What would you do if you're significant other doesn't want sex as much as you?

I'm a 21 yr old college student and I've been dating a guy (22 yrsold) for about 5 months now. We've had sex about 4 times (not in a row) since we communicated to each other that we are dating. I lost my virginity to him, he's the only guy I've gone all the way with. I believe I have a very high sex drive and he isn't the same as me in that area. We've gotten into arguements over text before about this cause I enjoy sex and even more so cause I love him. He says he loves me but shoots me down every time I ask... my guy friends say that they would never do that to their girls cause they enjoy the sex as much as their girl friends do. I don't know what to do anymore... this has been going on for two months now and I don't know how much more I can wait. This may be messed up but there's temptation and sometimes I want to sleep with other guys because the guy I'm with gives me the vibe that he isn't sexually interested anymore or doesn't care. That makes me feel unwanted. I've tried mastuebation but it's not the same and not as satisfying. I've expressed this to him every time I feel sexually deprived in the nicest way I can but he still shuts me down. I feel like I'm going crazy and it's getting harder for me to stay patient. He says it's cauSe of work but I work way more hours than he does. I feel bad for visioning sex with other men that come onto me now and then. What do I do? I'm so confused and clueless on what to do about this situation... please help :(
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • First, very few relationships have two people with the exact same sex drive.

    Second, ask him why he doesn't want to have sex; guys are complex, but can't always express their emotional complexity with words. He likely has a reason even if he hasn't or isn't able to express that.

    Third, he may be masturbating & watching porn, something that can diminish his sex drive to actually get the real thing.

    Fourth, (best suggestion) tell him what your ideal sex life looks like and ask if that's something he can handle.

    • I've tried asking him if he's tired or stressed for other reasons and everytime I ask nicely his responses are always the same "you're over reacting" "you're over thinking it" and I've tried breaking it off with him but he won't let me I feel like I've done all I can and yet he treats this issue as if it's not important... and that upsets me even more.

  • I go into my, somewhat infamous, "Detective Mode" wherein most of the energy i devote into the relationship is directed towards finding out just what the problem is, and smashing it into paste. If she says something like your boyfriend did I dig a little deeper, as more often than not there's something even more specific to her and I buried under there.

    • I have definitely have done my own detective work and he lets me go through his phone and I never find anything suspicious. He even shows me his social media accounts. And he knows I would do the same for him so there's no issue there with that. But it's getting really hard and taking an emotional toll on me to keep waiting for sucks that should come easily with someone especially a guy who claims to love you. I just don't know what to do :(

    • It's entirely possible he doesn't want to look like a baby to you which, coming from a guy, is a hard thing to get around.

    • what do you mean by he doesn't want to look like a baby to me?

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • You had sex four times since you lost your virginity with your boyfriend you've been dating for five months. It sounds okay to me, but I had many issues when I lost my virginity.
    Anyway, I don't quite understand how in one sentence you say you love him, but in the other you're climbing through the walls without intercourse and want to break up with him to go and get it with some other guy. I mean, if you wanna sleep around, by all means. He must be very good at it, but you don't love this guy, that's for sure.

  • Even my my age I get sex at least a few times a week. Heck, until recently I was getting it every morning. At your age you should be getting it at least as often as I do. One of the first things I did after we got married was to determine how often he could cum. I told him that's how often we needed to do it from then on. It worked. :)

  • Try a didle from Adamandeve. com
    That will work for you. Please don't cheat though because though the high sex drive thing will be even more try about girls. But just like ask him when he has enough energy or something. I don't know probably won't listen to me anyways.

    • Fuck this goddamn autocorrect a dildo

    • I've talked to him so many times about this issue and it seems to not phase him at all

    • Yeah because either he is getting sex from some where else or his sex drive is low

    • Show All
  • If you really love someone you don't break up with them over sex... or cheat... but maybe you should break up with him so you don't hurt him... he could he going through a lot that you don't know about..: because guys are secretive about there problems :...

    • I've tried asking him multiple times over the past month if something was going on with him whether it be a work problem or a personal problem but when I would ask he would just say that I'm over thinking things or that I'm over reacting. I've tried breaking it off with him but he refuses to let me go.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

5 26
  • If he doesn't give you what you need then tell him how you feel and give him options: Break up or make it better

    • He said he would change when I tried to break it off with him three times because of this issue. Yet, I haven't seen noooo changes or effort from him at all to at least meet me halfway... it just makes me feel unwanted :/

    • That's when it's time to follow through... He's taking you for granted, don't let anyone treat u that way. Ur worth more Han that

  • Talk to him about it. Maybe he will be into you sleeping with other guys. It might make him want you more.

  • You two aren't sexually compatible and that is OK. Just break up with him and do what you want with other guys

  • Depression can cause it. Disinterest.

  • Dump him and find someone that can keep up. That or get side orders when you get horny and he's not putting out. If my partner cheated on me because I wouldn't fuck her I wouldn't blame her one bit.

  • damnnnn. maybe you should take a break for some time to see if you want to be with other guys who have the same desires as you, but at the same time if you love this guy then maybe keep trying to compromise, good luck!

    • I suggested a break but he refuses to break up or take a break. Yet he hasn't put in any effort to at least meet me halfway to change this issue... I just feel rejected and unwanted sexually from this guy who claims to love me...

