Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Do we place too much importance on sex these days?

like in relationships /marriage




yes
Vote A
no
Vote B
other (explain)
Vote C
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Girl Guy
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Sexual imprinting is a double-edged sword, yet exists so that meaningful sexual intimacy in marriages can be possible in the first place. Yet, the realization that many imprint on mates they can never have has also led to endless frustration, leading to compromise. Which creates other problems.

    This would be problematic enough on its own, leading to unhealthy sexual obsessions. And sexual anarchists with political ties are dangerous enough on their own.

    But the real reason why this beast has the power it has: money. That is why, in principle, prostitution has often been hunted down and outlawed with such extreme prejudice in most cultures throughout history. When sexual power dynamics and money cross paths, it is an open invitation to a toxic cocktail of social fallout, and a breeding ground for crime and depravity.

    It hasn't taken much for the 19th-century Romanticists to cultivate an anti-rational approach to pursuing desire, often leading to unrealistic imprinting. As such, sexual frustration is everywhere, and compromises are everywhere like grains on a beach - in which the sand is made of crack and the man marooned is a junkie.

    And of course, that creates a demand. Supply and demand, minus morality, yields an entire sex industry, with suckers born every minute. And once the markets learn sex sells, they will do everything in their power to ensure that their potential buyers are thinking of nothing but sex and how to get it, as often as possible. Hear the coffers sing.

    While this mindset can be very destructive to family line stability and the sustainability of culture over time, short run company heads can't resist raking in all the extra dishonest dough. And far too many get so used to the instant gratification, it's hard not to simply feed the beast.

  • From my perspective, not so much, but I wanted a marriage that would last with a "lover", not a "friend" or "family" member. In my case I don't prioritize sex but a high level of sexual compatibility was needed upfront to make me feel so strongly towards her as a genuine lover and a romantic partner. It's what keeps me cuddling with her and kissing her and holding hands with her affectionately even though we've been together working towards a decade.

    In the case of my wife's parents, they were arranged in marriage. And they're not so badly off: they have a calm life, and they're bound to each other by duty, and they have a relationship which is kind of cold but not completely unfriendly. Yet the only time they ever apparently had sex was to have children -- probably a few dozen times total over decades of marriage.

    From my perspective that's rather sad.

    Without sexual compatibility I think that's the destiny of two lovers. They might have even started off very romantic but if, on a wedding night, they discover they aren't connected quite as strongly in the bedroom, I think inevitably their sex life is going to become non-existent... following that will probably be a similar loss in affection. I can imagine such a couple loving each other but not in a romantic way -- only as mutual members of a family/household.

    • It depends on goals as I see it. If your goal is *romance*, I think you have to favor sexual compatibility. It's not about the sex but the compatibility in the most intimate context. If your goal is raising children and keeping romantic feelings for each other is not required, then maybe sexual compatibility is not so important. If your goal is just having a partner with whom you can have a great time, then sexual compatibility is not so important but in that case you don't even have choose someone within your sexual orientation, since you're effectively just friends.

    • If we imagine the extreme opposite case where sex is considered completely unimportant in a monogamous relationship, then everyone would basically become asexual. It should then no longer matter whether their partner is male or female.

    • The way I put it is that we highly value sex as we rightly should, but some of the younger generation might place too little value on love.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Sex is great and important part of relationship, but I voted YES. We do place too much importance in a wrong way, we are putting too much pressure. We are obsessed with the idea that there must be sex and plenty of it in relationship. If there isn't enough sex to reach some kind of imaginary standards, something is wrong. Sometimes the time comes when couple has less sex from whatever reason and instead of talking about it, both sides feel bad and stressed. Because it is thought that guys always want it anyway and that woman must always be attractive. Today's world is obsessed with sex. Don't get me wrong I love sex. But there is too much outside pressure over it. Many girls that I know may be excellent in bj and other skills but yet they feel as a catastrophe if men is not responding as if they are having the best time of their lives (I was this way too). Many couples argue about it, because there are misunderstandings that often leave each person personally offended.
    I believe that instead of putting so much importance on how much we should have it and how to get it, it would be better if we put importance to talk to each other more, listen each other and in that way discover each other.

