My boyfriend forced me to have sex?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend was really horny and I was super tired since I was out working all day. He asked me to have sex and I was too aggrevated so I straight up said no. He stayed silent for a second, faced me, and said "what did you just say?". I turned around to tell him I said no, but he grabbed my hand and put me over his shoulders and carried me to the room. What happened next is self explanatory. He was extremely rough, rougher than he's ever been before. It hurt, but I can't say I didn't enjoy it. I orgasmed like 4 times. I have mixed feelings about this. Is it still counted as rape if I enjoyed it? Am I over thinking it and should just let it go?

[nuttynutternut]

Everyone puts their own interests first
No matter how loving, kindhearted, and caring a person is, they will always put their own interests ahead of yours. Even the most attentive lover may not know which ’button’ to push, unless you give them a hint. Even the most honest employer may not be aware they’re driving you into the ground if you keep accepting more work.
Most people just take as much from you as they can get, no matter what. So try to establish your own limits, and don’t allow other people to stretch them. Strong people are not afraid to say ’no’ or speak up when necessary. They know that they have to stick up for themselves because no one else is going to.

If you did everything that every single person in your life told you to do, you’d probably go mad or would end up a lifeless, shapeless, emotionless blob.
The truth is, you can never please everyone. You can try, of course, but you will never succeed. There will always be someone who will disapprove of your choices or your way of life. You will be criticized no matter what you do. So make the decision that is right for you, and have the courage to pursue what you feel is right. The only judge you have to please is yourself

[nuttynutternut]

The sooner you stop making excuses for people who treat you badly, the sooner you can get closer to the people who respect you.

[thatguywithakeyboard]

Technically under the above statement this would fall into "Rape" category. Then again for all we know you guys maybe into BDSM stuff and love to be rough. In the end of the day the decision on his actions and your feelings is "solely" your own. Therefor it's upto you to figure out how you would like to treat this whole fiasco.

In some European countries we have a twisted concept of "If he hits her, he must love me". I can argue that's a load of bullshit, and it is a loads of bullshit.

Then again, it's upto you how you want to act on this.

[CrystalChild]

Just because he loves to be rough doesn't mean he can just force her to have sex though

[thatguywithakeyboard]

@CrystalChild Did you even read what I wrote woman? No really. It's a bloody no brainer that forcing someone into having sex would technically fall into "Rape" category. But as I stated I nor anyone here know how there relationship is on day to day bases. Simple rule of thumb, never assume and take things other said with a handful of salt.

[CrystalChild]

I suppose. I'm basing this on her description and on her reaction. He seems like he's sick and like he was seeing what he could get away with. For her sake, I hope he gets far away from him

[thatguywithakeyboard]

@CrystalChild remember everyone is different. I may be more lenient than you in certain aspects where you may be completely opposite. However in this case its "her" ruling if she wants to a) Press charges, b) Breakup or c) Continue on. A rather basic and strong fact is that "People Don't Change", no matter how many would claim this to be invalid in the end people never change. I almost died in a motorcycle crash, yet I'm still the same as I was before. My mother was very close to a stroke and after getting better she changed (kind off). So in the end who knows how this will end.

[CrystalChild]

Yeah I'm just really worried. Men that can't control themselves once won't control themselves again. I get the excitement of bdsm but that wasn't this scenario. It's like saying "oh he only killed one person and never did it before so it's okay" you know? Anyways I wish her the best of luck

[thatguywithakeyboard]

@CrystalChild lol bdsm. Somehow never was into that and never will be, too odd for my taste and I'm an odd person ones you get over the logical monster attitude.

[CrystalChild]

I'm not into it either. I have a fear of rape for my own reasons and so it's too scary for me. It's hard to draw the line as well. But I mean we can't make her make these decisions, I am very disturbed by the whole scenerio though

[thatguywithakeyboard]

@CrystalChild I seen worse. Europeans (of Russian/Ukrainian) tend to beat their wives, and they still live together. She however made a choice, not something I approve of, but I don't have much leniency for crap or bullshit. But let's face a very realistic thing, most women are in somewhat abusive relationships, the guys who aren't abusive but slightly odd are often forgotten, and this comes from personal experience. I lack emotional attachment, apathy and probably have a handful of complexes but I strive for honesty, respect and often help and act kindly towards others even truth I may be a sarcastically rotten person most of the time towards this individuals. Anyways the choice has been made, hopefully her choice will not betray her and next time she does what's right.

[CrystalChild]

And this is why you are a catch, good sir. It does make me so sad though, that women think it's okay for a little a abuse. The best we can do is teach our children to love and respect themselves.

