I had a vasectomy 5 years ago. My girlfriend says she's pregnant with my child. My question is when should I tell her the child isn't mine?

[DrTruth]

I know for a fact the kid isn't mine and my sperm count is zero. From what I gathered from her friends, she was a slut in college and her cock count is well over 20+. At the same time, she was looking for a guy that has "potential" to make money... ME! Two year ago, I met her at a college bar where we connected while I was continuing my master's degree. We banged for months with a condom plus birth control. She was just a booty call to me for the first month and I didn't mind that she saw other men while we had a sexual relationship. She was just a friend with benefits to me. After a couple of months of dating, she wanted a serious relationship because I was "marriage material". I got a vasectomy at a young age of 25. So my vasectomy was never in question because I warned her in the beginning that I never wanted kids. She laughed in what I said and agreed to my terms. After dating for 6 months and through immaculate conception, she says that she's pregnant while we're using all the precautions to prevent pregnancy. This happened after she found out that I landed a job that makes 90k as an engineer. I knew that she was full of shit and nodded my head and acted happily that I will be a dad. My query is should I bring up that the child isn't mine, or wait till it's too late to abort the baby? Personally, I should tell her now because I don't want my fellow citizens paying child support for a bastard through taxes for a cheating whore. But also at the same time, I would love her to pop out a bastard that's a couple skin tones darker than both of us and I would question the paternity. I would love to see the look on her face crying in the realization that she failed to lock in a man to support her and another man's child. However, I can see her lawyers going after me legally because I was vindictive. If you're a family attorney, let me know the legal ramifications.

[jarofawesome]

Yeah you should definitely throw it in her face that there is no possible way it could be your kid. Why are you even dating her? She sounds like a shallow bitch. But then again I don't actually know her and am just going on the picture you laid out for me.

As long as you tell her with a straight face and don't rub it in her face that she's a lying manipulative cunt trying to leech off of your hard work and success, then I don't see how she could make a case of it.

I can see how you would probably like to see her suffer a bit for trying to use you like that, but try to be the better person and realize that this would be a permanent life changing situation for her if she has the kid and has no one else to help her take care of it. Even if she deserves it... I'm not saying to help her out financially or anything either. Maybe just for now compromise to have a DNA test as soon as it is possible no matter how completely and utterly impossible it is that the baby is yours. It's completely up to her if she wants to have the baby or not so you should tell her asap before there is no going back if she wants to abort.

[RaeSheBae]

Everybody here thinks it is for the best if you just get rid of her now.
What she is doing to you is wrong but what you trying to do is wrong too.
It will be her decision if she want to keep the baby or nah, if she can afford an abortion...
If she wants to keep the pregnancy and she is 100% sure is yours just do a paternity test before or during her pregnancy and that's it. End of the story.
You say is not yours because of that vasectomy and if that is true she better find her baby daddy.
Whatever you do here on earth you lay here on earth today you are the baller (yes great you got money) tomorrow you don't know what's going to happen you end up broke homeless etc.
I don't wanna be cursing or whatever but is true we never know what's going to happen tomorrow.
I also know you want to protect yourself because of these gold diggers but just do what's right...

[DrTruth]

For me, it's like a child that did something wrong and as a parent you want the child to learn accountability. In other words, own up to your mistakes. As others here mentioned, the innocent child isn't at fault and this is where it gets touch feely. But yes, the consensus is I should tell her the kid isn't mine if you want to question the paternity, talk to my lawyer. All these gold diggers are leaving me a sour taste in pursuing a relationship with American women.

[RaeSheBae]

Yes I have an American husband. He is in the military and he is here in Germany ( I am African Portuguese ) so he told me about this situation. That some women in the states want material and etc etc. I feel for you and yes the child is going to suffer... What are going to do?

[_Wrath_]

True, don't let an unwanted child be born into this world who cannot be cared for.

[RaeSheBae]

Yes but that's her fault cuz she was being ratchet Whatever happens is her problem nothing to do with you (not the father)

[Anonymous]

I have so many questions, first off if you knew she was a "whore" as you put it then why did you get with her in the first place? Why did you marry her if you knew and felt she just wanted you for the money you make? Why wait? Tell her now because if your name ends up on the birth certificate you will have a legal battle to fight. I have heard of people who were not even the baby daddy having to pay for child support even after it was proven they were not the kids dad. Tell her now, dump her and get the hell away from her before you are literally trapped and in more ways than one.

