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How do you deal with your daughter's sexuality and make sure she doesn't become a slut?

I am a single mother and have a 4 yo daughter and 6 yo son. I'll be honest, I am not that worried about my son when he grows old enough, but I am incredibly worried about my daughter for when she will reach that age. it's still something different for girls since they are automatically looked upon more as a "prey".

I'll be really honest about my sex life here, I've been very satisfied physically, but I'm kinda ashamed when I look back on it. Yeah, I kinda feel like a slut. I had good parents who always supported me in school, cheerleading, etc. but I never had any talk about sexuality with them. They married early and, were prude and I don't think they had much of a sex life. When I became a teen, I looked way too mature and attractive for my age (luckily I'm still very much in shape). Only I've always gotten too much attention from guys and have the bad luck to have this weird fetish for these typical macho's that only want to fuck and degrade girls (not proud of it but can't help it). When I was 16 my 38yo boss at my student job (who's also dad's boss) fucked me, in college half the football team fucked me, now random douches from tinder, who don't mind fucking a cute single mom on a first date, relieve me of some stress, and I blow my boss on the regular.

Sorry for being bold but that's pretty much my sex life. I cringe when I picture that my daughter could be in my position when she grows up. I want her to respect herself and be proud of EVERYTHING she does. I did the opposite of my parents, but I can't hope she just does the opposite of me. So how do I deal with this when she grows up? It's been bugging me ever since I realized I was getting a daughter, now I'm asking about it. I only fell in love twice, both guys were taken already, I forced myself to settle for someone I didn't love (which is why I'm a single mom) and have been fucking casually my entire life. I want my daughter to have a more meaningful connection with men.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • um, you need to work out your issues and boundaries. it's not really about the amount of sex you have but the manner you conduct yourself in. in most of the scenarios above, you sound like you're dominated, taken advantage of or used in a degrading manner, which causes you feelings of shame.

    nothing wrong with sex but it's how you approach it. do the men respect you? are you getting other needs met? if you're getting used as an object, are you ok with that? etc etc.

    i think the best way to prevent your daughter from becoming "a slut" isn't to say NO SEX lol because that's just going to cause total slutdom.

    you need to teach your daughter about boundaries and her feelings. i. e how this makes her feel? does she feel respected? etc etc.

    sex is complicated. it doesn't raelly boil down to i have lots of sex so i'm a slut. you could have very little sex and still be a slut, if you're used in a manner that oyu dont agrree to be.

    • i also think a large part of it is finding validation in other areas in her life, make sure she develops other aspects of her personality so it isn't just about her looks- she's going to look for sexual attention because she thinks being pretty is valuable. get her to get hobbies, join clubs, be president of a debate team/chess team. unhealthy boudnareis and relationships are rooted in a deep sense of lack of self and low self esteem. she needs to learn about what kind of person she, her values and how to stick by them. also, having a father figure around, a trusted one, will also help. so she learns what healthy interaction with males is like. so she knows how to tell between a bad and good guy at a young age and from those who are just pretending to be nice to get into her pants. thats all i can think of for now.

  • My situation was the same way, I started young, my parents were good, but not around a lot, my older brother watched me a lot and he ignored me most of the time. Maybe what you can do is make a change now for yourself, what you learn during your change will be good wisdom for your daughter. A lot of men are predators out there and you can help her to recognize that and be there for her. Don't expose her to what you are doing, that could give her the wrong message too.

  • Well, ultimately it's going to end up being her choice, and you could argue the whole slut concept until you're blue in the face. But, for me, the best thing you can do with any BOY or GIRL is have a good, healthy talk about sexuality with them. Make the focus more about being safe and respecting themselves and that should help instill in them that you shouldn't ride very available body around.

Most Helpful Guys

  • If you found a boyfriend, not one of the type you normally go for, but a genuine, good, kind, guy, and gave yourself permission to fall in love and be vulnerable and have that meaningful connection you want for your daughter, you could model the behavior you want her to learn. If you continue as you are, she's going to pick up on it and either learn to be like you and/or think you're the world's biggest hypocrite, which will only cause her to rebel.

    Another thing you can do is to raise your son to respect women. If you're "not worried about him," he is going to be a nightmare for another girl's parents. And, again, your daughter will see the double standard and rebel.

    There is a nice guy out there who will be OK with your past. How can he not if you've had that much experience and you pick him as your last? Good guys can be great lovers, too.

    • PS: I'm glad you want the best for your daughter. You're a good mom to wish it for her. The fucking and degrading thing you mentioned liking (at least that's how I read it) can always be role-played within an otherwise normal relationship. Some of the hottest sex happens in happy marriages. Send a PM if you feel like discussing any of this at length. Good luck to you!

