Sexually abused from age 5-10, 23 now and I'm just remembering details & it affects my relationships. Help?

Abuse in Childhood:

So on and off from when I was 5-10yrs old I was forced to fondle and jerk off this man who was a family friend. He'd put his hands down my pants and hug me really, really tight to the point I'd shout "I can't breathe" and he'd place his hand over my mouth and put his fingers in my vagina. When he would come over, I'd run to my bedroom and fake sleep, hide in the back of my closet or run to the laundry room and lock myself in there so my parents would think I'm outside playing and I wouldn't have to greet "uncle".

Household context:

I had two good and loving parents growing up. They showed me love and affection, gave my siblings and I everything we ever wanted and more. However, they til this day I've kept what happened to me to myself and no one knows what "uncle" did to me. Literally no one. Not family, friends, past partners-no one knows.

Relationships:

So when I was 15 I had my first boyfriend and @ 16 my first consensual sexual eexperience. He was a cool kid, we were together for 2 years., however we only had sex once during that time. He didn't know it, but that experience triggered me so bad that I had vivid flashbacks to abuse that I had burried and hadn't thought of since I was 10. I'm 23 now, and whenever I have a sexual encounter, even if it's me initiating, the abuse I endured creeps into the back of my mind and I can't enjoy myself.

Have y'all expirenced sexual abuse? If so, how does it affect your relationships? What do you do to deal/forget about it? Do you tell your (short term/long term) partner?

Thanks in advance💕
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I am sure it has been suggested, but a good counselor can help with the memories and dealing with it. It will be up to you if you want to pursue legal action, which the counselor will suggest.
    I had been abused as a boy playing with other boys, I was the quiet one who was an easy target. Today, yea if I think about it, i will think of what happened, but I don't have any emotional angst nor do I feel it was wrong.
    For you, you will need to confront that emotional hurt and anger and deal with it, either on your own or with someone who you can trust to work with you. One of the challenges in life is to be able to control your mind... or your mind will control you. The best of luck to you on this.

  • I would recommend that you seek counseling, and no not because you are crazy or anything like that, but because it quite clearly affected you and while it is true that what has been done cannot be undone, counseling can help you move past the injuries of the past so that you can foster healthy meaningful relationships.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Hi, I have a similar experience, but dont want all of GAG to know the details coz it is very private and hurtful and I have been seeing a therapist since I was 16yo.

    If you want to talk, Private Message me.

    I started having horrible nightmares about 2 years ago after I got a letter from a caring aunt telling me what had happened to me when I was growing up. I had a lot of repressed memories, and only this last yr, my Therapist has been helping me remember what happened AND how to deal with it.

    but if you want to talk, pm here on GAG.

  • As a psychology student, I know that things like that which are traumatizing can be put into the back of your mind to cope with the trauma. Suddenly certain things can bring to back to the moment and you're experiencing it all over again. Some people revert to their younger selves and act as if they are still the age of the sexual assault because that's how their mind copes with it, even if they wanted to originally. You should seek therapy for this because the longer you wait, the more distant and afraid of being intimate with others you'll become.

  • Girl, I feel your pain. The same thing happened to me around that age for years too... The best thing I did did was to tell people. I told my boyfriend. I told my best friend. I told my therapist (VERY important!!!). Till today every once in a while I'll get flashbacks (when I watch some tv show that has child abuse or when I'm drunk and having sex), but it got a lot better after dealing with it in therapy. Good luck ❤❤

    • You got help and that's what you needed to do.

    • How was it the first time you told someone? For some reason, I feel like I can't trust people even my best friends, family/people I know that love me unconditionally and would never judge or shame me.

    • Actually my brain "blocked" those memories till I was 16. Then one day I was at her place talking ab childhood memories. And something that she said made all those memories get unblocked. So I started crying a lot and it was horrible, and I explained what was going on. I didn't really have a choice. If you dont really feel comfortable with talking ab it with your friends, just focus on finding a good therapist. And I think that telling it to your boyfriend is crucial too.

  • When i was a kid. Male servant tried to kiss me but i ran off nothing happend although i did not know it was a bad thing. But this is not a serious case.

    I don't know much but I think you should tell this to your mother. So she can help you. I know it's not easy to tell but try.

