What do you think of Stag/Hotwife relationships?

[Luci92]

I mean, I'd totally understand if you said TL;DR, but it's actually interesting. I ripped it right out of a Tumblr blog.

"A STAG is a STRAIGHT MAN that shares his wife or girlfriend sexually with other men and derives his pleasure solely from watching her arousal. He does not seek out other woman in return. This is Stag Hotwifing. While perceived as kinky, Stag Hotwifing has long been part of Western history. Not to be confused with cuckoldry, as the act involves no humiliation of the stag or attempted displays of dominance by these other men towards him. Nor is the wife or girlfriend cheating as she has both permission and active encouragement from her husband or boyfriend in this lifestyle. It’s just a man’s longing to see his wife or girlfriend sexually gratified by males he and she choose for her. This typically occurs by either bringing another man into a threesome to pleasure the wife or girlfriend, or watching or listening to her ‘play’ with the other men or even recount the details of her adventures with other men to her husband or boyfriend after the fact. Stags love and respect their Hotwives in real life relationships."

[redeyemindtricks]

... okay, so, first --
yeah, this is NOT the fucking creepy-ass "cuckold" fetish. THAT particular fetish interest -- in which the boy is about a thousand times more fixated on other men (and their penises) than on HIS WOMAN -- just needs to... get gone, and stay gone.
... and that's not even mentioning the even creepier element of racism that's so often tied in with the "cuckold" thing. Ew ew ew fucking ewwwww... yeah, no, THOSE boys are pretty much every single thing that could be repugnant about a boy, all rolled up into one.

__

... and now, for what ma gurl L is talking about, here.

Sometimes, a man is just... *obsessed* with his woman and her explosive sexuality, in a way that's as indulgent -- and LOVING -- as it is intense.
More often than not, this man is a fair bit older than his woman, and has played around more than his fair share already -- often to the point where he has a "been there done that" attitude toward hooking up with other women, but, when it comes to HIS woman... ahh he wants her to **play**.

This type of man is not unusual... not in the slightest. He's just a little farther down the spectrum than most guys.
What I mean is...
• MOST men, if they have a HOT woman, want to SHOW HER OFF. They're proud as hell to have her beautiful self on their arm, in clothes that are "elegant enough to remind 'em she's a lady, but tight enough to remind 'em she's a WOMAN".
• This man just wants to take it one step further. He wants to show off not only her beauty, but... **everything** about her. It's all about HER. **HE** is all about HER... to the point where his own pleasure gets totally hijacked by hers. And so he wants to help her live out some of her fantasies.

__

I mean... If you think about it... this kind of relationship/marriage makes sense on a LOT of levels. Rlly, it does. Hear me out here.

1) It works with biological clocks AND economic realities.
• Women's bodies are made to be fertile when we're still young -- but, most of us are reluctant to marry until we've gotten to know ourselves better in *lots* of ways, including sexually. If that window of sexual discovery remains open, then, one of the biggest roadblocks in front of early marriage is taken away.
• AND... in these kinds of situations, the MAN is generally in a situation where he's **ready for fatherhood** -- which is almost NEVER true in any same-age (or close) marriage. 99 times out of 100, men who are the same age as their wives are dragged into fatherhood kicking and

[redeyemindtricks]

screaming... almost like having another child smh. Men who are up for this kind of thing -- who are, WAY more often than not, dynamic, successful and dominant -- tend to be in a VERY good position to be fathers and heads of household. ... Also, these men are often veterans of a *first* marriage to a wife who turned out to be an insufferable prude -- which means the sluttier the better, as far as their concerned, in a second wife. As long as she's slutty for HIM, at the end of the day. 2) When a woman can play around within the security of a good relationship... she can experience WAY more than she could if she were single. Single women have to WORRY, if they want to satisfy their sexual desires/fantasies. They have to WORRY about... ... their "reputation" (because some stupid old double standards never die) ... their personal safety (because boys are physically stronger, and *much* more prone to fits of emotional rage) ... trading off their short-term satisfaction for uncertain,