    • girlll i hear you. it makes no sense for him to refuse to break up or take a break. you leave him if you want to, he can't say no.

  • Honestly, if you are not happy with your sex life but like the relationship otherwise then first thing would be to discuss it. Since you already have and he doesn't want to change the amount of sex you are having, it is in your best interest to drop him as a boyfriend and either look for a friend with benefits or another boyfriend.

    • I will definitely try to consider that option... it's just hard for me to let go because I do care about him. Also I'm not sure how I feel about sleeping with someone else but I would become so frustrated sexually that it has taken an impact on my mood lately. I grew up being told that if I had slept with more than one person and if were not together and that would make me a whore. But as I got older that idea or label seems ridiculous because I believe that women should be able to freely is sexually express themselves and the guy that I'm dating is fully aware that I believe in this. I'm just not sure how I would feel or how my conscious will be if I do sleep with another guy even though the guy am dating we are not exclusive. :(

    • That is a personal issue. Some people can separate sex and feelings, most cannot. You should do in your heart what is right.

    • I hear where you're coming from... I have hooked up with guys in the past obviously never going all the way with them and I believe I have separated feelings from picking up easily in the past... but it's hard for me to do that now because this guy that I'm dating he was my first as far as going all the way with the guy. He says he loves me but with what my guy cousin has told me is that it's pretty strange for a guy who claims to love you is not invested into sex like you are and that's going to put a strain on your relationship even though him and I aren't exclusive. :/

    • Show All
  • dump him.. he is not worthy. I know are physically and emotionally attached to him, but he acting very strange. Any guy would just need an invitation to go under the sheets, but this guy is acting weird.

  • I would tell him how I feel and if still no sex then I would break up with him and find a new boyfriend

  • You dump him and get one that does. Period. Stop.

  • I'd probly be looking for other options and avoid commitment with them might become a bit more distant. wonder if it was somehow to do with me or just a very low sex drive.
    Only 4 times in a month seems so low to me unless you where waiting for 4 mounths and 3 weeks before hand. I think i'd want someone that wanted to do it most days.

    • I've been waiting for sex for a month, I don't think I can stop my urges anymore. I've tried to break it off with him over FaceTime or in person and he doesn't want to let go. He says he cares for me but yet won't give me the one thing I ask for. I feel like I shouldn't have to "asking" for sex with a guy who claims to care about me...

    • You could try and get him to talk to a doctor about it see if they would prescribe viagra for him or figure out if something wrong. Though in some countries that might be an expensive option? Or if your in an ultra religious area or he's from a religious family he might be in the closet and trying to hide it? those are all i can think of but there's probly other possibilities?

  • depends on how rarely she wants it. i´m not quite sure how much of a difference i´d "exactly" be able to take in the long run but it could make it a deal breaker and i might consider breaking up.

  • some people just don't want sex as much. some people are even asexual. it's important relationships be kind of metal on the needs in my opinion.

  • yeah, it is pretty strange for a guy to have less sex drive even if he loves you, try to convince him more if you love him and if you don't love him just leave him and find someone who could give you enough satisfaction..

    • I do love him and because I love him I've stuck out this issue soooo long but now I'm growing impatient and it's changed my mood for the worse. He doesn't want to let me go but yet has not made any effort to meet me halfway on this issue... :(

    • give him clear indication that you want this in relationship if he is not able to give you that then you leave him...

  • Sometimes with the stress of school and work people can just feel exhausted, and sometimes if they don't manage that stress it'll lead to the beginnings of depression. one of the big indicators is lower sex drive.
    make sure there isn't a deeper issue.

  • You are telling me that this guy is your first and had sex 4 times within five month? how do you even have a high sex drive to begin with? Try to remember how did you feel before you had sex with him for the first time? Do you feel the same? if not, try to avoid having sexual thoughts even the minor ones. Sex requires energy and if your guy is getting tired from work, help him get energized. im not saying force him to drink 10 cans of redbull, just help him out of his daily chores or anything minor. just anything to remember him why he is dating you and plus, helps him to get some energy as well.

  • There is not much you can do. He seems to have a very low sexdrive, and you're the opossite. You can eather take it easy and trye to reach to a middle ground or end the relationship and start an active sexual life.

    • But how if he seems to not be willing to meet me at least halfway on this.

    • You know the best. Life is to short and time is to precious, I only can say that.

  • Be upfront about it. Life is too short for living with regrets and things like this.

    Just try to be gentile when bringing up this subject with him.

  • Just, not have super often sex, I guess.

    • What is super sex? Lol Anyways I always try my best to be understanding of how tired he is or what he claims to be but there's only so much time but I can wait until I feel like I'm going crazy. He doesn't mind kissing me but that's as far as he is willing to go. It seems that when it comes to sexual things with him it's usually on his terms and it's never to meet me halfway on this... :/

    • Maybe he's had a bad experience in sex before you Also sex super often, I worded that oddly.

    • I've asked him that cause that's what I considered also but he said he hasn't had bad sex

  • Find a guy that worships you and will please you or lose you. Lifes too short to sit around when you could be gettin some. Thats life...

  • Show More (11)