I found out that my brother is banging one of his teenage students. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

My older brother is a Maths teacher and has been working at the same school for about three years. We still live with our parents.
Two days ago, I was using his mobile to google something and decided to message his friends via whatsapp, just as a prank. Turned out that one of his contacts is a teenage girl with whom he's apparently been having sex for over a year, given their messages. There are several nudes from that girl in his phone as well as dick pics (wish I could unsee those, btw) he sent her and plans for their next dates. I know for sure that she is one of his students; I checked the girl's fb and saw some recent pictures of my brother in class with her and other students.

I know that what he's doing is wrong on so many levels, but at the same time I don't want to make him lose his job or have him hating on me for making this public. So what should I do? Should I call my brother out on that and hope he'll be smart enough to finish whatever is going on between him and his student or should I contact the school and let them be aware of this situation?
I'm leaning toward contacting the school because by doing so I can avoid the awkward confrontation that will surely come up if I let him know that I find out about his fucked up shenanigans with her.

[bbch25]

That's really tough.. honestly. Not that it makes a difference but can I ask how old you think the girl is (based on what grade he teaches) vs your brothers age? I know some people who start teaching at like 21, and there's students who are 17, nearly 18. And while it's still wrong, especially because he's a teacher... Maybe that can help you a bit.

But honestly, if she's any younger than 17, I definitely think you need to do one of those:

1. If you are going to go to the school, you could send an anonymous note, and say you are another person in the class who saw them acting inappropriately or something. It would mean you don't get called out, but this is obviously serious and it may still come back to you when investigated.

2. You call him out on it. While what he's doing IS wrong and illegal, I understand some people want to protect family. And if that's your route, you should definitely talk to him, tell him you will go to the school if you must, but he needs to end it. It's illegal.

Now, I think it'd be smart for you to take screenshots if you can, get back in to take some photos. Have some evidence.

But if he has nudes on his phone... He's involved in child pornography now too.. And that is definitely a serious crime.

My cousins are 14, and they keep asking guys for dick pics (slutty ass teenage girls they are!), and I have tried to tell them 100 times, that that is still child pornography and the messages showing them asking for it, and they could get in crazy amounts of trouble.

So yes, I think you definitely need to tell your brother before it gets reported, before he gets caught, cut her out 100%, remove all the photos, tell him he will be on a sex offender list, jail, child pornography, statutory rape etc.. He has a LOT of things against him.

Something else to think about, I know in some places (I have heard of this not sure of the extent), but when you KNOW about someone involved in a crime like this, you are now obligated to report it otherwise you too can be charged...

[Asker]

Thanks for the thorough answer! The girl is 16 and he's 25. I talked to him last night and he only told me to mind my own fucking business...

[bbch25]

Then I think you should go higher. You tried to go to him first, you tried to put family first (it's not like you found out he robbed a bank, this is worse!). I think, if you can at all, get some evidence. But if not, send an anonymous letter to the school. Anonymous letter to her parents?

[NyomiMcClinton]

Wow this is a tough one. What he is doing is wrong. Were talking about jail time here. I would give him a chance to end it. Sounds like he is taking advantage of the girl simple for sex.

[Asker]

Yeah I feel like I should give him a chance to end it, but at the same time I don't want to confront him.

[SovereignessofVamps]

A lot of these answers are creepy but... I think you just made this up. A lot of people on this site... well youwwon't find avg opinions sometimes.

[SovereignessofVamps]

Makes you wonder. People can be crazy.

[GraveTruth]

Yeah, LISTEN UP right here, miss. Pay attention and YOU won't be in trouble. I'm going to assume this teen is underage. If not it's still a serious crime.

So obviously your brother is not very careful if you could've found out that easy. Sitting with information like that and not having your phone locked and hidden up your butt spells "I'm an idiot who likes prison".

Now, in these cases 99% of the time the man gets caught because of the teenager. Teens talks and jabber then bam, one person tells, and it's over. Before your brother even knows the cops grab is phone, computer, and everything and look.
He's going to get caught. It happens all of the time.

NOW, if you decide to tell him to STOP and he doesn't then you are guilty of aiding and abetting a felony crime. That is a felony as well. And remember that getting caught is easy. Pretend you tell him and he cuts her off and she gets pissed and tells. Well, the cops are going to talk to him, maybe people who know him like you. Your eyeballs are going to go crazy and they will catch you lying. Next time you'll be in court saying what happened.

But if the girl is underage and he doesn't work in trashy school in a trashy region, then he'll most likely be put UNDER the prison. For some sexist reason it's humorous when female teachers do this but when male teachers do this they want to hang the person.