[redeyemindtricks]

potential long-term rewards ("How long should I make him wait?" ... ugh) Unlike single boys... A single woman can't just *fuck*. A "hotwife", though? ... Oh yeah. She doesn't have to worry about ANY of these things. That woman can **play**... to her heart's content, and to both her and her husband's delight. She has access to a kind of fulfillment/pleasure/satisfaction that a single woman just *CAN'T* have, without 10,000 very heavy strings attached. 3) For a woman to play around costs **nothing** in terms of her family's resources. She does what she damn well wants, with whom she damn well wants -- with only her husband having any control or veto power. She doesn't waste her family's time -- or money -- on frivolities like "dates". Nope. Playtime, bby. Men, by contrast -- even the most powerful men -- can't play around without SOME sort of significant expenditure, be it time, money, or simply the risk of intrigue [believe me, no woman would be The Other Woman if it weren't such a

[redeyemindtricks]

power position... I mean, she's called "mistress" for a reason, right?]

Oh and 4) We aren't wired for monogamy. We aren't even wired to be attracted to the same boys all month long. Science is finally starting to catch up to this -- but, boys still tend to take OUR commitment for granted, even though it's a BIG sacrifice. Mmhmm.
See:

www.theguardian.com/.../anthonybrowne.theobserver

www.harpersbazaar.com/.../

Lots of boys are wired to "spread their seed", too -- but that's a young and carefree thing. Once men are ready to "nest" and seriously put their resources (whatever those might be, in the situation at hand) into a family, they're wired for commitment, through and through.

In other words... there are a lot more fuck yeahs here than you might think, at first.
... and if

[redeyemindtricks]

this sort of thing became a standard in society (to whatever extent) -- with women at the peak of fertility marrying older "stags" -- it's not like younger boys would just be left to rot. I mean, who's gna **play** with all those hotwives? <3

[Luci92]

Love it

[Try6Curious9]

You lay out a lot of reasons why it makes sense for the women. I agree with those. I'm not so sure I agree with why it makes sense for the men. Your theory operates under the assumption it's going to be the guy's idea not to get any of his own extra action. But if it's a restriction the woman is placing on him, then I don't see the material distinction from cuckolding (although obviously cuckolds tend to want to take things further than mere self-denial and into homoerotic territory -- which does not bother me -- and racist fetishization -- which does). It seems merely to be one of degrees. Maybe it's just the fact I've never gotten to "spread my seed," have had a boring marriage, and have too many experiences I want for myself that I'm not willing to offer a freedom I wouldn't also enjoy even if many of the elements of having a hotwife are intriguing.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Try6Curious9 (start quote) More often than not, this man is a fair bit older than his woman, and has played around more than his fair share already -- often to the point where he has a "been there done that" attitude toward hooking up with other women, but, when it comes to HIS woman... ahh he wants her to **play**. (end quote) That ^^ is an essential ingredient here. With a boy who feels like he's always been the audience and never the show, this is *so* totally not gna work.

[Try6Curious9]

OK, if that's your qualifier, I can buy that. I just saw some other quotes: 'Once men are ready to "nest" and seriously put their resources (whatever those might be, in the situation at hand) into a family, they're wired for commitment, through and through' ... that are not universally applicable. I suppose I'm part of the exception that proves the rule, as I married early (22) and have put resources into the nest all along, so I would not be willing to do without comparable freedom.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Try6Curious9 I mean, I can definitely tell you that anyone who sees this sort of thing as having a scoreboard, DEFINITELY shouldn't do it. Full stop, no way, it WILL destroy yr relationship if you see it that way. ... Not just the hotwife setup, but, absolutely **any** sort of situation where EITHER partner has any degree of license for extramarital fun. If you see that in terms of "she/he can't have X unless I also get X and/or something I calculate as the equivalent of X"... then, yeah, nope. Not gna work, and, yr rl is gna go down in flames if you even THINK about trying it.

