kept denying, but when i showed it to him, he said he only does it to learn. But he's a grown man and has had many experienced with multiple girls before me, so i know he's lying about it. Plus, he doesn't even perform or suggest new moves in bed. He even said that he's been watching it since he was 13 and that our kids will watch it too, that got me furious to the max. Then afterwards, he just called himself a coward for watching porn.

[nirala_na]

You really need to put your foot down as I said or you'll have to accept as it is now. If not, then you just have to leave. I know it's hard, but you've got a choice - be firm and confident when talking to him, don't let anything upset you, don't get into the emotional talk - they never listen the emotional talk anyway. Tell him you know he's lying and he doesn't need to learn as he was a great lover, but in marriage you need more attention and more love from him, including the physical one. Show him the websites I sent to you and if he doesn't want to, tell him he can't be that ignorant as it's a common problem between people in a relationship. Assure him you're there to help and understand him and can give him anything he needs sexually and emotionally. Porn addiction destroyed many relationship and marriages, but hopefully yours will be the one that survives.

[nirala_na]

For more support, if you decide to stay with him and try and fix it, register and join:

www.nofap.com/.../

Support for significant others of porn addicts. It helps to vent your frustration, you can also get advice from other women who are going through the same thing. I really recommend it to you, it makes you feel less isolated and makes you realise you're not alone with this issue. Stay strong and I'm here if you need more help or support x

[tl3006]

Porn can cause all sorts of issues with people. Especially the more they watch it. It can cause anger issues, lack of intimacy, on top of the obvious lack of sexual interest. Have you tried talking to him about it? Maybe if you express how it makes you feel he will try and change. But it sounds to me like he might be addicted to it. That is a very real thing... Do some research on porn addiction, if nothing else, it might give you some sort of comfort knowing that it's nothing to do with you. It's a disease.. just like being addicted to drugs.

[Asker]

I've talked to him and told him how i feel, he just carelessly said that im so negative. He also gets mad, denied watching porn, and said he's not those kind of guys. But his actions shows it all that that is the kind of guy he really is. I never knew he watches porn until our 2 years of marriage, regardless of how i feel, he still managed to watch porn. I guess he's more into them thwn how he is to me and i can't say that it isn't making me feel insecure.

[somebodysaycheese]

Sounds like porn addiction. This is becoming more common and has lead to a lot of broken relationships. Try to see if he will get help.

[MadeInAmerica]

That's how marriage goes but this usually happens to the guy. I think you should tell him that the porn is being a distraction and that he should lose it for a month and if he does he can have you how he wants. I don't think he is losing feelings some guys I guess just like the fantasy of sex and porn.

[Asker]

You mean the woman usually rejects and wants less sex after marriage? I have told him and he just gets mad denying that he was watching it, but his actions tells it all. I mean, who would go to the bathroom that many times? Id understand if he has a condition, but he doesn't.

[YellowCactus]

I will just say that I really feel sorry for you. If it was me, it would probably be a deal breaker so I would drop her/hiss ass if something like that started to happening.

[Asker]

I have suggested doing that and hw just said that every guy watches porn -_- then later denying he's those kind of guys.

[goofyk101]

You just gotta amp up things in the bedroom i guess?

[2167Phillip]

i dont know what age the two of you are. but this does happen in older couples married for more than ten years. if its as bad as you describe you have the option of going to a sex therapist. or if you have no kids and feel the situation intolerable then seek a divorce. mens tastes change. i dont know your husband's age but it may or may not be something medical? for a man like myself approaching 50 its somwhat fustrating not to hold an erection

[ThisIsMyUsernameYeh]

Because porn doesn't complain.

Sorry but I'm not reading all that.

:P

[nirala_na]

Since when expressing your feelings is complaining? Grow up.

[ThisIsMyUsernameYeh]

@nirala_na It's a joke, and here's the definition of complaining.
www.google.ca/search

[NajemEddine]

do u consider divorce
anyway ask him the reason why is it that you got fat or sex become boring
did he suggest something and u told him no

[Asker]

Divorce is a choice, but not sure yet. I have and he just denied watching porn. Saying he's not that type of guy, my ass.. his actions and phone shows it all. No i never rejected him and he never suggested anything to me. Plus, like i said im still the same me from when we first met. Im not fat.

