Girls, what would you do if your dad did this?

I'm not a father, but I want to be one one day. But one thing I worry about is a sexually active daughter.
I could see sitting down with a son, and making it clear how I expect him to behave, respect, all that, but a talk with a daughter just seems like it would be more awkward.

So, because I'm not worried about how I'd handle a boy, this is about girls.

I remember being a teen. I know how early I had sexual interests, and masturbated. And then there are sites like this, where I see teens talk about those issue. My big fear is NOT a daughter discovering her sexuality, but of her experimenting with it, especially with boys, in ways she might not be ready for, or might regret later.

One thought I had was this. Buy her a vibrator. Masturbation is not dirty, or evil, or sinful, or dangerous. If she had a toy, a way to enjoy herself and work through teenage sexual tension, I imagine it would help.

A toy, a lock for her bedroom door, and a father who respects her privacy. All parents know their kids masturbate, so why act like it is terrible?

When I suggested this in other places, some people lost it, screaming I was a creep. And other people thought it was a good idea. Oddly, it tended to be guys who said it was creepy (which makes me wonder how they saw it...) and women who said that, awkward as that might be at first, that would be a great thing for a parent to do.

So, would you do that for your daughters? Provide them a toy so they had an outlet? If you are female, how would you respond if you got a toy?

I guess the reason I'm wondering how it would be received, coming from a dad, has to do with the fact that I've known several guys who were single fathers for whatever reason, so they had to deal with all their daughter's stuff, no matter how awkward. In case anyone is curious why I'm not like "I'd have her mom give it to her."
0 1

Most Helpful Girls

  • Lol yeah I was going to say let her mom deal with that 😂 But it's good that you're prepared to deal with this if needed.

    My dad has never given any sort of sex talk to me. Not when I hit puberty, not when I started dating, and not when I was 23 and moving in with my boyfriend at the time. My mom gave me a very brief talk: when I was 13, she told me I could have sex if I wanted, but I should tell her first so that I could get on birth control. And that was it.

    Granted, I never felt much of a sex drive until I was about 20. I first started masturbating at 22 - the same year I lost my virginity. And I'm lucky to have completely comfortable and open communication with my mom about this stuff. Some may think it's weird, but I'm glad I can come to her with any questions.

    However, I honestly wouldn't want my dad to try to deal with this part of my life. But my dad is also your typical chauvinistic authoritarian, so it might go better for you, who's more accepting of a teenage girl's sexuality.

  • I think it's a good idea, but it's really hard to know when. No-one is the same so development will vary. It also depends a lot on their self esteem and how they feel about their bodies. Some girls may not want to experiment while others may be embarrassed at first but then be better off for it.
    The other possibility would be that by giving her a vibrator her comfort with her sexuality will increase and she'll actually want to experiment more?
    I really don't think there's a wrong or right answer.
    But I've always believed it's most important to teach children to think for themselves and believe in themselves. To give them some backbone so they are true to themselves and less likely to be swayed or pressured by others.

  • I like the idea of the lock on the door.

    How about getting her a book, and a dvd that teaches her about this stuff.

    I am not sure about the vibrator idea, I am allergic to plastic so I never would use one o_o. Maybe buy her a voucher for ebay or something.. if she really wants it she can buy it herself :-)

    Or do you have a woman.. a trusted woman she can talk to about these things?

    I know it would be awkward to come from a Dad. I never had that relationship with my Dad.. only my Mum. It depends on how close you are to her. I see nothing wrong with it.

    • well, it's all hypothetical now. I don't have a daughter. I might never have one. But I think ahead, and wonder how I'll deal with things when they happen. So it's just thinking about it, and being realistic about teen sexuality at this point.

    • Ohhhh right.. well that's great you are thinking about it.. :-) you'd make a very good Father figure, your wife is very lucky :-)

  • Okay first don't ever buy your daughter a sex you. God, the horror that's running through my head lol. We are just like boys and it's OK to talk to us. We may think you're weird or give you a weird look but at the end of the day we appreciate the effort especially from our dad's. So when it comes time, the best thing you can do is just treat her like you would a son and just talk to her. She will explore Her body on her terms. But it's your job as a father to warn her about exploring those behaviors in an unhealthy way at such a young age.

