Sexual Relationships
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How to ask my boyfriend for more sex?

I'm in a long distance relationship and I only see him for about 10 days every month. At the beginning we had sex every day (when I was there) and sometimes twice too. We would do stuff on webcam too every night that I wasn't there. Now it's more like every 2 days when I'm at his. We haven't done stuff on webcam for nearly 2 months (or been on webcam much either, maybe once or twice) :/ He said the late nights was making him tired at work.

I wish we did it more again but I'm too scared to ask or initiate. I've tried a few things like saying I had a sex dream about him and telling him about it. The best I got out of him was him saying he likes my mouth around his d*ck and could use a blow job right now. Then he ended up changing the subject because he was playing a game and needed my help with something :/ Doesn't feel like he is as interested anymore. Everything else is going great and I don't think he is losing interest in the actual relationship, but intimate stuff has slowed down a lot. It also ends a lot quicker too and isn't half as fun or experimental as the beginning.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • You should let him know that you miss the intimacy and the sexual exploration from the beginning of the relationship. See if there are possible compromises, like webcam on the weekends/the nights on his days off so the late night doesn't make him tired. Or switch it up, is he willing to wake up a bit earlier and you guys can do it in the morning (it would be a pleasant start to your day). Just make sure to allocate ample time if you opt for morning so he's not late for work. You have to talk to him about this. It's also possible that you have a higher libido than he does? There are also a few toys designed for ldr in mind, they are a bit pricey though.

  • Sexual stuff in a long distance relationship can get tricky. Just talk to him in a gentle, tactful way. Tell him that you know you're both busy and tired and that it's natural for some of the excitement in a relationship to slow down with time, but you miss having sex with him more often. Ask him if he'd enjoy trying to return to your old habits and what you can do to help him have the energy and interest in doing that. Talking to him is really the only way to find out what he's thinking and what he wants.

  • on the same boat girl. i like sex a lot and him he can go weeks without it. but he's always hugging me and cuddling me and giving me kisses but that it's rarely sex i initiate more. that's all my advice initiate it you guys are dating so there is no reason to just wait on him to do it. or start with a blow job but i do get rejected by my boyfriend and that really fucking stings

    • Yeah I'm scared of being rejected. He says he has a low sex drive and it comes and goes. That he needs to be put in the mood. I told him I'm scared of initiating and he said I shouldn't be scared of it and that it's gonna happen and can't be avoided. He said I should start taking some initiative and that it's nice for me to do it and not just him. Gathering the courage and confidence is hard though especially since I'm feeling a little insecure because of all of this.

  • Just mount him, what's the worst that can happen? He won't expect it and that will probably turn him on. Get some new sexy lingerie and come in to the bedroom wearing it and then go for it.

Most Helpful Guys

  • He probably doesn't want to give you the impression that he only wants you for sex - and is afraid that if he pushes for more, that you'll think he only wants that.

    Also, being exhausted DOES drastically affect our libido. That's a real thing. If you can work out something schedule-wise where he gets more rest, then you'll probably get more sex too.

    But, really, you should TALK TO HIM and just let him know how great it is for you to have sex with him, and that you'd love it if happened more often. Combine that with figuring out how to get him some more rest, and you'll probably have the problem solved.

  • From a relationship coaching perspective, I'm curious what else about the relationship is going great? I ask because everything you described is a textbook one-sided relationship that started out hot and predictably waned. It's always easy to be interested and attentive and exploratory when you're impressing someone and trying to show who you are but who you 'really' are will always show through eventually.

    • We spend a lot of quality time together. Perhaps even a little too much. Always talking in voice chat online. Practically 24/7 besides when he is at work. We were friends for a long time before we got together, 4 years or more. He said he had feelings for me from the start but I was in another relationship and didn't think he had a chance. When we are together in person, he is all over me with cuddles and stuff. Really looks after me almost like he's protecting me. We click really well and never stop laughing. Have loads of little inside jokes. It was personality that brought us together, since we hadn't even met in person before. Quite a lot in common. He knows me really well. Takes interest in my work and tells me how proud he is of me. I think the emotional side is really great and he's trying hard to be more open and vulnerable, even though it's something he really struggles with. He's saving up money to move in together too. He brought it up. Talked about kids/marriage as well.

    • I wouldn't assume he isn't interested in sex anymore, given everything you shared in your reply here. I would assume that his work schedule is playing a factor. This is, no doubt, the hardest thing to talk to guys about. It's a very sensitive subject which I know you're aware of. How important is it to you that you two get back to the frequency and variety of sex that you used to have? If the answer is VERY, you will need to address it with him and there are ways to do that while being mindful of the sensitivity of the topic.

    • Yeah. Just the way we are with each other, I know he isn't losing interest. I can just feel it. We do still have sex quite often when I am there (every 2 days). I'm not even THAT bothered about it, it's more about the time I'm not staying at his. The sex itself ends a lot quicker. But he says it's really good and wishes it went on longer etc. He just gets caught in the moment. We've talked a little before about how we both want it to be a bit more experimental again, but I think in the moment it's just different.. I said to him I wished we had had sex the morning I went home, he said there was no time because I didn't get up early enough. But there was definitely time and it feels more like an excuse. Maybe I'm just looking too much into it. Whenever it's been brought up I've made sure it was in a "positive" way though. Talking about how good it is and how I can't get enough, etc.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 14

  • I'm not going to guess on this one. Not enough info. What I will say is that the only way you will know the truth is to "nicely" ask him if there is a reason he has cut back. People on here can only guess. Always go to the source if you really want the truth. Good luck getting back to every day.

