Engaged and insecure. Guys - do you still think about the sex that you had with your exes?

Question

Okay so.

I'm a virgin who is waiting until marriage who just recently got engaged. I'm also very insecure. Because I'm a virgin - and my fiancé is not - I'm afraid that I won't be able to compare to his exes. I'm afraid it won't be special to him (like it will be to me) because he already lost his virginity. I know that he chose /me/ and that this sounds ridiculous, but what if the sex that he had with his past girlfriends meant something to him? Or still means something to him? Does sex in /every/ relationship matter?

It upsets me to think that other women got to share this closeness with him...

Guys - if you are married or engaged - would you still think about your exes? Or are those feelings and memories no longer important?

HermitNYC · Accepted Answer

I think you are asking the wrong question. The way you ask your question pretty much sets the stage for every answer to confirm your worst fears.

First, you should ask if having a previous lover spoils it and any attempt to have a loving relationship in the future will be less satisfying, 'cause no one can forget his (or her) first love. Which is, of course, totally ridiculous.

To give a silly comparision, just to make the point: If I play ping pong with my first girlfriwnd, and we had a really good time... but now, I can't enjoy playing ping pong with my wife, because I can't forget my first girlfriend. Oh! Woe is me!

Of course it's a silly comparison. Love making is intimate. It' personal (or at least it is for most people, maybe not sex workers).

Please look at the number of guys who gave a ho-hum answer, "Yeah, but so what?" People do have memories, but your husband is not going to living in his past life, he's going to be with you.

Barrabus_the_Free · Accepted Answer

Some of them. And others I simply can't. Those are the ones that I wish I'd never even talked to, let alone had any kind of relationshit with.

But that's just when I don't feel like watching porn. Other than that, no, I don't think about them. They're out of my life, which is a good thing.

Don't sweat this. Him being your first will mean more than whatever he did with those other girls.

Wonderer89 · Accepted Answer

This is sad, that your insecurity and thoughts overshadow what's right in front of you.
Do you think virginity is more important than marriage? Which one has more meaning, and will last longer? Which shows more respect to the person you choose to do each of those with?
A wife is generally far more revered, loved and respected then someone he's had sex with. I'm sure his ex's were cared for or loved but did he propose to any of them? Does he relive affectionate times of that day he lost his virginity and celebrate the anniversary with the girl?

Pick your battle, what do you want to CHOOSE to matter more? Because if you're going to let this fester and continue to affect you, you probably shouldn't be marrying someone who isn't a virgin. He doesn't deserve to be constantly questioned by someone he's pledged the rest of his life to and you don't deserve to constantly think of yourself as second best over something no one can change.

Annewill82 · Accepted Answer

I kind of understand how you feel because I've only been with 1 guy my entire life 2x within a few years. Hard to explain but he's been with several girls and I mean several. Sometimes I feel like I'm obviously not meeting his expectations or that he isn't satisfied with me because I tense up badly and am still getting used to it but he talks with me and helps and is understanding. Don't listen to the guys. What they are saying is probably true but he did want to marry you at the end of the day not those other girls. When y'all do have sex, just be open and over time learn how to satisfy him because it's important

septemberangel118 · Accepted Answer

No matter what sex you've had with previous partners is going cross your mind. There is always a special place for the first person that you have shared that experience with, so in your case when you sleep with your fiance it will mean quite a bit to you. It will mean something to him as well seeing has he has chosen to marry you down the road.

Jessicastern · Accepted Answer

I'm sure he loves you. He won't be thinking about his exes or sex with them. He wants sex with YOU. Not them.

Angelbane · Answer

Yes, it is significant. I feel as though I lose a small piece of myself to every person I have sex with. It's a strange feeling because this is what I thought I wanted. It is significant, but you have a huge advantage in terms of making sex special for him. You're a virgin. MOST guys dream of being with a girl who is a virgin forever. Long story short, don't worry about it, be confident in yourself, and love him as well ad you can.

Daermon · Answer

the past is no longer important. at least it SHOULDN'T be. you're going to be fine lol

NikonJunkie · Answer

trust me, you giving him your special gift is something he will never forget. take your time, lots of foreplay. use lube, go slow. you'll both have a great time.

Wess123 · Answer

Yes, randomly though out of the blue. Doesn't make me want to get back with her though

NerdInDenial · Answer

People always compare. Sex is like anything else in life. Some people are good at it while others are not.

Bogdanov · Answer

Just chill and let the love flow. If you are a good woman for him he has no reason to even think about sombody else.

nendsudes · Answer

My current girlfriend is a little less sexually active and doesn't like oral/anal and never gave bj. So I miss bj but not my ex (she was in all kind of stuff)

AlwaysBelieving · Answer

Does he know that you're a virgin?

MrSelfless · Answer

This post makes me jealous.

SuccessfulHornDog · Answer

All of the time

Fanboy96 · Answer

No, because I never even met my ex in person

LastNightmare · Answer

yeah baby

Musso · Answer

it is sad indeed. did you really had to marry him. find a virgin guy. second if that is not possible then you just have to live with it. but hey it can be you are the best. good luck