My boyfriend is addicted to porn, what should I do?

My boyfriend and I are about to move in together, we got in a discussion last night because every time we try to have sex he can't get off to me because he already masturbated to porn of course. I confronted him and he admitted it was a problem and he would do anything to stop and make things better with me. What do you guys think? Is it easy just to stop watching porn and masturbating so you can enjoy havin sex with your girl?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, yeah, the brain chemicals associated with porn are basically your very happiest chemicals, and the doses can be unprecedented because of the "novelty" factor of a different looking girl every time, so it is both addictive, and addicting.

    So my advice is to treat it like a really serious fucking horrible addiction, like heroin or alcohol or cigarettes, and understand that you really have to help him and be proactive and communicate constantly and you should fully expect him to fall off the wagon perhaps dozens of times, just like almost every junkie relapses for years and years before they can stay clean, because it takes years for your brain to change it's chemistry sometimes.

    Maybe get him on some serious mineral supplements and healthy diet/exercise kick.

    The key to beating this demon is being your boyfriend's BEST friend through it all. That means tough love AND soft love. If you ever lose that feeling of being his best friend, just break up with him, for both of your sake's.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Porn is a genuinely addictive material, because of the way it affects your brain. Most people who watch porn don't get addicted, but it is a real addiction when it happens. Those who do become addicted will have a hard time quitting, just like someone who is trying to quit smoking. Your boyfriend needs to treat this like a real addiction (because that's what it is) and seek help and make a plan.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 58

  • ## Delayed Ejaculation
    Strictly speaking, there is nothing wrong watching porn in moderation. However, masturbation to porn becomes a problem when it creates conditions, such as delayed ejaculation (DE), which is probably what your boyfriend is experiencing.

    Before thinking of ways to reverse your boyfriend's DE, you and him should have an intimate understanding of his condition.

    ## Condition
    DE is inability to climax during penile-vaginal sex. The penis' shaft and skin lose their natural sensation due to firm hand gripping and motion. Commonly called death grip. Hence, the penis' skin and nerves lose their sensitivity to vaginal stimulation, including the tightest vaginal (if at all such a thing exist).

    DE is common among long-term or frequent masturbators and porn watchers, and women who use toys a lot or have their vibrators on high-vibration level. I just had to inject that because women also suffer from DE.

    Something called neuroplasticity could also be behind your boyfriend's DE. The brain has learned to climax only via jerking off to porn. Ask him if he uses only the left or right hand to jerk off such that the other hand doesn't render the same intensity and frequency of pleasure. If yes. Bingo! Neuroplasticity!

    The brain becomes desensitised to the girl he is having sex with, due to a sophisticated meaning of sexual arousal and attractiveness his brain has developed from porn.

    ## Solution
    Two years ago I had DE. I cured my DE by abstaining from masturbation and porn for 3 months 3. Even after 3 months, I wasn't sure if it was cured as I didn't have a girlfriend during that period. It took me the 9th month with a new girlfriend to confirm a 100% cure.

    As with dealing with any old habit, abstaining from masturbation and porn can be really hard, partly because porn or masturbation is cheaply accessible and also because there is heightened and frequent sexual urges during the abstinence period.

    It's only him can seek to reverse his DE. He can learn about his DE from two Reddit communities. Nofap: https://www.reddit.com/r/nofap/ and Pornfree: https://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree/

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  • His behavior of choosing the porn over you to get off with is sadly very common. It will be a difficult process for him to kick this addiction. Possibly the most difficult thing he has had to face yet in life. He will not be able to do it alone. He will need professional help as well as your support and a system in place to keep him off it and occupied on other wholesome activities. The good news and most important step he has already taken. He has not only recognized that he has a problem but he has also put his pride down and admitted to it being a problem and his willingness to overcome it.

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  • If I had the choice between porn or the real thing, I'd definitely prefer the real thing. Your guy better wise up, or he's gonna end up losing something special (you).

    Porn can be addictive, but most of it is pathetic and boring. Some people can handle it better than others. If your boyfriend can't watch porn in moderation, then he needs to give it up.

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  • DON'T MOVE IN.

    There. That was easy. No, if you choose this you'll be stuck with it. It's a real mental sickness. For a lot of reasons.

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  • You can do it. I don't think it is that hard.
    I used to watch porn like crazy and masturbate crazy amount still when I had sex I did orgasm and performed well.
    Idea is he just have to mentally want to not have issue and not over think it, be relaxed and stop watching porn or masturbate for 2-4 days ;) and he will be perfectly fine.

