Sexual Relationships
+1 y

My boyfriend forced himself on me but I had an orgasm... is it rape?

The other day my boyfriend (of almost 4 years) and I were cuddling, we hadn't seen each other in a month, but I told him I didn't want to have sex. We were just hanging out when he started kissing me and rubbing my vagina.

I told him to stop, but it just got more intense from there. He pushed my underwear to the side and tried to penetrate me. I moved my body away from him and told him to stop again. I let him know I wasn't interested but he forced his way in nonetheless.

At this point I kind of gave up and just lay there. Then he went down on me and licked me and I had an orgasm. He flipped me over and he came like that. I can't help but feel like maybe I should have said no again, but another part of me thinks "I didn't consent at any point".

I don't know what to think. I am usually a pretty strong girl who speaks my mind, but in this situation I didn't do anything. I wonder if my boyfriend really wanted me since we hadn't seen each other in a while, or if he is just a regular old rapist. I feel conflicted because I enjoyed it towards the end, but I never wanted it in the first place. HELP.
Updates:
+1 y
Thank you for all the advice. I did talk to him about it and he apologized. I broke up with him anyway because I can't be with someone who doesn't respect my wishes or my body. Thank you again.
0 1

Most Helpful Guys

  • I'm sorry that happened to you. Him being your boyfriend or having not seen you for a long time doesn't excuse what he did. Men aren't controlled by our urges and you saying no should have been more than enough for him to stop.
    You said yourself that you didn't consent at any point. And giving up isn't the same as consenting. Not saying no isn't the same as saying yes. You clearly told him several times that you didn't want to have sex, and he forced himself on you anyway. That is definitely rape.
    I understand why you are conflicted, especially because he's your boyfriend and you had an orgasm. But an orgasm during rape is entirely possible and more common than you think. It doesn't change the fact that what happened was wrong, but I can understand how it complicates things for you. But an orgasm is just your body responding to stimulation. Even if you don't want it.
    I've never been in your situation, so I can't claim to really understand what this is like for you. However, when I was about 4 or 5, I was molested. Even though it felt wrong and I didn't want it, I still felt pleasure because that's just what happens when your genitals are stimulated. That doesn't mean it was okay or that I consented. It just means that controlling your body's reactions to something is impossible to do.
    I don't know if any of this helps or not. I hope it does

  • If you are comfortable with him, you should speak sternly to him about it. If you feel violated and still threatened, then you should go to the proper authorities. It is in my opinion that the ball is in your court and it doesn't matter if other people think it's rape or not. only matters what you feel. So take a moment to reflect on that and come up with a decision.

    • This^

    • I will do that. Thank you so much.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I think whenever somebody says no and the other one penetrates anyways is totally a rape. You might have enjoyed it once he forced himself on you but I would be so mad at my boyfriend and I would consider breaking up because I would loose some trust in him and I would feel like he doesn't give a f#ck about what I want.

  • Yes. That is rape. You said no and he didn't listen. Orgasms are an involuntary, natural bodily response. It doesn't mean you enjoyed it or wanted it

  • The second you said "No" and he didn't stop, it becomes rape.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 25

  • Sounds to me like he just had his way with you and you liked it. I'd go easy on refusing from now on.

  • Yes it qualifies as rape. Saying no and not wanting it is all it takes to make it that way. The bodies reaction is normal, but the thing about it is how many rape victims are confused or hate themselves for that very bodily reaction. Its one of those things that makes it an extremely messed up thing to do. People hate themselves because of the way their body "betrays" them. All in all you should do what you think you need to do. I for one do not think a "talking to" is the great response but that's my opinion.

  • He litterally raped you. You orgasmed because you were stimulated by him down there. You were raped and your body responded to the stimulation. It does not matter if you enjoyed it, it was still rape.
    I suggest reporting it to the police just to get it on record but do not press charges. If that happens again then you have him already down for doing it before and it will be easier to get a restraining order on him or to have him arrested for rape.

  • You said NO more than once. So the answer is yes he raped you.

  • If you didn't want it and he carried on regardless then I am sorry but you were raped, women can get wet and orgasm during rape. Both parties have to agree to consensual sex by definition. Again I am so sorry you had to go through that.

  • you said no and he did not listen you moved away and he continued.. that is rape.. he eventually went down on you which got you off. this makes it odd, you obviously feel ok with him enough to let your self go and enjoy the oral and orgasm but that does not hide the fact that initially you did not want him. to have sex with you and he did not respect that. if you lay down. and be ok with this it tells him that even if you say no he can go a head as long as he gives you some pleasure. think about it this way would it be ok if he had sex with another girl as long as he made her orgasm through oral sex?

    • You are right. I would never want it to happen to another girl. I think that I will be having a conversation with him about our boundaries and expectations.

    • why do you feel like he is owed a conversation? if the same thing happened to your sister or friend would you be ok if they just gave the guy a "talking to"?

    • Possibly because they've been together for almost four years? Maybe because she believes in the good in him? It doesn't matter what he deserves - it matters what she deserves.. and that is respect. I see no problem with her going out and getting that.

    • Show All

  • it's rape. it doesn't matter if he is your boyfriend. it doesn't matter that he hadn't seen you in a month. it doesn't matter if you had an orgasm. if you stimulate the sexual organs you will have one. what matters is that you said no and he did not listen. what about next time when he wants it and you are not feeling it. are you just a plaything for him to pick up and use whenever he wants. he needs to be put some place where he can experience what its like to be penetrated after saying no. i get he won't enjoy it

  • No, he's entitled to it.

  • It's definitely rape, even thought you had an orgasm, you said no repeatedly. I think the orgasm was just a bodily reaction to what was happening and not in anyway something to take away from the fact that you said no and he forced himself.

  • i mean it´s your boyfriend. why would you not just say yes if he´s obviously so thirsty? xD that´s mean... i wouldn´t "technically" say it was rape but you should speak to him and tell him that you didn´t consent and that you didn't like it and that if you say no, you want him not to make you have sex. if he then just does it again, i´ll agree it was rape. but now it´s kind of a gray area where he thought you may just have needed some convincing :P

  • The definition of rape is The unwanted sexual contact by an individual so you said no technically rape

  • You should have pushed him off
    Yeah he's a rapo and will get shanked in jail one day

    • I actually did at a few points in the situation. I was on my back in a very awkward position and he is 6 inches taller than me and much stronger than me. I guess I also was shocked at the fact that he wouldn't listen.

    • He raped you literally He's scum to criminals let alone people

  • technically yea that's rape, but a lot of girls say know and get upset if the guy just stops so keep that in mind. talk to him about it, you obviously enjoyed it and its probably related to being dominated, lots of girls are into that, set up a safe word so he knows when your seriously against it.

  • It's rape the moment you said no it became rape it doesn't matter that you orgasmed that's just your body's involuntarily response and it doesn't matter that you have been together for four years or 50 years rape is rape and now he knows he can get away with it cause you haven't done anything about it so will most likely do it again next time you say no unless you do something to stop him report him to the police tell someone or just castrate him in his sleep cause talking to him won't work especially now he's raped you as now he knows he has the power over you

  • Its indeed rape...
    Even when raped by a stranger females get wet and feel the pleasure, its just mentally they feel violated caused they dont want it.

  • its normal, don+t sweat it

  • Yes it"s rape. Orgasms/Ejaculations happen frequently from rapes.

  • if you like it no its not rap if you didn't like it then yes it is rap but that's up to you

  • He should of dropped an it's rape if you say no even 1 time you should of kick him in balls an took off an went to friends

  • No, i think it's not

    • Because, i think you pretend that

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