How do I deal with guilt over incest?

Question

I committed incest when I was younger (between the ages7-10 years old) with 12 family members. 4 were boys and the rest were girls. I NEVER had intercourse with any of them. I lost my virginity to a jerk in 12th grade. However, the last time I committed incest was 9th grade. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. The worst memory I have was with my brother. I was in the 3rd or 4th grade. It was only once but it still haunts me. I did things with 2 friend girls in 3rd/4th grade. I feel impure, guilty, and sad when I think about it. It is sick. I don't know how I could've done those things or what was going through my mind or where my parents were. Sometimes I think I've had bad luck because of my past.

Please, don't attack. I know what I did was wrong and disgusting. Im posting this because I want to move on, meet a nice man, and feel good about myself. How do I forgive myself? Would you date someone who has done such terrible things?

LaFemmeFatale · Accepted Answer

I am sorry you experienced this, honestly.

I'll try to imagine how you feel.
Probably you hate yourself, you feel disgusted of yourself, try not to remember it anymore, cry when no one sees you.

When you do something bad and get punished, It felt like a fair game but when you do something "bad" and you have to live with it your whole life, that's what I call a punishment. And It is way harder than get punished physically.

Accept it as your past... It was and It feels fucking awful for you but sadly you can't change your past.

The only thing you can do is to forgive yourself, imagine that little silly girl and forgive her, her silliness.

Don't let it affect your future life. You are not guilty, you made a mistake, yes you probably think that you made an awful mistake, but we make mistakes, the best of us.

The main thing is that you stopped doing it, you acknowledge what you did and you don't want to repeat it anymore.

Cry, shout at yourself and cry again when you are alone but when you go out, don't let it affect your relationships.
Try to forget it, It was so many years ago... It's like a bad dream.

You know, tell me I am a crazy but there's always a positive streak even in our worst mistakes.
You made it but It might have changed you in a good way.
You might find out how less judgmental you are now, aren't you?
You might be way more mature and wise, you know why?
You tasted how it feels to feel awfully guilty of your actions, you know that not everyone who makes mistakes is evil.
You had a choice , whether stay and live that life or live a guilty life and you chose the right way. It's hard to live that life but yeah, that's it, we are responsible for our actions.

You pay for it, you pay for it with your guiltiness, sadness and hatred to your past.
Your childhood has dark parts but It is your childhood and you need to accept it.

Plus I've heard these things are common in children, you are not an only exception sadly. It's just a taboo and no one talks about it. What about having future relationships, I wouldn't tell your partner about this part of my life, If I was in your shoes.

Good luck miss, I sincerely hope you'll find a way out of it, accept your past and forgive yourself cause you are NOT guilty. Not anymore, you stopped being "guilty" when you started feeling guilty for it.

CheerGirl38139 · Accepted Answer

At seven to ten years old, you are not developed enough mentally or emotionally to discern those things.

You were a little kid, you didn't even know what "incest" was at the time, or why it would be "wrong".

If it were me, I'd be more curious to figure out why I was so overtly sexually curious at such a young age.

Good luck. Don't beat yourself up.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You were only a child. It's alright. You didn't even know that it was wrong. There is no point worrying about it anymore. If you feel terrible about it, I'd suggest you to talk to a psychologist. I am pretty sure that they will reassure you that it's okay.

ImagineRelease · Accepted Answer

I do hypnosis and your brainwaves are more "daydream" state before about 12. Thus you were probably being told by those around you that you wanted this. Not to say you may not have had adventures that while it feels wrong now felt normal then,. the guilt may be due to you thinking you liked it. Now here's where I don't want to create a victim, because you're allowed to have your own views of your own self and actions. BUT... if others were encouraging you many people do things for the praise. So we can feel some guilt for the act but don't realize we were isolated, put into a situation where your own choice to get praise and encouragement is to do something new and once it's familiar then the interaction becomes fun. After all we're social creatures. as an adult you're probably feeling all kinds of mixed thoughts as did you want to, do you want to blame others and hate them, regrets for why you can't seem to actually hate them for being part of it with you, etc. Especially since it became easy to keep doing and keep feeling some sensations or praise from. Easy "good" is always a goal of humans. How do you forgive yourself? You don't because forgiveness is something we do when understanding it isn't possible. There's reasons, we need to just relax and feel safe, allow memories to come back and see some of the things that influenced. After 12 you go from alpha brainwaves to adult / Beta brainwaves. you can message me if you want. I may think of more to say but off the top of my head this is all i can do at this hour.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

i had incest on multiple ocasions with my sister startes ar age 10(me) 7(her) and lasted up untill 18(me) 15(her) we both gave consent to one another and now it's in the paste, we never bring it up whatsoever... she is married now, we are both happy with our lives and we are close siblings... as long as you enjoied it on the moment, no need to feel ashamed, you did what made you happy. Go see a therapyst tho' if you still have those feelings

Tdieseler · Answer

I believe incest starts WHEN you have sex with them... flirting and messing around with family members is not incest. That what fam is for.
If you didn't specifically fuck them... there's nothing to forgive.
If you are worried about kissing... or some minor shit... if its a family member, it doesn't count.
I dont see anything wrong here... well except your optimism for some "perfect" guy to be dropped on your lap.
no... just find someone... draw a line... bone em.

Drew91750 · Answer

Did your brothers cum? If so they liked it! When my twin sister and I were about 3 years old we would wash and play with each other in the bathtub. We continued to take baths together until around 8 years old. We Shared the same bed growing up until almost 12. Around 6 years old it progressed to full on intercourse multiple times each night. By 14 we really knew it was wrong but couldnt stop. By 18 when we each had external relationships it started slowing down and stoped when we were around 20, at least for the most part. I have had 2 girlfriends that had sex with their brothers when they were young. I thought they would be more understanding and felt comfortable telling them and they got really turned on by it and wanted to watch me f my sister.

SpurtLover · Answer

Please write privately to me. I have committed the same acts on my sisters as a young child and I also had molestation happen to me as a kid. I still haunts me today and I want to talk to someone about it but in private.

Ryublack · Answer

I think you should really get therapy

Dargil · Answer

Write your infractions on a piece of paper.
Stand in front of your mirror and indict yourself with anger. Even rage.
Then switch roles and confess your actions and guilt you feel about them.
Then reject and condemn your offences and disown them.
Then look yourself in the eyes and say. "I forgive you. Don't ever do that again!"

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

This stuff happens and you was all real young so don't beat yourself up over it and Best wishes :)

jacquesvol · Answer

"between the ages7-10 years old" Child's play. That's OLD history. Satute of limitations thus:  Forget the 'guilt'. You were a child then. No penal responsibility.

xKirito · Answer

If it's any consolation if I was you husband I wouldn't care one bit what you did. It's also very common for people to begin exploring their sexuality with siblings or friends.

You're not going to do it agin so let the past be the past and move on. Go to mass get married have a great life.

EndGame55 · Answer

I'm sorry it's causing you such grief. I think maybe a different perspective would help. Just tell yourself that you were playing. And it wasn't sexual. It just felt good.

JCT666 · Answer

Probably best to arrange a psychologist to talk about and deal with feelings of guilt.

grkmanga · Answer

Hmm. Can't change the past. ... only the future. Time to just move on :)

knowitall98 · Answer

incest is love embrace it

dogfish · Answer

okay sandplanet, you can get over this guilt by seeing a therapist and stop asking questions about incest on gag..

daddysir77 · Answer

Don't. My sis and I don't

Joe1956 · Answer

give yourself a break... do you still have incest connections or have you sworn off that... ? it sounds like you werent a willing participant... in which case you are not at fault in anyway...