Is it okay to have an FWB?

[Anonymous]

I use to think that an friends with benefits was bad because that meant that you would mess around with a guy and he could do what ever he wanted and that bothered me because I wanted to be in a relationship. But now I don't care anymore and I figure that I can talk to a guy and hookup with just him without wanting a relationship unless it led that way and talk to other guys. Is that a bad thing?

[Anonymous]

I can tell you from experience an friends with benefits is great on some terms. I'm in college and had one and for the first month -month and half it was great. Mine started when this guy asked me to "give him a chance." I knew I didn't want to be in a relationship at the time so we just started hooking up. Be forewarned though that you or the guy will most likely develop attachment if it goes on for a long period of time. That is what happened to me and I didn't know how to tell my friends with benefits this. He ended up akwardly ending things with me because I think he thought I was hooking up with someone else, which though I had full rights to do, made him upset or annoyed for one reason or another. I was never hooking up with anyone else however. I think from experience you must be somewhat open and honest. Ground rules and a level of actual "friendship." are required for things to run smoothly. I hope this helps! Best of luck :)

[Tamikaze]

Unfortunately, though in theory two people should be able to get together and have sex and not have any consequences, it usually does not end that way. 9 times out of 10, one of you will end up falling for the other one and wondering why that person does not want a relationship. FWB does not lead to relationships, in general. Yes, could it happen, sure, but it's a long shot and more often than not someone ends up disappointed.

Girls are so much more likely to wonder what is wrong when the two of you enjoy each other's company, have great sex and seem like a great match and the guy does not think the same way. Not that he doesn't like you, he just isn't in fear of falling for you, and we don't get it.

In the end, a broken heart or a bruised ego is rarely lethal, so no harm in trying it out and seeing how it works for you. Just remember, it's FWB, not a path to a relationship.

[Tamikaze]

Oh, and do remember, that there are double standards for girls. Most guys you might talk to or date will not be happy to find out you have a FWB while you are talking to them. Girls are not all that thrilled either if they found out the guy they are dating is sleeping with someone else, but guys tend to think even worse of it.

[chiefnavarro]

I won't date a girl that's had sex in the last year at least

[Flexy]

Everyone is different, but with the technique you've mentioned, you risk pausing and looking back to find out in shock horror, the vast amount of guys you've actually let walk all over you in and out of your life.

The long list never looks good on anybody, because one day someone who really matters will ask about it, and then you will have to say it's all in the past, but there could still be some habits, cos it's not something that you can easily rid, afterall it can become quite addictive, especially if you believe that it's liberating you.

[Ephram]

I think it's OK, though it's not something I would ever agree to. Maybe it's because I've yet to have a girlfriend, let alone have sex, that I don't really see myself sleeping with someone if I don't intend on having a relationship with them afterwards.

But I don't look down at people who casually make out with people, or even sleep with them sometimes. As long as both sides are OK that they're just keeping it casual, then I don't see what the problem is.

A lot of the times though, one side eventually develops feelings for the other, and that has the potential to break up the friendship. This doesn't just happen in movies, or TV.

[Asker]

I'm kinda still a virgin in a way (long story-don't ask lol)...so I don't want to have sex but just hook up casually and hang w/out the committment. I was talking to this guy but I felt like I was just his friends with benefits because he annoys my texts and doesn't even text me when he's away at college but yet he says he doesn't. But his actions are totally different from what he says. So I just stop even trying to talk to him and I feel played. So I just don't want to focus on one person again and get hurt again.

[Ephram]

Next time be sure you become friends first, and then move on with the benefits. There's a difference between friends with benefits, and making out with strangers who don't care about you. The difference is they're not your friends. This is what I think happened with you. Don't rush in too soon with it, and always be sure what the other person's intention is before you start. You can't just casually make out with someone who has a crush on you.

[Asker]

Lol I don't make out with strangers-im not that type of person. But with this dude we had talked 4 two months and I assumed we were friends. Then he told me tht he liked me, enjoyed talking to me, and wanted to know me better. So we continued to talk and hung out a couple of times 4 almost a yr. We are both in college and I felt like he would annoy me when he was away at school because he didn't even talk to me then he would contact me when he would come home for breaks. During those times he wanted

[Asker]

To hang with me and talk. So I knew him well and we have known each other since 3rd grade-he says. During that time our relationship had progressed to more physical/sexual things. But I wasn't his gf-idk what we were. But you would think that if you tell someone to lets stay in contact they would. Guys suck...

[Ephram]

Oh wow... so things got sexual, but after that he wouldn't bother keeping in touch with you while he was away? ~__~ That kinda sucks. I guess there's no way to tell in these situations. I know what it's like to have someone you care about as a friend, stop keeping in touch. It doesn't matter if things got sexual - it still sucks. But yeah. Guys do suck. But you girls gotta stop giving us so many chances like that.

[ArtistBboy]

FWB is not a bad thing unless you are looking for a relationship or you are currently in one with another person.

