My husband has never made me cum?

I love him dearly, he really is my best friend and my sun, moon and all my stars. But... he's never made me cum. In fact he kind of sucks in the bedroom (I'm saying this after 6 years of being together) I've had many talks with him about it and while he has improved in some areas I don't think he's ever going to be *great*... this makes me ask the question: do you think our marriage will be able to last forever if the sex isn't great? Would YOU stay in a relationship like this?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • You need to realise that most women cannot orgasm from penetration by a penis, and nothing else!
    Most women need to have some digital stimulation of their clitoral area at the same time, it is not the guys or girls fault, it is the way people are made, they vary a lot!
    It is best if the female masturbates herself as required, only she knows what feels good!
    It is also essential to point out that orgasms, for either gender, come from the brain, if you are not turned on you will never orgasm, your mind set needs to be right!
    So, it is perfectly possible for healthy people to orgasm while making love, or with just a good shag!
    Foreplay is necessary in most cases, you can do a lot of fun arousal with fingers and tongues, there should never be penetration by a penis without the female naturally lubricating first.
    Then, when you are fucking, or making love, passion should build automatically if you like, or love, each other, but a bit of clitoral stimulation works wonders, if your mind is in the right place.
    You should be relaxed, with no worrying about work, debts, kids, shopping, mowing the lawn or the colour of the ceiling, you need to be in tune with sexual fun and passion.
    (Premature ejaculation, if that is a problem, is a whole other area)

  • A few things:
    1) Talk to him but try this paradigm:
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10152-how-to-talk-to-your-so-about-sexadigm

    2) Do you know his fantasies, particularly the nasty, dark, kinky ones?

    • Honestly I don't think he has any, if he does he's too embarrassed to share them with me.

    • She says he won't do oral, or foreplay, or even finger her.

    • You may be so sexually incompatible that moving on is the only realistic option.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Someone said he won't do oral, fingering or even any sort of foreplay. Is that true? If so, then I think that's where you guys need to start changing things. Foreplay is extremely important. Giving you oral sex and licking your clit is also very important. He needs to start doing that too. That's my opinion. Ultimately we're each responsible for our own orgasms. He can help you, but he can't make you orgasm, only you can do that. If you're not masturbating regularly, then you should be.

    • I don't think my masturbation schedule has anything to do with it.

    • No of course not, but if he's not able to do it for you, then you should be doing so yourself.

  • I think love, relationship and everything else should out weigh sex (though sex is great)
    do you know how to make yourself get off? if you do then try to guide him to the way you do. many women don't get off during sex, or need a different stimulation as well

  • He could use a toy on you during sex, or you can rub your clit during sex. Although, what does he fail at? Like have you talked to him about exactly what's wrong?

    • I think he biggest issue is time. He has no self control when it comes to his own orgasm.

    • Yeah he cums too fast... If he truly doesn't have control, then he can make you cum from sex before or after, with oral or fingering. That's actually really common.

    • Yeah. I don't know. He's also kind of selfish. Like he doesn't want to take the time to make me cum before or after.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • If ultimate sexual satisfaction was my top priority, I wouldn't get married or at least it'd have to be a polygamous marriage, since I derive the most satisfaction from variety.

    There's a lot more to it than sexual satisfaction, and I think you two can keep working at it. Perhaps some kind of professional could help things out a lot.

    • 👏 BRAVO 👏

  • Can you describe specifically what the problem is?

  • So you have been to therapy, you've talked to him about what u need, you've given him tips and he is still selfish and fast in bed? Six damn years of u not orgasming I would feel ashamed if I was him. If he can't last at least 20mins sometimes you'll never get off. But then again does he try to eat u out? Are u putting a shit ton of pressure on him? My wife cannot cum from penetrative sex she has only ever cum once or twice from it and those times were with me. In the middle I sometimes switch to oral on her so I can make her cum. Or we will switch to anal (she loves it) and she will rub her clit and finger herself so she can get off.

    I've read other posts and ur answers if he's not willing to change in bed after 6 years it's to find someone else it's hard I get it but

  • Saying that someone can't be "great" in bed is like saying someone can't be great at playing an instrument or something else. Its an assumption you can only make if you accept that they will never put down the time and dedication required to learn.

    Anyway as for how important sex is in a relationship? That is individual. Its up to you to say if its a dealbreaker for you or not. If you really dont want to break up the relationship over this and you are feeling its at its breaking point you might even suggest something like an "open" relationship so you can scratch that itch somewhere else. Its up to you really.

  • Well, are you able to make you cum yourself? If you don't know yourself well enough to teach him how to make you cum, it's not something he can guess...

    • I can make myself cum, yeah.

    • Does he even try to make you cum?

    • Not really, no. As I told someone else he's a bit of a selfish lover.

  • I did for 15 years.

  • After 6 years? Really? Some new guys must be drilling your ass.

  • and how do you know what "great" is? had any other men before your husband? also who said he is too blame its not great and not you? also what did you marry him for? great sex or to have a man that loves you and can father your children?

    • Whoa. A lot of questions there.

    • @levantine99 My thoughts exactly.

    • I know what great is because I've had sex with other men. We've literally been to sex therapy because of him, that's how I know it's him and not me. I married him for love and to have a life long partner, but also for great sex. I don't think anyone would fault me for that? Most people want great sex for the rest of their life.

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  • He probably just needs more stamina/testosterone, tell him to hit the gym when he's free but be completely honest. If it hurts his pride it's better that he knows exactly about your circumstance now rather than later

  • you guys gotta try new things to spice up your intimacy

  • Surely you must have known of this before you married him.

    • I did sort of. We only had sex twice before marriage so it was a bit hard to tell...

    • So what makes you think that he is entirely to blame? Have you perhaps looked at, and analysed your own failings.

    • ... I have my ways of knowing.

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  • Wow 6 years! Bloody hell!!

  • Then try some toys like vibrators and try to bring yourself to cum while having sex?

    You said he cums fast? How long does he last?

  • Have you ever Cum?

    • Yes.

    • With a man?

  • How did you fall in love or did you actually ever fall in love? I know you said you have love for him.

  • It doesn't matter as long as he is enjoying it.

  • there are plenty of things u can teach him to help make u cum during sex

    • Like what?

    • Oral or different moves to help him get u to the point of cumming

  • why dont you talk to him again and make a list of how do you like it and what you like first and then after that and then in the end. like make a tutorial and give it to him

  • it will last you all just have to start exploring options.. like toys and gels

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