Why are men's standards so high and why are they so reluctant to admit it?

According to this site, and many men really, to be desirable, you must:
-Be light or pale skin
-Have pink nipples, pussy, etc
-Colored eyes
-Young, borderline illegal even (16-25), after 30, you're chopped liver apparently
-Big boobs, butt aka curvy

Now personality:
-Nice (about the only reasonable standard)
-Traditional yet independent (somewhat contradictory)
-No daddy issues
-No kids
-Virgin or very low count but yet still be a horny sex kitten for him
-Dont date black guys (for many white guys on this site apparently)
-Shy yet confident enough to not be jealous, insecure, restricted sexually etc.

Now, you can argue that women's standard are unreasonable, but I would highly disagree. Just on age alone, we like men of all ages, not just the ones fresh out of puberty like men. Or men on this site. We dont care if your nipples aren't pink or brown, its extremely arbitrary to find colors desirable for the most part. Pale skin, not many women care. I guess body shape, yes women want fit men, but then men want curvy women with big tits so that cancels out. Nice, both men and women want that. Traditional, thats probably about equal. "Baggage" like daddy issues or kids, more women are lenient than men and would rarely use the term "damaged goods" while men have no qualms insulting women like that. Virgin, women are all over the place with this. If she's a virgin, she typically wants a virgin, if she isn't, she typically doesn't care or doesn't want one. But men of all sexual statuses seem to prefer virgins or low count, while few dont care. Women aren't as fixated with race as men are. And I will say that yes women want confidence while men want shy, so that one cancels out.
But overall, men's standards are more unreasonable on looks alone because you're not going to find much busty young light skin women that are virgins, that leaves only like I don't know, maybe less than 1-3% of the population of single women as truly desirable?
So why dont men admit this stuff?

Updates:
+1 y
PEOPLE PEOPLE! 1) I KNOW that women have high standards, that isn't the question. We at least admit usually. Men are extremely hesitant to do so 2) I DONT think its a bad thing. In fact, I always say raise your standards because this person is typically who you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Please stop trying to direct the question into a different thing and focus lol
+1 y
Holy shit this is the most likes I've received on a question lol
22 4

Most Helpful Guys

  • Men are smart. Women are smart. Men know that women can manipulate women. Women know that men can manipulate men.

    Those who walk the easy path of evil like to have many options, but the reciprocal behavior will not be present. This is the root of self-awareness not being checked in order to be suitable for someone with the same traits that oneself desires.

    The hard path of good is true devotion. How strong is your devotion? Do you have enough devotion to a man that you would sacrifice your life for him? There are a lot of guys who have strong desires to show this to women. And so those who take advantage of this usually leave these people with emotional turmoil. Yet, amidst all the chaotic noise that gossips around, we determine that our life-long journey should be spent with a partner that is either equal or better than us. Well, what do you think humans think now that their facebook friends' highlight reels are habitually displayed? All you get is more noise.

    The truth of the matter is that all men are seeking a woman who understands that she has the potential to ruin him. He knows that letting a woman truly close to his own heart will end up being the death of him because that is how our DNA has allowed us to take our race this far. That is the sad truth that women have unfortunately abused to gain sole benefits. If a man is truly worth his salt, he should have a girl worth the same. Most of the items on your list seem like extremely important values to a lot of men you have observed. Let me fill you in on what it really means.

    1. Sexual attraction is a must. This can be expressed through different descriptors such as bust, facial features, etc. Everyone has different preferences, but the end result is the same.
    2. Communicable. Whether it is because she shares similar interests or takes criticism very well, the conversations are pleasant to that of friendship, but also escalate romantically.
    3. Desirable. Many women have self esteem issues and this is common among those with poor relations with their folks. Everyone wishes to have a good relationship with their parents. I love mine very much and they love me. I wouldn't be able to be the person I am now without them and I thank them all the time. I've come a long way from the trouble-making tool I used to be. So if a girl has good relations with parents, it most likely means she had true nuturing support since birth, which is nice.
    4. Intelligent. This includes emotional intelligence. Nuff said.

  • Standards for me depends on what I'm looking for.

    If a stock model, they have to have reasonable terms and resemble the character I'm trying to bring to life. And not be obnoxious or unworkable. And preferably, easy to contact if something comes up. I've already let three stock models go because they just weren't up for being cooperative. (One of them, due to irreconcilable political differences.)

    If in a wife:

    - She should know her apologetics better than most ministers out of the seminary, enough New Testament to run circles around CS Lewis and enough Old to shame a Jewish rabbi. (I realize a Jewish troll is incapable of shaming. I've tried that on Facebook once already.)

