I feel numb/detached after losing my virginity?

[Anonymous]

I just lost my virginity to my boyfriend as he lost his virginity to me. We are 19 and 20 and have been dating for 3 weeks. I wish we waited longer but it is what it is. We both got caught up in the moment and while I don't regret doing it with him, I do regret doing it this early in the game. It wasn't really a fun and pleasurable experience, quite painful actually but we managed to be comfortable with each other, talk, joke, and laugh during the whole thing. Now that it's over, a day later I just feel kind of blah. I am getting the feeling that he feels more attached to me and I thought I would too and while my feelings for him have not changed, I just feel detached from everything, kind of just blah in life. I don't know whether the fact that we had sex is the reason or if it is because maybe my depression is coming back or poking its way through, or if it's my catholic guilt bothering me. Is it normal to feel this way?

[shadowlegend]

The first time shouldn't be about fun or pleasure, so people should put those expectations aside. The first will most likely be uncomfortable or hurt for the female, and it's honestly just about putting things in the right place. So don't beat yourself up about lack or romance or whathaveyou, and it's perfectly normal to have various feelings about it so just let them come and talk through them.

[dogbert444]

Just wondering why it shouldn't be fun and pleasure? My sister has made no bones about saying her first time was really good, with a bit of preparation for a week or two beforehand.

[shadowlegend]

@dogbert444 If it is, then good for them, but that shouldn't be the expectation because it's a) unfair to have such expectations from either partner when they have no experience, and b) maybe guys don't understand the female perspective, but if we get through it without crying from pain or bleeding and things go where they're supposed to, then that's a succes, but it's too much pressure to be some sexy vixen when you have zero experience.

[bang678]

I kinda felt the same way. My boyfriend has a past sexually but I didn't. He was my first. We waited a while (5 months) but i wished i had waited longer. I don't regret who I did it with.
Its a painful and awkward experience and it was for a few times after that too.
I think you would feel that way no matter how long you waited. But it goes away, I promise.

[Soshy]

I understand how you feel. I lost mine 3 months in and for days I felt kinda blah. My first time didn't hurt at all and I didn't feel any discomfort, however the second time around it hurt like a bitch. 3 months later , sex has improved a lot. You have to give it some time.

[dogbert444]

For something that should be so special, it seems to be a bit of an anti-climax. I can't say for sure, as I'm in no hurry to lose mine, but I think the feelings you have will pass shortly.

You have had a rough introduction to sex, something that happened on the spur of the moment. With more preparation, it could have been so much more pleasurable.

[dogbert444]

Thanks for MHG!

[Zendrya]

well like virginity isn't a special thing so try and remember that

[Goodnightcharlie]

-Some dont care at all and sleep around with everyone. -Some actually care very much and think of it as very special. Some to the point they will not even think of dating you. -Some don't really think much about it and love you despite your past. However I really don't know many who would not feel very special being a person's first though.

[RebeccaSJ]

I felt a mix of emotions: sadness, exhilaration, excitement, disappointment, deep romance, nervousness, peace, a bit of regret, but also happiness, satisfaction, and a myriad of other feelings. It was all something of a jumble.