I lost my virginity last night and it just didn't feel as good as I thought it would. Is it just me?

[Anonymous]

I think society has had a big influence on me what sex would be like it set huge expectations like this is what you been waiting for all these years for the heaven will open up, your about to become a man blah blah blah. My main concern going into it was I would cum really quickly with in a couple of pumps, boy was I wrong once the condom went on i struggled to stay hard like wtf what happened to my dick. Even when It was in it took a couple minutes to get completely hard if I wasn't quick switching positions it would go soft or if I would go too slow it would start to get soft again so I really had to pound her to keep it hard that was fun but a little tiring. It was probably a straight 5 minutes of hard doggystyle until I finally busted i think i lasted about 13 minutes beginning to end I never expected that to happen my first time after 10 minutes I just wanted to cumm already.

Her pussy felt great it was tight and she was really hot but it just wasn't as good as I thought it would be. While I was going at it i kept on thinking I wish I could take the condom of for i can feel the heat and get my dick wet but I couldn't risk it. Other than the condom Im not sure what else could have made it difficult to get hard maybe all these years of masturbation and porn numbed me down there. I did masturbate an hour befor that could have been it or maybe it was the nerves to preform well. Have you ever had a problem staying hard/getting hard, do you think cutting down on porn will help I watch it about twice a week.

[lightbulb27]

Sounds like you did extremely well. Some guys can't even perform first time. I'd say what you described is very normal. It will get better as you practice and as you develop greater connection with your woman. It actually does take some getting used to. Condoms change the whole thing.

Yes... porn, masterbation will mess you up for a while, so you probably need to back off ideally the porn. There are recovery groups in it with many men whose lives were trashed, be forewarned... it isn't your friend. Masterbation is tough to master, so not sure what to say about that.

In general... sex is way over hyped and sold. It can be great at times, difficult at others, sometimes doesn't work, etc.. It is way over sold. Just think of it as one type of good chemical you have at your disposal and there are others in love, romance, giving, etc.. Its a concoction to build connection. The better your relationship is or the more the thrill is, probably the better.

oh man... here you go... did I tell you to run for your life yet:)... lol!

[Asker]

I wouldn't say I'm addicted I watch porn about once or twice a week but I will cutt back anyways see if it helps. Have you had sex with out a condom?

[lightbulb27]

Yes. Better, not a tremendous amount. it may depend on the person you are with, or on your sensitivity. I wonder if sensitivity changes with masterbation (lack of), but I'm not educated on that. I do know the porn and such can impact erection quality... it is complex thing, a lot of attributes can. There is no way around the brain chemistry as far as I know. You do something that feels good, you get a dopamine hit. After a while, your body expects it. To "quit" you need to quit. This is why noone should take drugs or be aware of drug addictive history and avoid thoset hings they may be pre-disposed to (alcohol, coffee, etc..). I'd just not take drugs and just be aware of the sexual part. People on this site say "I don't get bonded", and maybe it I don't understand the whole chemical process, but there is one... Good for you for using your brain and not taking risks, cause it isn't worth it.

[Asker]

I have a theory that maybe after all these years of masturbation and porn my dick got so conditioned to the feeling of my hand that every other sensation just doesn't feel right. that in a way it's an acquired feeling lol but I guess only time will tell i just hope i won't have to wait too long for my next chance.

[lightbulb27]

your theory may be right, worth some research.

[lightbulb27]

yes, gotta learn somehow. It isn't like it is in the media. more experience makes things easier

[truthbeknown]

I like to describe first time sex as putting up a six man camping tent without instructions. Awkward, frustrating, nerve wrecking and never sure if it is going right! This is why I laugh at people who hold on and cherish virginity like it is this all-mighty, super special and precious thing. IT ISN'T!!! It's important to be with someone you care about, but other than that, virginity is something to fucking get rid of!!! My first time was a lot like yours. It will get better and better and will rock after some practice! Don't worry, you'll be putting up that tent like a boss in no time!!

[Asker]

thanks i hope so your right people put to much importance on it I never really put virginity on a pedestal I just wanted to fuck I'm glad it's done

[truthbeknown]

It is hard to find the hole, just like anything else new. She still has to guide it sometimes for me!