The choice is really yours and either way you probably won't end up being caught up in it... but he WILL get caught. I already know that. He's too wreckless.

[GraveTruth]

Oh yeah. I saw that some people are saying, tell the dean or the principal. It's not recommended you do this and this will only make things go PUBLIC. You always will be showing that you are caught up in it if there is a delay between you seeing the pics and doing something about it.

[Asker]

Bahaha now I kind of feel like waiting until the girl tells her friends about their "relationship" and the two idiots get caught

[GraveTruth]

umm, no. The girl isn't going to get in trouble at all.

[Asker]

She'll sure get in trouble with her parents.

[GraveTruth]

Well, right, but it's nothing compared to your brother who would get in trouble by this guy maybe.
www.motorcycleforums.net/.../...cer-r668856500.jpg

[Asker]

Nah, I doubt it.

[GraveTruth]

Yeah, you go to prison for rape.

[Anonymous]

It is illegal either way, but there is a difference between him being 35 and her 13, and him being 24 and her 17.

Confront him. Ask him if this is something he has done before, or done often, or if it is just this girl.
Ask how it started. Ask what his intentions are.

Then use your judgement.
You could decide to report him to police. You could choose to get him to quietly end things. You could decide, after making him open up, that you can bring yourself, morally, to allow this, because of whatever reason he gives you decide you accept.

I think you should consider being kind, even tempered, and understanding, and allow for the possibility that you could allow this to continue.

And I think you should steel yourself for the possibility that you might not be able to condone anything you hear him say, and that you MUST, morally, take action.

Prepare to accept the possibility you could accept it all, and for the possibility you will have to make it end. Then go in, and make him come clean, on everything.

What you decide to do then is up to you.

[Asker]

"Ask him if this is something he has done before, or done often, or if it is just this girl." There are some things I'd rather not know.

[Opinion Owner]

I know that, but... it matters. I is a pattern of abuse, then he is a problem, and you might need to go. to cops. If it is just her? They might actually have something they feel to be a real connection. Still illegal, granted, but not a pattern of abuse.

[AustinMan]

Ignore it. It's none of your business. The girl is more than capable of stopping it if she wants to. It's not appropriate but it's not worth jeopardizing your relationship with your brother.

[SovereignessofVamps]

She said maths do this sounds like s foreigh place... if the Q is real the kid could be in her early teens, not like 16 plus. Although as a teacher he's taking advantage anyway. Really surprised you said this. I mean if some teacher did this to a kid in your family you'd feel fine? Very surprised at s lot of answers on here even if it's asker trolling.

[SovereignessofVamps]

Oh god my phone typing...

[SovereignessofVamps]

Of course the answer to the family question would be no, and I'm sure the other people who said what you said would say no too. So... all of you people must really be saying this because.. I mean, I love talking about sex with you and our pervy PMs... But that's not real life. In real life what... like what have you people done to other people... not even kids. Just what have you done to be this defensive?

[SovereignessofVamps]

You did say it wasn't appropriate, but to tell asker that she should worry about the relationship with her brother, but then say a teen is more than capable of jeopardizing/stopping the relationship with her teacher... interesting. That dynamic... I know you'll not like my comments but... it's just that even though you always post about BDSM, I didn't think that you felt... like this. Like I am not talking about messing with kids. I mean, I didn't know you were so OK with this emotional dynamic... I thought you just talked about stuff for fun..

[AlphaMale1]

If she is a minor this prick needs to be reported. He will at the very minimum lose his job.

What is wrong with people? There are over 7 billion people on this planet and over half are female. Geez...

[Asker]

She is a minor, but she's above the age of consent

[martyfellow]

Yes, he could wind up in jail if she's not 16... so keep it to yourself. But tell him you know and tell him he has to stop before he ruins his career and maybe his entire life... don't let him put you off. Tell the rest of your family as well and have them put pressure on him to stop this immediately.

[helloitsmethere]

or under 18

[Asker]

God no, telling our family about it is off the table. Telling him that I know he's fucking one of his students and he has to stop will sound like a threat, and I don't think he'd react well to a threat - especially if it's coming from me.

[martyfellow]

That's exactly why I'd tell others in the family, people that me might be more likely to listen to. Why is that 'off the table?'

[Asker]

Because our parents are very supportive of him. Growing up, he always got away with every stupid thing he did.

[martyfellow]

Good, so they will also think they HAVE to intervene and help him now. Boy, does he ever need help! Do you know how old the girl is? And what the jail bait definition is in your state?

[Asker]

She's 16 and the age of consent is 14.

[martyfellow]

Still it will be the end of his teaching career if this goes wrong or is discovered.. and likely she's not the only one.