    - I don't expect a supermodel, but do show me you are at least willing to take care of yourself. Otherwise, the future kids don't have a prayer.

    - Believe in the idea of me, and make it possible for me to return the favor.

    - Don't be afraid to share. With me, anyway. I want to support your passions and hobbies just as much as I'd like you to support mine.

    - Demonstrate yourself as responsible. I'm not looking to marry an overgrown child.

    - I don't require virginity, but don't sleep with every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Sex is supposed to be something special. If it's as cheap for you as a smoke break, that sets a bad precedent.

    - Don't be always looking to start a fight. A belligerent wife is one of the few things worse than loneliness.

    - You don't have to be totally with it, but don't be a junkie or a sociopath. Being with you shouldn't have to come at the risk of justifiably fearing that something you do is gonna get me killed.

    - Don't be a user. If you just want something I've got, find a way to repay. Enter a brief agreement like the stock models do. Don't date me, nor get my hopes up romantically, just to collect benefits.

    Concerning the above list:

    -Dark skin is fine by me
    - I touch nothing younger than 23, and nothing older than 45

    -I prefer small curves, as long as I can still tell you're an adult.

    - Not as contradictory as you think. No helpless damsels, but don't flout your feminimity just to "prove" how independent you are. And don't look down on others over it.
    -Daddy issues = unstable
    - Kids = a story. Needs to be fair for all parties. Including the kid.
    - No prima donnas. Fair?

Most Helpful Girls

  • Because claiming that they have unrealistic standards will keep them from whining about women's standards!
    16? Lol, you are being too generous.
    I have heard of men over 20 who case after 14 year old girls who are still in fucking middle school. I mean, even I have been harassed by married men, who were old enough to be my father from the tender age of 13.
    Also, according to GaG, men prefer independent women who pay at dates and have successful careers, yet they also want them traditional enough to clean, cook, take care of their crying spawns of hell and keep the household tidy and clean after working 8-5!
    They also want them to always look like teenagers and have big breasts, thin waist and big butt, otherwise they will be replaced by newer models before they turn 40.
    One man once even argued with a female member that the age of consent should be lowered to 14 or 15 because that's when women look the best. I am not really sure if he was a troll...
    It's fucking crazy.

    Anyway, I am aware that not all men are like that and I already know that this is the internet, but still...

    • Completely agree. And I was being bery generous haha. I know, I once argued with a guy here because he said it doesn't matter her age as long as she "looks" mature. So if she were 11 with the body of a woman, then it shouldn't be illegal to fuck her. And I told him its not like she doesn't have a brain that still needs developing right? (sarcasm). And they claim WE are ridiculous, at least we're not attracted to 12yr olds -____-

    • I really meant to ask a similar question, but you actually beat me to it. I am actually so fed up with with the whole thing, that I no longer wish to date anyone. Don't get me wrong, I have met good men, but honestly, they were only a few compared to the dirt. Of course women are not better, especially the ones who constantly chase after rich men, but honestly, I no longer blame them for that. Also, at least those women have the guts to admit it! Men have ridiculously high standards too, so it's totally unfair that they blame women for having their own standards.

    • Exactly. Im gonna go WGTOW lol Its too much with men

  • I agree with some of what you said. I think attractive men have higher standards because they know they have a lot of options and women to choose from. For the less attractive men, I don't think they are as picky because they have less options. They might choose a more average looking woman with a beautiful and great personality. Sometimes, I feel like many guys want a dime piece. You have to have the face of a Victoria's Secret model with a Kim Kardashian body or curves and an ass. I never used to care about the structure of my body or how much ass or boobs I had until social media completely went over board making it seem like a women have to look like this to be deemed desirable and beautiful or to even keep a man. No woman should ever feel like they are not good enough or beautiful. Most of the girls that I see taken or cuffed are drop dead gorgeous and don't have many flaws in their physical appearance. I think attraction is important, but I wish guys would be more open to giving the beautiful souls a chance.

  • I agree. And then you'll have men complaining about the "ridiculous" standards of women. Very hypocritical

    • In response to your update- lol I love when people try to avoid answering a question that puts them in a different light by saying someone else does it too, so it's ok.