[redeyemindtricks]

Ok, see, here's the thing: When most people fuck, they're actually INTO the OTHER PERSON.

What gets *most* people off, is the combination of (1) the actual physical sensations of sex itself, AND (2) the ATTRACTION they feel to whomever they're in bed with.

You, on the other hand, are describing this experience as though it were LITERALLY an act of masturbation. There's not a single comment about THE WOMAN... or about yr attraction to HER... or *anything* other than the physical sensations you felt on yr dick and the surrounding area.

Uh...
Yeah.

Dude, if you want to masturbate, then, yes... using yr hand is going to feel better than using a female body.
Seems you've learned this, now.

Now when you want to FUCK, on the other hand... that's an absolutely mind-blowingly awesome experience.

[jacquesvol]

@redeyemindtricks I second that! :)

[redeyemindtricks]

@jacquesvol <3

[Asker]

I have talked about her with some people on the comment section I doubt you looked through all of them. I just didn't want to make the summary to long but I was very attracted to her I wouldn't have had sex with her if I wasn't. ideally I would have liked it to be with a girlfriend but i never got the chance and your right i didn't have any real feelings for her. so maybe that could have had a little something to do with it.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I have never used a condom in my life because I'm on bc and only have my boyfriend as my current partner. He wasn't my first however.
When I lost my virginity, I felt nothing. It didn't feel good. It didn't hurt. The fuck I didn't even bleed xD. Like my ex would try to pound me and all I felt was the bed just shaking. I'd be like "is it in? are you done yet?"
but now after that shitty experience and only having sex with my ex once, I'm with my current boyfriend and actually enjoy sex now
society makes your first time sound SOOOOO great but in reality it sucks. Honestly you probably were just nervous, that's why your dick would get soft.

[Asker]

do you think it was better with your boyfriend because you have an emotional connection with him or what made it better with time?

[Opinion Owner]

I definitely think it's because my boyfriend and I have a deep emotional connection compared to my ex

[Asker]

I didn't have any real feelings towards the girl I was with it was a bit underwhelming tbh I just wonder if I would have felt different about it if it was with some one I cared about

[Opinion Owner]

Possibly. We're you nervous or did you have high expectations that prevented you from being in the moment?

[Asker]

I was a little nervous that I would cumm to soon but i was more anxious to get it over with. my expectations were sky high because of what society conditions your brain to think it will be like. once I was in i thought is this it it felt nice but is this really what every one has been raving about what I been waiting damn near my whole life for. I think the act of having sex was more exciting than the actual feeling. the ironic part was once I was driving back home i was thinking about use having sex and I got a bonner I was like wtf where the fuck were you when I needed you lol face palm

[Opinion Owner]

I totally get you. I was like that before in the beginning with my boyfriend. I used to have insecurity and trust issues due to my ex and once i let that go, everything was perfect with my boyfriend (sorry i didn't add this to the last comment when you asked. I took time to think about why i couldnt feel anything) And i understand how you found the act to be more exciting than the feeling because it was your first time. I felt that way and i was like "thats it?" To my ex😂 Dont worry. I understand how you feel. Next time, keep in mind not to be nervous, not to worry if you're gonna cum. Ideally, during sex, you should focus on what pleases your partner. But in your situation, try to discover what you really like with your body or what you desire to do to a girl

[Asker]

thanks for all the advice do you have any recommended positions or any moves to try out that feel good ideally something rough. I think all these years of porn watching had an effect on me i felt like the passionate stuff was a bit boring.

[Opinion Owner]

Well the sex between me and my boyfriend isn't always passionate. Some days its loving, some days its kinky But experiment with doggy, or let your girl ride you. I find having a guy on top be nice and intimate. Riding is also loving sometimes

[Asker]

how do you feel about light choking and hair pulling like should i ask before or just do it and see how she responds?

[Opinion Owner]

You probably should ask her about that

[Tamera952]

Oh yeah definitely ask before hand – that's a joint decision

[Asker]

do you like stuff like that @Tamera952

[Tamera952]

Stuff llike what exactly

[Asker]

rough sex like hair pulling choking, spanking etc. and do you think most girls would like that or few?

