Sexual Relationships
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My boyfriend wants me to quit my job and get married?

I'm a flight attendant in a Texas city and my boyfriend lives in a Tennessee city. Due to my flight schedule , which is usually around three days on, three days off, I'm able to use the airline to go see him and have time together.
Recently though he's told me he wants to get married but can't with me traveling all the time. He says he'll pop the question if I quit.
But I LOVE my job! I've been a flight attendant for ten years and I was hoping to get an international route soon. This upsets me that he wants me to give up my career. But I also love him so much.
Any advice?
0 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • "He says he'll pop the question if I quit."

    ^^ Hahahah he's even holding out on ENGAGEMENT unless you quit yr job?
    Girlfriend! BIG red flag here!

    He wants you to make life-changing decisions that are VERY difficult to reverse (it's not guaranteed that you could just... go back and start again)... before HE is even willing to make a completely symbolic action that has 0 actual material consequences (= engagement).

    Oh FUCK no.

    In PRACTICAL terms, engagement is not even a thing. The only practical significance of being engaged is that you're "out" to everyone, including family, and now you can start thinking about planning a wedding.

    The other significance of engagement is that, ONCE YOU'RE ENGAGED, *THEN* you can start having serious discussions about life paths, career decisions that involve each other, where and how to live, etc.

    HELL NO you shouldn't give in to this request. If you do, he'll hold ALL the cards in yr relationship.
    You still won't have any sort of commitment from him -- **and** you'll be out of a job, and, most likely, totally and desperately financially dependent on him. (Not to mention bored out of yr fucking mind, unless you go take some filler job you probably don't even want.)
    Do you REALLY think he isn't looking to take advantage of that to force FURTHER "life decisions" down yr throat? While you still wait... and wait... and wait... for an actual marriage commitment that may never come?

    Girl don't. Don't do it.

    It's just common sense. Trading something for nothing (remember, engagement is essentially nothing, when it comes down to actual commitments) is ALWAYS a bad idea.

    __

    What you SHOULD do:

    • You should not even be willing to START DISCUSSING such a huge sacrifice UNTIL YOU'RE ENGAGED.
    If he presses you, just politely -- but firmly -- let him know you need at least a *symbol* of serious commitment from him (= engagement) before you'll be willing to sit down and discuss such huge changes to yr life.

    • No matter what, you should ABSOLUTELY NOT be willing to quit yr job until you're MARRIED.
    You have a highly desirable job, with enviable benefits, that lots of other people would love to take from you. DO NOT give up that job unless you will have AT LEAST as much security from him -- which means married.
    Also, don't sign away that security in a prenuptial agreement, either. (This doesn't mean you should reject *any* prenuptial agreement -- but, you should NEVER put yrself in a situation where you might end up out of a

    • job and without something else to make up for it.) I would actually advise you not to quit until you're ready to have children (if you want to quit to stay home with babies). Probably not even until you're pregnant with kid no. 1. Trust me -- being a housewife without even having kids to keep you busy, is **mind-numbingly** boring. Especially if you're used to tons and tons of changes of scenery (like with the airline) -- Girl you'll go nuts. __ Really, tho... Just this idea ("I won't even get ENGAGED unless you quit") -- Holy sweet shitfuck. That's enough of a red flag to where I, personally, wonder if this is even a good man for you. Given yr career choice, YOU obviously like freedom and variety. This man wants you to give up EVERYTHING, before he even makes a symbolic move that isn't even a firm commitment. Uh. Yeah. No. Is this guy... uh how do I say this... kind of antisocial and not so smooth with women? Because IN THAT CASE he genuinely just might not realize how much he's

    • asking of you, or how prematurely he's asking you to do those things. BUT... If this guy DOES have reasonably good social skills / is not normally total shit with women... then... that actually makes this situation WORSE, because in that case he knows exactly what he's trying to get you to do. In that case, this guy has SERIOUS issues with wanting to control yr life -- and you should think nice and long and hard about whether you really want him as anything other than a "3-off boyfriend" on yr 3-on 3-off schedule. He might be the kind of guy who becomes a whole lot of not-fun, as soon as you tie yr life to his. Oh, and, obviously, you need to live with him (and keep working) BEFORE you get married. Those control-freak tendencies may start to show through loud and clear. (Or, in a best case scenario, they won't.)

    • Tx for the MHLuv <3 Any updates on this whole situation?

