If you were dating someone who was bisexual, would you want to know before you had sex with them?

OlderAndWiser Editor

If you were dating someone who was bisexual, would you want to know before you had sex with them?

A "gentleman" posted a question: "Should I tell girls I'm bisexual after I hook up with them or right when I'm sure I want a long term relationship with her?"

https://www.girlsaskguys.com/dating/q2253775-should-i-tell-girls-i-m-bisexual-after-i-hook-up-with-them-or-right#new

This guy is convinced that he is on the moral high ground by having sex with a girl without first disclosing his bisexuality. After all, if they have a problem with that they must be bisexual phobic and that is THEIR problem.

I know that it won't mean anything to some girls but I suspect that many girls would never have sex with anyone who they knew to be bisexual. . . and that is their absolute right to make that decision. So, girls, if you were dating a guy and you didn't know he was bisexual, would you want to know before the first time you had sex? Guys, suppose you don't know that your lady friend is bisexual. Do you want to know before you slip her the sausage?

I am a virgin

Vote A

If my partner was bisexual, I would want to know in advance, and I would NOT have sex with him or her

Vote B

If my partner was bisexual, I would want to know in advance, and I might have sex with him or her

Vote C

If my partner was bisexual, I would want to know in advance, and I would definitely have sex with him or her

Vote D

If my partner was bisexual, I would NOT want to know in advance

Vote E

If my partner was bisexual, I would care whether they tell me in advance

Vote F

Select gender and age to cast your vote:

Girl Guy

0 0

Most Helpful Guys

ak666 Editor
+1 y
My wife was kind of a "soft" bisexual. She went to an all-girls school up until university, and in high school she kind of experimented with other girls.

Also she has a habit of french kissing random girls from time to time when she gets drunk. Only thing that bothers me is that I usually can't join in the fun and she'd probably get jealous if I randomly kissed another girl.

As for the question, I'd like to know more in advance but it wouldn't stop me.
0 0 0 0
- ak666
  +1 y
  In her case, I've not found it gets in the way of having a very loving and affectionate wife who might goof around with other girls when tipsy, but always comes home to me as affectionate as ever.
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  I had a significantly different experience with a bisexual wife.
- ak666
  +1 y
  Oh damn. I'm not sure if my wife is bisexual in a hard kind of sense. She told me since she experimented in that all-girls private school and went to university, she absolutely prefers guys. I think her goofing around when she gets drunk is like a former artifact of that experience, but I don't think she'd ever choose a girl over a guy as a partner.
- Show All Show Less
- ak666
  +1 y
  Her whole dating experience from university and onward, for example, was solely guys. I'd say she's like 90% heterosexual and 10% bisexualish.
- letskilldemons
  +1 y
  @ak666 sounds like she's bicurious, not necessarily bisexual. But then, only she can define her sexuality.
unknownpoet Xper 5
+1 y
in some countries not disclosing that information is a crime.
3 1 0 0

Most Helpful Girls

Rina_colada Xper 5
+1 y
I tell people in advance so there isn’t any surprises but also because i don’t give a fuck. I know some people are intimidated or feel like I’ll cheat them or any other stereotype in the book. But it’s not as serious as “I have AIDS” or “I’m married but in an open relationship”. So information like that doesn’t need to be tol if they don’t want to.
0 1 0 0
cipher42 Yoda
+1 y
I wouldn't care. Nobody expects to be notified beforehand if the person they're sleeping with is straight, so why care about it for bisexuals? Besides, it doesn't exactly affect who the person really is or anything, so meh. There's more important things than sexuality.
3 2 1 0
- KeiranByrne
  +1 y
  Excellent answer!
fauchelevent Master
+1 y
I'm bi so obviously it doesn't matter to me whether they are or not, but I guess it'd be nice to know before we had sex.
1 4 0 0
SvetlanaSavachenko Explorer
+1 y
I let everyone know right up front I'm bisexual so there's no hard feelings. I would appreciate the same in return.
1 2 0 0
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  Very nice! I think that is the most respectful thing to do.

