Is porn cheating? Yes, or no?

[Kittykat87]

I read an article about how porn is an opening to and somewhat is cheating a couple of weeks ago and I have to say that I am starting to believe that it does "open the door." My boyfriend claims that he doesn't watch porn anymore, though, because he knows how i feel... but how do i know that he ever truly stopped watching it? He has some saved to his computer, I don't really like going through his phone unless I have to, but anyways...

How does everyone see it? Does anyone else get a little hurt when they find out that their significant other has been watching porn?

It makes me think sometimes that I'm not sexy enough and what not.

[CyberToothTiger]

Most relationship counselors will have experienced the damage that cheating and infidelity has on a relationship. Most of us would see going to bed with someone other than your partner as infidelity; so when it comes to watching and using pornography, is your partner cheating?

The big problem here is how you see the word cheating. The issue seems to revolve round how it makes the partners feel. So, if both watch pornography together, perhaps as part of their sex life, that does not feel like cheating. If one partner watches pornography with the consent of the other and they still have a healthy relationship together, again that doesn’t feel like cheating. The problems really start to arise when the secretive nature of watching pornography comes to the fore. When one partner feels cheated of the intimacy of the relationship by their partner’s use of pornography, it is easy to see this as cheating.

While around 25% of pornography use is by women, the problems of pornography are mostly a male problem. Many websites have posts where women are shocked to see what their partner is watching (often discovered by accident) it makes them question their relationship and how their partner sees them.

Similarly, many men are trapped by internet pornography; it has developed into an addiction, they perhaps cannot perform without access to pornography, and they spend more and more time finding the right “perfect” images.

Often the problems have started because of problems in the relationship. Perhaps there is a difference in libido; perhaps there are unresolved issues that prevent the partners becoming intimate. Perhaps it is circumstance; you are just tired all the time and intimacy is the last thing on your mind. Perhaps your sex-life has become routine and you never discuss it. One partner may feel that it is a problem yet the time is never found to address the relationship. All of these can, over time, drive one partner (often the man) to surf the net for pornography.

Dealing with the problem is about addressing the cause of the problem, identifying where the problems are in the relationship and trying to address these, and perhaps learning to talk about subjects that have been historically difficult such as sex. It is worth noting that demanding why someone is looking at pornography is unlikely to bear fruit; while you may be angry at your partner’s use of pornography, they are more likely to respond to the feelings that it generates in you.

[CyberToothTiger]

Often a counsellor can help you to talk about the issue and help you deal with feelings of hurt, betrayal and loss. The objective is to get the relationship back to a point where the intimacy between you and your partner means that cheating with pornography is not worth it. Finally, it is worth noting that there is help if you feel that you have become addicted to pornography and, like any other addiction, counseling and support groups are available.

[Anonymous]

No it's not.

Dan Savage puts it best: All men look at porn--men with hot girlfriends, men with dumpy girlfriends, men with 10 girlfriends, men with no girlfriends. The handful of men who claim they don't look at porn are liars or castrates. Tearful discussions about your insecurities will not stop a man from looking at porn. That's why the best advice for straight women is this: GET OVER IT. If you don't want to be with someone who looks at porn--if you can't handle it--get a woman, get a dog, or get a blind guy. I'm sorry if you think that's insensitive--no, wait: I'm not sorry. I sincerely believe that "Get over it" is the best possible advice for women bothered by porn.

It is common for women to think their men are comparing them to the gals in porn, but believe me, we don't. Men are much simpler than that: We enjoy looking. When we regard a passing Porsche with awe, it doesn't mean we really want to own one or that we hate our little Honda.

If you feel insecure about porn, you should feel a LOT more insecure whenever he leaves the house. The women he sees on the street every day are far more accessible than the ones on the page, his VCR, and computer screen. But it's a lot of work to get to know someone new, and we tend to like our significant other for a host of reasons besides mere looks.

[IronicallyInnocent]

Porn is a big industry, highly demanded. Porn is virtual and in no way would i ever consider it cheating if my partner watched porn. I watch porn. I've never once cheated on any of my partners due to the fantasy world of porn, it's simply a helping hand to get off. - The only time I'd ever be 'hurt' by that is if my partner turned down sex with me for porn, that's when it would be a problem, and most likely a psychological one as porn has been proven to be 'addictive'. If your partner watched porn to get off whilst you are at work or unable to actually have sex, then why can't they masturbate to porn? They aren't exactly with a hooker or something, just a computer screen on their desk.
Feeling unattractive or not as wanted by a video shows signs of deeper insecurities that you should most likely talk to your partner about.
Please note, this is all my opinion and general knowledge as a sexual behaviour student.