    • Show All

  • Well, which do you love more? The point is this is what marriage is going to cost a 'sacrifice' of your wants for another person's needs. If your not willing to sacrifice that part of your life for a life with him, then tell him no and you won't marry him. Find a way to see if your able to get a job where he lives as a flight attendant again before you make that step. Everything has its consequences and a price to pay. Which choice with those consequences are you willing to pay and sacrifice. Nothing comes free in this world. Yes, you done very well with your career so far, but is your vision? Is it a career or a family? Because in marriage it requires the both of you fostering your love, romance, and children at the same time. And if you end up having children, who are going to raise the kids? Spend time with them? You know it's one thing to have children, provide a roof over their head, feed them, bathe them, a warm bed to sleep in, school, the doctors, etc. But it's one thing or two that parents today fail at but is so good and doing: emotionally and spiritually neglecting their children. And it starts at home. That will carry them on for their rest of their lives.

    You are in your 30's now. You had more than enough time to think on this. And if this was not something you was looking to do, then why did you date him? Ask yourself that before you consider one or the other. Because if it's your dream to travel international then go for it and lose the guy you could have married. Or get married and lose out on your dream, it's your choice. You have no idea what plans may lay in-store for you, and who knows. You might get a chance to return back to flight attending one day if that is your choice. But marriage requires family life with two parents a mother and a father. Overall marriage and a family is his goal, and he wants it with you. But if you don't equally feel the same then don't get married and allow him to move on.

  • Well do u want to? Because married or not. U are independent with your own goals in mind. If u want to settle down after u form ur family that's another thing. But never let anyone force u into doing things u dont want to do

Most Helpful Guys

  • Three on, three off isn't a bad schedule. Tell him to get used to it or take a hike. He shouldn't be issuing an ultimatum like that. It really isn't that big of a deal. Even people who work locally commonly work enough hours that they don't see much of each other during the work week.

    This is one-sided and selfish on his part. People have to work and LOTS of people work much worse schedules than that. I've always considered straight 40 hour 8-5 work weeks kind of a luxury. It's something I've rarely experienced in my life. Three on three off is a heck of a lot better than most of my schedules.

    There is no good reason for you to quit your job. If he can't deal with it that's his problem, not yours.

  • That's just crazy when you have a job like that you don't give it up. You can fly all over the world practically for free and you can give your friends and family member buddy passes. My sister works for Delta Airlines I know all about it

    • @asker, i really hope you don't leave your job...

    • @OrangeBoy I'm not planning on it. I talked with him and we are on a "break" now while he figures out what to do since i said I wouldn't quit. Honestly I don't think we will get back together : why are men such assholes?

    • @OrangeBoy sorry just venting ignore me

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 12

  • You're royalty screwed. I'm in the aviation industry and just letting you know that yeah you're screwed lol. Aviation and having a significant other does not usually end so well you have to choose one or the other.

  • I will agree that marriage/family and your career ambitions conflict.
    What does he do for work and what is his income?
    Can you transfer to a ground-based position and stay with the airline?

  • You have not done enough to convince him.

    Post marriage, if both of you see, that your job is bringing in some impediments, you can always quit, or get a desk op.

  • Were I you, I would not quit.

  • Well he does make a valid point with your job/career if you have a family with this man you'll never see them and you'll miss all the important moments in your children's lives' they won't even really know you.

    How are you gonna sustain a marriage much less a family with a job that takes you everywhere but home.

    You need to sit down and think about where your priorities lie, is it with your career or with this man and maybe family. Either way your going to get burned either you lose the job or you lose your man.

  • He has a point. He wants to take the next step and have a family which is impossible if you are following your occupation.

    So instead of being upset you NEED to decided where your priorities are and what you want out of that relationship.

  • If you love your job very much and you are passionate about it then you should continue with it. Putting this kind of condition for a marriage proposal is absurd. I have noticed in some of my family friends that a few couple living separately in two countries. If he really loves you and want to marry you then he will change his mind with little persuasion as any husband at first would want to spend most of his time with his partner. If he still puts that condition then you should think again whether he loves you or not?

  • Don't quit your job. Or if you do quit, find something closer to home and then quit.

  • Seeing as how you are 30-35, you are about to throw away one of your last chances for a good catch for a chance to serve people drinks on a sky bus.
    Is that REALLY what you want to do with the rest of your life?

  • It's up to you. But I think it would be wise to keep your career. If your boyfriend doesn't like it, then you might wanna find another man who will accept with what you do.

  • choice is yours. go for priority. all men are same. you can wait for another with good job and bright future.

  • If he truly loves you and wants to marry you, he will respect your desires over his. If he can't be married to you because you fly, you shouldn't be married to him.

  • Don't quit your job. Marrige shouldn't kill one's career anymore. you are not even a soldier whose in different country lol

  • I'd be worried about his mental health. Only a foolish man marries in this day and age. He's lucky you aren't interested in the terms.

  • in this economy, do not quit your job. its one thing to get fired, but, dont' quit UNLESS you already have another one lined up

  • It would upset me too. He's asking way too much. If you love your job, don't quite your job!

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