[lizziepooh03]

Ummm, if it is not possible that the child is yours than I would assume you would tell her so as soon as she mentioned she is with child?

But from your question/response I assume you want to play her along and that I just do not quite understand. I am guessing you know when enough is enough. My opinion is enough is once she was with child, that was enough. But that is how I roll so...

[DrTruth]

You're right. I do want to play her along. Bad decisions have bad consequences. Morally, I don't want a bastard to suffer because of my vengeance. It does make good schadenfreude. Schadenfreude means pleasure derived from the misfortune of others.

[zagor]

If you act like the father some courts will hold you responsible even if DNA shows otherwise, so by "playing her along" you may wind up screwing yourself far deeper than she ever got screwed.

[lizziepooh03]

Schadenfruede is a word I have actually looked up before and I think it means more in the pleasure in someone getting their just desserts. They fucked you over and now they are fucked. That is schadenfruede. lol! I don't often look up words since I think most definitions can be figured out in context but this one I happened to do before and it is a dosey. I love it. It is a great word!!! Regardless, like you said, the kid should not suffer. Do what is right for the kid as soon as it is right for the kid. If you are never going to be a part of the kid's life, then do not pretend to be a part of the kid's life even if it is to get back at her. The kid is the one that suffers ultimately... But regardless,

[DrTruth]

@lizziepooh03 Yes. I would take pleasure in her suffering for her bad decisions. However, like you pointed, not at the expense of an innocent child that's not mine. Morally, this is the right thing to do. Either way, she's not garnishing my paycheck for child support! =P

[hellionthesage]

Tell her immediately, if you want to be brutal about it mention it in passing when she is talking about the pregnancy to some one closer to her (like her parents) and then leave it at that. Though that would be petty (but I imagine extremely satisfiying to see a cheater squirm and have her lie exposed) Otherwise legally you need a paternity test (she can lie about it paternity fraud is not illegal) do not marry her (obviously goes with out saying) and make sure you use a third party I have heard court appointed labs are really crap hence so many men paying for children that are provably not theirs.

[Levin]

Fuck dude, your attitude and behaviour is horrific. You're using her for sex, have no respect for her, lying to her, are full of bitterness and resentment; and then try and hold the moral high ground with regard to her behaviour. You can't control the shit that other people do, but you can act, better. The child too, is 'innocent', quite the world of shit it's going to be born into eh? Don't be complicit.

[tyber1]

So liars and cheaters deserve to be told the truth all the time?

[Levin]

@tyber1 You can't say you're better than a liar, if you're a liar. Honestly, both parties seem as mercenary as each other, from his description.

[Levin]

To put it another way, he *used* her for his ends, and his own gratification. If you want a decent relationship, if you want to be a decent human being, you don't get involved in any of that shit in the first place, you don't use people. That's just my opinion. But if you don't do that shit, then don't claim the moral high ground ffs.

[Levin]

But if you do that shit*, Are* sorry, making lots of errors today, haha.

[DrTruth]

She's using me for my money. We both mutually benefited like a prostitute and her John. In my case, a hooker would of been less hassle. Overall, she benefits more financially than me in the relationship. I work and bust me ass for high pay check. All she as to do is spread her legs once a week and pretend to enjoy it or envision her thug lover fucking her. I took every precaution to prevent an unwanted child. She thought she can get away with a meal ticket. And here you are defending a slut that fucks around behind my back and falsely claiming that I'm the father because I make money while her unemployed hot boy toy is fucking her brains impregnating her on my dime. You are right that I can't control people, but if their mistakes have severe consequences, they are more likely learn from their mistakes. She fucked up thinking she can trap me with an 'OOPS' pregnancy and if you see that I'm the bad buy. you are definitely put pussy on the pedestal.

[tyber1]

What he said

[Levin]

So you manipulated her, you were calculating, you used her for some cheap gratification, you continued fucking her even though you loathe her and have contempt for her, you calculated even more shit, you were plotting vengeance. You wrote some bollocks below about reveling in it when a child a 'few shades darker' is born. Bitter and resentful much. But it's all someone else's fault eh, because someone dared to fuck with you? You did exactly the same thing she did, except you used her for sex, she used you for some financial gain. Fuck me dude. I don't give a shit about her. Take responsibility for the own vileness you unleash upon the world. Ultimately, do what you want, it's none of my business. You 'bore your soul', I gave my opinion.