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 7

letuswaltzforthedead Yoda
1 y
If I'm having sex with them, I'm assuming it's in the context of a relationship for my case. I rather know about there body count and things of that sort instead. As long as my partner is attracted to me, I don't want to think about their sexuality.
0 1 0 0
NJ_Casanova Guru
+1 y
G:... It wouldn't matter to me.
0 1 0 0
Blonde401 Guru
+1 y
Legit wouldn't care. All I need to know is if they're clean. Anything else is irrelevant to me. Before or after - whenever he tells me he's bi I wouldn't care. It is your choice to not have sex with someone who's bi but it is still biphobic.
1 1 0 0
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  And if you don't want to have sex with an ugly partner, you are ugly phobic!
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  You know that's not the same. And maybe I do like having sex with ugly people, how would you know? Plenty of gays and straights are biphobic as fuck - it's their right to not have sex with someone but it doesn't mean you're not biphobic.
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  How does someone being bisexual affect you in any way shape or form?
- Show All Show Less
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  Am I required to have sex with an ugly girl unless I can "justify" not being attracted? Am I required to have sex with a tall girl even if I have had bad experiences with tall girls in the past, because my avoidance of tall girls cannot be rationally justified? Why are my choices about partners subject to validation and approval/rejection by you or anyone else?
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  Because you asked the question.
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  I asked responders about their personal preferences. I did not ask them to engage in name calling with anyone with whom they disagreed.
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  It's not name calling. People who refuse to have sex with someone based on their sexuality is phobic. That's a fact. You have quite thin skin.
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  No, I don't. It sounds like you are passing judgment on others who disagree with your choices. How do you justify that behavior? How is that different from the "slut shaming" that seems to be widely condemned by young people on this site? And just what do you mean by using the word "phobic" and why use that word? Are you implying that these people suffer from a mental disorder?
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  Where did I use the words mental disorder? You're really grasping at straws here. biphobic bʌɪˈfəʊbɪk/ adjective having or showing a dislike of or prejudice against bisexual people.
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  And how does it disagree with my choice? It's fine if you don't wanna sleep with bi people, that's your decision. But you are biphobic as a result. I don't see why you care anyway?
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  Not wanting to have sex with a black person doesn't mean that you dislike or fear black people. Same with bisexuals. You believe you are justified in calling other people names because they disagree with your progressive choices. That is the mentality which has our country so bitterly divided. Do you consider yourself a tolerant person?
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  No it makes you prejudice in some way. It's a preference yes and for the 1000 time, you're entitled to your preference but it doesn't mean your not prejudice. And I'm not from your country Hun. I am tolerant. I have lots of biphobic friends.
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  'Calling you names'. Jeez, such thin skin. You don't like bisexual people, you're biphobic. Peace ✌️
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  People don't want to have sex with a bisexual so you label them with an insult. . . and you call that tolerant? Peace out!
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  I'm tolerant that you're free to be as biphobic as you like but that doesn't mean you're not biphobic because you throw a hissy fit and can't take the fact that you are. You are what you are. If you see it as an insult maybe stop acting like a biphobe?
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  Maybe you should stop insulting everyone who does not accept your values. Are you capable of tolerating diversity of opinions and values?
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  Why do you care so much about being called biphobic when you are? Call a spade a spade.
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  You calling someone a name either means that 1. the label you are applying is valid, or 2. you have a problem tolerating anyone who expresses a divergent view. You have obviously decided that you are right and anyone who disagrees with you is wrong. In this instance, I have decided that if I adopt that same attitude - I am right and you are wrong - you really shouldn't complain because I am doing nothing any worse than what you are doing.
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  Fine. Accept that. I don't really care. You hate bisexual people for some reason? And that makes you biphobic. It's like when racist people don't like being called racist but they still are. I have nothing to add unless you want me to repeat my points over and over.
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  If you don't want to have sex with a pony, does that mean you hate ponies? If you don't want to have sex with someone who looks like your father, does that mean that you hate your father? I am beyond patience with the PC crowd labeling everyone who disagrees with their agenda as "phobic." The only positive aspect of that nonsense is that it helped to defeat Hillary Clinton.
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  Ponies aren't human beings. So your argument is invalid. Don't compare bisexual people to other creatures please. You're just proving my point further. And don't bring the election into it. This has nothing to do with the election either.
