Sexual Relationships
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Why do I keep letting myself be used?

a few days ago I was pissed and when I'm pissed me and my mate we just walk around the streets because we don't know what we're doing and while I was walking we saw some guys and we went and asked them for a fag and they gave it us, then one of the guys asked for my number i gave it and he asked me to kiss him so I kissed him and my mate was talking to his mate so he took me somewhere private and started snogging me and put his hands down my tights and fingered me and I don't know why but I let him do it, my mate came looking for us so we had to stop and my mate said I'm crazy because I just met him and let him finger me just like that. But it's not just him if I found any guy attractive I would let them do anything a lot of guys have used me like that and then left me but not sex when it comes to sex I say no because I was raped a few weeks ago and even after that I still put myself in that same position i dont understand why, I was raped because I used to wonder off with random men and I still do that. when I was 13 I was sexually abused by my dad maybe it's to do with that but I need to know what's wrong with me and that guy who I let finger me we still talk to each other he's my boyfriend now but he keeps pushing me to have sex and I think that's normal but my mate is telling me that's not right I just don't know what to think
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Most Helpful Guys

  • there really are more reasons than you can even be aware of, every one else is dead on, you need to talk to someone who you can trust and who is qualified. I have known women who nearly validate their existence only by way of having a man have his way with them. Self esteem and respecting oneself is a real struggle for some, and having bad self esteem is one of the most self defeating things I have ever battled in a relatiionship. can't love anyone else till you love yourself was abstract to me the first time I heard it, the sooner you understand it the easier and better your life will be whether or not it feels like it to you at the time. At your age, you likely dont know love outside of from your parents, and you dont need to yet, and it doesn't come from sex, and your mate doesn't know any better than you, in fact i would guess you to be the smarter one by posting on here, so tell your mate bollocks, and pissoff and talk to people who will help

  • I don't think this is the right place to seek advice... I think you really should/need to go talk to a pyschiatrist or a mental health specialist or a counselor... I implore you to do so and I truly hope that you do... Even though it may seem scary to talk to some one, I'd be willing to bet that you will look back some day and say that it was the best decision you ever made in your life... Most mental health specialists don't require you to tell your parents you are seeing them and/or what you are seeing them about... and there are a ton of organizations that provide 100% free services... Send me a message if you need help finding someone where you live... I'm serious about that... I will do whatever I can to help.

    • But I don't know how to explain what's wrong with me and my friend said that if I tell them what I do they're going to tell my parents because it's like being a prostitute what I do and I don't want to tell them about my dad I don't want him to get into trouble

    • No offense, but your friend doesn't know what the hell she is talking about... That is one of the most ridiculous and stupid and ignorant things I have ever heard in my life... That's not how it works... Just trust me, ok? If you want further help, message me...

Most Helpful Girls

  • Being raped makes you see sex from a different perspective others do. It's the worst space invasion you will ever experience in your life and as a consequence you will lose the respect from your body and allow everyone to come around. It's not your fault, you're hurt. You need to talk to someone and I mean it. Go to the hospital and ask for someone to talk to or maybe if you're studying try to talk to someone at your school. Remember that going into destructive paths won't change what happened and will not help you heal. I'm so sorry for what happened.

  • It sounds to me as though, sadly Here, dear, you have a Lot of Mental issues that need a Professional to Begin a Beguine of Addressing with you.
    You are Looking for Love above in all the Wrong Places and Faces, and it Stems from Daddy Dearest. He got the Ball and All rolling and now you cannot Stop being used a s a Door mat and are an Enabler.
    Good Luck, sweetie. xx

  • Honey please see someone about this. You are having normal reactions to abuse & rape. But it is not ok to continue letting men use you. Please talk to a doctor & help yourself so you can get closure & move on in a healthy way.

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What Girls & Guys Said

7 10

  • In America it's not a good idea to go just go up and ask for a fag.

  • Im sorry you had to endure that abuse. You really should talk to a therapist, these issues aren't easily fixed on a comment thread. Stop putting yourself in dangerous situations, to start. Good luck.

  • See a therapist and be careful there too, they are people who can also take advantage. I am not scaring you, I just think you need to talk to someone before it's too late because obviously you know something is up so you seek help.

  • Id get therapy if i were you

  • I've come to the conclusion that you're more than likely fucked in the head. Your parents did a poor job raising you and it's obviously left it's mark.

  • I think we all want to be loved. and our parents are supposed to be models of that for us. and unfortunately you were left with a pretty poor impression of what love is. so i think somewhere in your mind you think the only way you will be loved is if you offer yourself physically

  • see a mental doctor please. its not a joke, save yourself.

  • sorry about ur dad part but wait are u on drugs like drugs?

  • Seems like you need serious help. See a councilor before it gets out of hand. x

  • what do you want?

  • join some meditation centre and leave all these trash cycle behind

  • Cuz you don't know that you nead to see a therapist

  • maybe you enjoy being fingured as anybody your age would, but the reason for you letting strangers use you is that you probably have low self esteem... or that you are a people-pleaser... whichever way try to have better control and be proud of yourself, youve survived a lot.

  • you need therapy, not a boyfriend

  • You answered ur own question. You let them. Then you like it

  • you have to detached yourself for a while from the world.

    if u dont know why you let other people disrespect u. then it just mean, u lose ur value to yourself

    if ur mate or friends are the ones caused u to tempt and forget urself. start detaching from them

    u deserve to be loved, respected, valued and always the best

    there are a lot of things u have to figure out urself
    self worth and self respect. isn't ask from other people...

    ur the only one who could give that respect with urself

  • you might just be "freezing" up like your in shock its happening. and dont really know what to do about it. being sexually abused by your dad definitely has a big impact on it. how old are you now and how old is the guy who is now your boyfriend?

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