Sexual Relationships
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My husband says awful things and infront of our kids. How can I stop this behavior?

My husband tells me to shut my cum dumpster, calls me fat ass, lazy, half retarded where I need a drool cup, he says he hate me, I'm the laziest most useless person he's ever met, he interrupts me, puts me down, talks over me, tells me he's never liked me, that he's only with me because of our little one, won't let me use the vehicle when he's mad at me, will scream and swear at me even in public, tells me I make his life suck, and much much more. He never apologizes. He will say he's sorry, but sorry that he let's me get him so angry or that he has certain expectations that I could never meet, or that he should know by now how much I suck. Then he'll act normal, friendly, wanna joke, wanna hug me, tell me he loves me, etc, etc. I have no family or friends to turn to or move in with. Our daughter has health problems and is only two. I have to be home with her. I have no money. He controls it all, so I can't save or move. I've checked into shelters, but since he's not physically abusive they can't help. What can I do to change things? I don't do anything to cause it. I don't even yell back at him. I try to defuse things or keep my distance until it's blown over. That doesn't work. I don't want my daughter to keep seeing this. How can I stop him from acting this way?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Well of course the first thing I would say is run like hell but I understand you situation. So for now I would start doing things for you and stop doing from him. He's gotta know there is consiquences to his actions. Distant yourself and start do the things that made you happy. Build your self esteem because I know being verbally abused takes that away. Start hanging out with your child and not him. Show him he can't control everything. He might have you financially and physically but he's not gonna have you mentally or emotionally. Stop letting what he says affect you. Just igore him and know he's just being an idiot. Once he loses the things he loves about you he might be more interested in askin you what's wrong. And if he gets to that point then tell him. If he starts get angry walk away. If he does get to the point where he realizes he's the problem and apologizes then tell him you will never be fully his unless he gets help to figure out why he's snapping at you and treated you so badly. He needs to work through his issues and feelings. He might be unfairly blaming you for your child's medical issues because you gave birth to her. It's wrong but in his mind he's justified it. And tell him if he is truly unhappy then he needs to take care of her when he's home so you can work to get on your feet so you can separate. Look for a verbal abuse support group and ask if someone that's in it if they live close enough to take you. You need to make friends. And if need be reach out to his family to help watch your child. You might not be family but she is. They might not want there grandchild or nice to be around him like that. They might care enough to help you. Find your strength because there has got to be a way. Apply for your child's social security, get aid from the state. Keep looking for shelters. I know it's scaring but he might move onto physically hurting you or your child. I'm sorry and if you need to talk pm me anytime.

  • Are you wanting to save the marriage or leave? If you want to save it, you're going to need to talk him into marriage counseling and anger management, which may prove difficult or impossible. If you want things to change, you have to try. You're in a tough spot if you want to leave. If you absolutely have no support system to help you, you'll have to find your own way. This requires getting back to work and building a nest egg. Have you checked with your medical insurance to see if home care is covered for your daughter? If it's not covered, try seeking assistance from Medicaid. Depending on your income, you might be eligible for secondary coverage. Does your daughter have a disability? If so, she may be eligible for SSI benefits. Would returning to work allow you to afford home care for her? Explore all options for getting back on your feet. Check with local churches to see if they offer any assistance to women in your situation. If you cannot find any other option, you could always divorce him and move into government housing. With a child, you should be eligible. Check with your local authorities. He would also have to provide you with child support to help. My heart goes out to you. Psychological abuse can often lead to physical abuse as it escalates over time, so start planning now. If he won't accept help, then it will be up to you to figure out a new path for yourself and your daughter. Start making inquiries now. Best of luck to you.

  • Let me tell you that I've been in a very similar situation before my late mother past away. My advice is that you take the kids, call your family that you know and have a number to and see if you can stay with them until you find work and is able to move out. Something has to be done. Somebody has to take you. You need to tell them that you don't feel safe! If you don't have anybody at all who doesn't or can't help you, get your smartphone if you have one and download the Aspire News app anytime you two are in a domestic situation. Open it and it should record everything that goes on and sends it to the police. Overall you need to do research on shelters as a lot of dangerous things goes on there. As long as he doesn't put his hands on you, just ignore him and don't give him attention. Walk out with your daughter for a walk, make sure you have your phone and keys. This is a controlling and abusive situation. He sounds like he has borderline personality disorder. Have you two tried getting counseling or does he rejects going? Because if he doesn't want to fix the marriage, your going to have to find someway of getting out.

  • Wow! First of all, I am so sorry you are going through this.

    He needs some serious counseling. Have you thought of moving in with your parents or someone you can trust? You don't need to be going through that and your children shouldn't see that either.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Tell your wanker and disrespectful husband that if he keeps up these insults that he'll lose his wife and kids and you'll be sure to take everything through a divorce!

  • It sounds to me like you need a couple's therapist to intervene.

    • Tried it. He's very charasmatic and social to others. I'm more of an introvert, and when I attempt to bring things up he'd start fling. Rifht in the office

    • I'd suggest carrying around your phone and when in situations where he's prone to being abusive, you record the conversations. A half dozen or so examples will stop him dead in his tracks when he tries to start slinging the BS.

    • I did that. It's a crazy world we live in. The counselor had more of a problem with me secretly taping. They acted like he couldn't control his behavior, but I was calculating in doing that. I say "they", because we had two different counselors

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 8

  • Divorce papers are the only way to solve abusive relationships

    If your child has health issues you can look into social security. Call around to your family and start calling social programs to see what you need to get in.

  • For this sort of thing, the only way you're going to stop this abusive rubbish you're having to put up with is by leaving him. Divorce is not the end of the world and you deserve so much better.

  • Take it from someone who understands exactly what you are going through! LEAVE! LEAVE! LEAVE!!! I'm not over dramatizing it get out, don't make any excuses! PLEASE I'm here in this situation for the last 26 years! It don't get better, he won't change. If you think it would be hard to leave now your wrong! Do whatever you have to do to get you and your baby girl out of there! I wish someone would have told me this! Good Luck!

  • and he does this in front of your 2 year old daughter? please tell me this is an honest question and not a troll cause this is very sad

  • You need to be a better wife and then he won't need to use corrective behavior. I suggest giving him blowjobs (with swallow) twice a week and regular sex another 2 times each week. Anal ever week or two will also be well received. Keep your husband happy.

  • Seek help for your husband in stopping Alcohol or drug abuse

  • Okay this is bullshit

    • If only

    • I wish it was. He's a Marine. Pretty controlling and pretty cruel. I have no family or friends to turn to. He has the money, vehicle, etc, so he's in control

  • think how can you avoid that asshole.

    • I can't. It's his vehicle. He has the income. I'm home with the kids. If I go to the store he has to come

    • leave him, you are capable to do work why not do work and earn money?

  • lol is that a trolling post?

    • I can see from all this comments people feel it couldn't possibly be true, which makes me feel worse.

  • Get a job and put your daughter at daycare

    • She can't be in daycare with her health issues. She's constantly at doctors appts., Boston Children's Hospital, test, etc. I'm the one who brings her to all this. That's why I had to stop working once she was born. My oldest was always in daycare

    • aw I see that's a tough situation isn't there a councellor you can talk to? You have a child and the guy is certainly abusing you in a mental way. Try to find a good councellor !!

  • Just show your husband my post. After he learns that there are ugly creatures that will never be lucky to get married. He'll understand how lucky he is for he has a wife. I am that ugly creature.
    #loser

  • Your overreacting

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