For someone I really felt I could love, maybe like a month or two.
My problem is that the two times I ever fell deeply for a girl was in the process of sleeping with them. I married the second one.
Sex became the ultimate test of how connected and passionate I can feel towards a girl. When the connection is there, I feel like I'm making love to a goddess. When it's not, I feel like I'm just having sex with a nice body.
The problem is that even the girls I thought I loved at first didn't always have that effect on me. Once we slept together, I felt nothing except physical pleasure. I didn't feel so connected and passionate about it, just horny. And when that happened, I started to lose interest in a girl. It felt like, "Been there, done that, I want to feel something different with someone else." So I tended to lose interest after sleeping with a girl if there was no deep connection in that context, even if we had a great time together outside the bedroom and I really cared for her in a friendly way.
So I'm worried if I wait for a long time with a girl before sleeping together and there's no magical spark when we do that connects us and binds us and makes it feel like we can read each other's minds in that moment, I'll lose interest. And that wouldn't be very fair for her if I lost interest in her after sleeping with her after we've been dating for so long. As a result I feel safer sleeping sooner so that I can test whether we have that kind of strong connection in that context.
That strong connection in the bedroom is usually the trigger that makes me develop a fantasy where I really fall in love with a girl and want to marry her (not immediately but it's kind of the seed planted that works towards that over time). It's what makes me want to see her all the time, miss her all the time, hug her and kiss her all the time, take her to all kinds of exciting places, etc.
I'm hoping not all guys are like this and there was a time when I was an awkward teenager where I would develop a romantic fantasy around any pretty girl who smiled at me. Yet as I started dating and getting girlfriends and having things not work out, it became harder and harder for me to develop that fantasy. I thought I loved my first girlfriend and thought sex with her was amazing and we waited a good time before having it, but only because I had no way to compare. I thought that's just what sex is supposed to be like, hot and horny. And if I married her maybe I would have been fine having never known it could be so much better, so much more meaningful and deeper and connected. And I kind of wanted to marry her until I had to move, she didn't want to come, and we drifted apart through distance and she broke it off with me. After that I discovered a new girlfriend (5th GF) who made me feel so much more connected in the bedroom, and after I experienced that, I never wanted [...]
[...] anything less. That kind of deep sexual connection became my trigger at that point to developing a romantic fantasy around a girl. I'm also odd in that I have a great number of female friends (mixed gender friend group) who I'm close with. I love and care about my best female friends but as *friends*, no more. I have no romantic feelings for them whatsoever. The pretty ones attract me but so does any pretty stranger -- that's the extent of my feeling for them from a romantic perspective. It takes that exceptional feeling of passion and feeling connected in those most intimate contexts that I share with few other women in the world to now make me really fall for a girl. Sex becomes the ultimate test of whether I can develop that feeling. Waiting for sex doesn't change a thing for me.
... it wouldn't change a thing romantically, that is. If I waited it has the benefit that I might come to love and care for a girl in a friendly kind of way, as I do my closest female friends. But it wouldn't trigger a romantic fantasy, it wouldn't make me build a dream and image of her in my mind as the one and only. Sex becomes the trigger that might do that if we have something really special there.
If, and only if, she was a virgin, I'd be willing to wait until marriage - and I'd like to get married in my late 20s or early 30s. That among many other conditions of course:
- detailed discussions about boundaries, capabilities, preferences, etc.
- seeing each other's naked bodies
- engaging in oral sex until we are ready for the real thing
(I want to at least get a free sample before I buy the full product lol.)
This is, however, because I am actually looking for a relationship - not casual sex. Not to mention that I am a virgin myself, and I want my first to be my last (and everything in between).
If she isn't a virgin, I'd want nothing to do with her anyway (so I suppose my clarification at the beginning was somewhat pointless), especially if she thinks she has a right to make me wait after putting out for (an) other guy (s).
