I asked my husband about fantasies his only response was 3some.. He says "I dont get it" & it comes up every couple weeks.. Am I Wrong?

Im Sorry This Post Is So Long.. I've Never Reached Out For Help Before!! I've read tons of posts regarding similar questions & the couples relationship was always important so.. My husband are in love & have been happily married for 23 years We have trust, communication,& a GREAT sex life.. We watch porn & have tried other things over the years to keep our flame hot! We haven't invited other people in our life online or in person.. We are both very confident people! I can talk about my thoughts & feelings easier so when I asked him about his fantasies I thought he just needed more time to express etc.. But after days he still hadn't responded so I asked again.. This time he just said a 3some.. Weeks later he still didn't wanna talk about anything I shared just 3somes.. Then he forgot to close sites on my laptop about 3somes & when I asked him he said I told you that's what I want.. I spent weeks looking into it & seriously thinking about it but I love him so much & know I can't watch him in that way with someone else.. he's mad & says it has nothing to do with the other girl its about us but the way I felt made him angry! he's brought it up every couple weeks for the last year & still has no interest in anything else. I dont want to be that wife & Im just curious if Im the problem! I will appreciate any response & I welcome brutal truth..
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Most Helpful Girls

  • I say do it. But choose a woman you like and you trust and make it more about you and the other woman than about him. :)
    Here's what I've done to my boyfriend once. He ordered me a massage and he came in the middle of it to pay and saw us both naked drinking wine and vodka touching each other and then she dressed up and left. She wasn't even talking politely to him, but she was caressing and kissing me.
    He was like "I can't believe you got naked with her" and that made him so angry and excited at the same time, and the two of us had some crazy sex, best in my life.
    Show that you are not jealous even a bit and that will intrigue him and he will probably not want to do it again. If you relax you will actually like it. :) Girls know how to please each other :) Good luck :*

  • Why do you keep asking about his fantasy when he's told you and it's not something you're interested in? He can't just conjure up fantasies if he doesn't have them and the one he does have isn't going to happen so why keep bringing it up?

    • He keeps bringing it up that's why I wanted to know if maybe I was in the wrong.. I would never bring it up after saying no... That would be almost cruel... Thank you for your response

    • You're not wrong for saying no, at all. We have our fantasies and if our partner wants to participate then great, if not then they remain fantasies and porn will suffice. If he still keeps pressuring you I'd be having a serious conversation about the fact it seems like he's putting that one deed above your already bangin and open sex life which is starting to invite negative emotions. You're not in the wrong, as long as you're not applying pressure for other fantasties when there might not be any (which is how I read it sorry) Good luck with it!

    • Thank You very much and No I haven't brought it or anything else related to fantasy since. I think I felt like I may be wrong because I asked him about his fantasies so maybe I accidentally planted the seed but at the end of the day it would just be too hard to watch him doing what we've done something I hold very special and he doesn't agree with swinging and our sex life really is great 3-4 times a week after 23 years.. I work out everyday and he's always played a little with diff webcam sites and as long as Im right there (they never see me on camera) Even his friends tell him he's got it better than most and the grass isn't greener just differrent and risking a marriage that will last forever isn't worth it... But I do know guys dream about having way more than just two girls... lol

Most Helpful Guys

  • I would not be able to do a threesome I did that once big mistake because afterwards either your wife is jealous or the husband is jealous because he watched you having sex with someone else whether he will admit it or not it will destroy him it will destroy your world your marriage everything that you place a great value on right now will be gone I'm sorry to even if it cost you your relationship with him there is no way I would do it it cost me everything I I was with the same woman for almost 20 years I lost her because of that one stupid so be honest tell him you're not into that and you don't want to if he doesn't like it and it stays mad then you know that's where he's going to stay maybe you should think about someone else

    • Your exactly right... I've been happily married for 23 years and when your committed or married to someone you dont even let yourself get into a position where something like that can ever happen at all so you dam sure dont make plans to lose everything that matters and destroy yourself in the process.. My reason for saying no was because even after 23 years im mad crazi in love with him and my heart would break watching him touch another woman like he touches me or hear him saying the same things he says to me... Were all human so we all notice attractive people & everyone likes to be noticed but that's where it starts and stops! We all have fantasies you just dont confuse that with reality... The grass is never greener just differrent and if more people would tend to the grass on their side nothing else would compare!

  • Brutal truth, no there is nothing wrong with you. Because guess what... despite what he says, it is about the other girl. A 3 way is just a way for a guy to sleep around without sleeping around because you are still taking part in it. It is a life style choice. If you do not want that lifestyle, that is up to you, and he can get mad, but if your wedding was anything like the ones I have been to, he took certain vows and said something about being faithful, and a 3 way is a loophole in that vow. The problem from where I am looking at it, is that it is still cheating whether you are taking part or not.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 16
  • Threesomes are relationship and emotional minefields. Are you into S&M? Have you tried role play sex? If you both can get into the role, maybe you could be both women in a threesome. I've seen that work before.