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  I never said that bisexuals are like animals. I merely used that example to illustrate the insanity in labeling people as phobic. You supplied the misinterpretation so that you would have another excuse to criticize me because, apparently, that is what you perceive to be your strength. "And don't bring the election into it. This has nothing to do with the election either." Yes, I will certainly take orders from you and. . . if you say this has no connection to the election, you MUST be right! After all, you said it and you couldn't be wrong!
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  What does this have to do with the election? I'm English by the way, so I didn't vote or anything. Not sure why you'd bring it up. But if you're just looking for an argument I'm really not interested in arguing with you. Agree to disagree.
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  You're behaving quite childish for someone your age.
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  You act like a bully, trying to shame people into endorsing your opinions lest they be labeled as "homophobic," "bisexual phobic," or "whatever else phobic," and you probably think of yourself as a nice person. Liberals are tyrants who pretend to be motivated by concern for others but they merely want to impose their will on others so that can prove what wonderfully motivated people they are. You are the person praying on the street corner, making a demonstration of your piety. You refuse to accept any rejection of your agenda so go ahead and call me another name.
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  Where did I say what kind of person I am? And I'm not a liberal. Again, not sure what politics has to do with it. But like I said, I don't want an argument. We've agreed on things before, agree to disagree and just chill out.
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  You've basically lambasted me and my sexuality and I feel insulted also. So let's just let it be.
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  Chill out by following your example of chill? Peace out!
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  Wow. I don't understand this level of anger I'm feeling from you. Literally said agree to disagree, I feel it's unfortunate you're bearing such a grudge.
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  by the way, I never lambasted any bisexual; I only said that I would not want to have sex with one of them. If you call that a lambast, you need to stay at home in a very protected environment.
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  you compared wanting to have sex with a bisexual person to wanting to have sex with a horse. I don't need protected, I'm just trying to understand your hatred for someone's sexuality. That's all. Again, I don't want to fight with you. But if all you want to do is argue politics then I'll move on.
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  And I think it is unfortunate that you enjoy calling people names simply because they disagree with your choices. If I don't want to have sex with a bisexual girl, it doesn't mean that I am afraid of her and it doesn't mean that I think she is less of a person. It is a preference, just like some guys prefers blonde or girls with big boobs, In my case, I MARRIED a bisexual and within a year she cheated on me with another woman and that led to a divorce. I have a reason for not wanting to repeat that experience and it doesn't mean that I have a fear of bisexuals or that I hate all bisexuals. However, you don't like what I said so you assumed that my preference against bisexuals is motivated by hate and you need to try to shame me into accepting your point of view by calling me a name which you intend as an insult. That is why I called you a bully.
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  So you assume all bisexuals are fickle cheaters?
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  "You compared wanting to have sex with a bisexual person to wanting to have sex with a horse." No, I used a ridiculous example to illustrate the insanity of your labeling people as phobic. YOU misinterpreted what I said because you think everything is aimed at hurting you. Guess what? It's not all about you!
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  I am aware not everything is about me but I don't see anyone else defending my sexuality.
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  No, I never made that assumption. That is one more misinterpretation that you are making so that you will feel justified in criticizing me. You must be an extremely unhappy person!
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  Again. Agree to disagree, let it go. Let's avoid each other from here on out or feel free to block me if I'm so offensive.
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  You're not offensive. You're pitiable.
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  And now you're making sure you insult me. Like I said I can let things go, I see you cannot.
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  And it wasn't an assumption, merely a question. I wanted to understand.
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  I had a bad experience and I don't want to take a chance on repeating it. I do not assume that all bisexuals are cheaters. I was bit by a poodle when I was a child. I try to avoid poodles now. I don't think all poodles will bite me. Such reactions are not driven purely by intellect. Most people make decisions about relationships based on some emotional factors. If I avoid bisexuals, it doesn't mean that I hate them. That is an extreme oversimplification. Automatically labeling people as phobic is simply wrong - my opinion - and I react when I hear it. It is hostile and it is wrong.
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  Thank you for explaining. Now I understand a little better.
pinolly Xper 7
+1 y
I feel like the same people that have a problem with this are the same ones that think a woman shouldn't disclose her number because it's none of his business.