Most Helpful Guys

  • I think that you would have to be pretty careful about buying a sex toy for a daughter, particularly if she is a minor. Most of those kind of products are age restricted, not only because of their intended purpose but also because a level of maturity is required in order to understand safe use.

    You don't need to buy a daughter a masturbation aid, any more than you needed a parent to buy you one. You found your way, as all kids do. Buying them a toy to assist them is just awkward as fuck and it's weird. It's overkill, it's unnecessary. You should be able to accept that your child will have sexual feelings, you should be able to arm them with information, but you definitely shouldn't get involved in their methodology. That is just going way too far.

    • see, this is what i meant. The girls, thus far, have acknowledge the idea would be awkward, but none are harshly against it. The first male reply I see is very harshly against the idea. I'm honestly a little surprised, and not sure why guys are so against this. Age of maturity required to understand safe use? If she has figured out playing with herself, I'm sure she can figure it out. Not to get to graphic, but holding something that vibrates against your clitoris is neither rocket science, nor dangerous. And if I ordered a simple $10 vibe, I doubt some investigation into me would be done to prove I ended up giving it to someone.

    • Safe use is not just about accidentally stabbing yourself with it, it's also about hygiene. If you want to buy sex toys for minors then you go ahead. You asked for opinions and I gave mine. You can't only get opinions that you want to hear, that's not how it works. As a parent you do not need to get involved in how your child masturbates. That is just going way too far.

    • I agree with Super147

  • I have a 35 year old daughter. I've been there. My strategy started when she was about two. My ex suggest Friday night date nights for me and my daughter. We'd go to McDonald's and talk about whatever she wanted to talk about. As she hit middle school, sex came up because she trusted me to not freak out. She learned that Daddy doesn't blush, flinch, or get embarrassed. He just answers the question. There were a few times she found out she didn't want to know the answer. It was an amazing relationship and we're extremely close to this day.

    Just my $0.02.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

10 6
  • I would be incredibly uncomfortable if my father got me a toy or paid active interest in my sex life. His comments towards me at a young age were partially why I hid that I had a boyfriend for 9 months and whenever he brought up masturbation or sex or love I hated it and just wanted to leave as soon as possible. You would be overstepping the mark if you did something like that.

    • I totally agree

  • I think that would be very awkward for the child and parent but it is a good idea. If my dad did that I would be incredibly embarrassed but it would be handy 😂

  • I remember the first time I went to a party at this guy's house on NYE. I was 14, and my dad started "the talk" where he basically said "look guys are horny and will try to tell you that having sex with no condom is great but don't listen to them so anyway there's a box of condoms in the bathroom take them when you need them I won't count them and won't ask if I see them missing"
    If my dad gave me a vibrator I'd honestly get so awkward lol. I'd say get her a lock. If she has a lock she'll feel more comfortable masturbating. At least I would.

  • I imagine it would be less awkward if you gave her the opportunity to get herself one rather than buying it for her, it's nice to see guys being more realistic about what a daughter would actually be doing. if your approachable and honest about sex she will feel more comfortable talking to you about issues/questions she has

    • I'd actually though, rather than buying her one and giving it to her, having a talk, letting her consider the idea (and realize it is just as awkward for me in a lot of ways), and then allow her to pick out one or two things on something like amazon, that I pay for. And I'd like to think I would be a parent who communicates, rather than dictates. I mean, a parents job is not to be a friend. You have to set rules, guidelines, etc, but that doesn't mean being unyielding, or not understanding, or someone who doesn't listen. I'd like to think that, even if embarrassing, she'd know she could come to me and I'd talk to her.

    • very admirable

  • No, don't do that. You would have no idea how she would receive that. Often girls are actually very uncomfortable with the idea of sex and putting something in that very sensitive spot. I was terrified of even putting a tampon in there.

