Potential boyfriend sent unsolicited dick print/crotch pics and I don't know how to respond?

[Alice93]

Context:

So there's this guy I met online and have known for 3yrs. Over the last 8 months or so we've gotten to know each other more and talk via social media or FaceTime all the time. I know he's liked me for a while but I haven't entertained it til now. Anyway whenever we talk, we don't talk about "us", but instead talk about everything else about us when we do FT. However, when he messages me he sends me cute things, showers me with compliments, tells me he really, really likes me, says he misses me etc. but never says this when we're talking on FT. I figured maybe it's because he's uncomfortable communicating his feelings verbally even though his actions say otherwise and because he's shy but I'm not sure?

The dick print/crotch pictures:

About 3 months ago, I woke up to a Snapchat from him in his boxers grabbing his erect penis saying "do you like my boxers?" I ignored it and didn't talk to him for a several days. Then finally had a conversation about how it made me uncomfortable and how he needs to be more mature, transparent and direct about how he feels about me. Then 2 days ago he was really addimet about asking me for pictures, but I kept ignoring him. Then he started sending me crotch pics and then said "send me a pic of your boobs👀" Mind you I've never once sent him an illicit or "sexy" picture of myself to him. So I'm at this point were I feel like he doesn't respect me or my wishes and I'm just really turned off by him now. I haven't talked to him since that day, but I'm fed up and don't understand why he's behaving like this. It's confusing and frustrating and I don't know what to do.

[Sevenyoung]

If i were you, i would think he was trying to get you to trust him so that asking you for these pics would be easy next time.

But he's not for you. Dont feel like youve lost a friend or a potential boyfriend. He was immature and insensitive to send and ask you those pics. What you're doing is right, ignore him and dont send any pics back.

[Alice93]

I agree. It just sucks because it's so disappointing considering we've come to know each other, interests, family etc. but it just stomps me why he thinks his actions are okay or appropriate especially since he knows we don't have that kind of relationship. Would you recommend I message him to talk or wait until he reaches out?

[Sevenyoung]

I know. Its like they just suddenly drop a bomb. Id recommend you to wait until he reaches out to apologize

[Wonderer89]

He isn't a potential boyfriend Hun, if he was he would respect when you told him it made you uncomfortable and he would ask why your backing away.
Sounds like he wants someone to play with

[Alice93]

Thank you and I agree. I would just like an explanation for his behavior, especially since he knows we don't have that kind of relationship. Would you suggest I wait for him to reach out and explain himself or just block him on all platforms and be done with it?

[Wonderer89]

I guess it depends how much you want him in your life? If this has turned you off and you don't really care for anything further with him then I'd just not contact him. If you would like to salvage a friendship then approach it head on and specifically ask the questions you want an answer to

[Alice93]

His actions has turned me off from considering him as a love interest, but I guess the reason why I'm confused about what my next step should be is because I've developed this sense of emotional attachment to him and I'm not really ready to let go even though it's not to my benefit. I don't think we can go back to being just friends, so I'd want to cut all ties with him, but would still want an explanation. I really hate the fact that I feel attached to him, I really do because I can't think straight.

[Wonderer89]

Then ask him 😊 Have your questions typed out so you know exactly what you want to say, but I would be very careful about being drawn back in.

[Alice93]

Alrighty. He also is a poor communicator, do you have any reccomadtions on how to approach this? I will move with caution because I'm not trying to be manipulated in any way, but I also want him to not be reserved and say what the heck is on his mind/his intentions with me are.

[Wonderer89]

I think being clear and concise and try and keep emotions out of it for the discussion. A lot of people respond to being asked specific questions but once they have someone crying or yelling at them just shut down and try to extract thenselves. Try questions like - did you consider a serious relationship with me at some point? - what impression did I give that I wanted photos like that? - could I have made it clearer I wasn't interested in that kind of thing? - do you think it was appropriate? If you're ok with not having him as a friend/potential partner don't get mad or upset with his answers, just appreciate the honesty and move on xo

[Alice93]

Great, thank you!!'

