Sexual Relationships
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What can I do to overcome the fear of being tied up during sex with my husband?

My husband, every once in a while, likes the thought of tying me up during sex. I've never really liked the thought of it. But I try to do it for him. He uses a really long rope and Usually I'm ok at first. But the more he wraps the rope around me, the less movement I have, and the tighter I feel the rope getting despite how much he tries to loosen it I begin to freak out and start to cry a little. He tries to reassure me and I continue to try to calm myself down but it doesn't work. He tries to find other ways to do it that doesn't freak me out, sometimes I can handle it but mostly Im just scared the entire time wanting to stop and he gets frustrated. If it was just my wrists and ankles he tied I think I'd be a lot better about it but he wants me completely immobile allowing me only to be able to move my fingers, feet and face. Does anyone know What I can do to overcome that so it's more enjoyable for me and him?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • As always, relationships are about compromise and meeting in the middle.
    ... And one VERY good thing about this situation, is that there actually IS a "middle". (With lots of sexual things there rlly *isn't* a middle ground. For instance, if one partner is interested in threesomes, then... well, either you have a threesome or you don't, and there isn't rlly much of a compromise there. So... you see how this is a fortunate situation, at least inasmuch as that is concerned.) You said you're OK enough with having yr wrists and ankles tied up -- which is already a pretty damn high degree of immobility, if you ask me. (Srsly... last time I checked, we only had 4 limbs. What's the dealbreaker there -- you might bend a knee 5 degrees, or something? Lol smh)
    You shd have a discussion sometime -- the BEST time is when you're lying in bed after having particularly satisfying sex, but, rlly any moment when you're feeling enough of a connection to talk about it -- and just make it clear that you have SOME sort of very strong emotional block against being tied up past a certain point (which you may or may not even understand -- honestly it seems you don't fully understand it), but that you really *are* trying yr best to make sure he's satisfied, too.

    You shd also point out that, if you become comfortable enough with **that**, then you could POSSIBLY (don't promise anything explicitly!) be able to slowly but surely overcome yr inhibitions and dive in deeper.
    ... Because that's actually true, of course. The kind of comfort you're going to need isn't built overnight -- and it's DEFINITELY not built through bouts of impatience and visible frustration. That just isn't how it works -- and, if the boy is worth it, he'll absolutely understand that.

    __

    Beyond that... You *could* always try to, uh, re-calibrate the boy's ideas about ropes and such, by dropping subtle little barbs here and there about how he "needs help holding you down" mahah. (If you have that sort of bratty, constantly-fighting side to yr sexuality, then, this will be much easier to do.)

    I mean
    Someone once asked my h if he was into tying me up. He just smiled, held up my left hand with my wedding band, and said, "This is all I need to keep her locked down."
    <3 <3 <3
    ... but, he's not lying. That man... just his *eyes* can absolutely keep me frozen. He gives me That Look, and I literally... can't move. Can't move at all. It's beautiful.
    Def makes the whole rope thing seem pretty amateur ahah.

    Good luck.

    • Thats a much elaborate description

  • I have a phobia of not being able to move my body, (my sister used to wrap me in blankets and put me in drawers as a child) so I could NOT do that. My fiancee wouldn't push it if he were into it but I said I was legit terrified of being totally bound up. I think your husband needs to just let this one go. Just compromise with tied hands and feet. If he can't get over it you have bigger issues than just the bedroom. Good luck sorry this wasn't exactly what you wanted

    • Oh lord, sorry that happened with your sis.

    • @SovereignessofVamps not even the worst thing my step siblings did to me. No worries

  • Tell him to get tied, srsly. If you don't want to do that, and you really want to please him then just go online and find other things to get tied with, I'm sure there are products made for the bedroom for this.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Honestly if he is making you do something that you don't want to do then you should probably reevaluate the relationship. For me I like when my wife is comfortable and loving what is happening. The situation sounds selfish on his part. Don't do something your scared of.

    • Yeah, guys usually love most of all that she loves it and gets off from it.

    • Not crying. That's crazy. This post has left me unsettled since I read it

  • If you don't like being tied up, he have to respect that. If he can't accept or respect that, he should try to find a new wife that enjoys it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 8

  • divorce him

  • Is it the immobile thing or a specific rope thing? I am sorta that way with the mummification bags. I just freak out, but the ropes I'm fine with. Maybe research some other ways for him to restrain you.

  • Don't use rope, get some soft padded cuffs, they can be tightened attached to the bed too. It can be scary but seems like you both are not sexually compatible in that area.

  • start with bed restraints for wrists and ankles, you have some movement with those, maybe even just wrists at first and as you become comfortable with them you can go a step further and a step further until you reach the point you are wanting to do or get as close to it as your comfortable with. build up over time rather than just diving in at the deep end and never go further than you are comfortable with

  • You need a safe word. When its said, ALL activity stops and you are untied, end of story. Once you have trust that he'll respect the safe word, it should get easier for you. Good luck!

  • Think of all the pleasure he'll give you as payment and trust him most of all.

  • do you have a safeword?

  • tie him up yourself

  • By facing it and him being trustable

  • its all to do with trust and relaxing if you dont trust him enough to do it then you won't be able to relax.

  • Pick a safe word and use it a couple times too.

  • if you have a fear don't do it

  • I'd have to ask what freaks you out about it? I mean its your husband, not the Son of Sam. I would probably take it as a distrust issue.

  • he's your husband and you've clearly had some experience with bondage before. dont fight it and just trust him. dont think just close your eyes and let what happens happen

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