    You're jumping to a conclusion based on the male sexual experience that's probably not at all relevant to female sexual experience.

    Remember that what you are seeing on this website is a small subset of girls who are comfortable talking about promiscuity. It is not a representative sample of the female population at all.

    • I also think that your fears of being a single father at this point in life are way, way overblown. Relax. You may never even have a daughter, or you may have an awesome wife or maybe even an awesome ex-wife who can handle it. There are also aunts and best friend's moms. I commend you for being so forward-thinking, but RELAX. Okay?

  • Good idea actually. Not creepy in my opinion. I mean your reasoning makes total sense. It would allow her to release her sexual tension in a way that is entirely safe and healthy. The talk with her would obviously be awkward but it might work. I don't know though. She's still a human and humans want to have sex with other humans so it may just be a fact that you have to accept. All you can really do is educate her on the pros and cons and be a role model to her. And just hope for the best.

    • I know she will want someone else eventually. The hope would be that, with a satisfactory outlet, she will be less tempted to experiment before she is ready.

    • Yeah, I figured that was the hope behind it. I think it would really depend on her personality and her sex drive. The only way to truly tell would be to test it.

  • It's not prudish if you dont want to discuss your children's sex life. It's just a very private thing, and I'm not sure it's the domain in which the father-daughter relationship should get into.

    • Sometimes a daughter doesn't have anyone but a father. Like I said, I know a few guys who are single dads, so this hypothetical is just looking at how I'd approach it if I were one.

  • I would think its crazy weird if my dad gave me a vibrator. But I think you should build a relationship with your children that makes them comfortable to ask anything.

  • This is a very personal question so I can't give you an "objective" answer.

    If *my* dad did that it would not be perceived as helpful, it would be perceived as a strange and intrusive gesture. That's the truth.
    It's great for a dad to want to teach children about sexuality but I'm not a fan of their taking the initiative to become *a part of it* like that.

  • Put your foot down. Tell her she is not allowed to have sex until she moves out and if you catch her masturbating then she's grounded and gets her phone taken away.

    • No. My entire point is I recognize that sexual interest is natural, as is masturbation. Why would I do that?

  • But saying that you should also think about if you get a son would you give him a fleshjack... i dont think so... you have to think about both situations. I think it's a good idea to buy her one because of everything that is happening to the world at the moment but is definitely a topic you should discuss with your companion. If you ever do it it should be around 15 years old no longer no earlier otherwise she wouldn't know what masterbation is and if too late she could try to have sex with a 'boyfriend'

  • umm... just no

  • I think i'll always making joke if my dad gives one. "Dadddddd your gift was peeeerfeeeeccccttttttt!!!" Lol
    Good idea go boy!

    • Yeah, you could moan really loud, too. "Oh my god, oh god, YES!"

  • I'm not gonna call you a creep because I think your intentions are good. Also, its good that you are thinking ahead. However, you may not think its that weird or awkward now when its hypothetical, but if you actually have a daughter it may get more awkward than you think it would right now. Maybe its just my personal experience where any conversation about sex that I've had with my parents has been awkward, but I think it could end up getting pretty weird for you and the daughter.

  • I have a daughter and son aged 13 and 11.

    Sex? I told the daughter if she starts fucking about she will end up just like her mother, who became pregnant at 15, never managed to finish high school and forever with a nasty attitude. I gave her something better instead, I filled up her time with loads of activities that she has no time for boys, ballet, art, piano, a horse, a snowmobile and jetski and a dirt bike. I told her if I spent any money on her for anything that isn't essential I better see some returns to it and returns mean either she is using it to win medals or money or both.

    • Wow. So your approach to parenting is to guilt, shame, and strip out all independent choice and fun. I won't take your advice.

    • Ugh... no, don't take his advice

  • I don't think you should give her the vibrator. if she wants one she can get her hands on one, trust me. I think that you should just always reach her what you expect her future boyfriends to act like. that they should treat her with respect. just try to be her best friend and be honest with her. if you're honest with her she will be honest with you