[Asker]

Eww... He's the youngest teacher in that school so I can picture his female students going crazy over him, but hopefully he's not stupid enough to be fucking other students.

[martyfellow]

He's proven he's pretty stupid already!

[Asker]

That's not enough evidence to suppose he's shagging other students as well. At least I hope he's not that thick.

[martyfellow]

As a teacher myself, I know that very rarely is there just one student involved! but let's hope so, anyway.

[Asker]

So this sort of thing is somewhat common?

[martyfellow]

Yes, with younger teachers only a few years older. Many girls in that age range are dating older guys, 20 or more, outside of the school, already, so it's that big a leap to dating their teacher. 'Dating' usually means having sex with older guys as a trade for the money spent on them.

[martyfellow]

So the girls are pretty 'easy' for a young male teacher, often eager to get in bed with him, it's not all your brother's fault here.

[Asker]

"'Dating' usually means having sex with older guys as a trade for the money spent on them." Pretty fair, tbh

[martyfellow]

Dating older guys is nearly always that. Then women in the US whine about not being respected. It may not be all your brother's fault, but HE will be the one to pay the price. It will likely mean the end of his teaching career, lawsuits by her parents...

[EccentricRose]

You should tell him to straighten up/ fix his act really quick and make him shook by threatening to contact the school.

[musicbrain5]

Then contact the school and let them handle the situation.

[Asker]

What if he finds out it was me who told them? And it's very likely to happen

[musicbrain5]

Well he's the one who is fucking up his career and probably his life, so why does it matter if he finds out it was you? He's an adult taking advantage of a girl who is a minor - statutory rape. He could be having relationships or had relationships with other teen girls too (or maybe even younger than that). You're obviously concerned about what's going on, because you're asking what you should do.

[Asker]

Of course I'm concerned. I know it's wrong that he's having sex with his student, but if he finds out it was me who ratted on him, things will be pretty bad for me as well. I'm sure my family will take his side and say that I shouldn't have said a thing about him to the school, that I fucked his life.

[RasmusAiken]

You need to tell both the police and the principal. You can do so anonymously. The girl victim will be questioned and she'll spill her guts. His phone record will be checked and he'll get busted. Results will be loss of job, prison time and a future registered as a sex offender. Sorry but this is necessary to protect all future students. He has already done enough harm.

[Asker]

The thing is I care about him and don't want him to be arrested or anything like that.

[RasmusAiken]

To have to rat out my brother as a sex offender would kill me too. But he created this, not you. Think of the underage girls he could abuse, make pregnant, spread STD etc. Make the call to your local Crimespotter's Hotline anonymously.

[Asker]

This is so fucking difficult. Anonymously or not, he'll eventually connect the dots and realise it was me who screwed his life.

[RasmusAiken]

If the girl is old enough to consent, he won't be charged with a sex offense. But his school board will fire him and he'll probably not get rehired in any school system. What's your other option? If you confront him he'll deny it. Then what?

[Asker]

I don't know. Tell our parents, then he gets kicked out of the house and I'll only have to see him once a year or so. That actually sounds great

[Cautionsarcasmatplay]

Well how old is she?

[Asker]

She's 16

[Cautionsarcasmatplay]

Personally I say leave him alone buuuut you need to go with your conscience

[JuicyBrain]

What you did is a serious breach of privacy. If you do anything about this, prepare to lose him forever with good reasons.

If she is seventeen, let them be. If she is like 12, then now you don't really have a choice... All you had to do was to mind your own business.

[GraveTruth]

Don't tell her to consent sexual assault, trump...

[musicbrain5]

And what he's doing is okay?

[GraveTruth]

@musicbrain5 hope you were not asking me that. lol

[JuicyBrain]

@musicbrain5 Would you send your own brother to jail for having a relationship with a girl who is like 17 and a half?

[GraveTruth]

In the comments below it was 16 ya goof. hahaha

[JuicyBrain]

@GraveTruth What are you even saying? I am not telling her to consent to anything. I am not even a Trump supporter.

[GraveTruth]

well the brother is doing sexual assault, you are telling her to hide it... and on a side topic Trump is into sexual assault. I get what you are saying. Screwing over your brother is wrong BUT it's not worth the risk. Because it's illegal to hide that crap. Aiding and abetting a criminal. Have you ever been to prison before bro? I have and it's NOT FUN dude. I don't want to diss jail. They feed you for free and let you use their gym but still. :)

[JuicyBrain]

@GraveTruth It's not necessarily sexual assault. Here in Canada, the age of consent is 16yo BUT if it's with a teacher or a person of authority, then it's 18. You really want to send your brother to jail on this kind of technicality?