It wouldn't occur to me to say anything about it.
1 1 0 0
ASEXY Editor
+1 y
I wouldn't date anyone but why would it matter if they are bisexual or not? It's not like it means they are promiscuous, std positive, polygamous or whatever. Do straight people tell their partners that they are straight in advance? I don't see how bisexuals are that different from gays and straights...
2 0 0 0
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  "I know that it won't mean anything to some girls. . ." I get that it doesn't matter to you and some other women, but I''m sure others will say that it does matter.
- ASEXY
  +1 y
  It's something that's not supposed to matter. It doesn't affect a person's appearance or their personality overall. If it does matter, then that means the bisexual person is better off without them... But it's okay you can go ahead and ignore everything I say.
- OlderAndWiser
  +1 y
  Who decides that it's "not supposed to matter?"
- Show All Show Less
- Blonde401
  +1 y
  Agree completely. Why should it matter?
Waffles731 Editor
+1 y
don't care one way or the other
0 1 0 0
JennieF Yoda
1 y
Yeah
0 0 0 0
Combat_Orca Xper 2
+1 y
I wouldn't care if a girl was bi and to be honest the bi person shouldn't feel forced to give up that info, they can take the time and tell me when ready. If someone has an std or in a relationship they should say that before obviously, other than that no-one has any obligation on what they have to reveal about themselves before sex.
0 0 0 0
ivanhunterjo Yoda
+1 y
wouldn't care either way.
0 0 0 0
captainnemo1 Xper 2
+1 y
If you have sex with someone before having a conversation about whom they have slept with, I don't feel like you have a place to be offended when you find out they are bisexual. If these things matter to you, get to know them first.
0 0 0 0
- feelgoodinc22
  +1 y
  I think if you had a preference for one sex, such as a guy who preferred other guys having sex with a girl, or a girl who preferred other girls having sex with a guy, he/she has a right to know that it's not likely to be continuous/happen again for that reason.
- captainnemo1
  +1 y
  Sure. No one should be deceitful, but if you've just met, and you're not going to bring up the conversation beforehand, you can't hold it against them if they want it to stay a one time thing. That's not a bisexual thing. That's applies to everyone. Even within hetero couplings, they may hook up and decide it was not what they expected and leave it at that. No one is to blame. I also don't think it is fair to fault people for wanting casual hook-ups that are just physical without expectation of anything further.
- feelgoodinc22
  +1 y
  I guess I wasn't thinking about "one time" encounters. That's just not me, for sexual health and right now for health with this COVID spreading like crazy. I'm in a state where it's bad. So, I feel like disclosure of all things is important from sexuality to genital warts (once you catch those, they never go away), and you could make the same argument about STD's, "it's just a hookup, you're not obligated to reveal you have the clap". But that's the danger of having constant one time encounters.
- Show All Show Less
- feelgoodinc22
  +1 y
  and the danger of hook-up apps. No one is going to reveal that they have STD's because they just want to get some tits/ass/dick, whatever your deal is, and they may not even know they have an STD if they are a carrier but have no symptoms and not tested. I've had guys do that to me and its not fun.
Anonymous
+1 y
I think if you had a preference for one sex, such as a guy who preferred other guys having sex with a girl, or a girl who preferred other girls having sex with a guy, he/she has a right to know that it's not likely to be continuous/happen again for that reason.
0 0 0 0
Anonymous
+1 y
i would like to lknow it
0 1 0 0
Anonymous
+1 y
I am and my partner loves it 😉 Told him first date.
0 2 0 0