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  • If he is young he should be able to cum and still make love with you afterwards, many guys who suffer from premature ejaculation often do this, to extend the time actually in their partners vagina!
    He can stop masturbating to porn when he is going to make love with you, but he does need to control his own desires, only he can do so, he has to have control over his own feelings, and respect you!
    My advice is get this sorted before he moves in!
    It could be a nightmare afterwards, if he chooses porn over you.
    You could possibly come to an arrangement, which is not uncommon, that you both watch porn and have sex, at the same time.
    The good thing about porn is that it can stimulate people and make their sex fun more exciting and satisfying!

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  • Something tells me you shouldn't be moving in together yet. I just have a feeling about this, maybe later when you know you'll definitely be marrying each other, but if you two are not going to marry for sure then live separate from each other.

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  • I don't know if it's easy. I'm generally ok with porn but not when it interferes with a real sex life. I'm wondering why he finds porn more interesting than you. Is there some fetish he has that he's afraid to tell you about?

    Porn his is not a true "addiction" like cocaine or nicotine or alcohol. No one goes through porn withdrawal.

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  • it can be hard but it's certainly do-able. there is no physical addiction so if he truly has an addiction it's a mental or psychological addiction.

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  • What should you do?
    Keep his balls so well drained by using your vagina, mouth and hands that he will not have the urge to use pornography.
    A man who has empty balls does not feel the need to drain them, which you found when he was unable to perform in bed because he had shot is load already.
    Plan B: fit him with a steel chastity cage, so that the only time he can have an erection and ejaculate is when you unlock him to make use of his penis.
    See:
    http://www.steelwerksextreme.com

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  • If you cannot have sex with him because he is dumping all of his sexual energy into porn, it will be an unhealthy relationship. Move on.

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  • You can try and involve yourself in his porn habits. Asking why he likes what he likes, and maybe watch some porn with him. This may make him see you sexually as an extension of his pornviews. Getting him to quit watching porn altogether will be a lot harder and time consuming, but might be better in the longterm if he can do it. Shouldn't hurt trying the first suggestion before tho.

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  • There are two issues here. The porn and the masturbation. I'm not saying that either or both should be banned in a relationship, but carefully managed. Take the porn, if he's getting so much pleasure from this wouldn't it be great of he could save up that sexual energy and use it in his real sex life?
    Th masturbation can get in the way if he only has so much to give and he's given it up to a tissue. Most guys have a slower response or a non response in bed if they've already had an orgasm that day.
    If he's willing to give up the wanking that maybe give immediate relief to the problem but he may still need counselling if it's an excessive addiction, which you say it is.

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  • I think you're talking about porn induced erectile dysfunction, where a guy watches porn to the extent that he can't get hard to a real woman. Am I right?

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  • If he has been single for a long time, he is probably used to getting himself off the moment he gets horny.

    It takes getting used to getting horny, and having to wait hours for your partner to be around... when his right hand is right there and porn is EASILY accessible.

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  • oh Jesus. porn is like TV. it's fantasy. it's healthy. (I mean, unless he's like doing on lunch breaks or something) we just still have the shadow of dark age religious shame cults hanging over us even though we know better. go to a sex shop. go to a burlesque. some if the coolest mist laid back self assured awesome people I ever met were in said places. we are too repressed if having an active interest in sex is unhealthy. Do you intend to please him all the time? of course not! nobody should either! sometimes were tired or too full or just out if town and then I'd want my girl to light a candle to find some naughty pictures to rub one out over. her sex drive and fantasy shouldn't be confined to my availability. hell I might not even like everything she likes. good for her! (in your case him) don't let this freak you out. just respect you are two autonomous adults and you have different experiences. you don't have to love EVERYTHING. but you should live each other enough to respect what you don't have in common without shaming it.

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    • Dude, sex in a relationship is a big deal..

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    • No, I read it, but the ending where u said, " just respect you are two autonomous adults and you have different experiences. you don't have to love EVERYTHING. but you should live each other enough to respect what you don't have in common without shaming it."
      I get u can repeat a person and what they do, but in a relationship, sex is big, and she feels that he's neglected her, because he had already pleased himself, it's supposed to be win-win, not win-lose type of thing. A relationship needs both people to work it out, and sex is important to work out, cuz it's what brings u closer together.

    • Um... if the amount of porn he is watching is affecting their sex life it's a big fucking problem.

      Nothing wrong with a bit of porn once in a while, but it should never come before sex with your actual girlfriend...

  • He should simply spend some time without it... like 1 week should be hard enough, if he's addicted. Then, I bet it won't be difficult with you.

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  • If you ask me to have sex tonight, I'd be sure to refrain from masturbating to porn for that moment.

    Stopping watching porn is easy in my opinion.

    It's his issue and you can't do anything about it other than threaten him to break up. You have needs just as we all.

