Lost my virginity about 3 weeks ago.. still tight?

[Anonymous]

It is still hard for him to put his penis inside.. but he definitely did go in me that one time and a few times after that. I felt it the first time, and I bled all over his penis, and for the next 2 days. It was EXTREMELY painful as well. But now whenever he tries entering.. he really cant? It may be because I tense up and remember the pain and expect it.. I am definitely very wet (lube too) but do not think I am relaxed enough.. I can't help but think of the pain :S:S I have tried fingering myself but can only fit one finger in.. two just isn't going in.. but then how did his penis go in? Why isn't it going in now? I never fit fingers inside during masturbation before this. I feel so abnormal and stupid and overly worried.. I feel so depressed.. he is great and patient thankfully

[NJ_Casanova]

Tensing up is the #1 cause.
2. Is that he is trying before you are ready, The girl has to be fully aroused and wet before he starts if there is an issue with being too thick or her too tight. I always go down on the girl and even give her an orgasm from oral before I can even think about fitting. Even then sometimes it is difficult. I need to be able to fit 4 of my fingers before trying.

It will take time to adjust to his size. You can speed it up by getting a thin Dildo and one near his size/slightly thinner so you can get use to it when you are alone. Start with the small one and when it doesn't hurt you can move to the thicker one. Doing it yourself you can control the pace and it will hurt a lot less.

[Asker]

Thank you :) I definitely think it is my tensing up. I just expect the pain now I guess. But it just makes me feel so terrible that it feels like it is all my fault. I was under the impression that the guy pops your cherry and hallelujah! he can go in easily every time after that.. but no. It seems like this is all a week-month long project of stretching her vagina slowly, and her doing it to herself too. I am always very aroused during foreplay and he makes me orgasm a LOT during foreplay. But then when I know he is about to go in, my mood changes and I tense up. 4 fingers? Holy lord, I can't even imagine that. I just never knew it would be like this. I never knew it is such a process and I just feel very, very bad. He is extremely patient and understanding but I am emotionally hurting myself over it. I am getting a dildo for myself for sure.

[NJ_Casanova]

Well you just started, it takes time to relax, get use to being with your guy. Was he a virgin too? If not then he would probably know it is normal and doesn't blame you as it's not your fault in anyway. You need to realize that it's normal and nothing to feel terrible about. I've had non virgin girls that no matter what I did we couldn't.. I just didn't fit. You at least know it will, with time your body will adjust/normalize to his size. The pop cherry and "and he can go in easily" varies from girl to girl and guy to guy. He might be on the thick side and any other girl would have the same issue. You might be on the tighter side, and if both are trouble it makes it that much more difficult. Is he going very slow, stops when it hurts? You should tell him what to do, as you are the only one who knows when it hurts. Have him enter slowly, stop him when it hurts (Don't have him pull out), just he him stay still.. until you get use to it/relax, then have him put in alittle more, etc.

[NJ_Casanova]

Once you take as much as you can/all of him. stay like that until you feel like you want him to move a little. Tell him how fast to move and when you feel like you can take it faster tell him. I assume you are in the missionary positions. You can use your legs /thighs to control him and how fast he goes. Doggystyle would be more to control him as a horny guy's body will always want to go harder/faster even if his mind says slow down. I personally have the girl go on top so she can do what she wants and it is less likely that I accidentally hurt her.

[Asker]

He is definitely on the thicker side. He was not a virgin before, but only had sex about 3 times about 4 years ago.. so its been a while. I definitely tell him to go slow and when to slow down a bit. But when it hurts, I have him pull out (maybe there's another problem). Because I can't imagine letting him keep going in little by little with pain like that.. ? Or I guess I just have to push through it? At this point, I dry up. Because of the pain.

[NJ_Casanova]

I wouldn't have him pull out... just stay still and not move. The constant pressure of him in you will help you relax your muscle so you can feel/teach yourself how to adjust to it. I still think getting a toy slightly thinner than him is the best/fastest way for you to get use to having sex.