[Tamera952]

Most guys don't get a road map for all the twists and turns down there, sounds completely normal not to be able to locate your target so to speak… Girls are like a loose meat sandwich down there.
I don't think it has anything to do with porn - but jacking off so soon prior to your event maybe - A lot of people first time sucks so join the club! It's not all it's cracked up to be it's not all that you think it's going to be

[Asker]

thanks i felt like I was in Narnia for the first time a whole new world lol

[tinyclit]

Guy it'll get better. I highly suggest you get into a monogamous boyfriend / girlfriend relationship, both get tested negative for STDs, get her onto birth control and dispense with the condoms that are strangulating your cock into a limp noodle. Your sex will be better that way. You can then also both thoroughly enjoy oral sex which is way better than sexual intercourse. :)

[Asker]

thanks i think that's what Ima have to do when I get a girlfriend

[yotes-of-472]

Birth control is a sin and unnatural. Fertility rules, contraception drools!!

[tinyclit]

@yotes-of-472 so is brushing your teeth, putting on clothes and flying in airplanes, but I don't see you letting your teeth rot, going naked this winter or walking across the ocean rather than flying. You probably do 20 unnatural things before leaving your home every morning.

[Asker]

just ignore him he's not worth the time

[yotes-of-472]

But none of those unnatural things purposely prevent a future fruit of our sex to be birthed in the form of a baby. A precious gift.

[yotes-of-472]

Maybe you aren't either, asker. Afraid to use username and hide as an anonymous asker.

[IvyOp]

It takes practice. The fist time is never what you think it will be.

[NicknameShirt]

I'm still a virgin at 21 and feel like I'm not really a man yet for it. In my class the only three guys that are still virgins are me and two (sorry to say it) losers. I'm respected and liked, but I just don't ever go there. Too insecure, too picky.
Interesting to hear the first time experience of someone my age. How did you come to the point of this happening?
And yo, don't feel bad. It will get better with time and experience.

[Asker]

ya know i always thought It would be with a girlfriend but i never had one i just have problems clicking never had feelings for any girls. I don't have problems talking to girls and flirting stuff like that I guess I'm a little picky and didn't want to force a relationship. Eventually by time went by reaching the age of 20 still carrying the vCard I said fuck I just want to fuck and get it over with. since I wasn't going to school I signed up on ok cupid it's like tinder but better lol. About a month later I got laid im pretty sure it was just a one night stand so that kinda of sucks. i never thought It would happen this way. I think people put to much emphasize on virginity it doesn't make you any less of a man it'll happen. Are you waiting for a specific reason or has it just not happened yet?

[NicknameShirt]

Thanks for the reply man. I like your attitude. In my life I've loved 3 women only. I don't care to have sex with people I just find attractive, I just entertain the fantasy. With the women I've loved I really couldn't think of anyone but her, but it's just been for women I couldn't have. So nothing. I guess it would just be pretty meaningless for me if it wasn't someone I really loved, and I haven't had someone I love. Feels like I might never get there. I don't know how you go about finding someone you love and then get with them. How was the girl? Shy? She just wanted to fuck as well?

[Asker]

those three girls you loved were you in a relationship with them it might have just been lust right? It probly won't be so great for you either if it isn't with someone you care about. she just wanted sex and I knew it first day I hit her up we exchanged nudes and sexted so I knew she wasn't in it for a relationship. it's funny I thought I hyped myself up to much through text when I said I would tear it up but that's exactly what I did 😎 I might have went a little to hard at the end but I didn't know her so I didn't really care

[EmmRodgers]

Hey,

My partner had his 18tb birthday at the end of November, and I was a virgin at the time, first couple times felt OK-ish... but 3rd time in and it feels amazing!
Already got an action plan for the 4th!

[Asker]

what was it that made it better any advice?

[JuicyBrain]

That's how it's done ! Nothing is perfect the first time you do it. If you just give yourself a chance to get better, then you WILL get better...

[writing_essays]

I heard the Jonas brother that got married after being abstinent before marriage said the same thing - he was surprised that it wasn't anywhere near as exciting as he thought it would be.

[Asker]

intresting

[writing_essays]

I think when you don't have something you might idealize it and overthink how good it would be to have it. For example - I had been craving pizza from pizza hut for 2 days but when I ate it I was disappointed - it didn't taste as good as I had envisioned it would in my mind.