  • don't be scared to initiate. don't be scared to ask. it should be flattering to him

    you can bring up by just saying that you know he's tired but you'd really love to be able to have more intimate time. tell him how much you crave and desire him

  • What are you so scared about? He is your boyfriend you are supposed to be comfortable with him so just go for it. Also, he might be having sex with another girl

    • I'm 100% confident he's not having sex with another girl.

    • I would if I were him tbh lol you sound like such an unconfident desperate girl who has no voice

    • Meh. Well you sound like an immature 17 year old who has no clue about being in a real relationship. Oh looks like I do have a voice.. Let me guess, you didn't satisfy your ex at all so he ran off to find someone better, and now you're trying to shovel your bad experiences on other people?

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  • asking is sad seduction is right answer

    • Not sure how to online :/ Like I said I've tried the whole "oh I had a sex dream" thing. But he doesn't seem that interested. I've asked if we can webcam this weekend so I'm gonna try "the moves" lmao. But I have no idea what to do XD Especially if that doesn't work.

    • you can consult your friends for this bcoz i have no idea

  • You need to find a side-boyfriend.

  • Sorry but I don't think you are going to get to where you want it unless you either talk about it or initiate.

  • my girlfriend stop giving me sex for a bit its just what humans do

  • why ask?

    why not Woman up and take by seducing him

  • Get horny around him and see if he sees the message you are try send to him

  • Tell him directly communication is the key so you should speak with him what you need. Don't be hesitate

  • Either he rally is tired or he is cheating. If he is cheating give him the boot. If he is tired try and get some exercise or give him head in the morning.

    • I'm 100% sure he's not cheating. We talked about it too and he just said he's got a low sex drive at the moment because he's always tired and just wants to chill out after work. On the weekends it's his "catch up" time too. He says if I want it more I need to get him in the mood and initiate because otherwise he could pretty much take it or leave it atm. I think it'll be a bit better after our talk.. But then when we are together in person we still have sex pretty often so I'm not going to complain too much.

    • Does he have desk job? If so you need to get him some exercise and then initiate sex in the morning. You can also get him some herbal stuff to help his libido. Sounds like he is fine with you doing the work during sex. Nothing wrong with that.

    • He works in a school (6-9 year olds) and he's always practically falling asleep afterwards. His legs ache when he gets home too. He usually does the work in sex because he likes to be dominant. He says he "kinda" doesn't like me on top because he wants the control. There have been a few times I've tried to initiate by touching him and he's moved my hand anyway :/ I find it hard to gather up the little confidence/courage I have to do that and I got rejected. Makes me feel a bit like he's not interested in me anymore but then he says he is and I know deep down he is because of the way he treats me. My brain just likes messing with me, telling me he's not interested and never was, that I'm just better than him being alone D: I honestly don't know why he would like me or what he sees in me.. He can do way better.. He's out of my league.

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  • wasting time with boring guy.

    • He's not the least bit boring. The sex was amazing at first and not boring at all. We did all sorts and sex had never been that good for either of us. It's just slowed down and I want to know how to get it back. Are you going to give any useful advice?

    • if you need advice, prefer to be private not publicly.

    • ... looks like I am, in fact, wasting my time with a boring guy then. You lol.

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  • don't ask him, instead figure out some things he likes and engage in them spontaneously. I would also advise that you make plain the fact that you are expecting to be taken care of.

  • Just ask him, tell him you don´t feel sexually satisfyed, that the lack of sex is affecting you. I am in a long distance relationship and the worst thing you can do is stay hush expecting the other to read your mind. If he doesn´t respond to what´s bodering you after telling him over and over and over again you´ll know by fact that he doesn´t feel the same way in the relationship.

  • Sex always slows down a little bit as you know each other longer and he's probably getting tired now but maybe if you guys eventually live together it probably would be different

    • We've only been together 3 months and this has been for the last 2 so it just feels like he got bored pretty quickly :/ The relationship itself is great but the sex life has really really slowed down. Especially comparing how experimental and fun it was at the beginning. Now it's pretty "vanilla". At the beginning he wasn't even watching porn anymore and would tell me every time he was in the mood. Now it feels like he never is. I don't know what to think or do because I don't feel like I can talk to him about it. He might take it the wrong way and I think he's getting a bit fed up of my insecurities :( Makes him feel like I don't trust in our relationship and that he actions mean nothing, etc. He doesn't like that I keep focusing on the bad.

    • Yeah that's possible that you may have answered your own question on that last piece there , we really don't like that you're negative things , that's definitely a downer

    • Well the way that it all just suddenly stopped overnight and then all this other drama that's happening with his ex has made me really really insecure. I thought talking to him about it was better than bottling it up but he always takes it too personal and doesn't give me any reassurance :/

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  • I did this late nights and eventually it caught up with me. So he probably needs the sleep

    • We haven't done is once though in 2 months. I can understand that it caught up with him but why not every so often since? :/ Just feel like he's gone off me a little.

    • Just talk to him. Straight up is the best way

    • I don't feel like I can talk to him about it. He might take it the wrong way and I think he's getting a bit fed up of my insecurities :/ Makes him feel like I don't trust in our relationship and that his actions mean nothing, etc. He doesn't like that I keep focusing on the bad.

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