How can I find out if my boyfriend is gay?

[Anonymous]

I think my boyfriend is gay and so do a lot of other people, including his best friends. He doesn't act like the stereotypical "gay guy" that is like every girl's bff. He is really into theater and singing and hangs out with mostly gay guys. I am told that he is often the one that takes the pretending-to-be-gay jokes too far. When I try talking to him about this (I know.AWKWARD) all he says is "omg I am not gay. I love u! I have been dating you for how long?" .but I just don't know. ahaha for superlatives, he and A GUY won "cutest couple" (even though I was dating him at the time) like .idk please help me. He doesn't sound gay, shop, or anything like that.just AHHHHHHHHH maybe his bi? how do I figure it out?

[gravygirl]

Unfortunately liking the theater and singing are signs of being gay. I don't mean that it's always true, but I think it is mor often than not. You're his gf. You should know his sexuality better than anyone else. If you have any suspicion that he's gay, he probably is. Most girls don't worry about thins with their boyfriends.

Oh, and the fact that you're saving yourself for marriage and he's okay with that only makes it more likely. Straight guys don't want to wait. Guys who are closeted gays and don't want to have sex with women are okay with that.

Sorry if that was rough. I've seen a lot of friends caught up in something like this and have a lot of experience to draw on. I don't think I know how to sugarcoat it. I've nothing against gay people, but I've seen too many girls get hurt by someone who wasn't even attracted to their gender.

[needadvice123]

Thank you for sharing this. I was in the same situation. The guy I dated was super attractive (almost perfect physically), artsy but wasn't aggressive and hardly wanted to touch me. I came to the conclusion that he was using me to please his family (40's, no kids, momma's boy), friends. Also, my friends were a bit uncertain if he was straight and then there were rumors about him in the neighborhood. I pull the plug when he started to cancel our dates, not call for days. Quite misleading, unfair.

[grace86]

Hey

Liking the theater and singing are not signs of being gay, neither is having gay friends. As for the "pretending to be gay" joke - perhaps he is comfortable enough with his heterosexuality to be able to do that!

The best way is to ask him if he is gay! How else are you going to know? He will know better than anyone on here.

N.B. A very good friend of mine loves theater, singing etc and is definitely not gay.

[HandsomeGerman-inUSA]

OK, Being a guy and speaking honest. GUYS WILLS ALWAYS LIE TO YOU TO PROTECT THEIR EGO ! So grace86, wake up and be real. Your cute and look smart, are you gay or straight ? Most of your answers defend the gay guy here. AND I have no problem with gay people since some of my best friends are gay couples on either side. Lets don't have this girl be married to a gay guy for years and finally wake up because we gave our wrong input ! Please ! Explore your life and be you.

[grace86]

I don't see that the "gay" guy needs to be defended in this scenario. He has done nothing wrong and we don't even know he is gay. We are trying to help someone to suss it out. Plus, where did the marriage come from? I didn't know the question asker was planning to marry the guy! Homosexuality is absolutely nothing to do with ego at all. If he is gay then he will tell her in his own time and if he isn't then he is a guy who likes musicals. For the record, I am straight.

[HandsomeGerman-inUSA]

The sad part is a knew a couple that was married and had 2 kids, and he is GAY ! Can one imagine the stress for all involved. Bottom line, the 7th sense is always smelling when it ain't right. Involve some close friends and do more homework. I got a couple days on my back and have seen sad things happen, lets let us learn from the past. Cheers, Dr.S

[needadvice123]

I am going to have to agree with HG. Unfortunately, the signs are often there and we sometimes choose to overlook them. We have all been given the gift of intuition, if we feel something is not right is because it probably isn't. I was in the same boat with an extremely handsome men who did not want to be intimate with me but wanted to keep me around. I ended it the minute it started to get strange and sure enough he was sleeping with men while with me. As for me time heals mostly everything.

[gravygirl]

Yeah, that's kind of what I was getting at. A girlfriend shouldn't be wondering if her guy is gay. If she doesn't know that he's not, he probably is. And whoever down-rated me for that can screw. I was right.

[HandsomeGerman-inUSA]

Well Sweetheart or should I say Sweatheart, LOL

Here is my suggestion, assuming you have had sex yet.

Next time you have sex with him start playing with his ass and see if he likes it.

Step 2 is to setup a 3 some with you and 2 guys, and don't say you won't like that.

See how he reacts and take it from there.

If he spend to much time in the bathroom and uses lots of crazy hair products, you know for sure he is gay.

Hope that helps,

Dr.S

[Asker]

Thats a brilliant plan!!....but the problem is I'm saving myself for marriage =/

[grace86]

Just because a man likes someone playing with his bum it doesn't mean he is gay! Use of hair products also isn't the sign of a gay person. I have to say I am shocked by the stereotyping that goes on here... Just ask him!

[anomykid]

he's probably in the closet yo

break up wit em

[MrJMM]

By asking him.