Why do I have absolutely no sexual desires at all for other people or sex but with this one particular person I turn into a nymphomaniac? Am I broken?

[Anonymous]

I'm 23 and literally in that time I've never found anyone to be sexual attractive. I've had crushes but never had the urge to want tk kiss or do anything sexual with them. And I've only ever really masturbated very few times (most of them where for video for my ex). And speaking of my now ex who I was with him I realized I do apparently have a sex drive... and a high one at that. I'd literally always want to either be giving him oral or sex, and of course I'd crave him touching him touching me. We dated for 5 years and I was very much in love with him and still am sadly. And during that time I'd always have a desire for him and want to be touched by him or have him make love to me. And I had never had urges like thag before and now that we have broken up (it's been 8 months ) I have dated other men and women and haven't had any desires for them or to even touch myself. I've had dreams about my ex and had wet dreams about that but I don't seem to ever have desires for anything with other people. Am I'm broken or something? Because I do wanna get over him... and hopefully start a relationship with someone else and I know sex is a big part of a relationship but I just can't seem to get a desire to sleep with anyone other than him. Even porn or having a guy touch me n any sexual way repulsed me to the point I've even vomited because it's so unappealing to me (that happened once b4 I met my ex and once about 3 months ago )

[MrOracle]

It sounds like you are an exaggerated version of most women.

We all know that (straight) guys have sexual desire for any girl they find physically attractive - which is a LOT of girls. But most girls don't really have sexual desire for guys unless they FIRST have an EMOTIONAL CONNECTION with one. Then, that emotional connection "unlocks" her sexual desires.

Now, granted, most women will have sexual desire for the rare, super-hot guy, or the super-popular, or super-confident guy - but it's often more of a fantasy thing than "real" - and she may fantasize and masturbate to that fantasy, but she doesn't actually expect to get with that guy.

You are just more extreme - you are ONLY sexually attracted to a guy that you have a STRONG emotional connection with AND you've built some trust with. Until you get to that point - which you'll never get to with MOST men - you can't be sexual. But when you DO find a man you have that kind of connection with, your inner nympho is unleashed - for HIM and only him.

That might be difficult for you when you're single, and maybe for the guys you try to date that don't "do it for you" - but it won't be a problem for the guys you do in fact have that deep emotional connection with.

[Asker]

so does that mean I'm demisexual as some of the other people suggested?

[MrOracle]

Yes, I'm pretty sure that's exactly what you are.

[Asker]

is that bad?

[MrOracle]

No. It's less common, certainly, but not "bad" per se. Obviously a guy who is looking for casual sex with you, or who doesn't "click" with you emotionally - is going to see it as a bad thing, but for the guys you DO have a connection with, they'll see it as a good thing - a positive. And which one do you think is more important?

[Asker]

the last one. lol I've lost a few guys because of that problem, I always assumed I was broken because of being sexually abused as a kid. But I guess since I'm probably demisexual that and the abuse caused it to be hard for me to want sex with someone I don't love or trust

[MrOracle]

Bingo.

[Asker]

So I got messed up because of that?

[MrOracle]

How could you not? Anyone would. Sexual abuse causes mental injuries just like, say, car or sports accidents cause physical injuries. And most of the time, those injuries don't heal - or heal completely/correctly - without professional treatment and without therapy/rehabilitation (i. e., hard work on the part of the injured person). The fact that you were "injured" is not your fault - anymore than if someone crashed their car into you - but the damage is just as real, and you may never be 100% the same. That doesn't mean your life is ruined or anything - that's also a choice - it just means you may have to do some things differently, and make some different choices. You can still be a success in every way that matters - or not, as you choose.

[amphet11]

You are the poster child that is the fucking warped world of female sexuality. Anthropologists say women don't even have a sexual orientation, just an amorphous mess based on narcissistic sexual self affirmation. Actually i take that back, female sexuality is fucked up, but you are on another level. You are a weird sect of demisexuilty, but like i said above you do't really have a sexual orientation, you aren't attracted to anything gender specific.

[Asker]

Ok I don't understand anything you said other than I'm probably broken as far as sexuality goes

[amphet11]

To grossly simplify it, you are demisexual (look it up), although that is a colloquial term.

[Asker]

Is it possible I could be like this due to sexual abuse as a child?

[amphet11]

Shit sorry, I myself am a psychologist (not in practice, but i have my degree). I

[amphet11]

Didn't mean to send that message, if you have any questions, ask me though private message (or on this thread) i am at least qualified as a professional.

[Asker]

I'm not sure what to ask

[amphet11]

Anything, were do you want to start? my knowledge is eclectic. I can charge about $70 an hour for my services, but ill answer anything you ask. Nothing is embarrassing, i have lived far worse than you cam think of.

[Asker]

Lol did u just say I would have to pay you? That's the main reason I can't get any help about that because I could never afford it

[amphet11]

No. you don't have to pay anything, just ask me what you want, i am just informing you that i am technically a professional.

[Asker]

Is it normal for someone who got molested as a kid to find sex repulsive and free up if someone even hugs them?

[amphet11]

Normal? no! Rare? not either. You are going to have to give me more detail. You can private message me if you feel comfortable about it. It can help, i remember seeing therapists all the time for my drug addiction. If you don't want to though, i understand, it's always hard.