[Asker]

that's actually a good example i been thinking about it for damn near my whole life imaging having my mind blown with ethnicity. then when it finally happend I thought well this is nice that was about it no fire works.

[writing_essays]

I think this is the case with many things that people pursue. True satisfaction comes from within.

[Asker]

true

[LittleSally]

Out of those options... I pick the last one I guess... since neither apply to me.

Yeah - it's going to be bad... always... (almost always) It's just the fact that if you don't really like or love that person - it's not going to be good...

Also - switching positions and "performing" isn't really meant to happen during the first time, nor the second... You're there to get the hang of it first.

[Asker]

it wouldn't go as far to say it was bad. what do you mean not switching positions should i have stayed in one position for the whole 12 minutes wouldn't it get a bit boring?

[LittleSally]

Yes... in one position... 12 minutes - yes... one position... Your first time - yes, one position... Wouldn't be boring if it was done propperly. It takes time but one position for even 30 minutes can be great... if done right.

[Asker]

what position would you recommend other than missionary I found it a bit boring tbh it seems more like a position when there's feelings involved

[LittleSally]

I recommend you falling in love before trying this again... That's what I recommend.

[Asker]

but that could be years and more years I can't wait that long to have sex again

[LittleSally]

It's utlimately your life... do what you want - but it won't get any better...

[shortandsweet24]

No. It's a little... disillusioning. Too much buildup makes it feel like it should be incredible when really it is painful, and nervewracking...

[Asker]

yea it really wasn't as great as i was hoping I enjoyed it but I think Hollywood hypes it up to much

[shortandsweet24]

Yes. They do. It mostly just hurts and afterwards, you feel disappointed by it. But, thankful that you had the experience.

[Asker]

well it didn't hurt cus I'm a guy lol I am glad I had the experience I don't regret it at all. how old were you when you lost your virginity?

[shortandsweet24]

For the girl, it hurts... And, 25. My choice. I had the opportunity, just not the urge...

[Asker]

do wish you waited longer if you had a do over

[shortandsweet24]

Until I met the man I'm currently seeing? Yes.

[abw121290]

@shortandsweet24. That's very sweet

[shortandsweet24]

@abw121290 You think so?

[abw121290]

@shortandsweet24. Yes I do

[shortandsweet24]

@abw121290 I would hope you would have said that.

[SarahsSummer]

I second what @redeyemindtricks said. Doesn't sound like you had any connection to your "date" other than as a masturbation device.

[Asker]

I wouldn't say that but yea they were no real feelings involved it was just sex ideally I would have liked it to be different but it happened. how was it for you your first time?

[SarahsSummer]

It hurt but it was ok and ultimately better than I had anticipated.

[Asker]

why better

[SarahsSummer]

Because I loved my boyfriend and it was a special time and he was great with me.

[redeyemindtricks]

Tx for the vote of confidence bb 💟

[Asker]

que?

[Asker]

so what is it about love that makes sex better

[SarahsSummer]

You'll just have to experience it to understand.

[Asker]

but that could be years and more years 😧☹

[summiter]

I'm sure a lot of it was nerves and expectations from porn. Was your orgasm ok? It will only get better with time. Try a lot more foreplay and have her get you way hard with her hand or tongue first. Enjoy the buildup and try some different positions and just enjoy the experience. Did you go for round two? Sometimes that can be way better...

[Asker]

yea it was a good orgasm not the best but good your right about the forplay I think I should have took my time to get a good build up. I was hard in her mouth but as soon as the condom went on i would start to go soft. We went 2 rounds I think I psyched myself out the second round it got a little harder to stay hard. I kept thinking I hope I stay hard and don't fuck this up. The first round was actually like 7 minutes the 2nd was maybe 12/15 minutes but after 10 minutes I just wanted to cumm. I'm sure I could have lasted longer if I tried, I never thought I would have lasted this long.

[Asker]

I tried 4 position doggystyle, prone bone, reverse cowgirl, and missionary wasn't so great my favorite was doggystyle it had a great view. what position would you recommend?

[scragbas]

I didn't wear a rubber, so yeah I felt amazing the first time. it still feels amazing.