Marriage, end of story. That will be the real test of anything. Becuase you have to remember something. More people who have premarital sex are only committed to one thing, and that is sex. The timing of the dates doesn't matter. What does matter, however, is what the couple want's equally. And if it conflicts with your views about sex, then you shouldn't be dating them or marry them. In less than a year or by 6-8 months, you should already know what you both desire for the future. Because if I was interested in dating it would be for marriage and the fact I would be interested in a sexual relationship within marriage and share that kind of intimacy with that person for LIFE till death. To me, sex is not a joke nor a game. So there is not date unless it's the wedding date. That's it. Nothing more and nothing less than what we both equally desire and deserve. However, those who finds premarital sex okay are less likely to wait, unless they're a gentlemen and knows how to exercise self-discipline and self-control.
I respectfully disagree with you.
There's no magic number, even though many people wish there was.
It's less about the length of time, and more about the *quality* of the connection. Here's the important part - you want to make sure that BOTH you and he are feeling a very real emotional connection and chemistry before you have sex. You don't have to be completely and totally in love, but the beginning stirrings of something real need to be there. You need to truly connect on a human level before you get it on, even though the desire to get it on will be there sooner. Usually those emotional connections take longer to develop, so wait until you are sure that not only you, but also HE is feeling an emotional connection to you, before you get very physical. If you're not sure yet, give it another week and then ask yourself again. You don't need a grand declaration of love before hopping in bed, but you do need to be sure he's feeling a real emotional attraction for you.
I don't think there is a certain rule to this, it all depends WHEN YOU GUYS FIRST MET, considering that some relationships start out of a friendship or some started freshly without knowing them,
so i think in the last case it is better to wait, even 2 months if you ask me :) but HE has to deserve it, and you can be the judge to it.
Good luck
At least 6-8 months after you start dating, it's good to figure out each others body out before you have sex. Or at least after 3 sexual encounters
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!A month or two, sexual compatibility was important to me and is a big way of how I show and receive love and affection.
Depends on the reasons for waiting but generally it wouldn't be long
One month for me. No longer. Especially if I know the guy before me didn't have to wait. I know every woman will rail out that what happened before has no bearing on her current relationship. Oh but it does ! If we aren't having sex within the same timeframe as the guy before me or sooner, I dump her. No second chances, no talking, or exceptions. If a girl wants me to wait longer than the guy before me, she can kiss my ass ! That's second best in my opinion and I won't have it. Next !
When we're in a committed relationship.
I made my poor Nicole wait 3 months before I even touched her. I am the man in this relationship. You don't make me wait, I make you wait.
I'm being facetious obviously but I make women wait just so I can get a proper read on them and give them a chance to supply me with their medical history.
I think the waiting would be harder for me than for him 😂 But I'll make him wait for some weeks until he gets thirsty
That's so unfair. If it were me, one month and not a nanosecond more.
@Marinepilot Well either you're patient and can wait a bit or you leave before the food is served :/
I'd leave the nanoseccond one month hit if we weren't having sex. A woman who won't put out is worthless.
After marriage/commitment
💍👰🏻..
He'll have to marry me if it's getting that serious
I don't have a set amount of dates or time but I doubt i would have sex within the first month of dating.
Don't have many dates do you?
Not at the moment no, currently I'm up a Munro, I don't generally being dates for climbs
Bring*
After marriage
till marriage ofc
No sex before monogamy.
I slept with my wife while I was with her friend we partied and I fell asleep in the wrong bed been in it ever since so I have no real answer other than make the first memorable
Did you know it was her friend before initiating?
Yes I knew and there was no initiation just happened. I had spent hours with her before never though of her like that. But she has not left my side in the 13 years that followed.
Whether id commit or not realy depends on the relationship as a whole and If things where going well id wait a long time if they where so so i wouldn't.
But if your into it sex could help move things from being so so to going very well.
Also i don't view you as conquests or want to be judged as a man whore.
Talk over what you like doing compare your schedule and look at the logistics then book regular date nights in a way that works for you both.
I would rather wait till at least the fifth or sixth date before anything is even brought up about having sex bc I would like to get to know her a little better and get know her habits coz as I know sex isn't everything in a relationship like most guys think that it is
Until marriage no problem
2 dates
till marriage for my future wife
Untill married
Probably like up to 2 month's. Develop a mental relationship, and see if there's a connection. Then you can find out if there's a physical connection.
a year
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