Sexually abused from age 5-10, 23 now and I'm just remembering details & it affects my relationships. Help?
So on and off from when I was 5-10yrs old I was forced to fondle and jerk off this man who was a family friend. He'd put his hands down my pants and hug me really, really tight to the point I'd shout "I can't breathe" and he'd place his hand over my mouth and put his fingers in my vagina. When he would come over, I'd run to my bedroom and fake sleep, hide in the back of my closet or run to the laundry room and lock myself in there so my parents would think I'm outside playing and I wouldn't have to greet "uncle".
Household context:
I had two good and loving parents growing up. They showed me love and affection, gave my siblings and I everything we ever wanted and more. However, they til this day I've kept what happened to me to myself and no one knows what "uncle" did to me. Literally no one. Not family, friends, past partners-no one knows.
Relationships:
So when I was 15 I had my first boyfriend and @ 16 my first consensual sexual eexperience. He was a cool kid, we were together for 2 years., however we only had sex once during that time. He didn't know it, but that experience triggered me so bad that I had vivid flashbacks to abuse that I had burried and hadn't thought of since I was 10. I'm 23 now, and whenever I have a sexual encounter, even if it's me initiating, the abuse I endured creeps into the back of my mind and I can't enjoy myself.
Have y'all expirenced sexual abuse? If so, how does it affect your relationships? What do you do to deal/forget about it? Do you tell your (short term/long term) partner?
Thanks in advance💕
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