[Asker]

how long did you last

[scragbas]

like 5 seconds

[Asker]

damn how about now and have you ever tried it with a condom?

[scragbas]

with a condom I last like 45 minutes because I can't feel much. now, without one it varies. really depends on my mind set sometimes only a few minutes, sometimes like 20-25 minutes.

[karahiri]

oh dear... you sir have strengthened my resolve to become a bride of Christ.

[Asker]

😅 why do you say that

[karahiri]

the whole situation sounds a bit sad, you know? not your fault- i agree that sex is probably overrated and built up to be something it's not.

[Asker]

cus I couldn't get hard? 😔

[karahiri]

no dude! i mean the whole experience! sigh... i don't think i'm being very articulate tonight :(

[Asker]

it's ok I was just surprised with the outcome

[iFarted]

With the right person, it's one of the most amazing feeling you will have in life.

[redeyemindtricks]

@iFarted It's pretty damn good even with the wrong person.

[iFarted]

@redeyemindtricks haha, won't argue against that :P

[Tamera952]

She doesn't know what she's saying… Anyone becoming a bride of Christ is already damaged goods! Yeah that'll serve the world needs go be a bride of Christ ! You must enjoy that kind ofmisery

[SovereignessofVamps]

I think you're exaggerating honestly. I doubt you switched to a lot of different positions your first time! And you would be asexual why... you have barely any experience. It's not supposed to be perfect.

[SovereignessofVamps]

And guys have told me condoms can make them last longer or full the feeling a bit. But the mental makes up for that and fixes issues. Just practice.

[SovereignessofVamps]

*dull not full

[Asker]

what part do you think im exaggerating in about the time? tbh I didn't even want to last that long I don't know anybody on here so there's no need for my to brag. im definitely not asexual I just put that up as an option for those who are or just wanted to see the poll. I know the condom took a lot of feeling away I wanted to get my dick wet but I wasn't about to pull off the condom.

[Asker]

I went two rounds in those two rounds I was able to try 4 diffrent position missionary prone bone cowgirl and the go to doggystyle missionary was actually my least favorite

[Tamera952]

agreed what's with the stark choices for your multiple-choice? 'Not as great' or 'asexual' those are some extreme choices?

[Asker]

how is not as great extreme what else what I put if anything a 1000 angle kisses sounds extreme

[likitb4istickit]

Eh it shouldn't count as losing it if you wore a condom, since technically your dick didn't touch her pussy. I lost mine bareback and it was still "meh" though. She was a virgin too but was kinda ugly so I didn't even cum (we both gave up trying after about an hour since it was getting dark (we were in the woods). Physically it felt like I thought it would, warm and a bit slimy/wet. I was more enjoying the adrenaline rush from doing something new/different I haven't done before and enjoying it in 3D with all 5 senses rather than fapping to it on a 2D screen with just sight and sound.

[Asker]

same here

[VirginiaBeachBum]

"Other than the condom Im not sure what else could have made it difficult to get hard"

Nervousness.

[jacquesvol]

Over the years, people of both sexes build too great expectations about that 1st. time in their minds.
It takes some time to know each other and to learn to play the delicate instrument a body can be (your own body and your partner's body), thus the 1st. 'performance' will rarely be the best.
Which music player ever got a prize the first time he took an instrument in his hands?
Which writer ever got the Nobel prize for his first book?
Which runner ever won his first run?
Train, train, exercise and you'll get better at it.
The exercises will be fun, trust me. ;)

[es20490446e]

https://youtu.be/DEbkPjk1vUk

[Asker]

random ass video

[The_Abortionist]

Your dick is broken

[Nelsoen]

Lol it was the condom

[BeastRB]

It wouldn't hurt to watch less porn. And it was probably just nerves

[Centurion20000]

It's that way for almost EVERY guy.
If you came fast with a condom you're going to be like a hair-triggered shotgun without one.
BOOM!! ...

[Asker]

I thought that would be the case but it was the complete opposite I think I could have lasted a decent time with out one but I'm not risking no babies.

[ColinHarvey]

No, sex isn't that great. We live in a bust-a-load culture that glorifies a loveless shag and tells everyone to go out and get all sorts of STDs cause that's the pinnacle of love apparently. Instant gratification.