[NajemEddine]

thers is something weird no guy would go porn for the real thing and u are not rejecting him

[Asker]

Ikr? So im guessing he's just loosing interest or something.

[NajemEddine]

did u have a big fight or something do u have a better career or more money do u control him and tell him do this... other than that i have on idea

[Asker]

Nope nothing at all.

[fstrong]

I'm also not reading all that. It's because your being difficult. Stop being hard to love.

[Asker]

Then why bother? You can't just judge by the question and not read the description to even say that im being difficult and hard to love when you dont even know the damn story.

[fstrong]

look, I don't mean to be so harsh, I did read the description and I'm still here reading all the comments. I normally would troll alittle but I'm serious on this one because you seem like a nice person. To me, from a guys perspective, its seems like you've put this entire thing on your man. You really have no other ideas as to why he's acting weird? I can't say that he's not a porn addict but you need to look in to what porn addiction is. Its much more crippling than sneaking off to the bathroom and getting mad at the subject. Like are there hidden sex toys in your house and money missing for pornsite subscriptions? Also you should look into the concept of group polarization because its no coincidence that all these women are on a porn witch hunt. by the way don't just respond " I don't know why he's acting weird though" because that wouldn't further the conversation.

[Asker]

He watches porn that are free to watch. Like jav68 something, redtube, and tube8. I know because i saw these on his history. Im just thinking that he's not sexually or physically attracted to me anymore thats why he goes to porn, because he thinks theyre more attractive. Before he was still into me, he completely stop watching porn, but he's back at it again after 2 years of marriage. When i showed his porn views to him, his excuse was that he watches it to learn, and to know how to do things with me. But he is a grown man, and has had multiple sex partners before me. Plus, he doesn't even want sex with me and doesn't even do or suggest anything new in bed. But goes to porn instead. His actions told me im being lied to. All those porn that he watches are pov, so im assuming he does imagines being the one doing them. Plus, he doesn't even want me to watch it cause he's scared that im going to imagine the guy doing me. That tells exactly that he does imagine doing them. And lie to get away w it.

[nirala_na]

@fstrong Stop spreading bullshit all around. Knowledge is power, look up signs of porn addiction and then give people advice! Since when does one need to pay for porn? Millions of free porn sites out there. Sex toys? Really? His own hand is enough. I've been through exactly the same as this girl, with the difference he wasn't sneaking into the bathroom, but doing it in my room whenever I was away. It's never the girl's fault, it's HIS! It's called porn addiction.

[Eaglent]

I think you should start watching porn and kinda set it up where he catches you watching porn. Then he might be interested in watching porn with you which then might get you guys to have sex.

And watch some really graphic shit like anal and facials and bondage and gagging and gangbangs. Don't watch some BS with a lot of kissing guys don't like that.

[Asker]

He doesn't want me to watch porn.

[Eaglent]

Why doesn't he want you to watch porn? Like together or not at all? He sounds like a hypocrite

[Asker]

Because he's afraid i will imagine then doing me, and afraid i might think that guy is better than him.

[openmind67]

Why u not trying watching porn together?

[Asker]

He doesn't want me to watch porn, he thinks ill imagine that guy doing me. He also thinks porn is meant for men to watch only, not women.

[openmind67]

Can i ask u where from?

[Asker]

Im Asian.

[openmind67]

Can u send me message? İ dont want talking this theme abouts here

[LadyTerror]

#Asker if he really said that, he sounds like a sexist prick.

[Asker]

@LadyTerror he is sexist.

[Asker]

Ok i will

[openmind67]

Send me

[Asker]

If i know what your name is

[Anonymous]

Leave..

[Anonymous]

Because you sloppy in bed

[Asker]

How would u describe being sloppy in bed?

[Opinion Owner]

Unsystematic, lazy boring

[Asker]

Well im not a stick or a dead fish in bed.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay, then he's not attracted to you physically

[nirala_na]

The most pointless comment ever. Wtf is wrong with you?

[Opinion Owner]

@nirala_na Your very negative troll

[nirala_na]

The only troll here is you - I bet you're a virgin. You got no idea about porn and how it affects some people in relationships - so stop bringing down this girl with crappy, wrong opinions.

[LadyTerror]

Actuaally, she just said in the question that he's the one sloppy in bed.

[Opinion Owner]

@LadyTerror My bad I only read the headlines smh