[tyber1]

Why is it him using her for sex, and not them using each other for sex, or her using him for sex? She was having sex with other guys before and after they got together, seems clear to me who used who for sex.

[Levin]

@tyber1 Huh, wait, because I criticise him, you think I'm letting her off scott free? Nah, as bad as other. I was just objecting to this notion that he was portraying as being somehow morally superior. But anyway, none of my business. To each their own. Not for me to judge!

[tyber1]

He is clearly morally superior in this position. Even if you regard casual sex as inherently evil, it's still like 1 vs 4 evil things, in what universe does doing the same bad stuff as someone and then doing more bad stuff on top of what they did somehow end up being equally bad?

[Levin]

@tyber1 Casual sex doesn't bother me, provided both parties are honest. Basically, his attitude was, 'she's a worthless piece of shit, but I'm going to portray a different message to her, and use her for my cheap gratification'. But anyway, it's not worth arguing over. Someone else posted that he may be trolling below. Sounds plausible!

[tyber1]

She kinda is a worthless piece of shit

[Brokenheartedx]

Actually Having the snip isn't 100 percent reliable... you might still have little swimmers getting through!! So before you mouth off check with ur doctor first and make sure you have no swimmers... if you have oops to you then... if you haven't oops to her..
one way to kno for sure is when kids born and a DNA test

[Lelaila]

Wanting to hurt her more will only make things more complicated. Just tell her that the child isn't yours because of your vasectomy and move on. It will save you energy, time and drama. Don't waste your precious time on her by wanting revenge.

[DrTruth]

You're right. She's talking to all my family members that we're planning a wedding and the color painting of my house to paint and to get rid of my sports car for a "family friendly" car. Damn, time to tell her. I was close to her father and hate to tell him your daughter is a gold digging slut. =P

[Lelaila]

I am glad you choose to tell her. It is incredibly crazy what kind of things she is telling your family, and I am kind of speechless about that. Don't let it go any further. I hope you'll find a woman that's way better than she is.

[SilentShadow]

Wow, DrTruth. That is a nightmare to get married to. Not only does she sleep around, she wants to control your life by getting married and trading your car. Marriage is a trap. You should only marry someone that you're certain is a good match. Someone who can't keep their pants on is not worth it.

[Lelaila]

@SilentShadow Completely agree with you.

[nalaa]

Now don't be immature about it, just tell her. God, you two deserve each other

[DrTruth]

True. I'm adult and just tell her right away and prevent an unwanted baby from being born. I hate whores.

[Hsnscsc]

It's interesting when a woman is the one to blame clearly other girls try to either even up the playing field or ignore the girls craziness... Hmmmm

[nalaa]

@Hsnscsc No idea what you're talking about. It's someone's life at stake, not telling her just to see her suffer is pretty

[Rahdle]

Is it possible she's lying about being pregnant?

[yellowgirl00d]

Just wait and never say anything but tell the kid and the mother on the kids 18th birthday that would be hilarious. But serious bro why did you get a vasectomy?

[LittleSally]

Only 1 question before I answer: Are you 100% sure your sperm count is 0? Have you tested it?
A lot of guys who got a vasectomy can still - accidentally - impregnante a woman...
But If you were tested and you're 100% sure it can't be yours - tell her now and dump her if you feel she's trying to trap you into something.
no one deserves that.

[MrNameless]

It's not entirely impossible to still be able to have kids with a vasectomy. When was the last time you checked your sperm count?

Better do a DNA paternity test just in case.

[Miss_Behave]

If it were me, I'd tell her now... So you could be totally rid of her/this situation as soon as possible.

[DrTruth]

Yup! She wants me to start buying baby stuff for my house and marriage. Need to nip it in the bud ASAP!

[Miss_Behave]

Dang... yea, you better! ASAP!!!

[Rissyanne]

Why didn't you tell her you had a vasectomy?

[DrTruth]

She didn't want kids and she was good in bed. Why should my ability to procreate matter?

[Rissyanne]

Well I guess it doesn't now. Since are going to raising another man's child.

[Rissyanne]

And if you don't like America women... leave them alone.