[Try6Curious9]

I don't think a scoreboard is in order. I'm just not interested in committing to being monogamous if I'm going to be the only one in the relationship doing so.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Try6Curious9 I mean lol, you're kinda just making me wonder which parts of my post you actually read the first time. That concern is addressed by something else that I also wrote: "This man just wants to take it one step further. He wants to show off not only her beauty, but... **everything** about her. It's all about HER. **HE** is all about HER... to the point where his own pleasure gets totally hijacked by hers. And so he wants to help her live out some of her fantasies." Rlly, not kidding about the whole thing with his own pleasure being hijacked by hers. If you meet a couple that's into this sort of situation, it's a lot like the woman is... the man's own personal porn star, so to speak. In the same way you might get off from watching yr favorite porn star *overwhelmed* on camera... yeah. I mean... obviously this isn't the lifestyle choice of the majority. And like I said, it generally works best when the man has already sown more than his own share of wild oats, and just

[redeyemindtricks]

isn't as driven to spread the proverbial seed anymore (especially given that it becomes harder and harder -- and/or requires more and more of an expenditure of time and/or resources -- for a man to DO that, as he gets older). ... but, I can definitely tell you that this sort of relationship is a LOT more common than "cuckold" (ew ew ew EW) -- mostly because the "stag" man is, typically, actually a DESIRABLE MAN, as opposed to the "cuckold" who tends to be absolutely everything a woman doesn't want, wrapped up in a neat little package. I can also tell you that I've pretty much *never* seen a married couple with a BIG age difference -- say, 20+ years, maybe even 15+ -- where the wife wasn't allowed at least SOME license to play around (if not explicitly, then at least in the "don't ask, don't tell" sense). For what it's worth. EVERY stag/hotwife couple I personally know has an age difference of 12 or more years, and in every case but one she's the man's second (or third!) wife.

[Try6Curious9]

I read the whole thing multiple times, but I guess I'm fixated on this generalization you made: 'Once men are ready to "nest" and seriously put their resources (whatever those might be, in the situation at hand) into a family, they're wired for commitment, through and through.' That is a broad stroke statement that doesn't fit with the careful disclaiming of the rest of your response, nor my life experience. It simply rings false to me.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Try6Curious9 I mean, the problem with generalizations is that they're generalizations. On the other hand, as little as I know you, it seems pretty clear from the tone of yr responses that you "settled down" way before you were ready to... well, settle down. An idea that's corroborated by that number you gave me (... honestly, I'd say less than 1 percent of boys are genuinely in a place to get married by age 22). Not going to ask about that history here (although you can share iyw) -- but, there's no doubt it influences yr outlook on the whole thing. ... And again, most men aren't stags, most women aren't hotwives, and (if you're actually 33) the *average* age difference of the S/HW couples I know would mean that *your* potential hotwife would still most likely be between 13 and 15 years old rn. (:

[Try6Curious9]

I think overall you painted a very accurate depiction of the circumstances that would lead this to be a workable relationship solution. And for most people that one generalization I couldn't get past probably rings true. As for me, I wasn't dragged kicking and screaming -- it was in large part my idea, and I have committed serious resources for 10 years and counting -- but I had no idea I how much l wasn't ready for the monogamy. A background of Bible Belt morality and romantic idealism will do that to you.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Try6Curious9 ahh well, alright, tx for the explanation. And good luck <3

[ynot288]

This is definitely a very accurate description of the dynamic. Yes, I would consider myself a stag for the very reasons you cited. I'm a bit older (late 40's) and had my share of adventures. I'm well established, respected, and extremely confident. I'm not threatened by other men in the least. I previously had an amazing relationship with a young vixen. She was a very good wholesome girl who never had a one night stand in her life despite being a very sexual person. By giving her permission and loving her for it, she felt free. I just completely adored the excitement in her eyes... her amazing smile when we were planning her dates. It was honestly a love I had not felt before.

[RiccoCosta]

Totally agree! I love showing my woman off and I love it when she gets *off* hard. Watching her being pleasured is incredibly erotic and fulfilling!

[lenkian94]

Very hot, in theory.
As a couple we have been together a longtime, not long before our engagement we had a d & m which established love, commitment and even our ups & yes, downs but because of our good communication are solved quickly. Sounds like the perfect couple, not quite, our sex-life had become an F. As I said, we communicate well and the first thing we learned is that while I saw it more overall, needing to make more effort, dress sexy, make time, he and I think it's a guy thing was all about the act. He felt like I wasn't responsive, bored and blamed himself for everything from poor foreplay to lack of penis size. We made a commitment and turned it around, sometimes going online for ideas and advice. Role play, adult toys you name it. At some point while online we read about swinging, threesomes and talked about it both in and out of the bedroom. We both found the idea hot yet I began to notice he wasn't about another female or even that much about participating. I have since learned about compersion. He stumbled upon Stag Vixen and was excited to show me. As I said before when we discussed our sex-life he blamed himself, that and other things bought to light that for him it was all about me, he really got off to me being pleasured. After he said he was totally sure about it, I said yes as long as the male was well hung.
As I said at the start, very hot in theory. At this time we still haven't had the experience, who where when are in reality a lot more difficult than your fantasy would have you believe.

