Sexual Relationships
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Guys, How much do looks really matter in a long term relationship?

Normally I only go out with women I know I am attracted to before I even get to know them, but recently I was thinking that maybe I'm missing out on meeting the right woman if I do that?

I moved into a new apartment a while back and a woman lived across the hall who would always flirty with me and it was obvious she wanted me to ask her out. At first I had no interest in asking her out at all. She is in decent shape, but not great, never wears dresses or skirts (she said so), and she never does anything with her hair, just either straight or in a pony tail. However one evening I ran into her and we flirted playfully like we always do but I was kinda horny so I went ahead and asked her out and we went out. She was really cool and we had a lot of fun, though she had a lot more liberal moral beliefs so I never asked her out again.

I still enjoy our conversations and playful flirting if we run into each other taking our dogs out, and sometimes I even find myself wanting to ask her out again, but I have to remind myself it would never workout because our beliefs are too different. However, it did get me wondering, are looks really all that important?

On the one hand I think, if I can put in the effort to be muscular and lean why can't she? If I can dress fashionably, why can't she? If I can learn how to style my hair, why can't she? On the other hand, I think that if I can be attracted to a woman who doesn't even wear dresses or style her hair once I get to know her, then maybe I should give other women a chance who do dress and act like women, but just aren't quite as attracted as the women I normally go out with.

When you guys date an attractive woman, do you stop really caring how attractive she is after a while and it just matters if she's fun and feminine? Have you ever given someone a chance that wasn't as attractive as you normally date, then ended it because you lost interest?
I've dated someone I wasn't immediately attracted to and we're still together.
Vote A
I've dated someone I wasn't immediately attracted to but I lost interest.
Vote B
I've dated someone I wasn't immediately attracted to and we broke up for other reasons.
Vote C
I only date people I know I'm attracted to before I get to know them.
Vote D
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Girl Guy
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I think attraction is super important, because if you aren't physically attracted chances are you aren't really gonna want to be with them and you won't put a ton of effort into the relationship. That may sound shallow but its not, physical attraction is what initially attracts you to someone. I suppose you could develop attraction after dating for a bit but that wouldn't be ideal. Sometimes attraction isn't instant though, I dated a girl who, when I met her for the first time, I didn't find myself super attracted to her in terms of her looks. However, over time I started talking to her and developed feelings for her and thought she was the most beautiful girl. We started dating after I developed an attraction to her, but it kinda shows attraction to looks can happen even if you aren't initially interested.

  • Men are genetically visual sexually whereas women are more intellectual because they have so much more skin in the game. Looks are important but, if you decide to date her again, you can, with great care and diplomacy, ask her to invest a little more in her appearance.

    How are her morals unsatisfactory?

    • She's a liberal.

    • As a fellow liberal, it's not a social disease. Just seems like a potential keeper if you don't talk politics.

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What Guys Said

(29)

  • Pretty much the only reason a man would date a woman he wasn't initially attracted to is if he can't get anyone better

  • I actually got attracted to my freind that I'm trying to ask out. When I first got to know her I freindzoned her hard cause I did not really like her. Now she changed her self a bit. She did something or I'm just really attracted to her now case I cannot take my eyes off of her. Like your girl she never really does anything with her hair or clothes. Maybe once a year she dresses in a skirt and on Easter in a dress. Honestly I only really like the skirt usually.
    If you ask her on a date she might dress up. Or if you suggest a restaurant then you can suggest that she dress up and then show her and tell her how lovely she looks when you pick her up.

  • I've never dated a woman that I wasn't attracted to.

    I HAVE dated women to that I wasn't "very" attracted to, hoping that a little time would change that. It didn't.

  • I've had Female friends that we had great times together. It wasn't looks but it did build from what she she was capable of doing;-P

  • Guys, How much do looks really matter in a long term relationship?

    Looks should not hold a lot of importance if the relationship is long term. Do you really think you will be all buff at 80 years old? Can't expect momma to look 16 forever either. Ya gotta love them for who they are first!

    • I do expect to be buff at 80. That's what TRT is for.

  • I voted D. The way I way I see it can be summed up in an anology: "If you had to eat only one dish for the rest of your life, it better be your favorite fucking meal."

    This rings true for me especially, because I only date with the intent of forming a life-long partnership.

  • Sounds like the women you dated was attractive just not the type of feminine attractiveness you were after. If she would like nice if she did something with her hear and wore a dress... that doesn't go away because she doesn't. The only difference is her attitude to appearance and no that shouldn't matter at all. If she's more happy with jeans and a hoodie then a dress it shouldn't matter. It often does (women dress up to enhance how attractive they are after all) but it shouldn't. It's always worth a shot with someone like this.

    Someone you don't find attractive at all isn't worth it. Feeling nothing isn't so bad but knowing she isn't attractive won't lead to a good relationship. As much as looks shouldn't be important it is - for both of you.

  • I voted for looks
    > kids benefit in life ahead from her genes
    > years of age takes a lighter toll, if health-wise
    > sexual tension easier & more frequent
    > MUCH more maintenance, drama and competition from others, even if married

  • It's really not to far away from why humans prefer 4k tv's... maybe 10k one day. Samaung phones for their gorgeous displays. Something that creates pleasure is going to be desirable

    • But electronics don't have a personality, which is my question. How much can a fun personality compensate for a woman who isn't as attractive.

  • If the are ugly now they will be uglier when they age 5 years or more. The real world isn't some scripted romance movie.

    • Older doesn't necessarily mean uglier. I get hit on by older women a lot, and a lot of them are 40+ and still very attractive, just married and desperate because their husband is a loser.

    • I've never seen one where they look better at 40 than when they were 20.

  • Show more from Guys (19)

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