[Asker]

@CrystalChild All in all, my boyfriend did not abuse me. Not listen to me? Yes. But we love BDSM, and its possible that he assumed I'd love the manhandling, without any power sex. In giving him another chance and I have complete faith that he will never do it again. If he does, I'm gone for good. But for now, I'm overlooking this. And plus, I do respect myself and my boyfriend does as well. This is the first time he's ever done anything like this, he's completely respectful towards me. He's done things I only dreamt a man would do for me.

[samhradh_leannan]

If you didn't consent (you clearly didn't, because you literally said no) then it's rape even if you enjoyed it and even if you reached orgasm. He raped you. I know that he's your boyfriend and you care about it and you want to give him another chance, but I wouldn't recommend it. This is not about whether or not he loves you. It's about the fact that he felt comfortable forcing you to have sex without your consent. Especially if he didn't even apologize and isn't taking what he did seriously, I'd run for the hills. Rape should be a non-negotiable dealbreaker. It's not like he was confused abut whether or not you were consenting- you said the word no. He has NO excuse.

[CrystalChild]

He raped you sweetheart. Your body is programmed to react to sex. Your body doesn't know if it's being raped or if it's consensual , it simply reacts to what's happening. If that happened to me I'd report him. I'd have gone and got a rape kit and taken that piece of shit to court.

[SarahsSummer]

I can't believe all the people who said break up. Sounds like you made the right choice after expressing your feelings about what happened.

[Asker]

Thank you and ikr, I was kind of shocked as well. Tbh I'm not the kind of person who decides to break up relationships easily. I decided to be in one because I'm in love with him and I saw amazing potential.

[Tekikatoka]

So he raped you? You should break up with him, he might start thinking he can get away with it when ever he wants...

[RiYad]

She enjoy it, she doesn't repulse him, she get orgasm. - girls like dominant in bedroom and it is called rape LOL Nice drama...

[Tekikatoka]

@RiYad "Quite simply, our bodies respond to sex. And our bodies respond to fear. They do so uniquely and often entirely without our permission or intention. Orgasm during rape isn’t an example of an expression of pleasure. It’s an example of a physical response whether the mind’s on board or not, like breathing, sweating, or an adrenaline rush" Just because she had an orgasm doesn't excuse the fact that he raped her and yes it's rape because she said 'NO'.. Being dominant in bed doesn't mean you get to have sex just because YOU want to it should have approval of both people in the relationship. You just got educated by a 15 year old (:

[RiYad]

What is rape?

[Tekikatoka]

@RiYad Rape : unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out FORCIBLY or under threat of injury AGAINST THE WILL usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent—compare sexual assault, statutory rape.

[RiYad]

Then read the post again. Did she repulse him physically? Without a women's will a man can never have sex with her... you know the bitter truth... It's totally impossible for a guy to rape a girl alone if she would not agree.

[suseel_sushi]

@RiYad if I put a knife on your neck, you won't resist me entering you by the back. What that happened here is a rape. But we don't know their prior dealings. Maybe this bitch loves it that way and he exactly knew what to do. But still this is a rape and yes we can rape a man/woman/trans without them agreeing and forcing them or manipulating them to agree. All of them are rapes.

[suseel_sushi]

But I don't tell that bitch to break up with him. Because this bitch has already spoiled that motherfucker. It's good that he just hurt her and not other girls out there.

[Asker]

@suseel_sushi wtf? 😂 I was waiting for a retard like you on this post. 😂 spoiled him? Luckily only hurt me and not other girls? Oh please, pfft. Gtfo

[suseel_sushi]

Finally your waiting is over. isn't it? You're welcome 😂😂

[CheckPlease]

I can garentee that it will happen again with him. He was not apologetic for it at all.

[CheckPlease]

That is sweet but just cause he loves you won't stop him from hurting you again. Many battered people find that out the hard way.

[Asker]

I will take my chances. He's different and extremely special. I'm gonna give my one more chance, I'm sure he'll live up to it

[Asker]

Give him*

[samhradh_leannan]

If he does it again, PLEASE break up with him next time. This shows an absolute disregard for your needs and total disrespect for your rights and boundaries. This type of behavior could easily lead to other types of abuse.

[CheckPlease]

@samhradh_leannan Yea you tell her samhradh leanan

[truthbeknown]

It's rape if you think it was. You have the right to go to the authorities and file charges, end your relationship, and ruin his life forever. Is this what you want? Personally, I don't think he deserves that. Was he an asshole? Yes! Was he selfish? Yes! Does he owe you? Yes, big time!!!

[Nostradamus]

It is considered rape regardless of the orgasm, yes. Whether you want to dump him or not is up to you, as well as whether you want to take legal action against him or not. You're not overthinking it: it is something serious; your boyfriend should respect your will to not have sex.