    • To be clear there is nothing wrong with having plenty of sex.. that's great. But usually in long term relationships time comes when one (or both) partner is stressed, or maybe mans testosterone level fells, or maybe he has impotence problem and is ashamed of it.. and that causes problems because people don't speak about it. They just assume something is really wrong and blame it on themselves or partner. Not to even mention that in most relationships partners are having different libido levels (and it is not always woman the one who wants less sex, actually percent is 40:60 according to researches). This is however not how it is shown in media. Everyone is happy and balanced in media and having sex all over. Another note: I have never had one night stands or sex buddies but from my friends who do, I see that they don't really know much about opposite gender's sexuality. They might know some tricks to make their partner come but they don't really know his/her sexuality.

  • I'd say not enough importance! It's a key factor in relationships. People are guilted and shamed into thinking sex should be avoided at all costs outside of marriage. They aren't taught how to develop healthy sexual dialogs with their partners. But being open and honest about our wants and desires can bring us so much closer to our partners.

    • I so love this comment.

    • @Scrambledagain Thanks. :) I wish more people were open to talking about sex instead of avoiding it like it's the plague.

    • Fully agree. It's this very thing that creates all this dissonance regarding sex.

  • With cheating and stds being so common, I think people really do. At least wait until you're exclusive to fuck! I don't think sex is necessary though, since even these days, no one really has longterm relationships anymore.

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What Girls & Guys Said

11 39

  • Too much porn watched by men has brought about unrealistic expectations

    • Girls watch porn too.. but I agree with that.. Porn and media are among direct causes..

    • Girls always swallowed it wasn't something they magically appeared from Porn.

  • No. Sex is a VITAL and IMPORTANT component in a romantic relationship for just about everyone (a tiny number of asexuals notwithstanding). Sex is men's primary reason for interacting with women at all, and is also men's primary motivation for everything they work for and hope to accomplish - one way or another, it's all in an effort to impress someone and hopefully get laid.

    Of course, it's not the ONLY important thing in a relationship, but without sex, a romantic relationship can't and won't last. That makes it pretty important, don't you think?

  • Sex is important in most relationships. It helps bond two people together. And it's a way to show you love somebody.

    • there's other ways to bond and show love for a person than just sex

    • @BrittBratt2416 yes true other people show love in other ways. But I think in most cases sex is the number one way to show it.

  • No, sex is a really important part of a marriage/relationship. It helps cement a bond and smooth things over (it shouldn't be the only reason two people are together nor a band aid for all problems... but it's important)

    • You like sex so much?

    • @multitudea I enjoy sex with my boyfriend, it feels good and helps us get closer.

    • If he doesn't want sex, would you feel bad?

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  • Oh, DEFINITELY! It's incredibly obsessive too...

  • Far to much importance on sex, not nearly enough on relationships.

  • I don't but it seems others do

  • Yes we do... too much in fact.

  • I don't think we put enough importance on sex. When there's less importance, there is less of a reason to do it which is one of the reasons why long term couples start to have less sex. They stop putting an effort.

  • I don't think there's ENOUGH importance placed on it.

  • Yes and no. It's there for a reason but it shouldn't be the be all and end all. There are more important things in a relationship.

  • I think some people tend to put too much importance on their own fulfillment / pleasure instead of seeing it as something both partners benefit from equally, if that's what you mean.

  • I say yes sex is slightly overrated. When with the right person, the two people get to bond on another level.

  • sex is important. It's part of a good relationship

  • Sex is playing a far bigger role than it deserves.

  • The problem is you don't place ENOUGH importance on it, and hence one or the other becomes dissatified over time.
    Sex is the glue in a man-woman relationship. If you're not fucking each other you are just roommates.
    Without healthy sex one or the other will cheat or bail. Guaranteed.

  • Sex is the primary function of human beings... Like literally our instincts go 1. survive 2. fuck. So no not really

  • Nope quite the opposite

  • not these days. always in human history

  • yes and i think it is the direct result of a society that tries so hard to hide to sexuality and supresses it in so many places. if we´d be more open minded about it, accept our sexual nature, take it as a given thing that´s beautiful and totally natural and healthy, we wouldn´t even develop all the unhealthy obsessions we do now.

    • Society is behind why children and teens do what they do. Sex is forced down their throat. Society tells them the only way to have a male and female friendship is to put sex in it. Male to male, female to female, and male to female or female to male can be friends with a deep love for each other without sex in their face.

    • Yes by saying sex is bad while teens aren't stupid and hear that if feels good so they wanna try. We make it a forbidden fruit and don't do a good work of explaining what sex is to kids. We only tell them that they shouldn't do it.

    • Children and teens need to be taught sex is a relationship between a husband and wife and outside of marriage is a sin against God. Sex is something special you only do with one person. it a personal private event that goes on between a husband and wife.

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