[minahbri]

what really interests me about those types of relationships is the psychology behind it. you should look into it. it will blow your mind

[Warmapplecrumble]

What's the psychology behind it

[minahbri]

too hard to explain by just typing on a phone lol. there are many articles written on all of the possible reasons why people enjoy this. this is only one. I haven't read this one yet

www.psychologytoday.com/.../why-would-you-do-watch-your-wife-another-man

[Warmapplecrumble]

Sperm competition was interesting .. also it reduces world population, this article missed that point. Many parts of country have 1 woman married to several guys for this reason.

[minahbri]

interesting right? psychology has always been interesting to me

[Justin85283]

I bet this guy got off writing the article. He might even be a cuck himself.

[Justin85283]

What pytchology? It's just another way to interest friends to fuck each other

[Warmapplecrumble]

Me too I love researching stuff like this... I even like the history.. you can see many interesting things people did e. g. Egyptians @ lol at the 14 old child

[minahbri]

right? I didn't even bother replying >< oh and did you know when humans were hunter gatherers one woman would have multiple partners so that her chance of becoming pregnant was higher.

[bennyboy18320]

I've read a lot about this too. It's a fascinating thing. Beyond sperm competition, there's also something very attractive and alluring about a woman who has just had sex with another man. It's difficult to explain, but it makes her even more desireable to a man

[Warmapplecrumble]

@minahbri that's really interesting I didn't know that! I always thought it was one woman and one guy... but now it explains it, it actually makes sense to have more men for protection. @bennyboy18320 how are they more desirable, explain.. sounds very interesting

[Justin85283]

@Warmapplecrumble it all boils down to more free and open sex. The psychology is all bs.

[Warmapplecrumble]

@Justin85283 aren't you 14? You shouldn't be reading this its illegal for you :-/

[Justin85283]

@Warmapplecrumble I like reading it. I would like to do it now... I'm not a virgin...

[Warmapplecrumble]

@Justin85283 well... I am no one to tell you what to do, its just illegal keep that in mind.

[Justin85283]

@Warmapplecrumble why is it illegal? just because of my age? I would like to start a club of people my age that would participate in open relationships.

[Warmapplecrumble]

@Justin85283 yeah just because of your age... I don't know why... but the law is set up that way. I am guessing that the adults feel like you might regret certain decisions and aren't mature enough to think best for yourself. It sounds mean but I think its true ... when I was 14 I was way more stupid than I am now.

[minahbri]

Same haha

[liberated-man]

@Warmapplecrumble my phones to sliw to check your link 😕. I and my partner came at it from a social science/anthropological background in wantin g liberation in our lives in this consumer culture we live in. Turns out that science is saying humans not monogamous.. that only happened when we planted crops, built cities n created God's who told us we needed be monogamous. but it's simply not true. monogamy is not in our DNA, it's in our culture and culture (morals) can be changed. Irst we need give up the false bible and church thoughts /teachings and put them in rubbish bin th We started with introducing men in swinging environment. Now women before we move on to fuill open relationship

[TrevorW]

First , more and more Hotwives husbands/Bf are bisexual. A lot of those who claim to be straight at first eventually, start showing bisexual tendencies.
Second, most hotwives partners, either because they are not aware of it or because it is a beautiful rationalization of their fetish, say that they get turned on sexually by watching, hearing, knowing that their wives/gfs are having sex with another man and that it is based on their love for their partner, etc... when in reality, their fetish is based on childhood traumas that created strong inadequacy and abandonment issues.
Their wives/gfs are only the object at the center of their fetish and love has nothing to do with their lifestyle.
These men do not love themselves therefore cannot love anybody else.
Most of the time those relationships are doomed. The hotwife, as she meets more men for sexual gratification, gradually loses respect and sexual desire for her partner.
They may stay together longer if the husband/bf accepts to be strictly a partner outside of the bedroom and also when the hotwife tolerates staying with her partner because of the financial security he provides until she meets her next partner.