    • To be fair, women have higher standards than men. OP is flat-out *wrong*.

      blog.okcupid.com/.../

    • Prefer! not a deal breaker at all! It's choosing an ultimate holistic Not what they would happily accept. Take of your clothes in front of a man not being fat and he won't give a fuck! shit even "straight" are more aroused by the female body than the male body indiana. edu/.../Chivers_Seto_Blanchard_2007. pdf (scientific proof of that statement). Along with my earlier points (go see more work from geneticists and anthropologist) it's a biologically intrinsic default that women are more selective and dating is easier for them (the only thing that will make it harder is their own extreme standards). 1% OF MEN CAN KNOCK UP 100% OF WOMEN SO 99% OF MEN ARE SUPERFLUOUS TO REPRODUCTION, THUS WOMEN HAVE FAR MORE SEXUAL VALUE. WOMEN WILL DEMAND MORE AS DICK ISN'T WORTH AS MUCH AS PUSSY. A BASIC FORM OF PROSTITUTION (BATEMAN'S PRINCIPLE ETC.).

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What Girls & Guys Said

27 99
  • Those who believe something but don't accept might have ego issue.
    About your comments. Half i agree, half i disagree.
    Personally my answer to your list of standards, in order:
    -I don't care about skin color. (My girlfriend is A Finnish pale woman, but i swear i never sort it out, it just happened)
    -I never care about someone's body parts. I don't fall in love with body parts for the record.
    -I don't care for eye color either. It doesn't determine anything for me. My favorite eye color is blue. But it has nothing to do with women. I have dark brown eyes and i wish i had blue myself.
    -That is totally untrue for me. 30? lol! 30's phase is another youth phase for me.
    -I don't care about that either. My girlfriend is a sexy slim lady with smaller boob size in compare of your mentioned standards. I worship her the way she is.
    -Nice, of course! i wouldn't be with someone impolite, selfish etc . .
    -I don't mind my lady's ideology regarding this one. I respect how she believes whatsoever.
    -I don't even know what is Daddy issue. I'm really not joking. I'm not into these kind of unwise relationship stupidities.
    -I want kids with my girlfriend in the right time. And i have nothing against women with kids when i wanna be with them.
    -I never judge anyone by virginity and don't care.
    -I am not racist. I mean i don't care about Race at all. It's 21 century for goodness sake.
    -I don't judge anyone for being shy. But i don't prefer shy at all. However, my girlfriend is shy. And i love her. So you can see my feelings doesn't really get determined this way. I hate jealousy. Sure it's a big no no. It's one of my red lines. Insecurities never put me off. My girlfriend had a dozen and we washed many of them together. Insecurities can be common specially in today's world with a tone pressures and social standards. This one is important. I am dirty minded and sexually open. A sexually isolated person doesn't interest me that much.

    As you can see, many of the things you mentioned have no place in my world.
    But for the record, men are through many high standards too:

    -Height. Usually +6' feet
    -Big penis
    -Big physic
    -Big hands
    -Hairy men vs none-hairy men
    -Fit man
    -Money and financial power
    -Materialist status. Fancy cloths, cars and houses
    -Man shouldn't be emotional
    -Man shouldn't be needy or have insecurity
    -Constant comparison between Beta and Alpha
    etc .. . .

    • I. Never. Said. Women. Don't. Have. High. Standards. I'm saying that men don't like to admit it. And you're in the minority, most men do care

    • Good. Your respond is invalid. Simply, i am away from the pathetic world you talking about. And won't involve till the day i die. This generation disgust me. Everyday i wish i could reborn in 60's-70's. Where people had better values. More moral, manner and reasonable standards. I am man and i stand out from those stupid men. As well as those stupid women. They screw each other all they want while me and my girl living a happy life.

    • In the 60s and 70s is where many STDs spread like crazy.

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  • All men aren't shallow and looking for young hot models. Not all women desire what you described. You are just describing a VERY narrow group of people.

    I think everyone has a fantasy of their ideal person that they will never actually expect out of anyone. And I know you said you aren't making the high standards a bad thing, but at the same time you are. You are just continuing the stereotype that all men are only sex driven and want a specific kind of woman.

  • But there are also how many single guys here 🤔
    I don't think this is a true representation of actual guys standards, at least not mature ones who understand girls are flawed human beings just like them.

    I think it's important to have deal breakers when looking for a partner but some of those "standards" are just weird

    • when it comes to women YEAH!!!

    • @CancerianMan81 sorry what?

    • when it comes to women and their standards their just plum weird

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  • Because then they would have to admit how ridiculous they are and we just CANNOT have any of that.

    • Lol how many hurt guys down voted this

    • Women's standards are higher

    • @Assholeman16 Good thing that's not what we're discussing then isn't it.