[GraveTruth]

No, in Canada It's 16 with parental consent. And of COURSE teacher are not legally allowed to sleep with students in a gov't educational system.

[musicbrain5]

@GraveTruth No, that question wasn't for you lol. @JuicyBrain: According to comments the asker has left here, the girl just turned 16 and this has been going on for over a year. Which means that at some point during that time, she was under the legal age of consent. That is illegal. I could not, in good conscience, keep that to myself. I understand the asker's dilemma - that this is her brother. Not saying anything is not right to me. If I knew my brother was committing a crime, I would say something. I'm not going to stand aside and abet someone just because I'm related to them. Would it be easy? No. But to me it would be worth it, especially in a situation like this one. Coming across this info trumps the whole breach of privacy thing. I'm not saying what she did is okay, but what the brother is doing is far worse in my eyes. He's a teacher, in a professional position of authority, yet he is fucking a student of his. In an ethical/moral sense, it's not okay. But she's under 18.

[musicbrain5]

As a teacher myself, it really saddens and disgusts me that so many people are perfectly fine with teachers having sexual relationships with their students. People even encourage it and cheer the student on! Especially with male students and female teachers - it's always "good for you kid, scoring a hot older woman" and shit like that. NO. She is taking advantage of a child sexually (and yes, teens under 18 are children no matter what they think). It's the same with this guy in the question.

[Asker]

@musicbrain5 The age of consent here is 14, so that's not a problem.

[JuicyBrain]

@musicbrain5 I understand what you are saying. I don't agree with the way you see things though. You are of those people who seem to believe that a pussy should suddenly appear at 18. Reality is different. Some people are ready at 15, others in their 20's. Having sex before 18 doesn't automatically mean that the experience will fuck them up. There can be some positive experiences. I am not saying that's what's necessarily happening here. All I am saying is that you shouldn't be so convinced that 18 is a magical number. Look at how different the laws are everywhere. Some place it's 14, others 18. Can you tell me who is right? You can't. It's all perception and that's just what it is in your case too. Perception. YOU think it should be 18 and that's that. Well, not everybody shares your perception and that doesn't make them crazy or wrong. Just like me, you can't say for sure what is the ideal age for having sex. Stop pretending you do.

[musicbrain5]

You have completely misread or misunderstood my comment. Go read it again. I'm not really sure where you got the idea that I think that way about teens having sex, because I don't think that way and I never said anything in my comment about what age people should be doing it. I'm not pretending anything. Perhaps you could help me out here by quoting exactly where in that comment I made the points you're saying I made. This isn't about teens having sex with other teens. I don't care about that even though you seem to think I have a problem with it, lol. Teens can do whatever the hell they want. This is about an adult in a position of authority and in a role model position having sex with a student they are in charge of. At the very least, that is an ethical faux pas. Which seems to be the case here.

[JuicyBrain]

@musicbrain5 I must have assumed since I think the same as you on this point. It is definitely unethical if he is teaching her. But losing your job when people want to see you in jail seems like less of a problem.

[lualesca]

I would call him out, you have to place a boundary with him, he either stops this completely or you make him lose his job and call the FBI. But you have to stand your ground and mean it.

[Penlo]

its your brother. talk to him and assume that you saw it. better be you telling him then someone else.

[Asker]

I can't see him reacting well to knowing that I saw his messages and am now telling him what to do.

[Penlo]

You give him an opportunity. I think its better then going straight to the school. Personally i would never do that to my brother.

[Penlo]

The girl is not being abuse. Going yo the school will be destroying his reputation and everything that goes with it, the repercutions could be huuuge for your brother and by his own sister. he's not hurting anyone, doesn't make the fact that he's sleeping with her correct but really i don't understand you going straight to the school to litteraly "snitch" on him just because you don't want him to know you saw it, at least give him something, option, i dont know. It's your brother i just don't get it, imagine being in his position. Wtv

[Levin]

Reading some of the answers, despite the age of consent, surely he has child pornography on his phone, since that is legally under 18 isn't it? Anyway, he's seriously at risk of ruining his career and even potentially ending up in prison. How is that going to look having a criminal record, getting further jobs. Basically, he's at risk of fucking up his entire life. Notwithstanding the moral implications. If you go to the authorities, all those things will happen. How can he be so heedless? Maybe you can scare him shitless instead? About what may happen, she may blabber to her friends, etc. He's obviously become too cocky and overconfident. A large dose of fear and worry is probably what he needs.

[Asker]

Talked to him and it seems that the dickhead will keep on fucking the girl.