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  • Man thats just sad. I think for most people, potn is just option b when ur single, or going trough a dry spell in the relationship. In a healthy relationship there is no need for it.

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  • This might seem like a radical solution, but have you considered getting him a male chastity device? He himself admitted that it was a problem, so I'm sure he'd be willing if you asked. He'd struggle a few days, but it wouldn't be long till he learned self-control. And hey, maybe you'd find it fun yourself. :3

    I'm pretty well-versed in this sorta stuff, so feel free to ask me anything! ^^

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  • I dunno because it's his problem. I want to say "boost up your sexlife with him" but if this helps? I don't know.
    It's an idea because it can be lack of sex in a relationship and be honest... Men have more sexappeal or sexboost... To make a long story short; they want more sex in their 20's to 30's.

    If this does not help? He should fix this by himself.

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  • he's a guy get used to it, if girls wanted us sooner in life than later than we wouldn't need porn or end up getting used to being dependent on it.

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    • Extremely valid point. You take away porn, you take away MOST guys' entire sex lives. And guess what, after they "kick the habit," they're still not gonna be Jared Leto or whatever. And fifty girls will claw each other's eyes out for one Jared Leto while 49 regular guys go home and jerk off, so what the fuck?

      Look at this shit, this thing costs $3,000, it isn't even available until next year, and they've already received hundreds of thousands of orders from around the world, all it is is a little cheap-ass rinky dink waifu girlfriend simulator:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkcKaNqfykg

      This thing doesn't even do anything sexual, it fucking literally just pretends to like you and think about you, and miss you, and care whether you live or die, fuck's sake.

      I'm thinking of getting one.

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    • @Mardidubz Well most guys, about 60-70%, are loners, and only about 10% by choice.

      So you're only worried about tall, handsome guys who have all the sex and love any ten men could possibly want, and how maybe porn could harm their relationship.

      Well, don't worry about those guys, because they can find a new girlfriend within 30 minutes of looking, and that's assuming a girl doesn't throw herself on him first. And when porn ruins THAT relationship, guess what? He'll find another one. And another one. And another one.

    • I get what y'all are sayin too..

  • Looks to me, it's because you don't really satisfy his need so he has to rely on porn to release himself. Instead of just telling him stopwatching porn ask him what he prefer in sex to spice things up. Wear lingerie, make the scene more romantic, try different sex position, whatever it is.

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    • Nope. Porn is a true addictive material. This is not her fault.

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    • @samhradh_leannan how do you know it is an addiction? what he said could be an excuse, but his actions and the timing betrayed him. i guess you haven't seen enough men to know what is going on.

    • I don't need to have a penis to understand the impact that a porn addiction can have on a relationship. If he's addicted to porn, he's going to watch it frequently, even if he knows real sex may be an option later in the day. Even if he would PREFER to have sex later in the day. It's compulsive. That's what makes it an addiction. Addictions don't involve logical choices. The fact that he doesn't choose not to watch porn because he knows he can have sex later does not mean this isn't a real addiction. In fact, it supports the idea that it's an addiction. And relying heavily on porn for arousal (either due to a legitimate addiction or just a serious habit) can desensitize you to real sex, even if you are attracted to your partner. So the impacts are twofold.

  • Pray for him. Ask God to deliver him from this sickness. Be sure you are acting like a lady. Get him involved in other activities.

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  • just like there is the group Alcoholics Anonymous there is also something for porn addicts maybe he can find there help

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  • Have sex more often then, don't give him a chance!
    THAT SPERM IS YOURS. ACT LIKE IT!

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  • make a game out of it tell him to wait until you both move in mess with his mind ex: find out what his fantasy is or what type of porn he watch's be the fantasy be the porn actress that when he says your name or thinks of you poof end game. there has to be reward and penalties tho good luck

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  • When I was younger before a date I used to watch porn and masterbate it would help me calm my nerves kinda like a shot of whiskey but better.

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    • But were you able to perform still well when you had sex? Like could you still come and all?

    • I was actually much better more calm and less nervous about my date thinking back I believe I also lasted a bit longer because I already cum also erection was much harder. I never understood why... I just went with it.