[Asker]

Thanks for the tip :) Yes I am definitely getting a toy. But I think even that will have some getting used to eh? It even took me awhile to get used to having my own one finger in, but now my one finger and his one finger slides in no problemo. We are working on two fingers now

[madelacroix]

Your hormones go nuts after you start having sex, nothing weird there. The vagina can stretch but it takes you to relax to let anything significant in. Might be some swelling might be the issue?

[impossiblestrumpet]

The vagina is a fascinating thing. It can expand to accommodate a baby, and yet it can still barely accommodate a dick at times. It's a combination of your own body, lubrication, and your level of comfort with sex. You may be totally comfortable with your boyfriend, but sex is still a relatively new thing with you, and especially with the pain associated it's going to take you a while to get used to everything. That's perfectly common and normal. You're best off approaching it in small steps;
First a finger, then two, then have him out just the tip in, and so on. It's great your guy is being so understanding about this all (as he should be). Good luck to you both!

[Asker]

Thank you!! These small steps - they most likely won't get done in one session, eh? He can put one finger in no problem. So can I. He says it slides in so easily. But when it comes to two.. Only about a quarter goes in so far (I can't seem to put two in, but somehow he can? lol I think its because he arouses me more than I arouse myself). I told him we should gradually get my vagina used to having something inside of it. By that meaning exactly what you said: keep doing fingers until a second finger goes in easily, too. I'm just confused as to how he got his penis in the first time (and a few other times for short periods) and now he cannot? I really think it is me and my fear of pain, sex being new to me, etc

[impossiblestrumpet]

Yeah, I'm sure that's what it is. Sex has a way more psychological depth to it than one would expect. It's almost certainly gotten more difficult because you now expect some pain. Just focus on slow progress like you are and hopefully you guys will be able to enjoy full sex soon.

[Asker]

How do I relax during sex though? I am usually very aroused during foreplay, but then when I see him going in, I get tensed up and tell him to go very slow (even though he knows by now.. lol). That's when I just dry up and it doesn't work out. He isn't big at all (just being honest) so this is definitely not the issue. Knowing it is my mind makes me feel very bad. Knowing it is all on me puts a lot of pressure, I don't know. However I think his inexperience might have a little to do with it as well (he has had sex before but only about 3 times and 4 years ago.. so it's been a while). Sometimes he has a hard time finding my hole (maybe because im so tight?) and I guess it lessens my arousal too. The pressure on a woman for this kind of stuff is just too much. I always thought sex was supposed to be fun and not stressful : (

[impossiblestrumpet]

Please don't feel guilty about it. It's your subconscious at work, not you. Your first experiences resulted in blood and lasting pain, which is frankly a scary thing. It's no wonder you're having issues. Also keep in mind that part of it is biological--some ladies can stretch out right away, some take a little while, and for others it's just harder. What you're going through is normal and you're not to blame. My recommendation is to have your boyfriend finger you in lieu of actual copulation a few times. That way you'll associate the sexual pleasure with penetration and hopefully after a while of that will make it much easier on you. Is there something you could ask your boyfriend to do to help keep you in the moment? For example, do you really like it when he whispers to you or touches you a certain way? Have him keep that in mind the next time you attempt something sexual and hopefully that will make it easier to forget the past issues. Your body, but a two-person effort.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for all of this!! I guess it is all just so new to me that my body is confused as to what I'm doing to it. I just feel very blessed with his patience and understanding. Before he had to wiggle his way in with one finger. Now it's amazing how easily his finger just slides in. We are working on two fingers now. Hopefully soon!

[impossiblestrumpet]

Yay for progress! It sounds like you guys have a very nice relationship going on and good luck to the both of you!

[Anonymous]

It's probably as you've put yourself off after the first time. And clearly you wernt relaxed enough the first time... you can be wet but still tight. And a baby can fit out of there so it can't be your too tight as it stretches.

[Asker]

True. It just makes me feel very bad that it seems like it is "all my fault" you know? I don't even know if feeling like this is normal. I always thought the guy pops your cherry and boom! Penis goes in easily every time after that. But it seems like this is all a process. Getting her very aroused every time.. stretching her vagina first with fingers and later on with his penis.. It all seems like hard work and a project. You never learned it like this in school lool

[Opinion Owner]

Yeh I know what you mean, but it gets there after a while :)