  • I'm sorry you have gone through all of this. Those experences as bad as they have been in your past may serve as a way to ensure that your own children don't have to go through the same thing. You sound like a very quality parent to be concerned at an early age in their life. My hat is off to you. I would just teach them (age appropriately) early about what real love looks like. It does not hurt. It is selfless. It puts another person before you. It does not objectify a woman into a sex slave and so on. Keep up the good work.

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 11

  • You're not a slut. You had some fun sexually. That's a good thing. Just work hard to teach her to value herself highly and that guys tend to be a little suspect when it cums, er I mean comes to sex.

    Does that make sense?

  • Whats wrong with being 'The Ethical Slut'? And how is casual sex not a meaningful connection with men? I think you underestimate the magnitude of what youve given to men. The validation, the assurance, the joy, the life-affirmation, the memories.

    Why can't you let your daughter give this love to other people too? there's nothing more that she, or any other woman, can give.

    Obviously, fucking your 38 year old boss at 16 is just pure and utter Bullshit. But there are people out there, young ones too, committing suicide because there aren't enough 'sluts' to go around. 'Sluts' are one of the most valuable kinds of people out there. They can even save lives if you fuck the right men.

  • I am going to knock the fear of Jesus Christ in her head

  • wish you had a private option! Haha

    • I wish too.. LOL

  • "I have been fu***ng casually my entire life" ... Children follow what you do not what you say.
    Set a better example if you're worried about it.

    • she already enjoyed her part.

  • You can't make your daughter, but you can teach her what sex means beyond physical pleasure -> intimacy, closeness, emotional bonding and vulnerability. Something that sex-ed doesn't teach for reasons completely unknown to me as it is something fundamental about sex.

    Secondly you obviously should be a good example to your kids, but that goes without saying.

    • Also you should do the very same about your son. P. S. The absence of an involved father surely will make this entire thing more difficult and a part of it is also teaching your daughter that getting attention from sexual favours is not satisfying her possible need for male affection.

    • And to add some last part: You obviously don't want to point fingers nor pressure them. That's exactly what will make kids want to rebel out of your control. Instead you want to teach them and make them do their own decisions with their own freedom. This includes possibly even opening up to your kids (once they are at age) about your past and your regrets. As uncomfortable that might be. They absolutely need to have the freedom to make the decision themselves for it to be a genuine and firm decision - rather than you forcing a mindset and belief down their throats

  • A woman is not a 'slut' because she has unmarried sex!

    • Sex is a NORMAL part of life.

  • Well, you can make rules on her to not go out with boys until she's 18 but its really up to her who she becomes. There's pretty much nothing you can do besides give the "sex talk" and scare her about STDs but will she listen?

    • what she wants from her daughter is almost impossible in next 20 years.

  • I hope your daughter turns out to be just like you.

  • Is it common for parents not to be concerned about their boy, only about the girl?

    • Yeah she seems to show no concern sexually about her son, definitely disturbing

    • @Prof_Don It's not that I'm not concerned at all. A girl is just a lot more worrying when it comes to sex, going out etc.

  • Teach her about sex while young so she grows up thinking it's normal and not a taboo thing.
    Teach her that she's perfect the way she is and doesn't have to prove to anyone her worth.
    Teach her confidence.


  • She going to fuck all she can

  • Well if she doesn't wanna do what u want her too, tough luck. Let her make her own 'mistakes'

  • Its good to get concern about your daughter, as a mother you should but here i feel the selfishness, how could you decide life for her? she is individual and she have own decisions of life, you fucked with many guys and enjoy your sex life now you feel you are slut, its her right also if she want to fuck like you or not, lets take her as individual and let her live her life. if 10-15 years back you fucked with so many dick how could you aspect after 20 years she would be happy with one dick? I am against your view.

  • well first you also shouldn't want your son to grow up and be the player type of the f boy since he is a little older and your daughter is only 4 so thats like in about 9-13years when she hits that "age" and just teach her right from wrong and teach her to love and respect herself. and also have more respect for your own self and try and correct the mistakes dont worry to much about the past bc you can't change it so try and heal yourself from whatever it is... value yourself more so that your daughter can have a visual idea from her mother on how to love and respect yourself and your body...

  • Let them fuck each other

  • children copy what we do not what we say so be very careful about what you are a role modeling for.
    there are ways to develop her resilience and her self-esteem a lot of this comes from having a male role model who can teach her how she should be treated. obviously you want someone with a lot of integrity.

  • She has your genes... she's screwed :(

    • Agree!

    • @masterkamasutra Thanks cutie!

    • she is production of slut mom! LOL

    • Show All

  • You make sure she is a slut so she gets over it when she's young. If you control her, she WILL BECOME a LIFELONG slut. Your welcome :)

    • whats is want is not possible.

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