Why am I upset that my boyfriend watches porn?

Porn. I know, it's a universal thing. I watch it, my friends watch it, my family probably watches it, and for good reasons too. It's not a bad thing, it's a way of life. We do what we can to meet our personal needs, and that's not a bad thing.

However, I stopped watching after I started my current relationship. I don't know, usually I'm fine with continuing to watch porn after getting into a relationship, especially if I know my boyfriend does so too. I don't know what makes this relationship so different, but I began dating one of my closest guyfriends almost two months ago. We've been doing so well, I couldn't be happier.. but for some reason (and I JUST noticed this recently), I couldn't bring myself any longer to watch porn. If I even try to search it up, let alone watch even one clip, I start thinking about my boyfriend and how much better he'd be at doing to me what the pornstars on my screen are doing. And then I think about how great of a guy my boyfriend is, and how much we care about each other.. and, ultimately, I feel awful for watching other people dress down and doing it. I don't know why I've never felt this guilt before but I do now and whenever I take some time alone to "help myself", I don't watch porn and just think of my boyfriend instead.

Not only is that the problem, but I know he watches porn too. Like I said we were close formed so I knew beforehand he watches porn, but he still continues to do so while we're in a relationship. It really shouldn't bother me because everyone does it, and it never was a problem for me before with anyone else I dated, so why the hell does it bother me and hurt my feelings just knowing that my boyfriend watches porn? Is there anything I can do or tell myself to stop this guilt?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • I don't get why people have made it normal to be in a relationship and to have a desire to jack off to other people. Society has really warped people's views on relationships. I personally don't think it's normal or OK to have a partner and still feel the need to watch porn. I'm lucky enough to have a boyfriend who stopped when we became official and it's a year later with no porn in the picture because he says he literally has no desire to watch other women. There are guys out there who don't do porn or will stop watching it for you. It's really shit how so many women think they are supposed to be happy about their men watching other women while jacking off.. Porn is a bad habit that destroys relationships for many reasons because it places expectations and isn't healthy. There's nothing wrong with you being upset with it.

    • I know he means no map intent, it's probably just some Guy Code he isn't aware of or whatever, but if what you're saying is right and I have a reason to be a little upset about this, I don't know what to do or if I should approach him, or even how.

    • No mal* intent

    • @sweaterbunny18 I get it's tough to approach things but honestly, if he's going to be your boyfriend you have to be able to talk to him about things. Porn IS a very important topic and can influence a relationship a lot in many ways. You should pick a moment where you two are alone and can talk about it in a relaxed way. Write down your thoughts prior to get clarity.

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  • I think its great that you stopped watching it and only think of him. Have you voiced to him yet that it bothers you when he watches it? Of not tell him, or put on porn together and him and you have sex while watching it. there is a lot of things you can do. Tell him you aren't comfortable or join in when he watches.

    • Um, I don't really know how to approach him about it. We've been best friends for a little over a year before we even began dating each other, so him watching porn was something I was very well aware of beforehand (and vice versa). We used to joke about how often we would watch porn or "get off" to it, because in our friend group I'm basically "one of the guys", so they're really open to me about things and whatnot. So when we started dating, I realized that he continued to watch porn because he was telling me the other day about how it was "so funny" that he was using his phone to look up something in class and forgot to close out of his porn site, and how our teacher almost caught him on it. It just kinda hit me like a punch in the gut, reminding me about it and how easily these actors online can please him in comparison to me (then again, I wouldn't know, we've never had sex) and I don't know what I can do to get rid of this feeling.

  • Oh honey, I'm am right there with you. I wish I could tell you it gets better but I've no answers 😩
    You're not alone though!

Most Helpful Guys

  • I don't really get into porn, I've prayed about things and got away
    from engaging in watching porn. I think it's work of the devil for sure
    There is really no meaning behind porn and i like to think of it as the
    work of the devil but not judgmental of one who watches it cause i
    had a serious porn addiction. I saved pictures, videos, yes it was bad.

  • I really think it's sad how porn has become a way of life. It does more damage than people realise. It's good that you're only thinking of your boyfriend. There's nothing wrong with you

    • Is there anything I can do about it? It's been bugging me for a while now

    • I don't know. He has to make a quality decision himself. I don't understand. If I had a girlfriend then the last thing I would feel like doing is running to my phone to watch porn. She would be the only person I wanted to get close to sexually. Don't need anything else

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • i can understand how are you feeling about this
    porn is really disgusting and stupid

    • It still doesn't stop the way I feel knowing my boyfriend still watches porn, though. Is there anything I can do to quit thinking about it or stop the problem altogether?

    • well your boyfriend is addicted to it. porn addiction is really bad. only he can stop doing it, if he wants to.

  • do you think it has anything to do with that you can't watch it you feel he shouldn't be able to either

    • Yeah; usually when I'm with someone I only watch prom when I know they do too and they're okay with me doing so. But this is the first time I mentally can't bring myself to watch it even if I want to, and then it makes me step back and feel.. I don't know vulnerable? Or threatened when I know he watches porn. I don't get why and maybe I'm just overreacting?

    • have you tried watching porn together. maybe that will remove the guilt and get you back where you usually are because you know there's nothing wrong with watching porn which means you're overreacting with him even though you don't mean to

    • I don't think I'd want to watch with him.. I feel like I'd just get jealous that he'd get turned on by someone else :T

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  • Grow up, enjoy porn and let him enjoy too, if you serious quit romantic movies too as you are in love.

  • I'm in a relationship and I watch heaps of porn.

    • So why do I feel so shitty about it just now then?

    • I'm thinking, maybe you feel it's disrespectful.

  • because it feels like being cheated

    • For me, porn is like emotional cheating because the person is clearly fantasizing and getting off on the idea of someone else other than their SO.

    • @XRabbitHeartX totally agree, it is the same for me too

    • Yeah, it really does! It feels so stupid saying this but I have this awful feeling of having a competition against these online strangers who act to please my boyfriend and it makes me feel like oh, am I not good enough that you have to look elsewhere to get off like that? Then I realize I've been doing that my past relationships and I feel even worse. The difference is, both my partner and I were okay with each other doing so. I don't know why but now I'm not okay with this, and my boyfriend is still watching porn and I'm just sitting here acting so emotional over it.

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