[Anonymous]

#SnapHoe
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2264192-are-you-one-of-the-many-virtual-instahoes-gaghoes-fbhoes

[Anonymous]

Simply ignore it. If you don't want to carry on such behaviour then simply ignore it this time as if nothing has happened. But don't ignore this next time it happens and you dislike it.
Can you tell me a thing, is it better and beautiful to be all smooth shaved everywhere neck to toe rather than being very hairy man?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're not interested in each other in similar ways.

So you should both move on.

[Alice93]

Yeah my interest in him tarnished after the most recent incident

[Opinion Owner]

I think this was his way of attempting to escalate from just friendship.

[Alice93]

An attempt to get out of the "friend zone"? What a strange way to behave. He could literally get him someone to have casual sex with in his own city. Why would someone work so hard to get to know someone & actively pursue them for 3 years to fuck it up?

[Opinion Owner]

He wasn't trying to fuck it up. He was hoping you were also interested in him that way and it wouldn't be fucking things up. It would be moving things forward

[Alice93]

Do guys think sending pictures like that makes them more attractive to a woman? Willing to put more into what ever their situation is?

[Opinion Owner]

Well, young guys are often pretty unsure what they're doing. So are guys my age actually, but anyway... I would say that it's not so much we think it will -make- you attracted, so much as that IF you are attracted, it will turn you on, and you'll respond positively. On the other hand if you're not attracted, you'll push it away. So some guys might just be horny and take a chance hoping for nudes back. Others are actually thinking about it and are testing to see if you're sexually interested in them. This is more true in cases like this where you have established other types of rapport. If you have no sexual interest in him, it's not going anywhere. He's probably not all that clear in his mind except he's into you both emotionally and sexually and was hoping you feel the same. If you don't feel the same, then well, this is going nowhere. I mean from the sounds it was a suggestive picture, not even nude? If you didn't like it, suggests you just don't like him that way.

[Alice93]

Well I do find him sexually attractive, he may not know or believe that, but I do. However 1) sending a dick print doesn't do anything for me 2) When he sent the last one it was during mid text out of nowhere. 3) I didn't ask for it. If I did, it would be a different story. He just said "send me a pic of your boobs👀". Didn't even ask, just demanded it. Like why would he be so confident in thinking that's okay? Which is another problem I have. Thanks for your replies, you've been really helpful!

[Opinion Owner]

If you do find him sexually attractive you still might not be comfortable being sexual in similar ways. If the problem was context or you want him to more obviously be a long distance partner you could make that clear. That said it would kind of have to be just timing. Because if you're long distance and dont enjoy sexting... long distance probably isn't for you.

[Alice93]

I agree and do believe there are differences in the way we conduct ourselves sexually, but we've never talked about it or the topic of sex in general. Not because we avoid it, we do joke about things relating to it, but we just haven't had a conversation about it. I've also never been in a long distance relationship or this kind of situation before, and I'm not too sure he has either. He just messaged me saying "Hey... how are you?" after 4 days. Should I ignore him, wait to reply, keep it short and tell him bye, or have a conversation and see where it goes from there?

[Opinion Owner]

Where would you like things to go

[Alice93]

Well I'm going to be starting my internship soon, which is in the city he lives in (I applied & got accepted months before we started talking) and he'd be the only person I know there. Of course I know this shouldn't be the only reason for me to give him another chance, but your replies are providing me with possible explanations for his behavior I wouldn't have thought about. It also makes me wonder if we did have a conversation about sex/sexting etc. would he continue to not respect my wishes if I told him I don't feel comfortable about sending him intimate pics of myself? Because then I'd just dead this and not engage with him anymore, period.

