Is my boyfriend of 3 years sexually bored with me?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years now. I'm 26 abd he's 27. We have lived together for 2 years now. I have a beeb wondering about our sex life. He likes to masturbate in the bathroom or when I asleep in the other room instead of having sex with me. We have both talked it out before. I told him that I felt like he was more attracted to the porn and Instagram whores than me. And that I felt silly for being jealous of them. I told him how frustrated I felt. He told me that the reason why he masturbates because he can climax fast and head to work. He said he finds me very attractive , beautiful and i don't compare no where near to those women. And that he loves me. He said he would do better and step his game up. It's been 2 months now and whe have only had sex 4 times since then. I have even stepped my game up and tried some of the things that he likes but he still hasn't stepped his game up. What should I do? I know he's not cheating on me but I just want to know. What is going on?

MarieLovesIt · Accepted Answer

This is just my opinion, but yes, I think he's bored. Why not masturbate with him? Facing each other on the bed? Let him watch while you watch? Or your give him a handjob while he fingers you?

As far as doing "things he likes", one thing I believe in is this... doing something that doesn't turn you on, isn't fun for either of you. For instance, if a guy wants to cum on your face and you do it but dont enjoy it? Just kneeling there with your face all scrunched up and eyes held shut and mouth tight, letting him ejaculate on you, isn't a turnon for anyone. He has a fantasy of what its like! You want to please him but you dont' like it. So it doesn't work for you and its a let down for him.

I think its very important to get on equal ground on what turns AND him on. Is it lingerie? Is it spontaneous sex? Is it car sex? Outdoor sex? Public sex? Is it 69, or rough, or sensual or fantasy or role playing? Dirty talk, sexy talk, love making or raw sex? Candles and incense, pounding rock and roll music in the background?

Somewhere is common ground that you both enjoy. When you both enjoy it, you are turned on and so is he... and then you both become more turned on watching the other person get turned on... its a waterfall of sensuality.

talk it through.. work it out.

RowenaRavenclaw · Accepted Answer

If u wanna stay with him then tell him that u feel he's not changing enough or fast enough and you feel that you have been trying to accommodate him but he's not returning the favor. And unless he wants to play his part then you're not interested in having any relationship with him at all because a porn addiction is not good.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Okay no porn unless you watch it together.
He could be uncomfortable talking about what he wants to do.
This could sound silly but.
Make up a suggestion jar of things that you'd like to do. It could be easier to write them down.
I started doing this with my husband of 11yrs and we have had a "good time".

Feito · Accepted Answer

Well... I don't think he's bored with you. Personally, based on what I've heard from guys my age and older, and what I've experienced in dating, sometimes it has to do with libido, OR it could simply be that he has become too accustomed to masturbating on his own. He may have fantasies that he can't necessarily achieve with you and he's living those fantasies out elsewhere. BUT don't despair, there is a bit of hope. If he truly finds you attractive, then try to force his hand. DON'T go further than he wants to: If he says no, NO MEANS NO, just as much as it does for women. But, I don't know... try laying on the bed naked for him when he comes home from work. Or talk to him about his fetishes and fantasies. Things like that.

It could also be that he is putting you on such a high pedestal that he's scared of having sex with you lol. I know it's weird but it's true.

Another thing: try evaluating exactly how he acts before, during and after sex with you. Have you ever ASKED him to have sex? What kinds of faces does he make DURING sex? Does he seem SATISFIED after sex?

Damn i feel accomplished... i typed up an essay...

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

Have a conversation with him and ask these questions:

1. Is there any reason to expect this to change?
2. If you stay together, what will your sex life be like 3 years from now?
3. What does he expect you to do to have your sexual needs fulfilled.

CompScienceIsLonly · Answer

tell him a porn addiction is a deal breaker, because it is.

ManasiM · Answer

You guys are missing adventure in your life and hence boredom is creeping in. Try teasing and new positions. I believe, this often works. ;)

TheLovelyQueen · Answer

I think that the guy is just insecure about his package exc. He probably just doesn't want to disappoint you or maybe things just aren't working too well sometimes down there. I don't know.

summiter · Answer

Sex 4 times in 2 months? That is not healthy and I do not think it is going to get better. Is he fooling around on the side? How come he does not ask you to jerk him off instead of him masturbating? Does he get you off when you do have sex?

guyfrmindore · Answer

maybe it is just work pressure...

reptocarl · Answer

He's addicted to porn and it's becoming the only way he can get aroused and cum. The condition is called porn creep or porn induced erectile dysfunction. This will only get worse so you have a decision

alice55 · Answer

Maybe try role play? Or stuff like that? Search new idea who your boyfriend might like.

hawkeye92 · Answer

buy whips, knives, and rope. no more boredom.

Browneye57 · Answer

You need to make a pact where you become his sole sexual outlet. And no more porn - it destroys man-woman romantic relationships, kills the sex cuz you can't compete with that shit. It's pure evil, totally not realistic. Just fake and a guy will become addicted to it.
It may even require a third party, like a counselor.
It's killing your relationship.

OfDeath · Answer

3 years? Probably

AllahuAkbarBich · Answer

It's not his fault. You just so ugly he can't get erection. Get plastic surgery and boob job.

Words_and_Wisdom · Answer

The same shit for 3 years would bore anyone. Hence why monogamy is stupid in most cases.

Girliegirl1202 · Answer

Stress could be causing it. Work can be the cause. You got to talk more and know whats going on with each other give a little support and maybe things will improve because you'll feel better.

Lilmaninthewoods · Answer

A lot of couples reach that point and the ones that make it through are the ones that can open up about their sexual fantasies. The key thing here is not to judge ur partner about it because then you will scare them in to sharing things with you.

Rajbill · Answer

pm me ill make you understand

masterkamasutra · Answer

right time to change the dick.

Pizzalover101 · Answer

He is to over porned if he watches it more than 2 times a week so he had reprogrammed his brain with porn being the substatoo so nead to get him to stop watching