[kaylaS91]

I don't get hurt when I find out that my boyfriend has been watching porn. I mean, it's not like he's been fucking/messing around with other girls through the screen of his laptop or anything. I don't think of porn as all that different than finding people of the opposite sex to be attractive in rl. Which may be frustrating when you're in a new relationship but I don't like thinking of being in a relationship as equating to neither of us finding others in the least bit attractive anymore, or having sexual fantasies of our own.

Hell, my boyfriend and I often watch porn together. We're both cool with it for the above mentioned reason, as well as knowing that our enjoyment of having sex with each other goes far deeper than how perfectly shaved/curved the other's body is.

[alfonsosloan45]

That sounds disgusting.

[kaylaS91]

@alfonsosloan45 to each their own.

[Edymemelord]

Watching porn is NOT cheating.
They are not actively involved with any other person.
Simply watching two people do the sex :p.

Now getting jealous over it and not wanting your boyfriend to watch it because you feel you're sufficient is perfectly normal too.
But it is NOT cheating.

Also if you told him to stop watching it it might be that he is behind your back to back you feel better but that is a problem you might have brought upon yourself (him lying).
But also a problem with him for lying to you about it.

[MrOracle]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a5423-why-men-watch-porn

[super147]

No, porn isn't cheating and no, porn doesn't lead to cheating. Cheating is not caused by impulses, it is caused by choices. Nothing makes someone cheat other than them making a decision to cheat. Porn can't make you do anything. If porn is a reason for cheating then you could also say that porn is a reason for raping. It isn't. Human beings make decisions, both good and bad. When you make a shitty decision you can't blame anyone or anything but yourself.

[guy532]

Don't see it as cheating one bit, I'd watch porn no matter how happy I am in a relationship and I've never cheated and never plan to either. Your boyfriend is most likely lying to you about him not watching porn and why shouldn't he? It's his private time and he should be able to spend it any way he sees fit and if you don't like it either suck it up or leave.

[annaxoxo]

I didn't think it was a big deal, but my boyfriend believes it's basically cheating. He would feel uncomfortable looking at other naked girls. vi understand where he's coming from, but we are also very sexual so he doesn't really need to masturbate.

[19magic]

Eh I watch porn and never see any harm in it, it's significantly helped me understand what I like and find hot during sex. And it helps me be a better lover too, cus it's not always fun telling each other what to do, if I get a strong reaction from doing something then I'll keep it in mind. If not then I'll disregard it and never try it again.

[TheLuckyPizzaDog]

it's... not cheating...

[OlderAndWiser]

Cheating means that someone says or does something that violates a promise that they made to you. Has he done anything that would viol;ate a promise to you? If so, then it is an indication that maintaining his trustworthiness with you is not his top priority.

[madhatters4]

i don't see it as cheating.

[Azgeda]

Porn is a gateway to cheating the same way pot is the gateway drug to crack cocaine.
Do cheaters watch porn? Probably yeah.
Do people who do crack do pot? Probably yeah.
But is there a causative effect? I don't think so.

[Warmapplecrumble]

I don't think its cheating, but I do think it can cause him to like only those types of women and eventually loose attraction to you...

[fauchelevent]

No, it's not cheating. There's no interaction with another person. Maybe jacking off whilst chatting to someone or chatting to a cam girl or sending people nudes is cheating because that all involves having to interact with someone. Porn is just watching something, consuming media, no interaction with another person at all. It's all good.

[CalebJay18]

I don't think it's cheating, not even close. That's like if a girl reads 50 shades, that's not cheating.

[JuicyBrain]

NO. That is stupid.
You have to be very jealous and so very easily triggered to think so.

[SarahVanRensburg]

For me, porn is cheating. Emotionally cheating. I would not be happy and would probably consider breaking up if he wouldn’t stop.

[Berethor]

Girls just get overjealous over porn, porn is not really cheating, because watching porn is not having sex, your boyfriend don't have sex with the porn actresses in real life, he don't even meet her in real life. Also I don't think that porn "open the door", if anything it's replacement for real cheating, as you better off with boyfriend who watching porn then with boyfriend have sex with other girls in real life. Also we can prove you that it's not cheating but not caring about you watching porn as well. :)

[matheus_mb]

No, not really.

[Drener]

Yes it is cheating

[deraz24]

If I'm not with him I wouldn't necessarily think it's a bad thing

[Your_secret_nerd]

No it's not cheating

[Kittykat87]

Why not, if I might ask? Like for me, we live together. If he has needs, why doesn't he just come to me for them instead of a porn star who is probably a lot prettier than myself?

[super147]

The answer is that sometimes he has the need to satisfy his needs selfishly, without the assistance or intervention of any other physical being. He just wants private time with his own sexual feelings. That is not unhealthy at all.

[Your_secret_nerd]

Exactly. Cheating would be him having sex with with other females. Have you tried asking him why he watches porn instead of going to you? Have you tried acting like a porn star in bed. No hard in that

[anyaa]

yes looking at naked women jerking off