[RiccoCosta]

Hogwash. I'm a Stag and not even remotely bisexual... smh

[aus_explorer]

@RiccoCosta @trevorw said a lot, not all. Your experience is only one out of many. That said, I disagree with the rest of their reply.

[Hotwife4k]

As a stag i think its fantastic! My wifes confidance has never been higher and her sexdrive Is now insatiable. She only plays with my encouragement and our sex life has improved from fantastic to mindblowing.

Just imagine ladies , if you will. Your significant other trust you to have fun, is turned on by you being turned on, and encurrages you (no matter what you do). What if you could act on carnal lust and NOT be slut shamed but celebrated as a sexual goddess by your partner? How would it feel to be loved so deeply that your partner could let go of distrust, and insecurrities for you? What if your partner were to learn from your encounters and improve their ability to please you? How much better would the sex be if you were completely uninhibited and your partner were confident? Because this is what hotwifes have every day.

[coolbreeze]

To each their own. Everybody has their kinks and fetishes. I don't judge people on them.

[Curious625]

Think that's crazy and I would go crazy if my partner asked me for that.

[Tim2nice]

Why don’t you take the initiative? Your man might be interested but too shy or embarrassed to ask you about it

[Isten]

People are weird, that's my final say. XD

[BuchitaBuchys]

Doesn't sound appealing at all. Human sexuality is so crazy lol

[LovelyColleen]

None of my boyfriends ever wanted to share me, and I guess I would think a guy who wanted to do that didn't like me half as much as he claimed.

[Romeo0071234]

Actually its not that. Has to like you a lot to even think of sharing you.. have to think ao highly of you.

[RiccoCosta]

@Romeo0071234 Totally agree.

[Tim2nice]

That’s a dumb comment. Love and sex are two different things. One can love and share. These aren’t mutually exclusive

[dropkicknj13]

I feel like this is just a bullshit thing cuckolds came up with cause they were tired of taking shit for their fetish, so now they can say "no I'm not a cuck, I'm a stag". basically cuckold without BDSM

[redeyemindtricks]

uhh i'm pretty sure cuckold fetishists would WANT to "take shit for their fetish". isn't that the whole point?

[dropkicknj13]

nah not most, they only like it when it's involved in the fetish. When they get picked on in regular life they disliked it just like everyone else. it's like how a masochist is into pain, but still wouldn't like getting randomly punched in the face lol

[TadCurious]

That wouldn't work for me.

[VirginiaBeachBum]

Yeah, this is me. :-)

[Iraqveteran666]

I think they are weak low testosterone males with a penis fetishish.

[Kiran04]

The word you're looking for is "cuckold".

[SlightlyCrazy]

Nah I'm good, I'll be doing the fuckkng thank you

[Decentguy]

if a guy even thinks of touching my future girlfriend or wife, im gonna make sure that he'll end up in a hospital with broken arms, and broken legs, and i'll make sure i'll break his back bone too

[Yumix]

hmm, I'm more interested in knowing what you think about it? :P

[PG1997]

Fuck no

[Kelly6]

Isn’t stag a cuckold?
my husband loves to share me.

[aus_explorer]

By the technical definition of "a man with an unfaithful wife", yes, if you also go by the traditional definition of "unfaithful". Both definitions are really too broad though, and men whose wives have sex with others tend to fall (sometimes loosely) into a few different subcategories. One involves a varying mix of humiliation, submission, chastity etc., while the other is simply finding pleasure in knowing or watching without any of the other stuff. The scene has settled on cuckold for the former and stag for the latter. I'll add that I'm not a fan of labels and categories in general, but we're already talking about definitions so it applies here.

[Kelly6]

@aus_explorer thanks

[Tim-loves-it]

Such a lucky husband!

[Kelly6]

@Tim-loves-it thanks

[llcanon]

i think they suck. why on earth would a husband want his wife to be a whore

[EQisKEY]

I've had 6 hot wife/ cuckold experiences now (being the 3rd)... it's so damn hot, they really let loose when they know they're safe and there's no judgement... Just how it should be.

[BronzedAdonis]

[Decentguy]

hahahaahha

[Omar5881]

Hell i wouldn't share my car , I don't think this person is mentally stable and it's wrong on every aspect

[FrenchyRomain]

not my thing but i'm not going to judge what others do