[DrTruth]

No mamn! I'm not raising another man's child. Only way I would be responsible if I sign the birth certificate and claimed I am the biological father. Statistically, 1 out of 5 men are duped in raising another man's child where the dad believed it was his own. Thank god to paternity test and technology, I don't have to be part of that statistic. I love having sex with American modern women. I just don't think they make good housewives.

[Rissyanne]

I wish I could put your face and what you said about American women. But that is impossible. So what I can say is... karma is a bitch and dude... you will get yours. I promise you.

[DrTruth]

@Rissyanne You really sound bitter. Here I am with an American woman that I though we mutually loved each other and in the mean time she fucks another guy and has me raising another man's baby and you're talking about karma? I will not be a cuckhold. I'm sure your husband or boyfriend is one but I sure won't be one.

[Rissyanne]

I'm not bitter. And you are talking out of both sides of your mouth. You say you love her then in another comment you call her a whore. Dude get your story straight. Besides I believe you are trolling.

[TiffyPuff]

Don't be stupid. Tell her now. If your name is on the birth certificate, now you've got a bunch of legal stuff to deal with, and you have no idea how time consuming, expensive, or difficult that could be.

Maybe stop being petty to fulfil your ridiculous "gotcha" mentality and act like a man. Get it done with. You sound like an overgrown child.

[Mesonfielde]

Haha, well that's fun.

[TMWLOP]

Dump the tramp boy, do it all like, "listen babe, YOUR FIRED", Then drop the mic an walk away

[MrAtticusLebowski]

I've never been a fan of revenge, even if it's rightly deserved. Get your vesectomy paperwork in order and be done with it. I bet she tries contesting it. I get the feeling you're not a trusting person and something like this is gonna' push you further into that.

In a way you dodged a bullet here. Anyone that knowingly trys to get you to raise someone else child is capable of far worse fraud.

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

She's playing games, you're playing games. One bad deed deserves another, right? All of this happened just so you and she could have your fun. And now a human life has resulted from this farce -- which will have great consequences for her and/or society -- and you're STILL playing games. Even if the pregnancy was most likely her fault, you knew her history when you chose to get involved with her but you didn't disclose your own. You should both break up and resolve to make better choices in the future.

[JohnDoe3000]

I think from a legal perspective it's wise to tell her you know as soon as possible and let the authorities know you won't be acknowledging the kid before it's born, because otherwise in some jurisdictions there's still the risk a court will make you pay child support.

[Stellabethea]

I really don't think you had a vasectomy at 25 but if you did it was your choice. however, I think you are being absolutely ridiculous here because if you knew she was a whore then why did you even date her and why did you act happy if you knew it wasn't yours grow up man up and stop being petty and let any woman that you are dealing with from now on know you had a vasectomy because they may not don't kids either

[Dargil]

1. Have yourself retested to be sure.
2. Ask her to get a test by a doc, acting like a concerned "babydaddy".
3. If the results are good, discreetly ease away from the relationship inless it is live in. She has aready proven herself ruthless and she might threaten you with a rape charge to manipulate you if you confront her.
4. If it is live in, move out of her place or move her belongings out of your place to a storage unit and change the locks. You will have to tell her why when she calls.

Not only did she cheat but intended to hang it on you.

[tyber1]

Well okay, that kid is probably not yours, but a vasectomy is not 100% effective, it's not impossible that a few got through. Prepare to challenge paternity and leave though.

[DrTruth]

Got tested from my doctor that I'm shooting blanks and used a condom. I would risk everything I own that I'm... not the father.

[tyber1]

It's a good bet. Still not impossible. I'd get out of this relationship regardless.

[AhGojira]

What is this your MGTOW wet dream? Your delusions of grandeur are amusing.

[pooper89]

Tell her now. Save everyone the trouble. I find it interesting that you never told her to begin with. I dated a guy who had one and he told me before we had sex

[pooper89]

There is a small possibility that it's yours though if you haven't been using adequate protection. After telling her, if she decides to go through with the pregnancy, definitely get a paternity test

[DrTruth]

Well. If WE both agreed to never want kids before we had sex, why should I question you if you had your tubes tied? It's irrelevant.

[DrTruth]

I used a condom and the last check in my sperm count I was shooting blanks. The chance of the baby being mine is the same chance as me winning Power Ball lottery. By using a condom AND having a vasectomy, my chance of the baby being mine is 0.000001%. That's the chance of being struck by lightning several times in your life.

[zagor]

Well, there is a ranger in Virginia who has been struck by lightning seven times...