  • Get him help or leave him

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  • pray. also, when u marry him, gives him a superb sex as a reward

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  • More from Guys
    28

What Girls Said 22

  • My man was single for 15 years and masturbated to porn daily. He chose to be single after bad relationships in his 20s and he's in his 40s. Once we got together, we were having sex 4x a day, a couple of times 6x a day. He wasn't a porn addict (just had a lot of testosterone and masturbated for stress relief) but he was worried that going that long without sex would somehow affect his performance, but it didn't at all. We don't see each other every say as we haven't fully moved in together, so we plan what days we are seeing each other and I forbid him from masturbating in the day leading up to seeing each other haha. The more a guy cums, the less he performs and the less obsessed he feels with sex. Your man needs a build up, he needs some reserves, so he needs to stop masturbating that frequently. Are you available for sex regularly, are you up for it? Maybe he feels like you might not be ready/into it when he wants to do it? But if you are willing and he just keeps masturbating to porn instead then he has a serious problem

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  • I would say that you guys shouldn't move in together until you fix this. Watching por and masturbating every once in a while is ok, but once it's interfering with whatever you guys consider a healthy sex life, you should do something about before making a big step like moving together. You also need to think how important your sex life is to your relationship. If sex isn't important or if it's very important, could decide if staying together is the best in case he is unable to change.

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  • Before you Pack Ship Here, dear, Lock, Stock and Bare Breasted Barrel... Sit down and Come, hun, to some Compromises. It might be Difficult on his own End though.
    I believe as Wise as I am, Online and Offline, he has a problem that may Need some Professional Doctor's help on, but Sex Addiction or Something Sexual n this Category, like even an Exhibitionist, is Hard to Cure.
    Good Luck. xx

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    • Thank you :( I'm scared

    • I meant a sad face not that haha

    • lol NP, hun, I would be more Worried than Scared. However, DO NOT go Anywhere, I smell Trouble in this Bubble in Paradise Problem Pattern Path Lane. xx

  • If he truly is addicted then there are different kinds of treatments. If I were you I'd ask him to seek therapy, like any addiction it's not easy to overcome but it's still possible.

    I think moving in with him now is the last thing you should do, but up to you.

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    • Yes, I agree she need not move in till this matter is taking care of. Porn will screw your brain and mind, think patterned and cause angry issues.

    • @Robin48 yeah well basically when you have an issue as important as this one, moving in together is not really practical. Best to move in when you've got the major issues resolved.

    • Ten Four Siter, You Rock.

  • I know my boyfriend watches porn so in the nights I'm going over his house I just tell him he better save his cum for me. If your boyfriend can't agree to that, he clearly values porn more than you. He needs to know you value a healthy sex life with your mate. If he can't provide you that, you'll need to look elsewhere for a mate. Is moving in together imminent?

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  • I'd be gone, but that's just me... if it's gotten this serious, it's unlikely he will actually change... but if you do give him the chance, you'd better hold his ass accountable. Don't let him get away with excuses and empty promises.

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  • Try to get him to see a therapist. This is a real issue.

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  • Porn is nothing good just ruin peoples lives with fake shit. It should be banned. But since dumb people stand beside it its disgusting. Dont worry id dump his ass if he just wants to look at rotten whores.

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  • Make your own porn with him!

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    • No, that is the same as him watch other porn.

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    • I guess us males are no fun when we do not agree with you. We are man of God. We will stand what is correct.

    • @Robin48 LMAO 😂😂😂😂😂

      Nothing gets past you eh?

  • That is not an easy thing to just "stop" doing. This is a serious mental issue not just physical. He's going to need a lot of professional help and support so be there for him and dont think that this will fix itself overnight. This will take time.

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  • I wouldn't even be with someone like that

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  • Stop paying your internet bill

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  • It depends on him. Hopefully he can stop otherwise you're gonna have an awful relationship.

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  • i would tell him to stop watching porn because its a problem because he's addicted to porn and dont want it to get worse

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  • Have him try NoFap.

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  • Dump him

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    • So if it was the other way around than he should dump her. What to be sure there no double standard here.

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    • AlAlot of men disgust me

    • She need to dump him.

  • yeah i think he needs to force himself to stop somehow. Won''t be too hard actually, since porn gets tiring on its own after you realise its all fake and sex doesn't work that way in real life

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  • you should make him a porn video so that he can masturbate to you:)

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  • Porn addiction can be a gateway to infidelity, it's so impersonal and all the adds that pop up on the sites "meet available women in your area who just want a fuck".
    Now most guys will ignore these adds but a small amount don't.

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  • No, it's not. He's an addict.

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  • If you can't beat it, join it. Incorporate some porn into your sex. Watch porn with him and pleasure him while he's watching.

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  • The question is primarily addressed to guys but I have my opinion to express.
    Guys watch porno, nothing new in it. Don't ask guys' advice, act yourself. Watch a couple of movies with him (if not done so far), discuss during various scenes, observe his reaction which part of movie attracts him most. Never object to his addiction. Suggest him yourself to play same games, adopt postures and talk a bit dirty. You will have to divert his focus from porno to you.

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    • What you said about the males goes also with the female.

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