  • seems like you asked him a question and didn't like the answer. perhaps he really does have no other fantasies but you could perhaps steer him towards your own

    • I told him about mine and they were all geared towards pleasing him because that's what does it for me but he never wanted to talk about them.. I think his mind just got stuck on loop.. lol and I really did spend more than a week looking at it from every angle & stepped back to see the big picture and its nothing im denying him for any reason other than I know it would hurt my heart to see him touching another girl like he touches me or hearing him say things he says to me... Thank You

    • not suggesting you should indulge the threesome thing. if its not for you then thats understandable and can be very dangerous in a relationship. just wondering if there are any games around the fantasy you could play like you pretend to be someone else or you watch porn together and let him perv over a girl while you sort him out? either way im surprised by his lack of interest in anything else and do feel for you in your predicament

    • And Your right I asked and didn't like the answer... And I believe him when he says that's his only one I know not everybody does... Usually fantasies lean more toward the darker side NOT ALL but most and Im thankful for that! The threesome is every mans fantasy well heck I think it just comes with puberty... If there was a way to remove emotion and be 100% sure it would be as simple as a fantasy nobody would get hurt and there would be no risk to my marriage there's nothing I wouldn't do for him but life just isn't that perfect or easy and when you play with fire you usually get burned... My experience I know that...

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  • you arnt in the wrong. no it has to be a mutual agreement but if you have tried many other things could you at least try this for him one time?

    • I put a lot of thought into it because pleasing him is exactly what I want to do but he's all for a 3some where he gets 2 girls but believes swinging is wrong and that feels a bit one sided and unfair even tho im not looking to swing I just dont see the differrence.. I may be wrong... Thank You

    • yeah I see what you mean I'm not sure its like swinging but it might be I've actually never thought of it that way.

  • I don't recommend it but I think it's every guys fantasy. He'd probably be OK if he just watched you and another girl do things Sexually.

  • I've recently become quite keen on the idea, something I never thought would happen
    If you're happy, he's happy, why not?
    Just make sure YOU are 100% comfortable
    Peace man, hope all goes well x

    • Thank You...

    • Welcome dude

  • That's why you don't ask or do such shit

    • We've been happily married for 23 years & its always been important to us not to let the flame go out & I was reading articles on his favorite mens sites and I guess fantasies were the topic of the week.. My intentions were good... he's an amazing husband and while 3somes seem popular for some im still mad crazy in love with him so I couldnt do it... Believe me I feel guilty for ever asking now... Thank You

  • No one should force you into anything, no matter who that person is to you it in life.

  • would he consider doing a MFM or double penetration? if he's not willing to be fair about this then it might be more about having sex with other women then fulfilling a fantasy.

    • he's deff not ok with it going the other way & I felt exactly like you said when he said that... Thank You... I just wanna erase it because I can not stand drama life is too short for all of it

    • you're welcome, hope it all works out for you two.

  • Do a couple. Full swap. Same room. He's fucking another woman and you're fucking another guy. Been there, done that. It's AWESOME!

  • You have to straight up tell him that's off the table. You should never do anything sexual you're not comfortable with because it will ruin your relationship.

  • I've heard that they're overrated. that one person always ends up getting more attention than the other. but if you can make it work, more power to you.

    • I read the same thing over and over.. And I wish I understood his side but its kind of funny saying its not about the other girl because if not why would she be there.. lol Were in this for the long haul so it'll work out one way or another... I was with girls before him but when I married him I vowed to leave the past behind me and be a loving faithful wife.. I have told him if its that important to do what he needs to do just leave me out of it but he's not that way either.. I believe he feels his reasons are right and one day ill see it his way... Geez Thank You Thank all of you Im glad I found this site & finally posted a question because he's all I have & sometimes you just need advice... And I love the honesty! I always want the truth brutal or not because the truth is reality its everything to me

  • Are you comfortable with his demands? Personally if you guys have spent the last 20+ years pleasing each other_ i think it's a huge success to you both. Why he wants to share you with another guy is a total mystery.

    • Thank You Im very thankful that were still happily married after this long we've had our ups and downs... And he doesn't wanna share me he wants to bring a girl in our bed... he's deff not ok with the other.. lol

    • Perhaps he's looking for a younger model, some one who can make him sweat. lol

    • Haha that was brutal truth but Ill park next to a younger model any day... I may be 42 but I have always kept myself in shape and tan.. I am not all that nobody is but im a smart strong confident woman and that's half my sexy right there... All women are beautiful and my experience with him alone trumps the "younger" model... lmao

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  • Yesssss

  • lets try MMF it can expose him and you get lots of pleasure, threesome is must try sex.

  • its not your problem ask him how he would feel if you wanted to bring another guy in the bedroom

  • i would never do it

  • tell him my fantasy is 3some with a boy & let him see what's his reaction (no offence)

    • No offence taken I appreciate all the brutal truth seriously... Sugar coating things doesn't help and I did bring up swinging and that was a big H**l No... Thank You Thank All of you I've never posted online I've always backed out..

    • thanks for not taking it as offence!

    • Meant to tell you keep giving people the brutal truth because some people won't like the truth but we all need to hear it...

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  • A crazy girl I dated once was so upset about her husband wanting a 3some that she went out and hired a call girl. Here's the killer the got him off real quick and focused the rest of the night on each other using strapons and vibrators that were massive compared to him. After that she cooled off on the sex with him. One day he came home to find a large black guy screwing her and another girl.

    • Wow that was extreme... I would never be unfaithful and Im not angry I just wish I could understand it from his view... Thank You & you said ex girlfriend right? Im glad you escaped that kind of what sounds like a malicious reaction..

    • I dated her we were never exclusive as she was too highly strung. The fact that she told me this story made me want to run to the hills.

    • I can only imagine... That's why I dont have any friends except my bestie of 30 years I just dont understand why anyone would choose all the drama that girls today are consumed by if girls women etc would start building each other up instead of tryin to tear each other down their would be a lot more happiness and a lot less insanity...