[PinkT15]

I'm sorry that happened to you. Despite the fact that you ended up enjoying it, it was still rape. You said no and he decided to force you against your wishes. It's a natural response to orgasm from sex even if you didn't want it. I advise you to get away from him. Good luck.

[NJ_Casanova]

If you didn't want to and said NO, it was rape. By staying with him/not going to the police... you are saying he did nothing wrong.

[SoWhAt249]

Technically, since you did not agree to it, it's rape. But I think it's a bit of an overreaction if you break up immediatelly, and you are not traumatized by it. I'm sure it has happened in many "happy" relationships... You talked to him, he said he won't do it. But if he does it again, you should get away...

[Nojudge]

His behavior is unacceptable. Dump him and walk away.

[danyalovettie44]

Dump his ass.

[danyalovettie44]

lol why the down votes? This is technically rape if she said no in the first place.

[samhradh_leannan]

People are being completely nuts about this issue. Your answer is the only sensible one.

[danyalovettie44]

@samhradh_leannan Agreed haha

[BoyBecameMan]

Nothing wrong with a bit of rough play. Aslong as he didn't push any boundaries you're not happy with... So just speak to him about the things you liked and the things you didn't like. I would be cautious if He consistently 'suprises' you rather than speaking about doing new things.

[DarklordOdin]

Ah yes, hrm, what's this called again…? Oh yeah, that's right. Rape.
I would advise stepping away from this and/or filing a report. Should you still have second thoughts about doing so, however, it could benefit the both of you if you decide to stick around once more.

[rgb008]

Press charges. That is rape.
Doesn't matter if you orgasmed. That's the body's natural response to sex.

[kushjain]

hidea

[rgb008]

@kushjain what?

[kushjain]

respect you're opinion

[FakeName123]

It depends a lot of the context. Generally I am inclined to say rape - but how is your sex generally? Are you often rough? Do you like being manhandled / did you tell him that? etcetc

[Asker]

I love being manhandled

[FakeName123]

Then I assume he is aware of it. Well, it really depends on your two's interaction. I would say it is somewhat borderline though if yuo generally like things on the rougher, more manhandling side.

[DiegoO]

What the fuck... If he doesn´t respect you when it comes to the intimate part of the relationship we hill surely keep disrespecting you even in the shallowest things. What he did was rape, don´t forgive that, you deserve better.

[Stone_Fizzlebeef]

If you have to ask if it was rape or not, chances are it isn't. Rape victims emphatically know that they were raped, they don't ask a forum of strangers who weren't present to see what happened. I get the feeling there's more to this and that OP just wants validation. Before I say one way or the other, I'd be very interested to hear the other side of the story.

[samhradh_leannan]

Technically, this was rape, no way around it. She literally said no and was physically forced to have sex anyway. There's no question that this was rape. Whether or not it is worth pressing charges and treating it as a rape situation is another matter.

[Stone_Fizzlebeef]

@samhradh_leannan LOL Which is it, unquestionably or technically? If it's rape, what possible reason would make it not "worth" pressing charges? Actually, wait... I just realized I don't care. Carry on!

[samhradh_leannan]

It's technically rape AND unquestionably rape. Those are not mutually exclusive concepts. How she wants to treat this is a personal decision that is up to her (press charges or not, break up or not) but whether or not this was rape is not a personal choice. It was rape, period.

[samhradh_leannan]

It's also not true that rape victims are always 100% sure that what they experienced was rape. Rape and consent are not simple, clear-cut issues and victims have questions more often than you might think- ESPECIALLY in cases where the rapist is someone they know, or other situations with added factors that can be confusing. Even just from being on this site, I know how frequently victims (of both genders) can have questions about whether or not they were raped when they definitely were.

[Stone_Fizzlebeef]

@samhradh_leannan Still got no fucks to give. Not my problem.

[samhradh_leannan]

Rape is a serious issue so I'm going to stand up for what's true and right. If you don't care, you don't have to respond. Getting a response from you was never my goal in making these comments.

[Decentguy]

that is rape. and a asshole thing to do

[Jrossetti]

What's he gonna do next? Kill your pets

[SwolDishWasher]

you're both crazy

[Asker]

Aren't you that asshole who gives out retarded answers all the time? Yes, yes you are.

[Flocke]

break up with him. He was not allowed to do that. You deserve better.

[Flocke]

lets hope he dont do it again. Good luck

[Asker]

Thank you

[Flocke]

Your welcome :)

[disgustingweebtrash]

Do what you want... if you don't care what he did then continue dating him.

[realworld2017]

come on help the brother out he was horny nothing wrong with that

[Asker]

I've decided to lmao

[realworld2017]

Nice. I have been too tired but my girlfriend wanted it anyway. No big deal if she can get me hard then I will do it. Even if not I will lend a helping hand if she wants.