Sexual Relationships
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Why is sex so disappointing for many women?

Studies show 75% of women can't reach orgasm through penetration and 10- 15% can't reach orgasm at all. Why do you think sex is so disappointing for a lot of women
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Actually, it makes sense that 75% can't reach orgasm through penetration alone, since the majority of the vagina is not very sensitive (only the first 2-3 inches which is the g-spot) and that is because we give birth through the vaginal canal, if the entire vagina was extremely sensitive, that would make giving birth hurt A LOT more.

    75% can't orgasm through penetration, there are footnotes to that, it's through penetration alone (no manual stimulation), thus there are many women who CAN orgasm while having penetrative sex if their partner provides manual stimulation (like rubbing her clit which most women prefer).

    10-15% can't reach orgasm (they are anorgasmic, which means they can't achieve orgasm). From Dr. Lloyd's book summarizes 32 studies conducted over 70+ years on women's orgasms, she puts the number at 5-10% and generally most numbers we use today on women's sexuality come from her book. Now that number of anorgasmics is likely lower. One, sometimes they have orgasmed but didn't realize they orgasmed. Two, around 80% of women with primary (“lifelong”) anorgasmia successfully have an orgasm with the treatment. Three, most young women who’ve never had an orgasm begin having them later in life, without therapy (because they explore, learn what works for their body). The statistic represents women of all ages and not the proportion of women who will die never having had an orgasm. So all the women who are just starting to have sex but haven't had an orgasm yet will skew those numbers.

    If you're curious regarding the 5-10% number and a more elaborate detailed response than mine, you should read: www.thedirtynormal.com/.../

    Now there are legitimate reasons why women find sex disappointed. Insufficient foreplay (generally we need more/longer foreplay than men), selfish partners, stigmas against sex/masturbation in culture/religion (which has far-flung implications, from the fact that many women have to learn how to orgasm to sometimes they don't recognize when they have an orgasm to not understanding what works for their body to vaginismus), unrealistic expectations (women who think the norm to to be able to come from penetrative sex alone and think they're abnormal if they need manual stimulation and thus don't want to use manual stimulation in addition to penetration), etc.

  • First of all, that's so sad. :( I couldn't imagine not coming to orgasm.

    I have a few ideas. In today's "hookup culture" especially, a lot of people have sex without having any 'chemistry' with the other person. Scientifically, for women, arousal is VERY reliant on what's going on in their head. If a woman isn't fully attracted to the other person, or has no connection or chemistry with them to make the situation fun or comfortable, reaching orgasm is going to be much harder.
    I also find that a lot of people are afraid to experiment in bed, which leads a to a lot of people never quite finding out how exactly they like to be touched, or what they really like.
    In the end, chemistry and comfortable experimentation is key. :) At least for me, anyway.

  • .. combination of reasons.
    1) a lot of cultures/religions/societies as a whole still place a lot of stigma on any sort of relation between women+sex. It's tough to enjoy and be able to climax from an act that, for as long as you can remember, was illustrated as being 'wrong'.
    2) As a result, a lot of women go into their first time having sex being completely unfamiliar with what their hot-spots may be, and it'll take quite a while for them to figure that out.
    3) Sadly, there are a lot of one-pump chumps who go view sex as being not much more than a means to get their dick wet and have their fun. Without even putting in the least bit effort in hopes of the other party (ie. the woman) enjoying themselves as well.

Most Helpful Guys

  • 3 reasons:

    1) Having or being a bad partner. By that I mean women have partners who are either ignorant of what might get their them off or who just don't care. Faking orgasms goes here as well. I'm sure there are lots of reasons for doing that, but, ultimately, if a woman does that, she's denying herself and may be training her partner to believe that a mediocre performance was a successful one.

    2) Personal issues/external pressures & judgement. Undoubtedly there are women who are so inhibited that they can't or won't speak up about what they want or need. Maybe they feel it's not their place or they think they'll be judged for liking sex or because they've been indoctrinated with a false sense of morality that says sex is dirty or shameful. This category is also for women who are too self conscious about receiving oral sex and for women suffering from PTSD, emotional trauma, or other mental health issues from rape, sexual assault, or abuse.

    3) Their physiology just makes it difficult. That said, not being able to have an orgasm from penetration alone is really common. But clitoral stimulation during penetration as a way to compensate is pretty common, too. Does it really count as disappointing if this is the way you achieve orgasm?

  • The reason is because women fake orgasms and give lackluster partners a false sense that they know what they are doing.

    If women stopped letting poor partners think they were doing a good job, men would have to improve.

