Missing Condom since I last visited him, did he cheat?

We are in long distance and I visited him last month. Before I left, I counted how many condoms there were. Now I'm visiting him again, there's one short.

Did he cheat?

note: he's never used a condom to masturabate before from the time I've known him. So this is not likely reason.

What do you you guys think?

Should I ask him? If so how should I approach it so that he doesn't get offended that I keep count and been through his draw?

3 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • It's called the confirmation bias. We only see and give the meaning we assume to stuff that aligns with what we already believe. You already don't trust, or think he's cheating. So when you counted, if in fact one was actually missing, you used it in your mind to confirm what you already think.

    That is a very slippery slope, and indicative of bigger issues with trust. If all you ever see are things you think means he's unfaithful, how the he'll are you going to see all the ways he may not be and might be a good guy? Don't do this. Too many women and men get so wrapped up in finding all the flaws they ruin a good thing by never paying attention to the positive stuff. Then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. You will break up, because that's all you ever put effort into.

    To be honest, there is not a single thinf you can so, say, or count, that will "ensure" nobody ever cheats on you. That's on them, because it's is their behavior and their choice. Yes, long distance can amplify these fears. Why are you doing it if you cannot accept that it will make some fears more difficult and that it will require even better communication about them? Do you pay attention to the good, build it, treat it with respect? Or is counting condoms the only thing you obsess about after your time together? If that's all that your time together has boiled down to, if reconsider the relationship as unfair to both parties. He deserves your trust until proven otherwise, and communication really should be better than needing to count condoms and obsessing about them. That's really missing the point of a relationship completely.

  • Regardless of what happened to the condom, you've got trust issues, whether valid or irrational... given that fact, I don't think being in a log distance relationship is the right place for you to be. In any relationship, you've gotta be able to trust your man - doubly so in able distance relationship.

    As for all the reasons he could be short one condom:
    - Lent one to able friend
    - Made a water balloon out of it
    - Shot it at a friend or roommate as a joke
    - You miscounted (why were you counting his condoms in the first place btw? That's a weird thing to do)
    - Used it to masturbate
    - He'd had them for a while and tested one to make sure they were still good
    - He put one I his overnight bag for next time he visits you
    - and so on and so on...

  • The fact that you're counting how many goddamn condoms he has shows that this relationship is doomed to fail at some point, whether he's cheating or not. You have some severe trust issues, not only for COUNTING HIS CONDOMS (I still can't get over how petty, weird and batshit crazy that is) but also for jumping to conclusions about what the condom was used for.
    What if he gave it to a friend? What if he DID in fact masturbate with a condom on just to see what it's like? What if he used it for some stupid trick or challenge he found on the internet?
    What if... you simply counted them wrong?
    Regardless. You don't trust him. Therefore you should not be with him, or you shouldn't be in a relationship at all before sorting your issues out.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • To be honest this happened to me as yes he was cheating. I hope this isntthe case for you, but you can't just base it on a condom, does he live with someone else? He could've given it to a a roommate in need or friend. But to be honest when I counted- it was because I wasn't sure about our relationship and felt it fading, I did it for the wrong reasons but i'm glad I did.

  • It's a possibility but it's also possible that he could've let someone hold one. I wouldn't really come right out and ask him because you might sound a little crazy. Maybe just don't mention the missing condom unless it was a brand new unopened box. Just casually ask him if he's involved with someone else if you have any other reason to suspect it

  • If thats the only thing that has made you think he cheated then no. There are A LOT of reasons for it to be gone, gave to a friend, did something else with it (can be used for a lot of things), packaging got messed up, put it in his wallet for spur of the moment when you visit, the list can go on and on. Don't worry about it.

  • Either you miscounted, or he decided to try masturbating with one... or he cheated. I'd suggest talking to him about it. Don't be overly accusatory, but follow your gut. If he seems nervous, can't come up with a reasonable explanation right away, or if he gets angry with you for questioning him, then it's likely that he cheated.

  • if he hasn't previously given you a reason to believe that he's disloyal, it's possible that he just gave one to a friend or something.

    however

    if it looks and quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck.

  • What made you count then in the first place? If he hadn't given you a reason for mistrust then this is just wrong.
    How do you approach this without pissing him off. Hey honey, I snope through your stuff and keep count but don't be mad.
    That's not going to go well. I'd be pissed if it were me

  • If you trust him like really do leave it be and stop obsessing. If you dont and your gut is telling you something talk to him about it some place public so it doesn't get out of hand but be ready for him to be mad for going through his stuff. You figure that one out for yourself though.

  • Calm down. Is there anything off in regards to his behavior? You might be a little unreasonable, but there is also a possibility that he might be cheating. What compelled you to count the condoms? Has he cheated in the past?

  • Are you Sure, Here, dear, there isn't One, Hun, Up your own Shorts?
    My own Sis had this Happen to Her one time when the Condom got Lost UP there and got lost in the Air?
    If not, I am not Sure that One Less Condom means He Cheated, it was just One, not Some... Missing.
    Good Luck. xx

  • Considering the number of reasons a single condom might be missing I suggest you do tell him. There is no way you can say it that won't come off as you be super untrusting. There are many reasons one of his condoms is missing that don't involve cheating, there is only one reason you would be counting and its because you don't trust him. You should tell him about what you have noticed so he can tell you what innocent thing caused its disappearance and then tell you to get lost.

  • There can be 1000 reasons why one missing.

    Don't be paranoid. Unless he gave a solid reason to doubt him and think he is cheating

  • You should ask him about it. If you wanna be dishonest and say "I was counting to see if I needed to buy more" that's your choice. If you want to be honest, that's also your choice.
    However, you think one is missing. You won't be satisfied until you get an answer. So, you should be upfront with him. You could ask him jokingly or be serious, again, it's up to you. But your suspicions will only grow if you wait.

  • Don't ask him. Only stupid people let the person they are investigating know they are being investigated.

  • Just ask him. If he didn't cheat, it's not big deal and will answer honestly. It's not that big of a deal. He might have given it to a friend of his who needed it, I do the same with my mates who are "scared to ask in a pharmacy (Guys, amirite? -_-). Just ask and you'll see if he did or didn't, no big deal. And give him some space, and don't overthink things, with all due respect. Overthinking things are one of the main causes of an unhealthy relationship, so trust him ;) . But yeah, just ask him.

  • He could've given it to a friend because they needed one. You never know. Don't make assumptions unless there are signs of cheating.

  • are you sure you counted right the 1st time?

    Why do you feel the need to count his condoms? You don't trust him?

  • he could've cheated or it could be a number of other possibilities
    he gave a condom to a friend
    lost the condom
    perhaps the condom was compromised
    perhaps it fell somewhere gross and he threw it out

    i think there are too many possible reasons why he has one less condom to assume that he's cheating.

  • He could have:
    Given it to a friend
    Used it for a science project
    Used it to smuggle heroin up his ass
    Made balloon animals

  • I would not mention that you were looking through his things but bring up the state of your relationship. Ask what he's been up to...

  • Maybe he did. Or maybe a friend asked if he could borrow one. If you confront him he'll likely claim it was for a friend (whether it was or not remains to be seen) and then he'll question why you are going through his drawers. If he's guilty that will be a perfect opportunity for him to deflect the blame.

    The question is, why don't you trust him? I'd reexamine if I even wanted to be in that relationship if I were you.

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