Sexual Relationships
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Can I ask him to finger me without him expecting sex?

Every time I go over to my boyfriends place for dinner and a movie, we end up in the same chair with me sat on his lap and our arms around each other cuddling for hours. I'm a virgin and want to remain that way until I'm married but I get really horny sometimes. I've tried masturbating but can't ever seem to get myself off (with either my hand or the shower head - any tips?) He's very patient and has said he's letting me set the pace he also once said he's not a selfish lover. Anyway when I'm sat on his lap, I keep wondering what it would be like if he was to just slide his hand up my skirt and finger me. I'm completely unexperienced - he was my first kiss and we haven't made out or felt each other up or anything yet - we have a very innocent relationship (been dating for almost 4 months).

As he's letting me set the pace of things, when we're cuddling can I ask him to finger me or tell him it's something I'd like to do? But without it leading to sex. I'm willing to give him a hand job in return but can't have it go any further!!

Or if you have any tips on how I can relieve myself that would be good too!
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Most Helpful Girls

  • First you should discuss with him what you want to do with him and him to you. Then define exactly where you wish to stop and what the limits are. He obviously respects your wishes to wait until after you're married to have penetrative sex, (good for you if those are your personal convictions). Setting limits holds you both accountable to each other. It also lessens the chance of things totally getting out of control.

    Virginity is defined in most (but the most backward) cultures as never having penetrative sex, as in a woman who has never had a penis enter her vagina. Not the fact that her hymen is in tact. Mine was broken playing softball when I was about 12 or 13, nothing remotely to do with sex. I was every bit as much a virgin after rupturing my hymen as I was before, up until the first time I had intercourse. So don't listen to the guys who are trying to tell you you're not, they have nothing to compare it to anyway.

  • For one of my previous boyfriends I told him I didn't want to have sex (because I didn't want to get pregnant.. at the time my sister was currently pregnant at 18 years old so I wanted to stay clear of that and yes she used protection and was on birth control but it failed). I told him that I wanted to do stuff besides sex, so fingering, handjobs, blowjobs I was down. and he respected that. You just got to tell him how far you want to go. It's your body and you have a right to what you guys do. don't let him pressure you.
    I suggest you just sit down and talk to him about the boundaries so that don't get crossed. goodluck xoxo

  • That's a good idea. You can remain a virgin the whole time. You should both (yes, you too) get tested negative for STDs before proceeding further. You need that peace of mind. Then you can start pleasuring each other. He can finger your vagina and rub your clit. You can give him hand jobs. Be sure to use lube and lots of it! Water based lube cleans up easier. I highly suggest sucking, licking and stroking his penis. Have him cum into your mouth and swallow the cum. It's fun, enjoyable and satisfying with no mess to clean up afterwards. You'll have a blast. You can also have him lick your clit with his tongue. You'll love it!

    • Why do I need to be tested? I've never done anything! Oh I can get wet very easily just by thinking about it so would we even need lube? Should I be concerned that he doesn't seem to get aroused by me? Like I can be sat on his lap for several hours and he never gets a boner (that I've noticed anyway and I'm pretty sure I would be able to feel something!)

Most Helpful Guys

  • Yeah, it would be okay, and he'd prefer that to just kissing.

    I think the biggest issue is being nervous he would think you're about to have sex. So speak up, so you can feel relaxed. Just make out, grind on him a bit, then whisper to him that you were wondering if maybe you could touch each other without having full on sex? And he will say YES YES YES THAT WOULD BE FINE

    • Thanks, would be a great plan but I don't know how I'd be able to grind on him? I'm always sat sideways across his lap never straddling him. how would I do that? Otherwise sounds like a plan!

    • Just do it. Makes kissing easier.

    • How long have you been dating?

    • Show All

  • Can you ask? Sure. Will he say yes? Probably. Will he be happy about it? I don't know.
    I don't know why you wouldn't want sex though (assuming you aren't doing it for religious reasons which if you are well like umm uhh where do you draw the difference between sex and fingering here)

    • I have just always dreamed of making love for the first time on my wedding night. But I also need someway of releasing some of my pent up sexual energy/tension before I end up just fucking him and I really don't want to go there yet! I'd be okay with anything up to full intercourse - especially would like him to go down on me but feel we are best starting with fingering/hand jobs for the time being and take it from there.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 6

  • You must be horny as your jumping a few steps lol.

    I'm sure he will be ok with that for now, especially since you are willing to compromise by jerking him off. It's more like a trade off.

    • I don't mean right now but some point in the not too distant future maybe. He doesn't know I'm a virgin or that I'm waiting.

    • You should tell him so he knows. I'm surprised it hasn't came up.

    • It's not the kind of thing you just drop into casual conversation though!

    • Show All

  • That's a slippery slope (no pun intended). Chances are since you're both new to this you or him of you will get waay to horny and end up having actual sex. Not that it will be the end of the world.

    • He's had girlfriends before so this isn't new to him. He doesn't seem to get horny though - we'd have never kissed if I hadn't have made the move. I do wonder if he's asexual as he never seems to feel lusty - seems to be perfectly content just cuddling!

    • No man is content with just cuddling! You're telling me he has never jumped you to make out? That can't be normal? Have you ever turned him down really rudely and he's scared to try again?

    • He's never made any move at all! Aside when we he first pulled me onto his lap for a cuddle but that's it! I had to be the one to start kissing!

    • Show All

  • You really want to lose your precious hymen to an finger? that's lame.

    • Hymen is a myth and a rumour. It doesn't exist. It's just people trying to scare a woman from having sex

    • No, claiming that there is no hymen is an lie that sluts are trying to spread.

    • I bet you are a virgin or some brain washed guy.

    • Show All

  • I've had great times with girls whom I just spent the whole night naked with me and fingering/handjobbing each other. Sooner or later, you may feel like you want to have intercourse and when you do feel that way, go ahead and do it.

  • I think you should just ask him.. I saw in some of your other replies that you wanna save your first time for when you get married.. A little thing on that, don't expect too much.. if its your first time you might find it awkward and not all that good and you might also be in at least some or possibly a fair bit of pain.. so its not very romantic, its more.. eh, but if you want to then thats ok - but don't expect like it to be all cotton candy and fireworks.. it rarely is..

  • OMG just have sex

    • Can't. I've always wanted to wait until my wedding night! But I'm only human and also want to experience an orgasm and need to finda way to release my pent up sexual tension!

    • Not much to save, if you already willing to take an guy's body parts into your pussy.

    • @Berethor exactly... virginity is when you've never had any sexyal experience

  • yes! he sounds like a nice guy, I don't think he would think that it would lead to sex. he probably would be absolutely thrilled though, if not a little nervous.

    Yeah, but just be clear with him about it too so that he doesn't think otherwise.

  • Just tell him that's all you want and what you ARE willing to do in return. It's all about communication.

  • things may get to the second step

  • Yes but I would at least fondle him in return. Then maybe the next time when your confidence is up you could give hand job. Ask for guidance if you need it

    • What do you mean by 'fondle him' exactly? Just play with his penis until he cums - how is that any different to a hand job?

    • I mean don't put pressure on yourself to finish him off the first time. If that happens great but just get a feel for things. I'm sure he won't mind throwing you one freebie. He could finish himself off and you could watch

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