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Can you ever forgive someone who raped you?

I read about Thordis Elva and her rapist Tom Stranger who raped her. They reunited after 16 years or so and she forgave him. That guy is also guilty about his deeds
They now also give TED talks together.
You can read their story here
https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/2813711/woman-who-was-raped-when-she-was-16-reunites-with-her-attacker-so-they-can-tell-their-story-together/

So you think that you can ever forgive someone who raped/assaulted/molested you?
Never happened with me but I don't think I would.
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • Forgiveness, at least the way I understand it, isn't telling the other person, "It's OK. Forget about it. You get a pass this time." It's telling yourself, "I'm going to do my best to let this go; to put it behind me. I don't want to dwell on it and continue to let it affect everything in my life." A quote I read about forgiveness says, "Not forgiving is like eating poison and waiting for the rat to die." Forgiveness is about finding peace for yourself.

    Thordis basically says all this in the TED talk, if I remember right. It is one of the best I've seen, and that's saying something.

    Not to compare my worst experiences to rape, but some of them have affected me negatively for years and years. I don't think I could have become who I am without the ability to eventually forgive.

    Thordis is extraordinary in what she did to be able to forgive. And the fact that she's on good enough terms with Tom to tour the world and write books with him is amazing. But I also think forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean that you must become (or must remain) friends with someone who has hurt you. It's about living your own life free from the person who hurt you.

    • Thank you for MHO.

    • You are welcome!

    • Right... Forgive (not =) Forget

    • Show All

  • Here is problem with people, they misunderstand what forgiveness is about. Forgiving a person, who has done a terrible thing to you. Forgiving is not for the person who has hurt you, it is for yourself. when you forgive, you are setting yourself free from anger and hatred, and giving yourself permission to move on with your life. Forgiving doesn't mean, you have to approve whats happened to you. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself.
    When you forgive a person, your saying to yourself, I am setting myself free from you, and you are saying, I don't want invest in anger towards you for the rest of my life.

    Believe forgiveness is better than anger. I have being in that place with a person. Being angry with person, who has really hurt, is a shit place. But forgiving them gives me peace, and a peace of mind. Plus I am much more happier for it

    • Hate, anger, and resentment are destructive, eating away at the heart and soul of the person who carries them. They are absolutely incompatible with your own peace, joy, and relaxation. Ugly emotions change who you are and contaminate every relationship you have. They can also take a physical toll on your body, including sleep disturbance, headaches, back spasms, and even heart attacks. Forgiveness sets you free from the bonds of hatred, anger, and resentment. The only way to rise above the negatives of a relationship in which you were hurt is to take the moral high ground and forgive the person who hurt you. Forgiveness is not about another person who has transgressed against you; it is about you. Forgiveness is about doing whatever it takes to preserve the power to create your own emotional state. It is a gift to yourself, and it frees you. You don’t have to have the other person’s cooperation, and they do not have to be sorry or admit the error of their ways. Do it for yourself.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Ok this story isn't about a stranger rape case. He'd knew her. Dark alley stranger danger rape is totally different of those who are crafty as a snake oil sales man who'd get to know their victim first before some time claiming their sexual power.

    This guy is a sheep of society who feels to impress his peers and masculinity that he has to trick a young physically vulnerable teen to prove he has 'sex' appeal.

    These days, rape very commonly occurs between unsuspecting predators who'd come across as a familiar face at school , a male friend, generous public rich figure or a family friend before pouncing on their prey. Basically someone who has a friendly public image.

    I will only forgive if he forgoes the re-enactment of being raped by a guy in order to see through a victim's eye. Then that is when i know he will truly understand what it is like being a victim.

    • *forgoes accepting forgiveness and get into

    • It sounded like this guy wanted a total submissive girl and was willing to play along with his rape fantasy. Well he found the wrong girl to have sex with.

  • i don't know. I think forgiveness doesn't really mean forget what they did. But forgive is to not hold a very strong hatred all the time. To not let what happened define you or take over your life. Many people do this. I don't think it's a sign of weakness but it's their version of coming to terms with bettering themselves.

  • Half of me would forgive for MYSELF, not for them. Half of me wouldn't mind if they end up choking on a piece of bread. 😡

    • nailed it

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What Girls & Guys Said

15 19

  • No, he can burn in hell.

  • hum... if I was drugged out maybe. but honestly I dont think so. from what I see from prison movies I dont even think I would be able to have a normal life after that.

  • It's good that happened. People can change

  • Wow thanks for providing the link.
    Yes, I think..., hope I would.

  • My rapist is dating my mother and he has me fucked up if he thinks he can even look my direction.

    • The fuck?

    • Lmfao my mom wasn't around my whole life. Long story

  • I don't think I could, its weird for them to be together like that but I guess its for a good cause

  • I don't think I would either.

  • I couldn't even forgive someone who raped someone who's not me. Rapist deserve no forgiveness, the only thing they deserve is life in prison.

  • Depends on who the person is that was Raped. The victim should decide if they are going to ever forgive the person that raped them. Forgiveness can't be bought, or paid for in prison time. Its about the human that was raped. If they want to forgive them, then yes, if not then no. But its all up to the person that was raped

  • Yes. If I can't let something go (forgive) it will manifest into a disease.

  • Never... the reason why she can forgive him is cause she dated him before and had feelings for him. Why would I ever forgive someone whom i never felt for

  • I don't think you necessarily need to become friends - but eventually forgiving is the last step to making a final stroke to the experience.

    First steps obviously will be accepting that it happened, dealing with the consequences, forgiving oneself, etc. - but as long as a person doesn't forgive the perpetrator - as long that experience will still have a certain level of power over them.

  • I forgave the person who touched me when I was little. Well sorta. He's a family member and he doesn't know that I remember. but I'm not gonna tell him I remember.
    I just forget about it and treat him like I would do any other family member. So I don't necessarily "forgive" him. But I'm just moving past it

    • I'm sorry to hear that... But that is still pretty brave of you 😇

  • I was thinking of a very good answer

    And then I was like WTH the MHO is already taken

  • yes but the person would have to admit there wrong
    and apologize and mean it, if not I would hold on to it

  • https://www.myanswerisno.com/images/home-book.jpg

  • I think it depends. If the guy truly is guilty and wiling to make recompense, I should be able to forgive them.

  • No way i would forgive him

  • it's hard to say since i have been on the giving /receiving end of rape.

    the story is about a boyfriend and girlfriend so that maybe the reason she forgave him.

  • Erm no

    • You can. You just won't.

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