[Levin]

What did he have to say for himself? I admit I'm being a little nosey and am curious. Maybe he has to learn the hard way?

[bbch25]

Asker told me he said "mind your business".

[Luci92]

tell him to stop right away otherwise you'll go to the cops

[Asker]

I don't think it's a good idea to threaten him.

[Luci92]

I think it is a great idea.

[Levin]

Probably not a good idea if she won't carry through the threat (which he will probably expect her not to)?

[Luci92]

@Levin oh well

[IWillGiveYouABoner]

Just tell him you know what's going on and if he doesn't end the relationship then contact the school

[Intraluminal]

Well, he's going ro jail, which is where he belongs frankly. You might give him a chance to get his affairs in order.

[Asker]

Hmmm he doesn't belong in jail. He's a decent guy, except for the fact that he's currently fucking one of his students.

[Intraluminal]

I'm sorry, but you're wrong. He may be otherwise a decent person, but in this regard he is doing something both illegal and morally wrong on several levels. Its arguable that having sex with 16 years olds is not wrong, but having sex with your underage students is wrong morally. In any case, he is going to jail, the only question is when and under what circumstances.

[Intraluminal]

In addition, what @gravetruth said, "... if you decide to tell him to STOP and he doesn't then you are guilty of aiding and abetting a felony crime. That is a felony as well. And remember that getting caught is easy. Pretend you tell him and he cuts her off and she gets pissed and tells. Well, the cops are going to talk to him, maybe people who know him like you. Your eyeballs are going to go crazy and they will catch you lying."

[Intraluminal]

@gravetruth is correct. The only *possible* way out of this for him, since the girl is over the age of consent, is if the girl was willing to marry him. He would still lose his job, but he *might* stay out of prison. Only a lawyer can say for sure.

[Asker]

"The only *possible* way out of this for him, since the girl is over the age of consent, is if the girl was willing to marry him." It doesn't even make sense.

[Intraluminal]

Since she's over the age of consent she can marry him. If she were to marry him, then she could not be compelled to testify against him in court. As I said, just a *possible* out.

[Intraluminal]

The other thing is, if they were married, and if this is the only student he was having sex with, the prosecution *might* be less inclined to go after him hammer and tong.

[Intraluminal]

The real question is, what's going to happen to you? The clock is ticking, and every day that goes by is one more day that you are actively aiding and abetting a felony.

[Asker]

Underaged people cannot get married, unless their parents have legally emancipated them, which is not very common round here.

[Anpu23]

It's criminal, report it, and let the cards fall where they may. I have no place for pedophiles.

[Asker]

Hmm... He's not a paedophile though

[SnowHearth]

What your brother is doing is wrong, but what you are about to do will be worse. Don't call the school, talk to him. Bring the subject in a subtle way, make him confess without you sounding suspicious.

[Asker]

He confesses then what? Who knows if he'll stop seeing the girl

[SnowHearth]

Do what you must, you'll know

[pooper89]

Jesus Christ he's your brother. Tell him you know about it and that he needs to stop doing it or you WILL make it public but don't go staright to the school... by doing that you're saying you want him to lose his job...

[Asker]

Even if I do it anonymously?

[pooper89]

If the school finds out that's what will happen. Doesn't matter if you did it anonymously over the phone, did it in person while wearing a bath robe, or rode up to the school by horseback bearing a handwritten telegram.

[Asker]

Lol your comment cracked me up

[BeesNectar]

you should give him examples of teachers that have been found out and what it did for their careers and reputation and the stigma that follows. In addition to being on the sexual offender list.

[jacquesvol]

If the principal gets to know it , he'll be fired. If she's underage he might be jailed.

[Asker]

She's above the age of consent so I doubt he'd be jailed. But I'm kind of worried about him being fired.

[jacquesvol]

Would you like your daughter to have a teacher like that? My bestie had one. She was 16, legal age. It spoiled her life.

[Asker]

How did that spoil her life exactly?

[jacquesvol]

He kept her stringing along for years. Yes, she was in love with him. He even promised to divorce and marry her, he knocked her up. One morning she called me from an abortion clinic (me , not him): she couldn't afford a cab. Of course, the asshole was not there.

[Asker]

Woah, that's really bad. Poor girl.

[Holygirl01]

You should talk to him about it. 16 year old girls want to have sex with their hot teachers, it is very common and she cannot be harmed. If you call cops on your own brother then well, good luck.

[Asker]

I talked to him and I don't think he'll stop seeing the girl.

[Holygirl01]

Then you have to leave it, the girl is aware of her actions, she won't be harmed. You should always do what is the best for your brother.

[Holygirl01]

How is it going?