Sexual Relationships
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My boyfriend said "You have African tits, they're always saggy" :( Is it ok for me to be so upset over that?

My boyfriend and I were making dinner together, and I wasn't wearing a bra under my dress and he was shirtless. Sometimes his stomach sticks out in a rounded shape and I said, "you look like an African child when your stomach does that." He's really fit and has a 6 pack and I was completely exaggerating as it was a tiny bump. He immediately responded "You have African tits, they're always saggy." I immediately stopped talking and continued with my dinner. He joined me on the couch to eat and about 20 minutes later of silence he applied saying, "I'm sorry you don't have African tits." I shrugged and said ok but when I left the bed naked to get some water he followed me out and it made me really uncomfortable to be standing their with nothing covering my boobs. I've never felt like that. :( He knows how sensitive I am about my boobs. I've lost 40lbs twice, so yet they sag and to me look misshapen and not even like boobs. I woke up upset still thinking about it. Am I crazy to be so upset over that considering my first comment?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I really do not think that either physical attribute insult was intended to be malicious. The second was only to top the first.
    His comment was hurtful where yours was just a flippant casual observation.
    Your comment had nothing to do with his masculinity while his hit home on your femininity.
    Had you said, " gee the way your stomach protrudes it makes your penis look small" he would have felt very self conscious and wondered what you really thought about his masculinity. And yes, he would have been hurt by that comment just as you were.
    I did not bring this up to demonstrate how to get even, but as an example how feelings get hurt over trite comments offered in jest.
    There are millions of well, I should have said this, and he could have said that, but it is what it is, and feelings got hurt. A comment made that left a lasting impression.
    The bottom line for everyone is to NEVER comment on gender attributes with your partner unless it is the direct subject of conversation. No matter how insignificant the comment seems to you it may spiral into a long term self consious feelings.

    Just my opinion

    • Your opinion is greatly appreciated! Im going to get him to read this. Not to prove a point, but to put things in prospective. You voiced what I was feeling, better than I could. Thank you.

  • You shouldn't say shit like that to people, even in jest, people have their own insecurities, even if on the face of it, you couldn't imagine why. You probably kneaded an insecurity, he reacted emotionally. Sort of tit for tat (err, no pun intended). I think you both need to talk it out, apologise, and act better. Don't just allow yourself to say any random shit that strews from your mind. It's called, having awareness, in the meditation lingo, as to your true motivations and thought processes.

    • And yes, it goes without saying, him saying things like that is a good way to destroy any intimacy and trust, and ultimately kill a relationship. So both of you need to think on...

    • For some reason I can't see the rest of your second comment. But yeah, I agree with you. I talked to him this morning and apparently he has been teased in the past about it and I had no idea. His reaction makes more sense now, but it just hurt because he knew about my insecurities..

Most Helpful Girls

  • Its your feeling, so you are entiltled to it. Although he probably did not mean it bad, just as a joke, its OK for you to express your feelings towards him. Use the "I" form. Its less agressive and it explains your feelings and gives him an opening for responding without going defensive.

    • Thank you, very helpful.

    • hope it helped :-)

  • its reasonable to be upset. you shouldn't feel ashamed in front of your boyfriend. your first comment wasn't nice either, but it depends on your tone and how well if your boyfriend knows ur joking or not.

  • Hmm, I would be upset but I don't think that you have the right to be too angry with him and talk about how bad it is to criticise your body when you were the one to mock him first.

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 16

  • Say anything personal about some guys and they'll retaliate with the first thing that comes to mind, he probably just said anything to try and sound smart... It probably has very little basis. Probably best not to make potentially negative comments about him, he could be a little insecure.. Guys that retaliate like that usually are, if he's confident he would have just gone along with it and made a joke out of what you said, not retaliate with an even worse negative comment.

    • Thank you for giving me something to think about.

  • Yes... He's an ass and considering that you are asking if it's OK to be upset... says you don't have a high self image/self esteem. You need to find a guy that really cares about you and how you feel.

  • You were equally rude and he seemed apologetic so I wouldn't think much of it. If you want to jest you've got to be able to take what you give, in my opinion at least.

  • Don't start shit if you can't take it.

  • Tell him he has a Smurf Dick and move on.

  • Why make fun of someone else's body, if no one is allowed to do it back to you? Fucking hypocrite. Lmao

    • Maybe a hypocrite, but not a fucking hypocrite, hence my question at the end of my post. I didn't realize he was insecure about his 6 pack... but he knew I was insecure about my boobs. That's the part that bothers me. But I guess "not knowing" isn't an excuse to poke fun. I get it.

    • Fucking hypocrite to me.

  • I'd be more upset about the African comments made by both of you to be honest.

  • you are both in the wrong.

    But at least he apologized.

    Tell him you are sorry and were kidding, and that you feel insecure about your breasts, so in the future you'd appreciate it if you both (including you!) had a "no tease" when it comes to each other's bodies.

    • We talked and I did apologize. Thanks

    • Good job. Best of luck to you both.

  • Nope you are not crazy.. You are just being a girl... Insult him back and tell him he has a small dick...

    • Wait A minute... I didn't read first lines of your post... Yes you are crazy and a hypocrite

  • No. However I think you're more worried about your boobs than he is

  • No your feeling upset is well founded

  • If you are that sensitive about your body, why are you making jokes about someone elses body?

    • That's a great question. I guess I don't know him as well as I thought. We poke fun a lot, even at our physical attributes. This just felt like he was directly trying to hurt me. I wouldn't say something like that to someone I didn't know or love...

    • yes, but he apologized afterward didn't he? he was not out to get you, it was just jokes.

    • The more I think about it, the more ridiculous I feel. You're right, he did apologize and definitely a lot faster than I did.

  • u made the smart ass comment but didn't apologize
    he responded and u get offneded
    hypocrisy

    • I agree with you, it was definitely hypocritical on my part. It's just that he knew my insecurities and his comment came off as mean instead of playful. He had never told me previously about being insecure of his 6 pack.

    • and u came her asking should u be upset u should feel sorry and ask for that

  • Lol obviously black tits are awesome

  • I understand ehy you're upset and chances are that he didn't really mean ti

    • *to upset you like that. He made a joke that got you insecure

  • PM me, I think I have had the same experience and we can talk about it in detail.

  • Of course you can get upset. He insulted you.

  • It was your fault

  • Let's see a picture for best judgment.

  • Don't want to get too much into it but if both of aren't even African American that's a little too racial. However if he is in a serious relationship with you and he knows your weight loss then he is a douche. He should compliment you and encourage you. You should feel comfortable being nude at the comfort of your home.

    • Haha yes we are both black. I guess I posted this comment looking for someone to validate my feelings. He does encourage and compliment, everyday that's why I feel weird being so upset... I don't know. Thanks for commenting :)

    • lol ok. It's just that when we make comments even in a playful manor about each other in our relationships about our bodies it makes us conscious or more conscious of our bodies and flaws. Thanks for sharing.

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > My boyfriend said "You have African tits, they're always saggy" :( Is it ok for me to be so upset over that?