~ ArtistBBoy

[Asker]

Best Answer!...u seem to understand my question. I was wondering if it was ok to have a friends with benefits and continue talking to other guys and hang with them-b/c you know when you have a boyfriend it's not right to talk and hang with other guys more than ur bf. So noone will get hurt if you guys are just fwbs (bf potential). I was not talking about being a slut and messing around with a bunch of dudes at once.Thanks.

[ArtistBboy]

:) My pleasure.

[cun7n1nja]

I don't think it's bad at all unless it's not actually what you really WANT from them. If one of you wants more than just a casual fling, it tends to end not so nicely. Since it's casual, you're not attached romantically. You can talk to whoever you want, and so can they.

[CakeGirl02]

That's not a bad thing, however, FWB main hazard is someone at some point is bound to catch serious feelings and want more. It's rare that both friends want something more. One usually likes the way things are as is. Not to say that it won't lead to something more, but if you're going in with the hopes of it being something more, you might get your feelings hurt.

[Asker]

I have already been hurt :-(. Based on that past experience, I feel like I had more feelings for him than he did for me. It hurts. Anyways I figure if I had an friends with benefits I wouldn't get hurt cause I won't catch feelings for him because I would have learn from the past experience.

[Asker]

2nd best answer. Thanks!

[ArtistBboy]

I agree with QA, that's a good answer :)

[superdudeman]

Here's the rule:

There are two stages a person can go through.

1. Currently dating, and therefore haven't found the right person to be exclusive with.

2. Currently has an exclusive relationship and is no longer dating around.

Men can have multiple sex partners and date multiple women as long as you tell the women upfront. About it

The same goes for women.

If the other person has a problem problem with either 1, or 2. Then that's the other persons issue.

You told them, and there are plenty of other men and women who will be fine with either one.

The only issue is when you don't tell them. Then you are being dishonest about your intentions and who you are. The issue is not that you are sleeping around, its that you're being dishonest.

[raabzbaby89]

the only sex I've had in my life is from friends with benefits , which I was ok with at first but now it feels sh*tty that I've never had sex with someone who actually likes me back, so, it;s cool but then again, it gets old after a while

[lefthand]

Not at all. As long as every one is clear on the limits, it can be very, very rewarding. Sex is a good thing and having sex with people you like makes it better and safer than a lot of the alternatives out there.

Oh, and sometimes those relationships allow you find out that you really do like someone. My wife was a friends with benefits who just wound up deciding she wanted to keep me around. it doesn't always work out that way but sometimes it does. friends with benefits allows us to skip the typical sex negative hype where sex is barginning chip and really get to know the person.

[johnny_hustle]

I think having a FWB is fine, however when you said in artistboys response that not being able to talk to other guys and hang out with them other than you bf. were you implying flirting and maybe "talking" with those guys, or just being with them as just friends. because the way I see it, a guy or a girl should be able to hang out with the opposite sex when in a relationship as long as they are just friends. When it comes to FWB you can flirt with other guys and have it be completely fine. but just keep in mind the guys feelings on this, he could end up falling for you and end up getting hurt if you end up with another guy. and if you don't care about the guys feelings, well, I guess you have nothing to worry about lol

best regards.

[Asker]

Yeah , I meant strictly friends with other guys.

[johnny_hustle]

Then yeah, there should be no problem, regardless if you are in a serious relationship or in a friends with benefits relationship. if your guy can't respect that you have guy friends then f*** him!

[Littletad]

It's okay, as long as you don't expect anything meaningful to come out of it.

[DanielSan]

I am not interested in a relationship that this point in my life. I had a very very good relationship and frankly it will be a long time before I am ready or before I want to give that kind of commitment and time again.

FWB is a very ok thing to do... as long as you have rules, treat your friend with respect, actually are friends not just use each other for benefits...and as long as you don't develop attachment.

[ArtistBboy]

Awesome answer again Dan :) keep them coming!

[Delahatesyou]

yea you're cheap.

[Asker]

R you calling me cheap or are you saying having a friends with benefits is cheap? because I don't have an friends with benefits and I was curious if people thought that having an friends with benefits was bad... because I'm not cheap nor slutty

[Delahatesyou]

Having a friends with benefits is slutty so if ur seriously considering it, connect the dots.

[Asker]

For ur information I'm not cheap and don't answer my question if ur not going to give me advice. I had already connected that dots that's why I commented.

[chiefnavarro]

I think this is advice.

[TweetiByrd]

An FWB IS okay. Just hookin' up is being a slut etc. Male or female.

[Asker]

I just want one person to hook up with and continue talking to other guys like flirt with them and hang with them without thinking that I'm doing something wrong but not anything physical.

[nikkiebe]

is perfectly fine as long as the other person knows that is all it is. incase they are expecting a relationship they could end up getting hurt. x

[LeeStrong]

it is ok

[italianxbella]

i find it sort of a nicer way of being slutty in my opinion.