    On the other end of the spectrum... a lot of males don't care to take the time to get a female off. They are generally in it for themselves.

    It's only after a female meets a guy who knows his way around the female body, that she will realize that all women (aside from medical issues) can orgasm when done right.

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What Girls & Guys Said

10 22

  • Lucky for me, I can reach orgasm through penetration.. But only if he can last long enough... That's the sad part.

  • Because women's pleasure isn't prioritizes or even thought about in many situations.

  • Truth be told: Most guys are too focused on their own joy to realize that they can get ten-fold, that joy, when they 'decode' the secrets of the lady's joy!!
    A little oral, intimate exploration, some conversations, and maybe finding some 'Erogenous' zones, on her body, that maybe she didn't even know!!
    Women give back WAAAAYYY more, if guys would just take the time, and put in the effort, to find what they love, and just give them their Joy, before wanting theirs!!

  • It's a combination of "its a two way street" and that women in general take longer to orgasm then men--and primarily orgasm from clitoral stimulation. And when I mean two way street, I mean that both men and women have to know how women need to be stimulated to get there, and open communication and effort from both sides to work towards that.

  • It is the age old story that we are all a little bit different.

    I am in that 75% who I find it very difficult to orgasm via penetration alone but I don't see this an as issue as my 'sensitive' spot is my clitoris and that is external and doesn't often get touched during penetration. Yes there is the g-spot and if the entrance to my uterus is touched that also feels damn good but they are a bit hit and miss for me.

    For the 10-15% who cannot orgasm at all I would think a portion are women who just can't for physical and medical reasons and the rest are just doing it wrong. I had one friend that despite having three children she failed to reach orgasm until she was in her 40's because she as she put it, just didn't know how to do it right.

    • bet that was one hell of an orgasm ')

  • This sounds pretty rare to me! I thought sex felt wonderful for several women. I have heard about the whole "vaginal orgasm" myth thing before, but it seems that all over time, movies, songs, tv shows, and even memes online and on instagram portray really intense orgasms from both men and women. So that's what confuses me. It's portrayed as the concept or idea that many women have vaginal orgasms. But oftentimes, I believe penetration can feel incredible, despite not being able to orgasm.

  • It's a mental thing.

  • The only possible reason is that they have not *yet* had ME, poor things.

  • I've been wondering that myself actually.

    I used to go over to this girl's house a lot and I was shocked at how easy it seemed to get her off... :/

    • ten to one she was faking

    • Plenty of women fake it. Never faked an orgasm but I did fake like I was enjoying it when I really wasn't.

    • I suspected she was.

  • 90% of sex occurs in the brain.. the rest is mechanics. If your head's not in the right place, you don't communicate your wants and needs to your partner, or you're not getting enough foreplay you may experience issues achieving the big O.
    You need to be familiar with your own equipment to know what gives you pleasure and communicate with your partner what's good, great and awful. I love using whip cream when getting to know somebody new. Many woman need a lot of clitoral stimulus and sometimes anal. Most don't know it but the clit is actually a lot larger than most think. The tip is just that: the tip of the iceberg. There's good reason why some ladies enjoy sex better with a butt plug as it gives stimulus to her clit from the back door.

    Of course it takes two to tango and most woman achieve the O when in secure relationships and not so much with causal sex (supposedly). If you have a shitty partner who only cares about his needs then you probably will have a shitty sex life. You should have a deeper connection than just the physical nature. It's best when there's an emotional and spiritual connection. IF you're not achieving orgasm as a partner I'd be upset and worried.

  • Because they're straight.

  • Women aren't natural born problem solvers, if men were put in women's bodies today they would have no problem reaching an orgasm each time because we love solving problems especially if the rewards are high, women on the other are to busy worrying to solve there own problems

  • because most of the men dont know how to make them orgasm.

  • because of men who don't communicate with the woman, they don't talk about what they both enjoy and need, and they're selfish lovers, they don't consider the woman's needs

  • They (the unsatisfied ones) choose the wrong guys, probably some stereotype that they're used to... and they stay with them knowing that they're selfish.

  • Such a bad situation

  • Because the vast majority of guys suck in bad (and not in the good way)

  • It's hard for them to reach orgasm because the female orgasm isn't important. The males orgasm is way more important

    • dude what the actual shit

    • @mankoneko The males orgasm serves a purpose. Without it humans would go extinct. Women don't even need to have orgasms.

    • I misunderstood, please excuse me.

  • who cares study? i never find a lady who can't orgasm, reason of not getting enough is lack of skill on men for sure.

  • because men ruin everything!

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