[Opinion Owner]

You talk about giving him another chance, but what would you be hoping things would be like when you got there? Friendship? Dating? It's possible he wouldn't respect your views on sexting. it's also possible he'd respect them by not wanting to date you, under the assumption you are much less interested in sex than him. (which may or may not be true). If you want things to go anywhere, you need to start clarifying what you like and don't like, and see if you can find something that works for both of you.

[Alice93]

Well ideally, I'd hope we could work towards being in a romantic elationship since we're past the friend stage. He may feel we are still there, but we we talk and have shared personal things about one another you normally wouldn't share with people you meet online or consider to be new friends, we also joke around in inappropriate ways "friends" don't.

[Opinion Owner]

See, I think he'd be confused why you'd be -offended- of a suggestive while not actually nude photo of him after years if you were interested in a romantic relationship. I'm not saying you shouldn't be... it's just that's how he will read it. I am not trying to pry or harp on it, but there's a big difference in where you'd go from here, or how you'd tell him, because it's not 100% clear to me what he should have done -differently-. If you'd been in his city, and he'd tried to escalate physically, would that have been fine? If he'd asked you to be a couple, then sent nudes, would that have been fine? Neither? Was it the order, or are you anti-online stuff, or anti-online first, or just don't want to move in a physical direction at all for quite a while?

[Alice93]

I would've preferred that he initiate a conversation about suggestive pics, nudes, sex etc. since he sent them first & continues to. I also, probabaly would've been more receptive to it rather than him be like "I sent you a few suggestive photos, now send me some." Another part to that would be, because we've never discussed that, I wouldn't want to engage in something like that and have him always feel t's appropriate for him to ask me when he's aroused since we're don't live in the same city/state and we're *not* dating. I wouldn't send nudes even if we were a couple, that's just me as a person, but I probabaly would be sexually active with him if we met to be honest. He's a brilliant guy that's hot as hell, just not emotionally intelligent lol.

[meowcow]

He sounds like he is addicted to porn and superficial relationships that have been fueled by Tinder and other such dating apps. Move along and don't bother with such a child.

[Drooogie4]

Dont do it. He disregarded you saying that it made you uncomfortable. He isn't respecting you.. it won't change.

[naomi10wylde]

He seems really immature and like a horny teenage who just wants to see your tits. I'd just tell him to stop and if he doesn't cut him out of your life. Good luck Xx

[sentrazz]

go on line and find dick picks and send him those... maybe ones of Lorana Bobbett... make him think about it...

[gigi5678]

Don't lol or if u do look up the Dory gif from finding memo about dicks it's hilarious or just say "aw hi little guy what's ur name? Teeny? Nice to meet you teeny!"

[lil_Wítch]

What a twisted douche. Let him live his own little life and forget about him. Not worth the energy.

[spencify]

Send a bigger one back or say "thats it?" or something, anything to hurt his ego

[Alice93]

Love it 👍🏼

[NotoriousTripper]

He wants to do it with you. I'm sure he will send another pic like that once you start talking to him again.

[deathyy]

sounds like every guy

[Alice93]

Not helpful...

[aryanjew]

Yeah, no. I've never been that immature or blunt towards a girl I wasn't involved with

[deathyy]

if he doesn't respect your wishes than he isn't right for you.

[Alice93]

Can you provide any insight from a guys perspective as to why he'd do that? Last time he apologized profusely, but clearly he wasn't sincere otherwise he wouldn't have done that...

[Alice93]

@aryanjew Huh?

[blazerock44]

yep.. to be honest you should leave him... he was horn that time and couldn't help it so he sent these pics.. when guys do that.. he's giving you a sign telling you "move on, I'm not the one for you" believe me... he doest respect you also, if you guys get in a relationship in real life.. he will shower you with "let's have sex" instead of showering you with nice comments

[Decentguy]

show him that you dont give a fuck about that, by telling him to fuck off

[Sabretooth]

i think you need you need to cut him off. he doesn't respect you and is only interested in sex.

[Anonymous]

Block that jerk.