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  • We all have our desires. To aggregate them like that, you're talking about the entire population. Every man, like every woman, has individual tastes and priorities.

  • Men may say that what you describe is what they WANT.. of course, not many people here on Gag are over 30, so naturally they aren't interested in women older than that.

    But as you must know, guys will ACCEPT anything with a pulse, and sometimes...

  • Because if men admit their high standards, it means they don't get to whine about women's standards.
    So if they keep quiet about their own standards they get to bash women all they want. Don't want to look hypocritical, you see.

    • True lol

  • This website isn't an accurate depiction of what men want. Most men I've met do not have these standards; the internet just warps everybody's brain. Lol.

    • Easy for you to say when you meet 90% of those standards -___-

    • LOL how do you know that exactly? I don't think I've shown my nipples, pussy and I don't have coloured eyes, and my butt is pathetically small. The only thing I kinda have is a REASONABLE bust and I'm young. So given what you listed I'm no where near this "90%" you speak of.

    • Because you have a boyfriend. And you still meet about half then

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  • We're picky with relationships cause that's an investment of time and money, and those two things hold the same value our women give your lady parts.

    If it's just sex, most guys will throw the pipe anywhere. A relationship? I need to know you're worth the time. Most of the details you listed are just normal talk about what's sexy, has nothing to do with the decision making process.

  • I'll give you a short and simple, yet correct answer to all of this: It's easier to put the blame on others, than to admit own faults. :)

  • You missed out she needs to be between 101 and 101.5 pounds.

  • Well... some people do have rational standards - and they're high because they want the equivalent of themselves or maybe a bit more...
    Those who can't admit their standards and the fact they're 'higher' are aware they don't deserve those things in their partner because they're hypocritical - i. e., they don't have a lot of or any of those qualities they're looking for - making them delusional.

  • Those standards would be unreasonable if:
    1) It was impossible to find somebody like that
    2) You have such high standards for the opposite sex without being to the same standard yourself

    If not, they aren't unreasonable. I found a girl like that myself.

    • Then I guess women's standards aren't unreasonable by that logic

    • I never said they were.

  • The reason why men don't admit this stuff is because it simply isn't true. Don't trust everything you see on the internet. In my experience, what a guy wants depends on the guy. Out of that list you presented, these are the only two that I care about:

    - Nice
    - Confident enough to not be too jealous or restricted sexually.

    Those two are important to me. As for the rest, I have liked women of all kinds.

  • you don't have to worry about all men, just find one that likes you that's all

  • Men tend to have higher standards from a physical attraction standpoint, but most guys I know of don't care about personality, income, or social status, as long as the girl is good looking enough.

    I don't think most heterosexual men have high standards at all. I have the lowest standards I know (Even for a man), and if anything, men should consider raising their standards,

    • you're in the minority, most mens standards are high and unreasonable. But they are willing to settle.

  • I agree that a lot of the men on this site think like that but there are some good ones, and on other sites like OKC there's lots of really nice guys and also IRL of course 😊

  • See? That's the problem with women. At every question, guys are saying they don't care that much. Then there is this guy who says he likes a very narrow range of women and that's the only comment girls remember... We can't win.

    • Try 70% of men saying something like nipple color. Or 60% wanting light skin

    • I have honestly never saw anything like this about colors here. Yeah, sure, some guys will prefer some color or some size but most won't care. I don't think women are any better at this game to be honest. You know how women want big dicks right?

    • I never said women are any better. Stop trying to deflect. I'm just saying that men have high standards they refuse to admit. And they're unreasonable I agree dick size is unreasonable as it can't be changed but what about men wanting tight pussy? Or big asses and tits? Why do you think ass implants and breast implants are so popular? It's nearly impossible to please men for the average woman as only about 5-10% of women are NATURALLY (before surgery) hourglass. And really? Well look at the many polls on here saying that nipple color preference, I've NEVER seen pink get less than 70% since I've been on here. Nipple color IS an unreasonable standard as it's something we can't change.

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  • If she light and virgin it's enough for me, the other things are bonuses. Also if she is an virgin then usually no kids from other guy comes with it anyway. Also at least men's standards make an sense, women tend to put importance on very silly things.

    • Because nipple color is so important? -____- And because being 16-25 is so important?

    • What are those silly things? Working out and having a job?

  • I haven't known many boys personally besides family, but my boyfriend did have high standards, although I never felt like I had to try. He wanted a Virgin, skinny, white, dark hair, etc. And sometimes that makes me annoyed, whys it matter?

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