Caught my fiancé masturbating to the pictures of his high school crush. Should I be concerned?

My fiancé and I have been together since our freshman year in college. It is now 4 years later and we are living together, engaged, have a dog, and might as well be married already. Long story short, he and I were talking when we were driving. We drove by an adult store and I said let's stop! Our sex life has decreased a lot lately. Like once every 2 or 3 weeks. I will admit I'm not the best at initiating it, but I rarely ever turn him down. He just doesn't even try it anymore and even when I do start it he says he is too tired. I figured we could spice it up with some toys or stuff along those lines. He refused to stop. Said 'people back in the day, people didn't need that kind of stuff to have sex'. I jokingly said, "Okay, back then guys didn't have porn on their phones like you do so how about i put a security code so you can't watch porn on your phone and we won't stop at the sex store". He agreed so I did it. So two weeks later, and before you guys say poor guy for not getting to beat one off for two weeks, he did. He used my iPad and didn't delete the history. Well the other day we were with his family and he asked me to look something up on his Facebook. This is rare because he is protective of his phone but he was more focused on showing something he had saw on there. Well I went to search it and on his recents he had searched "girls bikini" and then after that the profile of his old high school crush. She was blonde, tall, perfect body and when we first started dating he told
me all about her. He always wanted her but she had a boyfriend all through high school. So I didn't say anything cause we were with his family and just put his phone down. I felt like I had been shot. I don't care if he watched porn or jacked off, but it was the fact that he was looking at her pictures. A girl who he knows personally and is in contact with. Am I overreacting? Is this why he doesn't care if we don't have sex? It makes me feel shitty about my appearance. Was it my fault?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I was with my ex wife 25 years. OVer that time I jacked off to tv stars, movie stars, the girl I had a crush on in HS, the woman I had a crush on that week at work, etc...
    it is fantasy and means nothing. I assume any woman I am with masturbates to whatever it is women think about. As long as she is with me when having sex, that is all that matters. You were snooping in his phone when you shouldn't have been. That is on you. He trusted you to look something up and you went looking where you shouldn't have been so now maybe you understand why he is so protective of his private things.
    No if you have problems that might be a different issue. You should talk things over. Just based on what you found is nothing. But if he isn't having sex with you because he is masturbating too much, that is a problem. You might need to see a therapist. But you have to be ready for the issue to be you also. my wife would bitch and complain I was on the computer too much. But if she would have spent more time with me and gave me the attention I needed, I would have been with her. Both of us got caught in a circle that kept getting worse and worse. THe problem is I was willing to change things and all she wanted to do is hold grudges that were 20 + years old.

  • Imagine in convergence of coincidences for this to happen.

Most Helpful Girls

  • You're not over reacting AT ALL. he chose to cheat the situation and find another way to get his jollies off with someone he knew personally it has to make you think if he's still fantasizing about her- i would confront him. But also you really have to improve your sex life a lot of people wouldn't consider it important but it really is- that is if you end up forgiving him.

  • That is probably one of those most disrespectful things a man can do to his lady.

    I would not spend another minute with a man who jacks off to another woman's photos that he is still in contact with. That raises a red flag for me.

    So, to answer your question, you did not overreact. You have every right to feel concerned. Sorry he did that to you. His loss.

  • I would be hurt too but I think you need you talk about it. You listed a few red flags there, especially when you guys are both young and haven't been together a seriously long time, your sex life is really suffering very fast. If you're having problems like this now, what's it going to be like in another few years. Deal with it now rather than later.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • thats weird af

  • Does he have any pictures of you he can jack off to? We all masturbate. Tell him you wanna watch. Then you can watch each other.

    • I've tried. He won't do anything outside of anything "normal". Like I said I have no problem with him masturbating. It's natural. I get that. Everyone does it. But it was the fact it was to the girl who he knew and had major feelings for before we met.

  • Yes you savage.