[Asker]

ok I'll message u

[bunanababa]

You're not broken. You're just still emotionally attached with your ex plus you still love him so having sex with other people of even thinking about it seem wrong to you. If you really love him then maybe you should get him back

[Asker]

I would but I don't think he wants me

[bunanababa]

Have you tried? you'll never know if never try

[Asker]

Yeah I've tried, he's off at college away from where I live and doesn't answer any of my messages. And I can't go to his house either so

[bunanababa]

I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe it's time to forget about him and move on for your own sake

[Asker]

I'm trying it's just annoying and really hard for me to for some reason

[bunanababa]

Yeah, I know. I have trouble forgetting my ex too. Even though he was a total douchebag when we were still together. But I know Im better off without him and I deserve someone better than him. Keeping myself busy with friends and family really help

[Anonymous]

You are a demisexual. Congrats. The burden is heavy

[super147]

There are actually more girls who don't masturbate than you think. Many girls don't have any particular sex drive outside of a relationship. Perhaps you require both the emotional connection and the trust in order to engage with your sexual side. You need to be aroused mentally and emotionally to be aroused physically. I don't think that it's anything to worry about. If you've felt it with one guy you can feel it with another guy, it will just take time to meet the right guy.

[Asker]

So I'm not broken sexually?

[super147]

Not broken at all, you have proven that you can be a sexual person in the right circumstances. You just need the right circumstances. There is no need for you to be masturbating and feeling horny all the time. If anything you're kind of lucky that you don't, it will make life less frustrating.

[Asker]

Is it possible I could be like this due to sexual abuse as a child?

[super147]

It is possible, sure, if you have reason to believe that you were sexually abused. That can most definitely affect your sexual behaviour. For some people it can make them the opposite way to you, it can make them very promiscuous. It's different for each individual. If you have reason to believe that abuse is a factor then it would be a good idea to talk to a professional about that.

[Asker]

I know I was abused as a kid, I just was never sure if it's why I'm like I am now. I always just thought I was broken

[super147]

You're not broken, that's entirely the wrong word to use. Maybe you have sustained some emotional scarring but you are not beyond repair. You have the chance to live a full and happy life. If you feel like your life is being affected by your past then you will likely need to face that past in order to get past it. This can only be done with professional help, with a qualified counsellor. I'm sorry that you have suffered abuse.

[Asker]

So in other words I probably need a therapist or someone to help ke get over it?

[super147]

It would usually be the case, yes, particularly if you feel it is affecting your life. It's personal choice. If you are happy with your life and you don't feel like it's holding you back in any way then you don't need to do anything.

[hollygoeslightly]

That's sexual chemistry.

[SuccessfulHornDog]

I haven't experienced anything like this

[Asker]

Yeah I feel like I'm broken. I don't even ever have the urge to touch myself or any of those normal things others feel. And I feel like something must b wrong with me

[SuccessfulHornDog]

I don't want you to feel broken. I just don't have an answer for this. Maybe a professional could help

[LastNightmare]

enjoy your life.

[Asker]

what does that mean

[LastNightmare]

it means, don't bother about the same thing. you've got life, love and live it your we way

[scooogy]

Do you have any fetishes or sexual kinks?

[Asker]

with him I did yeah

[scooogy]

I don't see how kinks can be about certain people

[Asker]

Eh I just don't want to do them with other people. It only excited me when I was with him

[scooogy]

would you mind messaging me?

[Anonymous]

I guess because you have never found anyone better than him in certain qualities that your ex had

[Asker]

But shouldn't I jave normal people urges to like masturbate and stuff? I don't even have those

[Opinion Owner]

Not if you're blocking in mind the fact that you'll never find someone like him and maybe you're punishing yourself in a way to not let yourself enjoy sex with out him , there must have been something unique about him that got you that way

[Asker]

But even before him I was 18 when I met him and even before that I never jad any sexual urges

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe it's some type of chemistry between you that he gives off pheromones that triggers it

[Anonymous]

You just have feelings for the guy

[Asker]

I'm aware of that. But y can't I even seem to find the desire to masturbate or even watch porn like normal people. I literally don't even have the urge to touch myself ever. And I know everyone else does

[Opinion Owner]

That's not true. When I was in love with my first girlfriend I could look at playboy and not even get aroused. The only thing that got me off was thinking of her. I was into her THAT deep. It's happened to a lot of us

[Asker]

So it could just b that I have to have an emotional connection to someone to want to do those things?

[Opinion Owner]

Right now yes. I don't want to say it will be like this the rest of your life because things change obviously but right now that seems to be the case, and it's not uncommon at all.

[Asker]

But didn't u when u weren't n a relationship ever masturbate or think about sex? I literally never did that at all until I met my ex and now I'm back to that

[Opinion Owner]

Really no I didn't. I may have once or twice Just experimenting with my body type of stuff, but until I met her I never really did it. Then BOOM I couldn't stop touching myself lol

[Asker]

But is it normal to be so repulsed by being touched sexual by someone other than him and even myself to start throwing up?

[Opinion Owner]

That's a little unusual. That would suggest counseling

[Asker]

And is it possible I could be like this due to sexual abuse as a child?

[Opinion Owner]

You definitely should seek counseling

[Asker]

I plan on it, but could that be why I'm like this?

[Opinion Owner]

I wouldn't hazard to guess I'm not a professional