    • My mom would not be able to handle me telling her this. She would be so shook and never forgive herself for not knowing/preventing the abuse. Also, because it was so long ago, I wouldn't want to bring it up now.

    • Yeah i can understand you then try consulting a therapist. My mom and dad are divorced. My mom consulted a therapist after the divorce. Because she was lonely and upset about the divorce and me. Etc and it worked. So i think you should consult a one.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • That's awful! You need to seek therapy and perhaps learn tactics on how to deal with anxiety associated with this past abuse. Perhaps you have PTSD and that's horrible to live with.

  • i think you need to tell your story. its been hidden for to long. tell your parents. and i honestly think you should see a therapist.

    you need to express your feelings. instead of surpressing them

    and hey... if/when you ever tell your parents about this... and you see the "uncle" bimbo ever again. punch him in the fucking dick for you... me... and every normal person on this planet.

    that fuckhead cannot get away with that. justice must ne served one way or another.

    • i am sorry for the swearing. hearing stories like this just breaks my heart and i get emotional.

  • You need to be in therapy to talk about what happened to you and work through the process of healing to move forward in your life.

  • I have not myself been abused, but in some cases therapy can be very helpful in trying to deal with the past and moving on :) And it can definitely help to talk about it and letting the emotions that you have bottled up inside you out

  • Essentially you may have a sort of PTSD. Have you talked to a therapist?

    • I've been thinking about seeking a therapist over the past month, but I don't know... I feel hesitant because I don't want to go into detail about it and remember everything. Every time I do think about the abuse, I get filled with emotion and tears just roll down my face, which makes me pissed.

    • I understand, but you have to confront it before you can fully heal. Remember, this is not your fault, and you should not feel ashamed. It takes great courage to confront this and ask for help. I believe that once you talk about it and let everything out, you will feel a little bit better. It's also going to take time.

  • Therapy.
    Try something called "EMDR"

  • Get some professional help. Recovering from abuse takes a long time, but good that you're willing to ask for it.

  • Counseling is the best advice, you can't love anyone to you are able
    to love yourself , what i mean is the abuse that happened during the
    years may not allow you to be able to love a guy in more than one way
    and that one way is intimately. I'm sorry about your misfortune.

  • You need to go talk to someone. A professional for privacy reason. Also, you need to be 110% and go talk to law enforcement (if you're comfortable) because he could be doing this to others. It sounds like you blocked it out. I remember being a kid and this older teenager liked playing "house" with me and looking back now I'm disgusted. You need to understand and open up to your partners. They aren't the bad guy and you need to regain your emotional status back. Don't let him steal your life.

  • my teacher once touched my penis so i fucking slap him and now his my bitch! i say find that uncle of yours and kick his ass!

  • I was raped by my neighbor when i was seven every day for three months and i can only say that you have to find someone who you trust that is the only time i can sleep without nightmares but if you lose that it is hell

    • Every now and then I get nightmares, the most recent was last night and I actually cried myself to sleep. Also, the more I get triggered, the more I feel as though I can't trust people/allow people to know that about me. Sorry about your ordeal 💕

    • Sorry about yours too its very hard i used drugs for a long time until i found someone who went through something similar and she is gone now and im trying to find a way to help get through it if you learn any tips that might help could you possibly share them with me?

  • You need help or no man will want you. Why should a man pay an emotional debt he did't cause?

    • Insensitive bastard, go sit on a tram track and take a nap why don't you.

  • I understand your trauma, but you have to overcome from it. Just try to enjoy sex do those things which turn you on. Better sex surely help u.

  • I was sexually abused when I was younger but it doesn't effect my sexual relationships. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years now so I trust him. I'd suggest maybe talking to a counselor that'll help you get past this and express it in a way that's great for you. That's what I did, the counselor helped me look past the situation that happened. Goodluck xoxo

  • why didn't you tell it to your parents? sorry to hear it :(

  • When you go to a catholic primary school in the 80s and you're a little trouble maker, you know cause you're 8 years old, the nuns take you outside the classroom and you get swatted by the priest. Only sometimes the priest is a rapey fucker who likes grab and rub when he swats. I'll leave it at that